Frustrated Cat Owner..Cat loves others more than me!

HoneyHylian

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Hi everyone. I’ve been a cat owner for the past 6 years and I’m struggling with my newest edition to the family, a 7 month old tom.

I love him and I’ve raised him for most of his life and have given him everything he’s needed, from basic necessities to playtime, but I feel like he’s ungrateful…

When there are visitors that he’s known, he brushes up against them and wants to be petted and touched by them for a while, when he only wants to be pet by me when I come back from my classes.

And lately, I’ve noticed he’s more interested in my roommate than me! It makes me feel so hurt and jealous because just now he hopped on her bed and showed his belly to her, purrs around her, and lied down next to her face. He NEVER has done that to me when I’ve been in college; he used to sleep next to my face as a kitten, but now I feel like he hates me.

He always sleeps on my bed when I’m gone for classes, so that’s something, but other than that, he could care less about me and only care for me when he wants to play and eat.

I feel miserable that he always wants to be around my roommate who doesn’t even take care of him like I do.
 

FeebysOwner

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Maybe he is attracted to your roommate because your roommate doesn't pay that much attention to him overall. The fact that he sleeps on your bed when you are not home indicates he likes, even misses. you, so it might just be he feels pressured by the amount of attention you want to give him if it involves cuddling/petting vs. play/food.

It isn't going to hurt anything to try to back off a bit - let him come to you and pet him for a small amount of time and then quit. Let him call the shots with you in terms of cuddling/petting and see if he doesn't start to come around a bit for you.
 

klunick

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Maybe he is attracted to your roommate because your roommate doesn't pay that much attention to him overall. The fact that he sleeps on your bed when you are not home indicates he likes, even misses. you, so it might just be he feels pressured by the amount of attention you want to give him if it involves cuddling/petting vs. play/food.

It isn't going to hurt anything to try to back off a bit - let him come to you and pet him for a small amount of time and then quit. Let him call the shots with you in terms of cuddling/petting and see if he doesn't start to come around a bit for you.
I am the non-cat person in a house of cat people. When we first got Boone and Gracie, although they were in my room (safest spot at the time), I really didn't pay much attention to them other than feeding and cleaning litter boxes and talking to them if they were out and about. My husband and boys on the other hand would try to hold them and follow them around and try to get them to come up for pets. As it turned out, Boone and Gracie love me the most, the boys second, and pretty much ignore my husband. That of course hurts my husband to his soul. :lol:
 
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HoneyHylian

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Maybe he is attracted to your roommate because your roommate doesn't pay that much attention to him overall. The fact that he sleeps on your bed when you are not home indicates he likes, even misses. you, so it might just be he feels pressured by the amount of attention you want to give him if it involves cuddling/petting vs. play/food.

It isn't going to hurt anything to try to back off a bit - let him come to you and pet him for a small amount of time and then quit. Let him call the shots with you in terms of cuddling/petting and see if he doesn't start to come around a bit for you.
i don’t understand why only calls me when he wants to play or when he needs food, but not pets unlike my roommate :( he literally greets her so warmly and while he greets me too, not to the same extent as to flopping onto his back and cuddling next to her on rare occasions.

it’s weird because he only meows at me for playing and such, but my roommate got the cuddles and pets…any explanation?
 

FeebysOwner

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it’s weird because he only meows at me for playing and such, but my roommate got the cuddles and pets…any explanation?
I'm sorry - I thought I offered a plausible explanation. As I said, if your roommate is not actually seeking out affection from your cat, then he goes where he can get it without feeling anyone expecting anything from him. I think he thinks you expect things from him based on your behavior and demeanor toward him. That is why I suggested that you 'back off a bit' in your pursuit of his affection.
Perhaps, you can try things like using your roommates perfume/cologne/lotions/etc. just to see if that has something to do with it.
But, I still think he can sense your 'neediness' with him and finds it intimidating. Cats can be masters of 'unexplainable strangeness".
 
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