Goodbye Sweet Sammy

Kim515

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I lost my sweet Sammy on Saturday, September 19, 2020. He was only 6 years old. I took Sammy to my vet the day after I noticed he was just licking his food and walking away. The vet ran tests and found out Sammy was anemic with an enlarged spleen. He wanted to do an ultrasound but the person that does that test was out, so we needed to wait until the next day. Sammy passed away that night. I keep thinking if I had taken him to another vet and had an ultrasound done, he might still be with me. I checked on him at 4 am on the night he passed and petted and brushed him. He loved to be brushed and would get so excited when we saw me get the brush out. He was purring as I kissed him and told him the vet will make you feel better tomorrow. When I checked on him at 5 am he was gone.

Sammy was one of many stray kittens in my neighborhood. I was working with a local rescue to get the kittens and find homes. Sammy was the last kitten and was caught during the month of August. The rescue did not have any more room and asked me to keep him for a week. He was so frightened and would not come out the night I set him up in my bathroom. I set his carrier, food/water, a blanket, and a small litter box in my bathroom and left him alone that night. The next morning when I went in, he was out of the carrier and ran up to me grabbing my leg and meowing. I already had three cats and really did not have room for another, but at that moment I knew he was going to join my family.

Sammy was such an energetic kitten and got over his fear of a new environment quickly. All my other cats had been calm kittens, so he was a new experience for me. I would play with him for an hour and he would still want to continue to play. Sammy was constantly running around my bedroom, climbing curtains or if I left the closet open climbing the clothes on hangers. I found so many shirts and pants with little holes from him trying to climb up. I quickly learned to keep the closets closed at all times. He would tear up any paper found. I found him happily tearing up my college class notes one day. His favorite game was me throwing a small balled up piece of paper which he would run after it and bring back to me.

I love all my precious cats, but Sammy was special. We had a closer bond then I had with any of my other pets. He was there every morning as I got ready for work, scratching at the bathroom door wanting to come in, and there as I walked out the door to go to work expecting a kiss and cuddle before I left. My roommate said he know the time I was coming home and waited at the door. The minute I walked through the door he wanted to be held. It was such a comfort to come home from a horrible day at work and hold him. He was frightened of all other people and never did come out if I had family and friends over. He did like my Mom and roommate and would allow them to pet him. Going to the vet was hard, he hated the carrier and would run and hide if he just saw it. I purchased a pet stroller thinking that would be better, but he would not go near it. I moved two years ago and did not think I was ever going to get him in the carrier. He provided so much comfort when my cat, Casper, had to be put to sleep during April of this year. I was in bed crying and Sammy climbed on top of me and stayed there for hours as I cried. Sammy slept with me every night. If he fell asleep on my bed and I left the room, I could always count on him coming downstairs a short time later to find me meowing loudly as if to say “Why did you leave me alone?"

I never expected him to be taken from me so soon. He was running around playing with Ginger, jumping up on tables, getting in my lap, and asking for treats on Wednesday and was gone on Saturday. I keep trying to trick myself into thinking he is in the cat tree sleeping and I will see him soon. I do not want to do anything but stay in bed and cry. My remaining kitty is now sleeping with me at night and every time I hear her move or jump on the bed, I think it is Sammy. The guilt of not taking him to another vet for an ultrasound will always stay with me. Although, everyone keeps telling me cats are good at hiding being sick, I still feel like I let him down, that I missed some sign and could have saved him if I had taken to the vet earlier. I miss him so much.


Sammy, you will always be in my heart. I love and miss you so much. Goodbye my sweet angel. IMG_20200911_015113.jpg
 

Furballsmom

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Hello
There is no way to know if that ultrasound would have provided information about something which could have been treated. His death could even have been caused by an unrelated problem such as a heart issue that was undetectable.

Your sweetheart Sammy would not want you to feel that guilt, in any way.

