Freeing Myself Of Cats

[Show Me Your Kitties]

Why is it totally acceptable to be in deep dark distraught over the death of a loved person but not a loved cat? Somebody has got to sit me down someday and explain that one to me.

As someone who has lost both furry and human loved ones, there was no difference in how I felt after my first two cats died and when my dad died.

I don't have anything to say about your decision that hasn't already been said, I just wanted to tell you that your grief is valid and I hope your heart finds healing and peace in whatever you decide to do

I will say this though, I don't know what your rehoming plan is, but I don't think it'd be a good idea to re-home them by taking them to a shelter. There is the possibility of going from a warm safe home to a small cage being traumatic and causing behavioral problems, making them even more difficult to adopt out than they might already be due to age.

I'd try to find them homes personally. Maybe ask people you know and trust if they'd like to adopt, or
post them on Facebook or Petfinder. Not exactly sure how that site works for those wanting to put their pets up for adoption but it's something to look into.

Also maybe see if there are any rescues willing to foster them and adopt them out that way.

The idea of taking those cats away from everything they knew and put them in those small shelter cages hurts my heart.

 

[jefferd18]

Believe it or not, there are pet grief counselors and pet grief therapy groups. Some are even online.

I, too, fell into deep depression when Feather died. She was my soulmate. The psych I was seeing at the time didn't understand, although he had two pugs running around his office. I changed back to my old doctor, who changed my meds. I also found out the cholesterol med I was taking heavily contributed to my depression. I got a lot better, and fairly quickly.

Do I still feel Feather's loss after 10 years? Yes. But it's not the crushing loss like you're feeling now. Believe it or not, it will get better as happy memories replace the sad ones.

If you get the help you need, life won't seem nearly as bleak as it does now. Please don't make big decisions while you're in this state. Get better and then take a look at how you feel.

You can always PM me if you want to talk.

Thank you, Mother Dragon. I am sorry that there was a delay in my getting back to you and other members, but I was really feeling sad yesterday and knew that it would be my grief talking, and not me. I might just take up on that PM offer.

I am sorry about Feather- they break our hearts. I know she was a great feline if she was your soulmate. I wish they could live as long as we do.

I have lost pets before but Jeff's passing knocked me to the ground. First of all, it didn't make any sense, noboby saw it coming, and I am still totured about what her final moments in this life may have been. Since meeting Jeff I made a vow to her that I would always protect her, and I feel so guilty for not being able to thwart off her death. It haunts me that she may have felt fear.

I will be getting health insurance through my job in December, and I can't wait. I will certainly seek out another psychiatrist and a counselor. I will also check into those online sites you mentioned.

 

[jefferd18]

I am sorry that you are suffering so much. I am glad you reached out to us, but like many others have mentioned please consider going to see a medical professional. The illness and the loss of your dearest friend is piling on you. You have helped your boy and saved him. There are many other ones out there that need a kind soul to help them and ease their suffering and to show them love. I hope that you are able to control this insidious illness.

Thank you, zed. Depression is a demon that I wouldn't wish on anybody. It not only takes lives, it destroys lives.

I will be getting medical insurance through my job in December and I am going to take full advantage by seeking a new doctor and getting a counselor.

Yes, I know there are kitties out there that need help and I will continue to fight for them. Right now I feel dead inside, I hope that feeling changes soon.

 

[jefferd18]

Well dont rehome them...Do like other members have said...Dont make a decision u WILL REGRET...U talking about rehoming ure own KITTIES...and feeding ferals n strays..That dont MAKE NO SENSE...Keep ure KITTIES n STILL feed ferals ..strays etc...U ARE NOT THINKING CLEARLY...U R N A DEPRESSION FROM LOOSING JEFF...

Well, I think one part of my train of thought was that my cats would be placed in good homes which would allow me more freedom to help those who don't have homes.

But I am overwhelmed with cripplying grief right now and I am not thinking clearly. I won't make any decision until I find a new doctor and go through grief counseling.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

We are here. You are NOT alone.

 

[jefferd18]

