Goodbye, Isabel <3 You took a part of my heart with you.

Krienze

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Today, I said goodbye to my friend of seventeen years. I remember the day we got her. I was 15 when we adopted her. I was so excited, because my mother had finally said we could get a second cat and I wanted a kitten so bad. We agreed to go to shelters and meet cats, but... when we went to the first shelter, Isabel was in the "advertisement" box in the front and the moment I saw her big beautiful eyes, I knew I wanted her. My uncle had given me the money to adopt her for my birthday (and funnily enough, her birthday IS my Uncle's birthday)
The next day my mom took me back and we adopted her - the DAY before she was set to be put to sleep!! I almost cried knowing that we almost lost her. I was so relieved knowing she was coming home with us. This tiny little bundle of floof who loved to sleep in her hammock and swing herself to sleep.
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She slept in weird positions, but her favorite was sleeping with her tongue sticking out.
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And... on my shoes.

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She became fast best friends with CiCi, who we lost in Feb of 2020. Cici's death is what brought me to this site. We adopted CiCi to keep Isabel company after Oliver passed away, but I had no idea they'd become such good friends. I like to think that CiCi was waiting on Rainbow Bridge with all of our other lost furrbabies. I hope her and Oliver both welcome Isabel back into their tribe and I hope Jack, our big redbone hound dog, is there to protect them like he did in life. He loved cats.
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these last few months, we noticed she'd have dizzy and tired spells. I thought it was just old age... I feel so bad. She'd shake it off, so I'd think she was okay. Last night (this morning really, 12 AMish) I noticed she wasn't shaking it. I stayed up all night with her, because I felt it in my gut you know? That if I went to sleep.. I'd wake up and she'd be gone. So I stayed with her through the night, off and on checking on her, sitting with her. When I noticed her breathing becoming shallow... I just knew. We rushed her to the vet as soon as they opened and I held out hope that it would be something simple to treat like an infection but... that wasn't the case. The vet informed us that her heart was leaking fluids and her liver was failing. She wouldn't live through out the day. We decided of course to put her down, because what else could we do? I wasn't going to let my old girl suffer. And yet I still feel a raw pain knowing I made the choice to end her life... even if it was needed.

Part of her loss hurts, too, because not only was she with me for 17 years but she was the last living animal that my grandmother knew and loved (My grandmother passed away 15 years ago) and her last few months were joyful partly due to this little floofball.

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Rest well, Isabel. I hope you know that I'll miss you absolutely every day. My heart is beyond broken.​
 

Kat0121

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Wow. She was absolutely stunning. I'm so very sorry for your loss. It's one of the hardest decisions that you'll ever make but you did the right thing. It is the ultimate act of kindness. I know that doesn't make you feel better but it's true. Her passing was gentle and she was at the bridge in the blink of an eye. :hugs:

It's also true that no matter how long we are blessed to have them in our lives, it's never long enough. You gave her such a wonderful life full of love and friendship. I wish every cat could experience a life like that. It sounds like she had plenty of family to greet her when she got to the bridge. They will all wait for you, too. When the time is right, you will join them and things will pick up again like no time has passed at all. The bond that we have with our loved ones is forever. I know that your memories may make you cry right now, but the time will come when they also make you smile. Hang in there. You'll get through this and we are here for you. Talk about your departed loved ones all you want. There is always someone around to listen. :hugs: :rbheart:
 

betsygee

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Oh, I'm in tears reading this. What a beautiful tribute to such a beloved member of your family. I'm so very sorry. So many of us sadly know how heartbreaking it is to have to let them go when they mean so much to us. My heart goes out to you. :hugs:

Rest in peace, beautiful girl. :rbheart:
 

fionasmom

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Me, too. Tears. That is such a beautiful story of her life...which almost did not happen if you have not returned to the shelter that day. Her sweetness is very easy to see in her kind eyes. I am very sorry for your loss.
 

John Perram

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Thank you for helping fur babies to have a good life. Never worry, they will always be in your memory and waiting for you at the bridge.
 
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Krienze

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Thank you all for your kind words. Today has just been so rough. I knew Isabel's time was coming, but I still was hoping when we got to the vet that we'd still be able to take her home, on meds and on a road to recovery. I just feel blessed that we have such an amazing vet. He let us be in the room with her, love her and pet her while she was put to sleep. I was having such bad anxiety over the thought of having to put her down and not being allowed to be with her when did that I had even debated letting her die at home - it was a brief thought, one I feel terrible about having. Ultimately I knew that I couldn't let her suffer or let her be sick. I'm just so thankful our vet let us in with her. He and his staff have always been so kind to us all and I hope they know how much they are appreciated. They've seen us through the deaths of two animals now and have made the transition so peaceful.