RIP, darling baby :rbheart:
 

fionasmom

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That is a beautiful tribute to Sammy. I enjoyed learning his history with you; he certainly lead a charmed life. The luckiest day of his life was when the rescue did not have any more room for him.

If the ultrasound had shown something, I am still not sure that you would have had enough time to save him. From experience, more than likely nothing would have been scheduled on the spot as a follow up to it, and it may or may not even have been reported that quickly.

Hopefully the happy memories of Sammy will return and bring you comfort.
 

les26

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I am so sorry that you lost your little friend, thank you for taking him in and taking care of him so well. Without you doing that he might have passed at an even earlier age.

It is a tough thing that you are dealing with, wondering if you had taken him to another vet would he have survived? We will never know for sure, and that will bother you for awhile I am sure, as that is what the grief feeds on and will try to play mind and mental games with you for awhile, but it also might not have made any difference even if it was done, he might've been too sick to save, or trying to save him might have been harder on him and also you, at least take comfort in the fact that he passed what sounds like peacefully and at the home that he loved. And I would think that the vet would've suggested maybe to take him that day if they would've felt that it was such an urgent thing to do, he might've been quite sick but as you said they are masters at hiding it.

It is so very hard now but when you meet again one day he will thank you for taking him in and taking care of him.

If you are into homeopathic remedies Ignatia Amara is very helpful in times of shock, grief, loss, sadness, it has helped me many times.

"Their last breath on Earth is their first breath in Heaven" :rbheart:

I am so sorry that you lost your little friend, I hope that your heart heals a bit more each day, God Bless........:alright: :grouphug2: :rbheart:
 

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This was such a beautiful tribute to a beautiful boy. I've been thinking about Sammy a lot lately, trying to figure out some answers for you. And after reading some of the posts on this thread, there were some great points made. Like others have said, I think even if you had done the ultrasound that very day, from what I've read what happens next is usually is a multi-step process. Assuming they would have even been able to see anything else on the ultrasound, I know from what I've read on lymphoma/cancer, many times they are referred to an oncologist after the ultrasound is done and/or a biopsy is required. Even if you had went straight into treating it, that takes time and there is no guarantee, especially with cancer, that the treatment works.

As your other thread indicated, you had the x-ray completed and bloodwork. So you, and your vet, took the right steps. And you took Sammy in immediately, as soon as you noticed he wasn't eating. There really wasn't anything else you could have done. I just don't think having the ultrasound would have changed anything that quickly, if at all.

Sammy loved you. He knew you loved him. His passing was quick, too quick. But, he didn't suffer for weeks and months (or longer). He didn't have to be subjected to endless tests, surgeries, vets, etc. He was a happy kitty because of you and I'm sure he's looking down on you thanking you for that. We will see their sweet faces again. ❤❤
 
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di and bob

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I know no words can ease the pain of a broken heart, but the comfort of others acknowledging and empathizing with you at this horrible, painful time can give hope and something to cling to. Hope that knowing others have endured what you are experiencing and have survived. This is not something you ever get over, it is something that you learn to live with, that forces you to make a new life's order for yourself, that makes you realize life is fragile and fleeting, an inevitable certainty that every living creature faces in time.
Do not dwell on the what-ifs and might-haves that invariably come up when grieving. I can tell you they do not change a thing, and only bring heartache to an already hurting heart. To have guilt you must have intent, and the only intent you had was to help and to comfort. You have nothing to feel guilty about, you did what could be done at the time and in no way could predict an outcome like this. Concentrate on the 6 years that precious boy was with you. Use your memories to bring comfort, not pain. He was in your life for a reason, to bring happiness and love into your life. To have never met him at all would be tragic, and though it hurts so very much right now, you know in your heart that just as you would want for him if you were the first to go, so he wants for you. Because that is love. To go living your life to the fullest, seeking the beauty and joy that living brings. To add on to his love, a love that is a very part of your soul and can never be taken from you because it is spiritual, so eternal. To join his love with others, like a mother that loves her many children, each one unique and irreplaceable. In this way he lives on through you, so send him thoughts and prayers of love and thankfulness, not grief and unending tears. He is at peace because he has your unending love, and your heart will eventually be too because you have his. He died at home, surrounded by your love and the comfort that all that brings. Peacefully and swiftly, an end we all would seek if we could.
Do not cry because he is gone, smile because he was here, do not make his end more important than his life, that can never be. And at night when you think of him and the tears fall because you miss him so much, change them to tears of happiness, and he will visit you in your dreams when you need him the most. Love is forever......take care of yourself and that remaining little one who is grieving too. You are all in my thoughts and prayers......RIP dear Sammy. You will be dearly missed, you will have a secure place in a loving heart for eternity. May the good Lord bless and keep you, until you meet again!
 

