Goodbye Sweet William

[weemomma]

I have always been a lover of cats.  I've had cats since I was very little.  I have lost many pets in my time on this earth, but nothing has been as hard as losing William this morning with a brief illness.  William came into my life ten years ago after I rescued him from the pound on my birthday.  I have never loved a cat like I loved him.  He was perfect.  He was confident and loved to play.  He loved me.  That's all that I could really ask for.

Two weeks ago, William stopped acting like himself.  He was tired.  He was lounging more.  He wasn't eating.  Something went wrong inside his little body and suddenly his liver started to fail.  Unfortunately I had to leave on a pre-planned vacation before he passed.  Being 500 miles away from my boy when he took his last breath has been really difficult.  He fought a good fight and the day that I took him to the vet for treatment, I told him that if he felt like things were too tough and he needed to rest, he shouldn't feel bad.  I do know that he died peacefully in his sleep, curled around his stuffed kitten that he's had since he was a baby.  The vet had done absolutely everything that could have been done for him.  We had made plans to move him to an ICU this morning, but he passed away before that could happen.  It's almost like he knew that by going to sleep saved us a lot of money and time and heartache.

My heart aches for my boy.  I'll miss his snuggles while we get ready for bed.  I'll miss brushing his head while I brush my hair in the mornings.  I'll miss his deep, rusty purr as I hugged him tightly.  I know that he is in a much better place right now without pain and suffering.  I just wish that he were still here with me.  I also would never have guessed how this would effect my entire family.  Because I was too emotional to deal, my father was making all of the calls.  He was incredibly attached to William and when we got the news that William died this morning, he cried like a baby.  I've only seen my father cry once before and that was when his mother died.

I feel so silly for insisting on certain things.  I wanted his baby and his collar back and the vet was quick to oblige.  I didn't want an autopsy, even if it could give us answers, simply because I can't stand the idea of someone cutting open my boy.  I couldn't bare the thought of burying him in a mass grave or even in my backyard because I want to keep him with me just like he was his entire life.  So, I'll be bringing my boy home in a box sometime this week.  He'll have a nice little spot on my bookcase next to his photo, his baby, his collar, and a little book of pictures that I had made today to remember him.

Thank you for all of the wonderful memories, sweet William.  You were the most amazing cat.  You are so incredibly missed right now and it will take a long time for us to ever forget you.

 

[denice]

That was a beautiful memory.  I am so sorry.  You did everything you could, though you weren't with him he passed peacefully in his sleep and he knew that he was loved.

 

[weemomma]

The first day without him has been hard but its getting easier. I dread going home and facing the house alone without him there to greet me. I've been looking at pictures and video of him all day long and they make me cry every so often but it feels good to think about him. It is a huge weight off my shoulders to not wait on news. I know he's alright. I just have to come to terms.

 

[glencatman]

Weemomma, I think you made the right choice my bringing him back home and having his things back. Before I had my cat put to sleep, I just thought I would have it done and then leave the clinic, but as her time got closer, I decided that I would have her cremated and keep her ashes in spite of the extra cost. I also requested that the clinic give me a fur sample and the blanket that was in her carrier. I'm glad I made that choice, otherwise I would have regretted it. The last two nights I drove out to the clinic where her remains still are and talked to her outside the building....if anyone saw me, they might have thought I was cuckoo! lol Next week I'll be picking up her ashes in a container that I picked out and I'll put it where I have a picture of her and a burning candle.

 

[jcat]

I'm so sorry about your loss. As difficult as it is to bear, he's at peace now and in time you'll come to terms with his absence. RIP, William. You were loved very much.

 

[nurseangel]

I'm very sorry to hear about William.  Bless your father for his help and support.  I am glad he is helping you through this.

 

[weemomma]

Day two without William:  It's getting easier to think and easier to breathe.  I sat for a good ten minutes in the bathroom while the rest of the family bustled around our rental house and had a good cry watching videos of my boy and looking at pictures.  I don't cry as much and as long.  I miss him like crazy.  I imagine seeing him here with me and I still wonder how things will be when we get home.  My dad and I talked about William until late last night, reminiscing on his antics and how lovable he was.  I've been looking at cat rescues to pass the time, but I know my home isn't ready for another kitten just yet.  I can't replace William in a million years.  It helps though to think about the future and know that this isn't the end of anything.

I also had a long talk to William last night as the sun was setting.  I hope that he's settling in his new life just fine right now.  As I was talking to him, I noticed a cat shaped cloud floating over head.  I know that he heard me.  I know that he's alright.  I know that things will get better.  We will get past this.  Everything will be okay.

 

[snugglecat]

I am so sorry for your loss, my thoughts and prayers go out to you during this difficult time.

 

[di and bob]

The pain is incredible those first lonely days, time does help to ease the sadness and hurt. There is one certain cat in our lives that is so special it defies description, I call them our soulmates. Obviously William was yours. There is no way to erase your agony or to help with your pain, just know we do care and know what it is like to feel as you do. The grieving process is a long and complicated one, but a wonderful tribute to the one you loved is a beautiful gesture and a start on the long road to healing. William knew he was loved and treasured, and would want you to cherish and celebrate the love you shared, not dwell on the heartache of his passing.I'll keep you all in my thoughts and prayers, remember that William will be with you always in that special place in your heart. RIP beautiful William!

 

[weemomma]

Day three: its getting easier. We go home today from vacation and I know that the first day back at home its going to hit me hard again. What is life without sadness to remind me of all the good times we had? William never gave me a moment of sadness in our time together. We had a lot of good times. It makes me smile to think about him and a little sad to know he won't be there when we get home. Everything will be okay. I just have to keep believing that everything is going to be okay.