Don't do something like this that you will regret for the rest of your life. I feel the pain and anguish of losing my little girl 7 years later. You will never 'get over' losing your Jeff. But you CAN learn to live with it and change it into something positive instead of sinking deeper and deeper into misery. But it takes commitment and work on your behalf. Throw yoruself into helping those ferals in any way you can. Anything to keep your mind off of the darkness. You are in the denial and anger stage of your grieving. You are only 6 months into your grief. After a lifetime of loving that sweet girl. Time is the only thing that helps. You have to take it one day at a time, don't look at the future at all right now and think it is an unending sea of loss and pain. You have to try to purposely avoid those feelings of hopelessness and loss right now too. Find something, anything to fill the empty void in your soul. If it is helping ferals, throw yourself into it. But remember, just like with anything in life, there will be sadness there too, you already have a good foundation on which how to cope with it. But it takes time, and lots of it to build into something you can accept and live with.
Don't think you HAVE to love those babies in your care right now, you already do. Just enjoy them right now, and know they love you back in their own way. Don't do something in haste that you will regret later, and being the loving cat person you are, I know it will. No, it's not the same, it can't be, but they can bring you distraction and comfort right now, and that is what you need more than anything. I resented the fact that my remaining little ones were alive and my soul mate was not. It took time to let thwm help me, to realize their simple love was always there. They cared and they distracted me from my pain through the simple routine of caring for them, they wormed their way into my grief and they replaced a lot of teh emptiness. Yours will too if you actively try.
It helped me a lot, and this was several YEARS later that I finally realized it was impossible to change the past, and my beloved little one would never want me to be so sad because of her. That just as I would want for her if i was the first one to go, so she wants only happiness and joy in living for me once more too. That I had to celebrate her sharing her life with me, not dwell on her death and make myself a changed person over it. You have to purposely seek joy to posses it, not find dispair and darkness in living, that is easy to do. Purposely turn your thoughts to other things in life, avoid the darkness, it has already taken one life, don't let it continue on to take your own away from you.
Your little girl's love is spiritual. It will never die, or be taken from you, "Death cannot take that which never dies". She will always be as close to you as a thought and a prayer. Give her peace by knowing you are strong, that you will go on and she will live on through you now. Spreading and sharing her legacy of love and allowing it to spread and be shared. Not hidden in a cold, dark herat and drowned in tears.
Come here whenever you need to, there is strength in sharing your burden to others. You are NOT alone, there is a legion who share exactly what you are going through. Love is personal, no one else in the whole world loved Jeff like you do. Your grief is just as strong and personal. No one can love Jeff as you do. And no one ever will. People who have gone through what you are going through now can empathize because of their own experiences.Those who cannot are to be pitied, because what you have experienced and gained is one of life's treasures, to be loved and returning that love fully and willingly. Take care of yourself. You are loved more than you know, just take one day at a time and try to find joy in life again, not for your sake, but for Jeff's. May God be with you......

Thank you, Di and Bob.

For the first time the other day I found myself being mad at Jeff- for leaving. I am mad at myself for not keeping her in that night, mad that I didn't get to tell her how much I loved her before she went out, mad that I didn't check out the shed sooner, mad that I didn't force her to go to a vet, mad at my cats for not being her, mad that I can't find a cat out there who even looks like her, and just mad,...period.

In the past whenever one of my cats got terminally ill, death was seen as a friend who came and gently took them. On Jeff's last night Death was a sneaky thief who gave no warning, either to her or myself. My vet thinks she died from a blood clot and told me that it would have taken her so quickly that she wouldn't have felt anything, and this is coming from a person who never shies away from telling people the truth. But I don't know, I did some research on blood clots in cats and read that the cat could lie there parlazed for hours before dying. I called her all night and it haunts me that she may have heard me and wanted to come, but couldn't.

I have even thought of contacting a pet psychic to see if they could find Jeff and ask her if she is doing okay. Sounds crazy, I know.

 

[jefferd18]

It is acceptable to be in a dark place over the loss of a cat. My Vincie girl passed on 26 August of this year. I could barely eat nor sleep. We had a very special bond for 19 years. After about 10 days of barely eating and going on very little sleep, I called my psychiatrist and told him what was going on. I confessed to him that I was grieving more than when my parents died. He said that was very normal and I needed to grieve, let the tears flow, but I needed to eat and sleep, so he prescribed a sleeping med that is non-addictive and told me to drink Ensure, bananas and cashews till I got my appetite back. I am still having dark days but I'm getting through it and so will you. I became a member here when I lost my Kirsten in 2016. There are many amazing, caring, loving people here.

Mia xxx

I am so sorry about Vincie. I am glad that you had a doctor who could help pull you through this painful time in your life. Yes, I agree, there are indeed amazing people on this site.

 

[Furballsmom]

 

[jefferd18]

You are in deep, deep pain. Please do not allow yourself to sink down any further. As what others said, you need help. And you need it now.

As for your cats, I kindly suggest that you look for somebody you trust right now to take care of them temporarily while you are trying to get back the pieces. But stop there. Do not try to hand-over your cats even temporarily and then resume or start with helping other cats as you have planned. IMO, you need to help yourself first before you go around helping strays and ferals. You have to get the root of your depression and deal with it first. Once you know you are going back on track, you can also get back your cats. It may destroy you completely if you get rid of them, then realize later on that you made a huge mistake. Then you may find yourself down there again because of guilt that you may feel.

Your cats need you. Since for now you cannot help them, the least you can do for them is have someone take over your place temporarily if that is what you really need to do. Do not give up on them, as they won't ever give up on you. One way of honoring Jeff is continue living. Right now you seem to have given up on everything, including your remaining cats.

