Giving Back My New Rescue Cat?

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MrsCassandra

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Sorry I misunderstood the situation. Perhaps you could convince her to take one of the many declawed cats that are usually dumped at the shelter or an older cat that the ' loving ' family of a deceased relative have dumped like trash.
I tried to mention it but she is too afraid and the son is trying to convince her to stay pet-less. I can see her son's points including the fact that he wouldn't be able to take the cat should the lady have health issues or worse, because he got an cat already and she is one of those single-cat only.

Baghera instead could be placed anywhere, I believe, as long as she likes the humans, and she basically likes anyone human, cat or dog XD and she is quite independent too.
 

kittens mom

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I tried to mention it but she is too afraid and the son is trying to convince her to stay pet-less. I can see her son's points including the fact that he wouldn't be able to take the cat should the lady have health issues or worse, because he got an cat already and she is one of those single-cat only.

Baghera instead could be placed anywhere, I believe, as long as she likes the humans, and she basically likes anyone human, cat or dog XD and she is quite independent too.
Perhaps her son would take her to one of the many rescues or shelters that need someone to just socialize. There are so many ways to remain involved without actually having a pet. All of us will reach a point where it will be better to remain without pets.
 
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I have now a big question.

The two kittens are getting along very well although I have seen no grooming and they appear to prefer resting in different rooms with occasional visits to each other during nap times.

It seems my kitten is a bit more keen on searching for and playing with the female than the other way around. He seems mpre engaging while the female often stops to just play on her own with sonething.

My kitten, who only two weeks ago the vet said behaves like a dog with me and trusts me immensely, and that normally purrs as soon as I get close or touch or kiss him has basically stopped purring, he surely never purrs when the female is in range, he doesn't seem to enjoy cuddles as much, doesn't want to stay in my arms and he doesn't rest in his usual totally relaxed way, he seems always a bit tense. It takes a while to make him purr.

Now, if he were an adult cat and the relationship between us was consolidated I wouldn't worry and I am sure he would be back to his self in no time. But because he's still a six months old kitten and there was first anothe cat for nearly a month and a half and now thia female, I fear our relationship won't go back to that and that honestly would break my heart also noting that the female is the aloof type and seems mostly interested in her own business which makes me also suspect that she might become considerably less active and interested in playing after sterilisation (soon).

Any thoughts?
 

kittens mom

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I have now a big question.

The two kittens are getting along very well although I have seen no grooming and they appear to prefer resting in different rooms with occasional visits to each other during nap times.

It seems my kitten is a bit more keen on searching for and playing with the female than the other way around. He seems mpre engaging while the female often stops to just play on her own with sonething.

My kitten, who only two weeks ago the vet said behaves like a dog with me and trusts me immensely, and that normally purrs as soon as I get close or touch or kiss him has basically stopped purring, he surely never purrs when the female is in range, he doesn't seem to enjoy cuddles as much, doesn't want to stay in my arms and he doesn't rest in his usual totally relaxed way, he seems always a bit tense. It takes a while to make him purr.

Now, if he were an adult cat and the relationship between us was consolidated I wouldn't worry and I am sure he would be back to his self in no time. But because he's still a six months old kitten and there was first anothe cat for nearly a month and a half and now thia female, I fear our relationship won't go back to that and that honestly would break my heart also noting that the female is the aloof type and seems mostly interested in her own business which makes me also suspect that she might become considerably less active and interested in playing after sterilisation (soon).

Any thoughts?
Mook tried to chew through the ceiling the first night Mercy was at home and she was crated in another room. Nothing may ever be the same but that doesn't mean it won't be better. Your little baby is learning to act like a cat which for him is also physical therapy you can't provide. I have a special relationship with all of my cats on an individual basis. Right now you are reflecting on your needs and worries not your kittens. He's found his wings so to speak and is behaving in a normal cat. Which is the end goal isn't it ? It's painful when they start to grow up and don't need you it's also a good sign he's becoming more confident and developing normally.
You have a deep and trusting relationship with your baby and it will continue to grow and mature if you are willing to let him grow up and not be dependent on you.
 
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...it's also a good sign he's becoming more confident and developing normally.
You have a deep and trusting relationship with your baby and it will continue to grow and mature if you are willing to let him grow up and not be dependent on you.
Thank you, it's always good to read your thoughts and experience :)

It concerns me that after these few days together and an apparent initial improvement, it is now clear that my kitten will never improve much further :( As the novelty seems to be wearing off, they are also engaging less in playing and the black kitten is getting bored. From the perspective of my special needs kitten, it means the main objective of taking the littlle devil is lost and he will never be independent from me, not in the normal cats' sense which I hoped he could somehow reach.

I'll have to lock the new kitten in a room until she is really used to the house and sterilised, so for another month ish, while my kitten goes out to build vitamin D and enjoy some outdoor time.

I was also planning on taking my kitten around with me, whether hicking or else so the new kitten isn't here to take him company. Though, I see the need for feline companionship and I believe it was very lucky that they liked each other so quickly. This plan got delayed due to the previous new cat and this new female but I definitely want to resume it.

