Getting rid of a cat? Venting.

[mysticotala]

I'm having such a hard time. During dinner my mother mentioned that Augustus might not work out. ...not work out. I can't even believe it. We adopted Augustus a little over a month ago. I won't lie, he's had some behavioral issues. I figured out that he was probably semi-feral, which we didn't know at the time, but if thought about, probably could have guessed- he was 5, found on the streets, and not fixed. I have two cats of my own and this was my mother's adoption. I guess she wanted a lap cat and thought they just came perfectly behaved and lazy.

But I have spent so much time working with this cat. I've done research, I feed him, spend time with him, buy things for him, play with him. And they have the gall to say that it might not work out, that they want to take him back. They haven't done ANYTHING. Haven't listened to anything I've said or asked them to do or tried to get them involved with him. He went a little crazy when a delivery guy came to the house today.  Nothing major, just running around and climbing up furniture. I've had cats for years that had little psycho episodes like that. She asked if we should re-evaluate his training - he has only been in downstairs with us for extended periods for less than a week. He was probably just bored! He has barely had any training at all, we've only had him a month! My mom asked if we should just keep him in a smaller area for now or maybe take him back to the shelter. She has just checked out from working with him.  I could hear it in her voice.

They keep trying to push the introductions with the other cats and are surprised when it doesn't work out perfectly. Or if they take this super energetic cat, don't play with him, and get surprised when he runs crazy. They won't buy him a cat tree when it is obvious he likes climbing. She got angry when I bought babygates so he could see the other cats and do slow introductions.

I've done this because I want him to improve and so that they will keep him and love him since they won't put forth any effort at all. All they do is spray him with a water bottle. And he has improved so much. He has such a personality. And is a total sweetheart a bit deeper down. I can't believe they don't even feel a little attached to him, or realise that we made a commitment to be his forever home and that we OWE it to him to do absolutely everything we can to help him fit in. They just want a cat where all they have to do is feed it and not have it impact their life or house. I don't know how to convince them to keep him. I don't know what to say to them. I can't believe they can even think of abandoning this little guy after living with him and loving him for over a month. They haven't done anything and all they do is complain.

He might jump on me and scratch the couch and attack my cat but he wants love. He hates being left alone and cries. When I stay in the room to feed him, he keeps checking to make sure I'm still there. If he sees me going for the door he jumps on my leg and then lays down in front of the door so I can't leave. He does that to everyone. I certainly won't say he is the perfect cat, but I don't know how they can think of this. I understand cats not working out for some people but they haven't even tried.  They've barely given him any time or effort at all. I'm so disappointed in them.  She is obviously not patient enough for an energetic or feral cat, I get that, but she should have thought more about it or visited more before she adopted him. It wasn't as if we didn't already have cats in the house. I worry that I'm going to come home from work one day and he's going to be gone. And now that he has a bite history, I don't know how they can think about taking him back.  They know what will happen to him.  I'm going to be so sad if they get rid of him.  He is already part of the family. He trusts me and it is just so cruel.

I'm not really asking for advice, I'm just so angry and sad and really needed to vent. 

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• mysticotala
• Mar 19, 2017

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• mysticotala
• Mar 19, 2017

 

[nathaliewhite]

Is there any way you can convince them not to return him? Cats need time, and it was a good thing you guys adopted him, you guys probably even saved him from being put to sleep. He's no longer miserable sitting in some place that has nothing there or any room for him. (If he was in a shelter) I hope they decide to keep him, he's beautiful and needs love.

 

[katythekitten]

You need to convince your parents to keep him, this cat needs some time to adapt to his environment. It will never be easy to train him on what is right and wrong, it takes a lot of patience to make it work. Augustus needs an understanding family that will stick to him no matter what. It's normal for a cat to be playful, unpredictable, scratch some random stuff, etc,  this is the reason why we are here, to guide our pet on what's right and wrong. Please convince your parents to let him stay with your family -- if you're still having a hard time with his behavior then try to seek some help to your friends that are cat lovers or to an animal trainer. 