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Rest you gentle, Sammy, dream you deep. Your pawprints are on someone's heart forever.

What a beautiful tribute to your boy! And what a lovely cat he was, is, and always will be. It is so human to second-guess and what if, but...long experience tells me that you did EVERYTHING right, and by the time Sammy let you know something was amiss, the die was cast. The other thing I can tell you, that I know to the depths of my being, is that love never dies, it only changes form and continues on, still Love. The love Sammy had for you is now translated and purified into Love, and remains with you always. For Love abides. Always, forever, Love abides. You and Sammie will meet again, and his Love for you will guide you when it is your own time to make that Journey that awaits us all. You'll be in excellent hands paws.
 

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Your story with Sammy sounds like the mix of many stories with cats of mine.

You took him home because the rescue had no more room for him, this was his greates luck. It's similar to my current kitty's story, basically she couldn't stay at the shelter, so she came with me at home.
Sammy clung to you immediately, because he knew you were his life buoy after a life of hardships.
And left you duirng the night, just like my Pallina did two years ago.

In regard of this, I would like to say that you shouldn't torment yourself for not doing this, not going there. He died a few hours after the last vet visit, this means that no other actions could be taken to save him, it was too late.
My Pallina had a visit that afternoon, she came home, we had booked another visit the next morning, she never had it. She died a few hours later. I went to check on her at 2:50am and found her dead. She was still alive an hour or so earlier.
The pain for losing her was huge and unbearable, I cried because I wasn't there with her when she passed, for which I will never forgive myself. But I didn't blame myself for being late at taking her to the vet.

You are in the same position as me, you did all you could for Sammy, and nobody can say you didn't. So don't beat your head over something you couldn't change.

Sammy is thankful for the love and care you gave him, he couldn't ask for more and he showed you this every single day with you. He was close to you when you were sad, and he still his even if you can't see him.
Sammy will be with you forever.
 
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Kim515

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Thank you everybody (Furballsmom, fionasmom, les26, Tik cat’s mum, SnugglesAnn, di and bob, Mammy1953 , Antonio65 & CatLover 49) for all your kind words and support. I know deep down that another vet doing a ultrasound that day would most likely not have changed the outcome but cannot stop blaming myself. The house seems so empty now. When I moved here two years ago with 4 cats it seemed too small and now too big. I never imagined that I would lose three cats in less than 2 years.

Every morning Sammy would meow loudly to wake me up and feed him. I keep waking up thinking I will hear his meow any minute now and then it all comes crashing down that I will never hear him again and he is really gone.

My little girl kitty, Ginger has been staying near me most of the night. She has never been a lap cat but that seems to be changing. We are comforting each other over the loss of Sammy.

Sammy loved you. He knew you loved him. His passing was quick, too quick. But, he didn't suffer for weeks and months (or longer). He didn't have to be subjected to endless tests, surgeries, vets, etc.
You are right, I am so thankful that he did not suffer. Sammy was always afraid of other cats & people and would not have liked going through multiple tests and surgeries.


Do not cry because he is gone, smile because he was here, do not make his end more important than his life, that can never be
Thank you for saying this, I have been thinking too much about his last day and not about all the happiness he brought to my life.