I am honestly also concerned about the amount of extra work she requires as she has gotten some bad habits, such as making a mess with the litterboxes... My kitten may be disabled but he never ejected his old poo outside the box! XD

The extra work concerns me because I have still a long way to go before I recover from some health issues so I admit I can't be all selfless about the cats. When I got my kitten, I had no idea he had disability. The disability soon showed up and I was given the option to get rid of him and eventually take another but I wanted to give this screaming kitten so attached to life a chance and love. He still requires a good amount of work and care that is more than a normal kitten's. So I am facing the reality that I have limitations that I clearly underestimated.

Do you have a partner or housemate helping with the cats? Are you alone and manage to cope well with added sweet furry balls?
 

kittens mom

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Kittens don't stay kittens very long. I cannot imagine locking one away and taking the others everywhere. I want my babies with me all time.
If you don't want a second cat that is up to you but you are playing with a little life here. The option is she goes back to a home that appears to be just as unsecure or a shelter or rescue. Once we adopt or take it not only do we consider them a lifetime commitment our home becomes theirs also and they have as much right to live here as we do.
So this is not meant as harsh criticism or judgment but you need to decide if you want this little girl If you need to stop looking for the perfect companion for your SN kitten and content yourself with the one.
When we brought Mercy home she was a baby that had been dumped back at the shelter to be adopted or die. She ran from one end of the house to the other screaming for her other cat friends and people. It was horrible to watch the betrayal. I would fight someone to the death if they tried to hurt or take her. That's sorta how we should feel about our pets.
The little girl deserves the same love and devotion you feel for your SN cat.
I offer my pets a lifetime of love and expect nothing in return. And we both have health issues and my husband is working out of town for the next who knows how long. Its what we decide to do that counts.
Hugs to you because i sense you're going through a lot.
 
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Thank you both. I decided from the start that this was indeed the second and last attempt, and despite my difficulties I believe I got incredibly lucky as well. And again no worries kittens mom, I like your replies and agree with your statements :)

As for myself, I am indeed going through a lot, alone, and I have been struggling with finding a balance both as part of this trio and as the carer of these cats, and lately I have been struggling with the required physical effort that the whole introduction and adjustment period require.

I think it's a shame that I wasn't given better advice when I got my kitten, as I had the opportunity of taking him with another kitten (instead of waiting nearly three months to get the older one) and nobody told me that was the best option. I have wasted a lot of time and energy with the previous second cat attempt when taking two cats together would have been simpler, easier, I'd have had the energy and the momentum for the challenge and the necessary adjustments in my everyday life, and they would be companions from day one...

Ignorance is really a bad thing when there are other defenseless creatures' lives at stake. So I much appreciated all replies and comments and thoughts because they gave me perspective and precious knowledge for the future.
 

kittens mom

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The introductions are indeed stressful perhaps sometimes we fail to include the stress to the guardian as part of the equation in getting another cat.
I personally believe that most introductions are way too fast. It is a struggle of love and it has to be for both the resident cat and the new cat. I brought Mercy home 3 days after Kittens cremation. After all who the heck returns a 4 month old kitten because it's vicious biting and scratching and growling ??? Someone did. And she is the sweetest thing never a bad act out of her. Bluntly she was underfed and filthy when i picked her up. And Mook rejected me and tried to chew through the ceiling in the furthest corner of the house. I really understand the feeling of wanting to take a cat back just to restore some order in your home.
One of the most important lessons I learned is it is not a betrayal to love another cat nor does it diminish the love you feel for one you have lost. The end goal for the stress and hair pulling OMgosh what have I done in getting another cat is peace in your home. You can't make them be best friends.
I am surprised that no one told you it would be easier to take two. Nothing teaches a kitten to keep it's mouth and claws to itself like another kitten.
I can tell you for me that insane beyond grief period of my life that still exists because of Kitten's murder by vet was worth every day of struggle to keep Mercy in it. It's worth the struggle.
 
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Really everything was portrayed in an all too simplistic way to me, but I the place I got the cats from (except the black devil) is like a private shelter ran by a food hearted lady who actually gave some bad advice when the previous second cat was being introduced just because he owns twn cats and things are usually easy for her (she is a lovely and caring lady, by the way). Taking two cats was a vented option but nothing about the fact that taking, for example, two siblings would be the best way to go (an option I also had, two lovely females). Now, I must say I love this SN kitten and I wouldn't want to replace him for all the gold in the universe, but I now see how different, and way better and easier, things would have gone.

I must say it was definitely partly my fault nonetheless, because I normally research things very carefully. Because I admire the cat lady so much and she is so experienced, this time I didn't.

I most certainly learned a lot from all this, not only regarding the cats but about myself.

