Friendly touching

[yayi]

My boy Ni is now in a new animal hospital near home. He is doing well. The new vet is young and very caring for the animals, but I was a bit uncomfortable because he tended to pat my shoulders and back when he gave me a tour of the new facilities, when he showed me the results of Ni's blood test, when he handed over his calling card, when he said goodbye. I guess he was the type of person whose friendly gestures are more on the physical side. I am not used to all this touching thing, especially if I meet a person for the first time. 

Anyway, it is also possible that I looked stressed seeing my Ni sick and Dr. D. was just trying to calm me down. My question to you is - what is acceptable as "friendly" touching from a stranger?

 

[natalie_ca]

I don't like being touched by strangers. So I tend to stay out of their "personal space" and if they invade mine, I tend to casually move away.
 

 

[ondine]

I tend to touch people lightly on the arm or back when I sense they are upset about something. I am an older woman, so most of the time, it is taken as comfort but I have had people react differently. If that happens, i always apologize and try to make my intentions clear.

Yet, it's funny because I have very clear personal boundaries and am really uncomfortable if someone touches me or moves into my personal space. That's why I am super sensitive to how others react to me.

 

[catspaw66]

I don't like being touched by anyone or anything but cats. I guess that makes me neurotic.

 

[tobykitten]

What's "acceptable" and "friendly" is always going to be different depending on the individual.   What matters is how you felt.

To me, it would seem unusual for this to occur -- even when I had to put former pets down, no-one ever touched me. It's risky business, in general, in America, for that barrier to be crossed in a professional environment.

Did it seem flirtatious or comforting?  Either way, it was unwanted and made you uncomfortable.  Next time, you may want to speak up or simply extend your hand for a handshake when he goes in to touch you -- most people will take the hint.

 

[denice]

I'm not comfortable being touched by strangers or casual friends.  I think it has to do with the way I was raised, there were very few demonstrations of affection.  I usually don't make an issue of it unless someone goes overboard with it.  If it makes you uncomfortable and it happens again with this vet then politely ask him not to.  I think some people are just very tactile and others aren't.  This goes back a ways now but I remember Princess Di was very tactile and it's one of the things that endeared her to so many people.

 

[MoochNNoodles]

Personally I don't like to be touched like that by someone I hardly know.  Once or twice maybe; but repeatedly to me would be a bit much.  And not too much by people I do know.  A polite hug or even like one of my pastors does (who I've known for close to 20 years; so since my preteen years, married DH and I, etc); he'll put one arm around my shoulders and give them a quick squeeze.  That's fine if I know you and welcome from people I love; but aren't related to like that.  Otherwise a gentle pat on the arm or back like Ondine said is ok for more casual acquaintances.

Now one of my old very close friends was quite the opposite.  I had to learn to hug her if she was more than a little upset.  That made her feel better more than anything I think.  I am very tactile with my husband and children; but rarely do I get the urge to touch a complete stranger or someone I've only known a short time like that.

 

[catdavidlouis]

I don't mind a friendly hug, but I never initiate it-- hence it rarely happens

 

[catwoman707]

You know, I am a toucher, but in a welcome, or warming up, or friendly gesture way, comforting, lots of ways.

This may be the case with the good doctor too, but I tend to think that wouldn't be the norm, at least not quite so darn much right?!!

What I would do if this were me? Watch how he is with other people, is he all touchy with them?

If that's not possible try a bit of small talk with his receptionist Veeery casual-like !  

 

[rosiemac]

The way you've described it l would have been ok. IMO the new vet sounds lovely and caring which is what l like to see ln a vet where my fur kids are concerned.... Now had his hand touched my rear that's a different story!

 

 

[mani]

The way you've described it l would have been ok. IMO the new vet sounds lovely and caring which is what l like to see ln a vet where my fur kids are concerned.... Now had his hand touched my rear that's a different story!

 

Yes, I agree with Rosie.. It would be considered pretty unprofessional here, but I don't think there is any harm in it... He is probably just that kind of person.

 

[Winchester]

I'm a hugger....I didn't used to be, but as I get older, I get....huggier?

  And it doesn't really matter who it is, I hug.

I chalk it up to becoming a Grandma, but I honestly don't know what happened. I just like to hug.

 

[AbbysMom]

 I think it has to do with the way I was raised, there were very few demonstrations of affection.

I was brought up this way also. I don't normally touch people, but don't' shy away form people that are touchers.