I slept so hard when I got home. I had been awake for hours, all night then into the morning and I feel like I slept like a rock. Waking up just felt sad when I remembered she was gone and like... going into the room she usually stayed in and seeing her food bowl still there, full of food, just made me break down again. I know I have to go in there and clean up soon... but I just can't bring myself to do it.
 

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Take your time, and make sure you tuck that food bowl away in a safe place, someday you may want to hold a reminder of her......You had seventeen years of love and sharing with that beautiful girl, what a milestone! she brought so much into your life, it was definitely meant to be. her tiny soul will be forever tied to your own, the new path she now follows will always parallel your own. I'm sure the angels are weeping with joy to see the wonderful reunion going on, your loss is heaven's gain. do not dwell on her end, she would never want you to be so sad. Go forward into your life and live it as you would want for her to go on if you were the first to go. The pain of loss makes any future happiness seem that much sweeter. Her love is secure, she is at peace because she has your eternal love. Take care of yourself, time is the only thing that dulls the sharp edges of grief. Take one day at a time......RIP beautiful Isabel. You will never be forgotten, you will always have a secure place in loving hearts. May the good Lord bless and keep you, until you meet again!
 
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Krienze

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Been a heart breaking few days. Lola (one of our dogs) keeps looking for Isabel. She then looks at me so confused. I thought she'd stop after a few times doing it but she still searches for Isabel in Isabel's little room and hidey corners. I'm starting to get worried, but I don't know if this is normal or not. The other animals seemed to feel it for a day or two, but Lola's been consistent in her search.
 

di and bob

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It will take a while, I know my mama cats looked and cried for two weeks when their little ones were adopted out. It IS heartbreaking. Dogs have long memories, but she'll eventually adjust. Grief has its own road to travel, it is what it is. There is no getting over it, you learn how to live despite of it. It becomes a part of your new life's order...
 
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Krienze

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It will take a while, I know my mama cats looked and cried for two weeks when their little ones were adopted out. It IS heartbreaking. Dogs have long memories, but she'll eventually adjust. Grief has its own road to travel, it is what it is. There is no getting over it, you learn how to live despite of it. It becomes a part of your new life's order...
Yeah :( I just wasn't expecting that Lola would stay so upset. She comes inside and just sulks. She's a lot more quiet than usual now.
 

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I'm so sorry for the loss of your stunning Isabel. Her story is touching, made me cry. What a luck she had when you picked her shortly before she was put to sleep. No doubt she sensed it and was eternally grateful for saving her life.
You gave 17 years of wonderful life, filled with just love and care. Not many cats can say they had the same luck.

going into the room she usually stayed in and seeing her food bowl still there, full of food, just made me break down again. I know I have to go in there and clean up soon... but I just can't bring myself to do it.
I fully understand you.
Four days ago it was three years since my beloved Pallina went to the Bridge. Just like you I would have liked to watch her all night, I should have had, but I didn't, and she died while I was sleeping. I had checked on her only an hour or so before, then she was gone.

Three years later, her covered litter box is still where it was, with the same (scooped) litter it was in three years ago. Her scratching post is still there, her carrier is still where I left it when we last came home from the vet.
Her dishes stayed at their spot for months before I was able to put them away, in a box where nearly all her stuff is.

One day I will put the litter box, post and carrier away too, but I feel I'm not ready yet. So, take your time, don't rush things, let them come naturally.

Take care of yourself.
 

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So sorry for your loss, she was a lovely little girl.

We lost our Sammy recently, and it has been utterly heartbreaking, but there are lots of very kind people on this forum, who have been so understanding.

Isabel came to you for a reason, you gave her a loving home. Be proud of that.

Thinking of you and also Antonio65.
 