I am so thankful for this site and talking to others that understand how much this hurts. Thank you for listening.
 
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Kim515

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Your story with Sammy sounds like the mix of many stories with cats of mine.

You took him home because the rescue had no more room for him, this was his greates luck. It's similar to my current kitty's story, basically she couldn't stay at the shelter, so she came with me at home.
Sammy clung to you immediately, because he knew you were his life buoy after a life of hardships.
And left you duirng the night, just like my Pallina did two years ago.

In regard of this, I would like to say that you shouldn't torment yourself for not doing this, not going there. He died a few hours after the last vet visit, this means that no other actions could be taken to save him, it was too late.
My Pallina had a visit that afternoon, she came home, we had booked another visit the next morning, she never had it. She died a few hours later. I went to check on her at 2:50am and found her dead. She was still alive an hour or so earlier.
The pain for losing her was huge and unbearable, I cried because I wasn't there with her when she passed, for which I will never forgive myself. But I didn't blame myself for being late at taking her to the vet.

You are in the same position as me, you did all you could for Sammy, and nobody can say you didn't. So don't beat your head over something you couldn't change.

Sammy is thankful for the love and care you gave him, he couldn't ask for more and he showed you this every single day with you. He was close to you when you were sad, and he still his even if you can't see him.
Sammy will be with you forever.
I am so sorry abut your loss of Pallina. I feel the same, pain for not being there when Sammy passed away and not be able to say goodbye. I know I should not blame myself and am trying to stop. Thanks for your support. I have found this site to be such a comfort.
 

CatLover49

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I lost my sweet Sammy on Saturday, September 19, 2020. He was only 6 years old. I took Sammy to my vet the day after I noticed he was just licking his food and walking away. The vet ran tests and found out Sammy was anemic with an enlarged spleen. He wanted to do an ultrasound but the person that does that test was out, so we needed to wait until the next day. Sammy passed away that night. I keep thinking if I had taken him to another vet and had an ultrasound done, he might still be with me. I checked on him at 4 am on the night he passed and petted and brushed him. He loved to be brushed and would get so excited when we saw me get the brush out. He was purring as I kissed him and told him the vet will make you feel better tomorrow. When I checked on him at 5 am he was gone.

Sammy was one of many stray kittens in my neighborhood. I was working with a local rescue to get the kittens and find homes. Sammy was the last kitten and was caught during the month of August. The rescue did not have any more room and asked me to keep him for a week. He was so frightened and would not come out the night I set him up in my bathroom. I set his carrier, food/water, a blanket, and a small litter box in my bathroom and left him alone that night. The next morning when I went in, he was out of the carrier and ran up to me grabbing my leg and meowing. I already had three cats and really did not have room for another, but at that moment I knew he was going to join my family.

Sammy was such an energetic kitten and got over his fear of a new environment quickly. All my other cats had been calm kittens, so he was a new experience for me. I would play with him for an hour and he would still want to continue to play. Sammy was constantly running around my bedroom, climbing curtains or if I left the closet open climbing the clothes on hangers. I found so many shirts and pants with little holes from him trying to climb up. I quickly learned to keep the closets closed at all times. He would tear up any paper found. I found him happily tearing up my college class notes one day. His favorite game was me throwing a small balled up piece of paper which he would run after it and bring back to me.

I love all my precious cats, but Sammy was special. We had a closer bond then I had with any of my other pets. He was there every morning as I got ready for work, scratching at the bathroom door wanting to come in, and there as I walked out the door to go to work expecting a kiss and cuddle before I left. My roommate said he know the time I was coming home and waited at the door. The minute I walked through the door he wanted to be held. It was such a comfort to come home from a horrible day at work and hold him. He was frightened of all other people and never did come out if I had family and friends over. He did like my Mom and roommate and would allow them to pet him. Going to the vet was hard, he hated the carrier and would run and hide if he just saw it. I purchased a pet stroller thinking that would be better, but he would not go near it. I moved two years ago and did not think I was ever going to get him in the carrier. He provided so much comfort when my cat, Casper, had to be put to sleep during April of this year. I was in bed crying and Sammy climbed on top of me and stayed there for hours as I cried. Sammy slept with me every night. If he fell asleep on my bed and I left the room, I could always count on him coming downstairs a short time later to find me meowing loudly as if to say “Why did you leave me alone?"