 

[1CatOverTheLine]

Someone needs to stand up for Augustus; Life's not about simply letting things happen, Life's about making things happen.

.

 

[mysticotala]

I'm doing everything I can to convince them. I sort of understood when they mentioned it at the beginning when my dad got bit and ended up in the hospital (Augustus bit me too but I didn't want to get rid of him!), but he has come so far from that first week! I don't know how they even thought about it 'not working out', he hadn't done anything horrible. He is a cat. My mom's old cat scratched the furniture from the day he was born until the day he died and there wasn't this drama.
I was so shocked when they said it. With the progress he has made I just don't understand how they can't see him continuing to improve. He is a crazy cat but he really is such a sweetheart! I truly thought he was growing on them and that he was accepted as part of the family, however long his settling in might last. I feel blindsided and saddened. I certainly won't give up on him though.

 

[margd]

Would they read articles and threads posted here that might help them realize that Augustus just needs a little bit more time?   It's terribly sad that they won't work with him, but since you are, he still has a chance at overcoming the behavioral issues that bother them.  In fact, it sounds like he's doing remarkably well for a five-year-old semi-feral cat who was rescued from the streets.  Just the way Augustus wants to be with you is proof that there is a very loving cat inside, one who, with time, might meet their expectations a bit better.    What is needed is some way to convince them that he just needs time and is making good progress.  Point them to articles here, put them in touch with someone from a cat rescue (you'll have to do your homework) or check with the shelter where he came from.  Some shelters offer post-adoption support where people can talk with knowledgeable volunteers and get advice and information.

If none of that works, the only thing will be to find him a new home before they take him away.  If they know you are working on that, would they give you more time?   Check with your friends and co-workers and look up no-kill rescues in the area. 

I know you didn't ask for advice but we can't help ourselves when we see a cat in trouble. 

My heart really aches for you and what you are going through right now.   It seems clear to me that you and Augustus belong together.  

Here is an article on behavior modification that might help your parents feel more hopeful about Augustus's progress.  I hope they will note that spraying a cat with water only makes the cat fear you and does no good whatsoever when it comes to discipline.  The fact is that cats don't respond to discipline.  They respond to the type of loving patience that you're showing.
[article="32493"]The Dos And Donts Of Cat Behavior Modification  [/article]

 

[Primula]

He hates being being left alone and cries. When I stay in the room to feed him, he keeps checking to make sure I'm still there.

Poor little guy. Obviously has abandonment issues. I wonder how many "Forever" homes he has had already?

How old are you? Your parents have their own worries in life I am guessing & this is one more issue for them to deal with. I totally get that, but I feel terrible for
Augustus.

Is there any way you could get them to read this thread? Sometimes people stop listening, but they start to understand if it's written down.

 

[mysticotala]

Thanks so much for all the support. I'll try my best to get them to read some of the articles here. I think it would be so helpful if I can do that. She just doesn't see his progress, which surprises me since we couldn't even enter the room when we first got him, I think his progress is pretty obvious!

I'm 31, my parents are in their late 70s and both retired and have little to do, but are really lacking in patience, even though I'm doing it all. It'll be interesting to see how it goes while I'm away at work. I really hope I can convince them, I'm doing my best. I don't know how I could bring myself to rehome him. That would just be too sad.