I really needed to be reminded about letting cats be cats! I think I got too worried about the disability of the kitten. But also, I did not mention that I had another kitten before him, a six months old black female with whom I bonded immediately despite letting her be and do what she wanted. She died of parvovirus only five days after she was taken to me (apparently got the virus at the vet when she was tested for HIV and leukemia the previous week)... And aftr ten days when I got my kitten he had parasites and many other problems straight away and then the temors and balance issues showed up... This perhaps made me a bit too worried and much less relaxed about the whole thing.

Suddenly, having a cat wasn't the easy thing everbody talks about!!
 

kittens mom

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I can feel with my heart how hard it is to lose one and then live in fear something will happen to a new addition or even an old one. We had a complete work up done on Mooky after we lost Kitten to the monster veterinarian because she had lied about what kind of rabies vaccine she used on both cats. I am fearful and hesitant to take my Tabbinese Tigers in for their 3 year shots because of the nightmare we lived through. It is a hump to get over for sure. You're afraid to open your heart and then when you do you live in fear of being crushed again.
IMO too many people use the term rescue when describing themselves. To be blunt many rescue organizations would have not let you take a kitten let alone a SN kitten because you yourself describe health issues. They would have guided you to an older settled cat and likely made you sign an agreement the cat would be returned to them if you could no longer care for it.
Again I am not implying you are incapable of caring for this kitten just that many rescue organizations would have refused you the kitten and offered different cat. Their mission is a good match and a lifetime placement for the cat. The cat coming first.
Pets aren't easy. A few weeks ago Toad got a box of cheerios off the counter and distrubted them quite well through the whole house, ate a 5 dollar bill and some mail. Mercy has to have a tiny littler pan in my bathroom so her fluffy tail doesn't get in her poo and make her zoom all over while i chase with baby wipes. Mook is squatting on a box i left on the counter for 10 minutes 6 months ago and is now falling apart but has her snuggle safe tucked inside at night because i can't bring myself to evict my cat from the kitchen counter. There are the feedings and the litter boxes oh and the phase until i spent 90 bucks on neaterfeeders in giant size so Toad couldn't whap the food bowls over. Lugging cat litter, cat kibble, cans of food the vet bills. It's endless but somehow it all pays off when 14lb Frog licks my eyeball at 2 AM or Mercy shoves a furry toy in my mouth. Yeah that really happened.
Apply a strong sense of humor in life and carry on. For all the reasons many rescues won't adopt to someone because of age, living situations, income or disabilities there are thousands if not millions of cats living in those very types of homes where they are loved and cherished and would otherwise grow up feral or become strays or be euthanized at shelters and never know love.
 
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I get your points kittens mom. I don't think a shelter would deny a kitten to someone on the basis that in four months' time she may be hit by a bus (metaphorically speaking) :) But definitely I could have been given better advice and everything would have been smoother, easier and nicer.

I agree, it pays off all the effort and when I got my SN kitten (who was only discovered to be SN after I got him) I was surprised by myself because I realised I didn't mind, for example, spending time cleaning the litterbox every day...

Emotionally, it was another matter. The unnecessary death of the first kitten, which was greatly due to bad advice from the vet, and then seeing the new kitten suffer terribly at the start of our journey together, I suppose it all made me too apprehensive on the matter and maybe too attached; if something like loving too much exists, I recognise am certainly guilty of it!

Anyway, I did indeed laugh when the black kitten came to lick my nose at four in the morning XD
 

kittens mom

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I get your points kittens mom. I don't think a shelter would deny a kitten to someone on the basis that in four months' time she may be hit by a bus (metaphorically speaking) :) But definitely I could have been given better advice and everything would have been smoother, easier and nicer.

I agree, it pays off all the effort and when I got my SN kitten (who was only discovered to be SN after I got him) I was surprised by myself because I realised I didn't mind, for example, spending time cleaning the litterbox every day...

Emotionally, it was another matter. The unnecessary death of the first kitten, which was greatly due to bad advice from the vet, and then seeing the new kitten suffer terribly at the start of our journey together, I suppose it all made me too apprehensive on the matter and maybe too attached; if something like loving too much exists, I recognise am certainly guilty of it!

Anyway, I did indeed laugh when the black kitten came to lick my nose at four in the morning XD
I shared because i want you to know you are not alone in your feelings. This whole site is filled with people who have or are going though situations similar. Indoor cats require a level of management that is seldom discussed. They are not the low maintenance take care of themselves animals that is still presented by a large segment of the public. I really encourage you to stick around because this is a supportive site.
I got though my year of raising Frog and Toad because I had someplace to just post the daily doings.
 
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Thank you!! I did indeed like this forum and I find it fantastic to be able to read other's experiences and thoughts. I even found a great discussion about hiking with cats ;)

I agree, the level of work required for indoor cats is, I find, greater than commonly portrayed.

By the way, in the end I decided to keep the black devil and I think my SN agrees with the decision ^_^ I have managed to get some help on a weekly basis so I don't have to do everything on my own.

I am pleased by the fact that I have enjoyed my evening while they were busy doing whatever cats do, together :)
 
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