Fruitcake

Tobermory

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As for fruitcake, well, rumor has it that there's only one fruitcake on the face of this earth. And people just keep giving that same fruitcake to other people, who keep giving it to other people, who keep......and so on.
That was from a famous Johnny Carson segment from, I think, the ‘80s: “The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.”

Humor columnist Dave Barry also has made some great comments about fruitcake, too, over the years. :)
 

lizzie

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I don't like what usually passes for fruitcake, too much candied fruit. I have very rarely had good fruitcake. It is expensive and time consuming to make and very expensive to buy. It is a moist heavy and boozy cake without the overwhelming flavor of candied fruit. There is a monastery in Kentucky that sells fruitcakes The Abbey of Gethsemani. Of course being in Kentucky they use bourbon which isn't a favorite of mine but they are good. They are also expensive. A 2 1/2 pound cake is $40 and a 5 pound cake is $80.
We have a monastery here in MO too that makes and sells fruitcake...Assumption Abbey.I believe theirs run $35.I've never tried one but they look beautiful.
 

neely

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Ugh, my boss would give me her homemade fruitcake every year at the holidays. No, thanks! :nono:
 

catapault

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I've been making white fruitcake for multiple decades. White fruitcake can be baked about now. Dark fruitcake should be made a year ahead. I never use the nasty little packages of candied fruit found in a supermarket. Quality candied fruit used to be available as half oranges, half lemons, whole pineapple rings, half citron melon. Now it is all diced (except the cherries) but at least the Larder: Your Family Food Supplier has better quality than the supermarket dreck. Dark and yellow raisins and little dried currants are macerated in brandy for at least a few hours or overnight is better. No nuts, they become soft and I don't like them. Cake is basically a pound cake with the candied and dried fruits. Need a stand mixer to beat the butter and sugar, add eggs, add flour.

I used to do the final mixing by hand in an enormous blue and white spatterware mixing bowl. When not used for fruitcake it lived on top of the upper cabinets in my kitchen. One day Fog cat decided to get up there and maybe nap in the bowl. Bowl and cat came sailing down. Bowl smashed on the kitchen floor. Cat was unscathed but I yelled at him so that he fled for the basement to hide for a while. Dear cat, when we meet across the Rainbow Bridge I'll apologize.

Do you know the Salvation Army fruitcake song? Here's the most relevant verse:

We never eat fruitcake because it has rum.
And one little bit turns a man to a bum.
Now can you imagine a sadder disgrace
Than a man in the gutter with crumbs on his face?
Away, away with rum, by gum, with rum, by gum, with rum, by gum,
Away, away with rum, by gum, that's the song of the Salvation Army.
 
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