Thanks again everyone

 

[maddies momma]

Please eXpress to your parents, everything you just told us. Just by reading this I can feel how heartbreaking this situation is. It would not be fair to you or him to get rid of him at this point. You have already bonded and seem perfect for each other. If your parents could understand how heartbreaking it would be for you to loose him, and how much it would hurt you, then they might reconsider. Also maybe mention to them that although he might not work out as the cat they wanted or as a family cat, at least consider letting him stay as your specific cat. If he completely belonged to you and not them and you took full responsibility for him (which you already have) and everyone thought of him as your cat not a family cat then they can't really take him away from you. My family acquired a kitten and then lost interest, fed him crappie food, didn't have him vaccinated or neutered and couldn't afford to treat his wounds that he acquired because he wasn't neutered. But I was really bonded to him and he was very important to me. As soon as I started working I put all my money towards him, got him fixed, vaccinated and nursed him back to health. Now he is officially my cat and there's nothing they can do about it. I do stay with my family while in between time at college but they have to respect my rules about my cat. Maybe you can turn it around that way. Officially adopt him from them, so he is yours and not theirs. I know it's hard because you live with them but it might help, if it changes their mindset on the situation.

 

[margd]

Please eXpress to your parents, everything you just told us. Just by reading this I can feel how heartbreaking this situation is. It would not be fair to you or him to get rid of him at this point. You have already bonded and seem perfect for each other. If your parents could understand how heartbreaking it would be for you to loose him, and how much it would hurt you, then they might reconsider. Also maybe mention to them that although he might not work out as the cat they wanted or as a family cat, at least consider letting him stay as your specific cat. If he completely belonged to you and not them and you took full responsibility for him (which you already have) and everyone thought of him as your cat not a family cat then they can't really take him away from you. My family acquired a kitten and then lost interest, fed him crappie food, didn't have him vaccinated or neutered and couldn't afford to treat his wounds that he acquired because he wasn't neutered. But I was really bonded to him and he was very important to me. As soon as I started working I put all my money towards him, got him fixed, vaccinated and nursed him back to health. Now he is officially my cat and there's nothing they can do about it. I do stay with my family while in between time at college but they have to respect my rules about my cat. Maybe you can turn it around that way. Officially adopt him from them, so he is yours and not theirs. I know it's hard because you live with them but it might help, if it changes their mindset on the situation.

I agree with what Maddies Momma wrote.  Augustus is your cat already, it just needs to be made official. 

There is something I want to add that may seem a bit insensitive, although as a senior myself I know it's pointless not to be realistic about these things.  Your parents are in their late 70s. The fact is that at any time one or both may have a serious illness or pass away and you will find yourself with full responsibility for any cat they consider their own.  It seems to me (and this is just my opinion) that given this situation, that you should have significant input into any cat they adopt.  Maddies Momma describes a very gentle and considerate way to approach your parents on the subject of making Augustus yours.  If her approach doesn't work, I'd step it up one notch and be a bit more firm about your intention to keep Augusus and how if he suddenly disappears, you will be more than a little upset with them. 

 

[Primula]

I'm 31, my parents are in their late 70s and both retired and have little to do

You're a grown person. Old enough to make your own decisions vis-à-vis keeping a pet. Tell your parents you're keeping him & that's the end of it.

 

[1CatOverTheLine]

You're a grown person. Old enough to make your own decisions vis-a-vis keeping a pet. Tell your parents you're keeping him & that's the end of it.

 

[amysuen]

He's beautiful, and lucky he found you. I really hope things work out - he deserves a loving home too. 

 

[maddies momma]

How are things now?

 

[margd]

I'm curious as well.  Have you been able to convince your parents that Augustus has a home with your family?

 

[mysticotala]

I'm not sure they are totally convinced, but then I also don't think they will get rid of him without telling me. They haven't brought it up and I've been sending them articles and posts from here. I've been working on a film set all week, so they have had him on their own (I've been getting daily updates!). They rushed the interviews with the other cats and just have all them out at once, which probably isn't great for them, but I think it helps my parents with him being out and about around the house, more part of the cat family than having them always separated.
I'll be back tonight and see how they've gotten. I'll update!

 

[maddies momma]

At least they are being respectful and will not just get rid of him without warning. Yes please do update when you get home and scope out the situation. The fact that they send daily updates is a good sign, it means they know to a certain extend that you care for him. Even if it's not complete understanding just yet.