 

[weemomma]

Little girl came home today.  I think she knows that William is gone.  She crawled into his empty carrier earlier tonight and she's been snuggled up with me for most of the day.  Now she's spending time in the room where she last saw him before we left.  It's going to be a long time before we feel normal in this household, but we have lots of hope right now.  I worked on William's final resting place today.  I should get him back by the end of the week, but it really does feel good to look at his photograph on the shelf and know that he's still here with us.  I know he's watching over everyone and he's still making us all smile and laugh.

 

[weemomma]

There have been no tears today.  I suppose that is a small miracle.  This house feels so empty without William, but Little Girl and I have been settling in alright.  We both look for him and expect to see him snuggling in a pile of laundry.  It's wishful thinking, I know, but it really does feel like he's still here.  I hope that feeling never goes away.

 

[weemomma]

Tonight has been really hard.  I want my sweet William back so much right now.  I have been on pet adoption sites to pass the time and I came across a beautiful boy that looks so much like William in a kill shelter about 100 miles from here.  That just started the tears.  He's been gone almost a week and the wound is still so fresh that I am looking for another cat to fill the void.  I know I'm not ready for another cat just yet, but that want to save another cat is still so strong.

I feel so cheated right now.  We had 10 great years.  I wanted so many more before we said goodbye.  

 

[glencatman]

Weemomma, my heart goes out to you. I feel the same rollercoaster of emotions that you do. I too am going online to try to cope with ways to deal with this grief. I would like to caution that getting lookalike pets could be a disappointment as they may not have the same personalilty of they one you lost. It would be a good idea to spend a little time with the lookalike and see if it takes to you.

 

[weemomma]

I would have hoped that a week going by would make William's passing easier.  My sweet boy came home yesterday and it's only getting harder.  I miss him so much right now.  I held that little box and just sobbed for hours.  I miss his purr.  I miss his face.  I miss his companionship most of all.  I keep waiting for this ache to dull, but it only seems to get more intense.  

 

[glencatman]

I know how you feel. I picked up my Sally two days ago and hugged the  urn, but the ache is still the same. It'll just take time.

 

[di and bob]

You'll feel that ache for a long time....... my stomach still drops when I look at Chrissy's grave and it's been a year and a half. I have to purposely shut the thoughts of her dieing out of my mind, it just hurts too much. Not as many tears now, so time does help to ease the pain a little, but I don't want to spend the rest of my life missing her so much it affects the rest of my relationships, and it has. I went to the local shelter yesterday and paid for "Tings" adoption in Chrissy's name, the poor little girl has been there since April and I wanted to make her more attractive to potential adopters. I go in once in a while and do this for the cat that has been there the longest, I have to do SOMETHING positive in  Chrissy's name. Take care, I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[weemomma]

Today was the absolute worst.  My depression was deep and wide.  I didn't know if I could even get through work.  Then when I finally came home, it was like a peace came over me.  I can breathe again.  I haven't felt the need to cradle his urn tonight.  I've enjoyed the company of Little Girl and we've played and shared some laughter.  I still miss William.  I think that part of me will always miss him, but I feel like he's here comforting me today.

 

[di and bob]

I've always said the hurt is like the ocean, it's deep and the waves of pain come crashing in at first like a tsunami. They get less with time but at other times they come crashing back when you least expect it. I truly believe that their little souls or the 'essence' of them stays around for a while, especially when we are suffering the most. Once in a while I still find one of my Chrissy's distinctive ringed hairs, like she is still trying to comfort me from the beyond. You'll always miss William, but the love you shared will be forever in your heart, never to be forgotten. Kiss Little Girl for me and give her some extra love, you both need it. Take care.......

 

[weemomma]

It's so strange to come home in the evening and see Little Girl flourishing without William.  She was always so scared when she was younger.  She was always so timid in the beginning.  Then she found her stride with him by her side.  Then she got sick.  Really sick.  So sick that she almost died, even if no one wanted to say those words.  The phrase, a good cat with a bad disease keeps coming to mind.  She suffered for probably a year before anyone really noticed that she was nearly too far gone.  In her vet's words, cats that into a disease rarely come out of the ordeal alive.  How strange that she survived and William died.  Little Girl and I have fought hard for nearly a year against her bad disease and she is now confirmed to be cured..  William and I only had a few days before he was taken.  Fate is an incredibly cruel mistress.

And yet, when I look at Little Girl I see so much of William.  He taught her all the things that a good big brother should.  She learned how to look out the windows at the wide world beyond from him.  She learned how to soak her body in a running sink until her fur was saturated with water.  She learned how to wait patiently at a closed door, knowing that I would soon emerge.  Most importantly, I have a healthy cat again.  The hard part is...I often wish that William were the healthy cat.  Little Girl has given me more love and comfort in the past week then anyone else, but what I wouldn't give to hold William in my arms and talk to him again.  How is that fair to this little cat that just won the fight of her life?  How can I celebrate when I'm still grieving the loss of someone so special to us?

William is getting easier to talk about, but harder to move on from.  All of my anxieties and worries have been projected onto Little Girl.  I check on her repeatedly.  I get scared when she hides from me.  Right now as she slumbers beside me, I wonder if she's breathing too hard or too fast, is the little snore that she's had all of her life normal?  I can't simply let her be a healthy cat.  All of these questions race through my head and I have to wonder if things will ever be normal again after William?