I never expected him to be taken from me so soon. He was running around playing with Ginger, jumping up on tables, getting in my lap, and asking for treats on Wednesday and was gone on Saturday. I keep trying to trick myself into thinking he is in the cat tree sleeping and I will see him soon. I do not want to do anything but stay in bed and cry. My remaining kitty is now sleeping with me at night and every time I hear her move or jump on the bed, I think it is Sammy. The guilt of not taking him to another vet for an ultrasound will always stay with me. Although, everyone keeps telling me cats are good at hiding being sick, I still feel like I let him down, that I missed some sign and could have saved him if I had taken to the vet earlier. I miss him so much.


Sammy, you will always be in my heart. I love and miss you so much. Goodbye my sweet angel.View attachment 352631
I also wanted you to know
.I know how you feel
I lost my Snowball..July 8th/2020
Almost 3 months now...And I still hurt and cry over. him often
I had him since he was a kitten and had just came off his mom
I had him almost 12yrs liking a week before his birthday
So I know your pain
And again im so very sorry for your loss
May your precious Sammy and My precious Snowball play together with the other kitties that have crossed the 🌈 Bridge
 

CatLover49

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Your story with Sammy sounds like the mix of many stories with cats of mine.

You took him home because the rescue had no more room for him, this was his greates luck. It's similar to my current kitty's story, basically she couldn't stay at the shelter, so she came with me at home.
Sammy clung to you immediately, because he knew you were his life buoy after a life of hardships.
And left you duirng the night, just like my Pallina did two years ago.

In regard of this, I would like to say that you shouldn't torment yourself for not doing this, not going there. He died a few hours after the last vet visit, this means that no other actions could be taken to save him, it was too late.
My Pallina had a visit that afternoon, she came home, we had booked another visit the next morning, she never had it. She died a few hours later. I went to check on her at 2:50am and found her dead. She was still alive an hour or so earlier.
The pain for losing her was huge and unbearable, I cried because I wasn't there with her when she passed, for which I will never forgive myself. But I didn't blame myself for being late at taking her to the vet.

You are in the same position as me, you did all you could for Sammy, and nobody can say you didn't. So don't beat your head over something you couldn't change.

Sammy is thankful for the love and care you gave him, he couldn't ask for more and he showed you this every single day with you. He was close to you when you were sad, and he still his even if you can't see him.
Sammy will be with you forever.
Im so sorry for your loss of precious Pallina
I feel your pain as well
May Pallina and My Snowball..And Sammy.play together with all the other kitties that has crossed the Rainbow Bridge
 

Talien

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In regard of this, I would like to say that you shouldn't torment yourself for not doing this, not going there. He died a few hours after the last vet visit, this means that no other actions could be taken to save him, it was too late.
This is true. If he did not survive the night then an ultrasound would not have made any difference, even if it did find what the problem was. He was already dying and there was nothing you could have done to change that, if anything they would have kept him at the vet's office and he would have died alone in a cage instead of at home where he was comfortable. He was at peace when he went, instead of scared.
 
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Kim515

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I also wanted you to know
.I know how you feel
I lost my Snowball..July 8th/2020
Almost 3 months now...And I still hurt and cry over. him often
I had him since he was a kitten and had just came off his mom
I had him almost 12yrs liking a week before his birthday
So I know your pain
And again im so very sorry for your loss
May your precious Sammy and My precious Snowball play together with the other kitties that have crossed the 🌈 Bridge
[/QUOTE
I am so sorry for your loss of Snowball.
 
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