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Krienze

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I'm so sorry for the loss of your stunning Isabel. Her story is touching, made me cry. What a luck she had when you picked her shortly before she was put to sleep. No doubt she sensed it and was eternally grateful for saving her life.
You gave 17 years of wonderful life, filled with just love and care. Not many cats can say they had the same luck.
I just wish I didn't feel like I failed her. I've been wracking my brain trying to figure out if it was something I did. Did I clean and not let her wait long enough before she walked on the floor? Was it the food I'd been feeding her? Should I have been more aware of her bathroom issues? She'd had bathroom issues her whole life and I just didn't notice when she started peeing because she'd started to lose control.. i can't even go into that room without wanting to breakdown. In my head, I knew her time was coming... but I still can't believe she's gone. I miss seeing her face when I get up and hearing her absolutely beautiful meow (she almost sounded like she had an accent...) I miss her super silvery paws and even though I don't need to be careful now I still find myself bracing for her to try and beat me out of rooms.

She was the first animal we adopted when we moved to Virginia.
And of the three we had adopted in VA, she was the last to leave us after our move to Louisiana.
She was the last animal to be held by my grandma, the oldest animal I have ever had.

i didn't realize how much of her I would miss. I had convinced myself that I'd be okay when she went, because we HAD so much time together, but I'm absolutely not okay. It's been a week now and I still cry almost every day thinking about her.

I remember every animal I've ever lost and for some reason, tricked myself into thinking she'd become a memory. She was my baby and I almost feel like I took for granted how much I loved her and would miss her.
 

di and bob

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All these feelings are completely normal The grieving process is what it is. It's absolutely alright to NOT be alright! I was a mess for years. For me, it was almost 9 years ago, I still cry when I think of her. Over time, the intensity is not as bad. Your every waking moment is not consumed by feelings of anguish and guilt. You gather what strength you have, and you are stronger than you think, and actually start to live again. The body and soul cannot sustain such pain forever. Try to think that you COULD NOT let her suffer. It is always better a day early than a day too late. I have seen so much suffering, it tears the soul apart to witness it. Your little girl is past the pain, past the suffering. She is at peace. Be thankful for knowing her, she left you with so much...
It will be a while before you can find any kind of enjoyment in life. It is there, it will wait. Life is meant to be savored, to be enjoyed, but in the meantime just take pleasure in watching the sunset, and know it will rise again in the morning. Like it did before us and will continue to do so after we are all gone. The world goes on, I don't know how, because ours has stopped, but our lives do toeventually. In time, one day at a time.....
 

Antonio65

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I just wish I didn't feel like I failed her. I've been wracking my brain trying to figure out if it was something I did. Did I clean and not let her wait long enough before she walked on the floor? Was it the food I'd been feeding her? Should I have been more aware of her bathroom issues? She'd had bathroom issues her whole life and I just didn't notice when she started peeing because she'd started to lose control..
What you feel and think now is exactly what I think and feel three years later.
Did I mis anything? Did I do something I shouldn't have done, or not done something that I should have done? Was it the food? The water? Too much of this? Too little of that?

I think it is normal to blame ourselves or something else over episodes like these.

Personally, I believe I will never find peace in my mind. But I do hope you won't follow my path and get over it soon, forgive yourself and forget the last days.
 
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Krienze

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I didn't want to write a new thread, so I thought posting here might be best.

We finally will be getting the money within the next few days to be able to afford cremation for Isabel. As happy as I am to know I can take my girl with me wherever we go, and have her sitting with Jack (our dog whom so very much loved kittens) a part of me is also feeling anxious. Up until now, I knew she was at the vet, her body frozen and waiting for me to come get her to either bury her or have her cremated. My vet is wonderful and kind and held her for us while we worked on gathering the money up... but now it's becoming real that soon she'll be cremated and it's feeling like she's finally-finally gone. Does that make sense?

Just been feeling like someone has punched me in the heart over it, like I'm losing her all over again and I'm sure that's ridiculous =/ but I miss her. I keep feeling like I FORGET to feed her or something when I don't bring her her food. Like it feels like she should be here.
 

fionasmom

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You have been through so much recently and it has to be taking a toll. Yes, this final step does bring it all back up again, but try to think of it as a final homecoming for her. Your kind vet kept her for you, which many would not have done, and now she can move onto her final rest and it will be in a place where she can always be with you.
 

Antonio65

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I can understand that this will make you relive some sad and bad moments, but this will be also the final step and all of you will be at peace now, the circle closes.
RIP Isabel.
 

di and bob

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What you are going through is not uncommon at all.....I remember looking out at my Chrissy's grave and bursting into tears when it snowed. She HATED to be cold.....Cremation/burial is the last step in laying the earthly body to rest. No matter how long after the actual death. Of course, you are impacted. I just had to keep reminding myself, it is her body, not what was actually her, her soul......
 
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