Please seek help. Hang in there. Be strong for yourself. For life and love. For your cats. For Jeff.

I think I am just very overwhelmed right now. Not only am I having a hard time accepting Jeff's death but I had three feral cats forced on me this summer from a vet who doesn't know how to say "no" when asked if he could take on these cats. And the hard thing is- is that I have now gotten attached to Inky, Gypsy, and Shanghai. I honestly can't find the time to properly grieve for Jeff because I it seems I am always taking care of cats. Sometimes I think I care too much.

I remember talking to my sister and telling her how much I hurt when one of my cats dies. And then I motioned in the direction of Jeff and said " And I will really fall apart when she goes." That was a month before she died, I had no idea that I was prophesying the immediate future.

 

[jefferd18]

As someone who has lost both furry and human loved ones, there was no difference in how I felt after my first two cats died and when my dad died.

I don't have anything to say about your decision that hasn't already been said, I just wanted to tell you that your grief is valid and I hope your heart finds healing and peace in whatever you decide to do

I will say this though, I don't know what your rehoming plan is, but I don't think it'd be a good idea to re-home them by taking them to a shelter. There is the possibility of going from a warm safe home to a small cage being traumatic and causing behavioral problems, making them even more difficult to adopt out than they might already be due to age.

I'd try to find them homes personally. Maybe ask people you know and trust if they'd like to adopt, or
post them on Facebook or Petfinder. Not exactly sure how that site works for those wanting to put their pets up for adoption but it's something to look into.

Also maybe see if there are any rescues willing to foster them and adopt them out that way.

The idea of taking those cats away from everything they knew and put them in those small shelter cages hurts my heart.

I would never take them to a shelter- that would be imposing a death sentence on them. Most of my cats are in their teens, they are the ones that I made a vow to many years ago, and they would be the ones that would stay with me. I was referring to my younger cats, who might have a decent shot at life if they were to be re-homed.

When I was 13 my dad went out and never came back- he was a victim of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. When I was 17 I watch a good friend drown in the Meramac river- it was my stupid idea that we could wade through it. Now I have lost my best friend, Jeff. No matter what form our loves ones take, losing them to death is always a bitter pill to swallow.

 

[JamesCalifornia]

I think I am just very overwhelmed right now.

~ Regardless of well-meaning advice you will decide what is best . Take care of your emotional needs and the rest will fall into place .
Peace to you

 

[jefferd18]

Imagine this:

Jeff is sitting beside you and the two of you can communicate with one another. She just heard what you are thinking of doing. What would she say? I think she would gently but firmly tell you that you and the cats who are still in your life need each other. They are your family and you are theirs. Jeff loves you. She will always love you and she'd never want you to do this to yourself or your other cats. She understands that you miss her and are sad. She misses you too but she knows that the day will come when you and she will be reunited. You are forever in her heart and she in yours. The bond you share is unbreakable, unshakeable and irreplaceable.

Rehoming the other cats isn't fair to anyone. They will be sad and confused. They will not know why this happened. The best way to honor Jeff is to take care of all the cats in your life. Hang in there. Things will get better. The cats will help you heal and we are here for you too.

Thank you so much for those comforting words about me being able to see my girl again- I miss her so much.

 

[Show Me Your Kitties]

I would never take them to a shelter- that would be imposing a death sentence on them. Most of my cats are in their teens, they are the ones that I made a vow to many years ago, and they would be the ones that would stay with me. I was revering to my younger cats, who might have a decent shot at life if they were to be re-homed.

When I was 13 my dad went out and never came back- he was a victim of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. When I was 17 I watch a good friend drown in the Meramac river- it was my stupid idea that we could wade through it. Now I have lost my best friend, Jeff. No matter what form our loves ones take, losing them to death is always a bitter pill to swallow.

I'm glad to hear that. It made me sad to think about the cats going from a home to a cage.

I'm so sorry you've been through so much. Trauma and mental illness is a hard thing to live with. Recovery is something you have to choose every day, and it's not always easy to. There are plenty days where going backwards or staying where you're at is easier than continuing forward, but I'm getting there, and you'll get there, too. I wish you nothing but the best and hope you one day find yourself in a better place in your life than you are today.

Lots of hugs!

 

[jefferd18]

This brighten up my mood a little.

A friend posted photos to me of a newborn kitten she found on the side of a road. She is not really a cat person but she has big heart and a lot of compassion for critters.

I thought it might make all of you smile. A life has been saved!

 

[Furballsmom]

I thought it might make all of you smile. A life has been saved!

oh, there went my heart, thank you for posting this!!

 

[Mia6]

This brighten up my mood a little.

A friend posted photos to me of a newborn kitten she found on the side of a road. She is not really a cat person but she has big heart and a lot of compassion for critters.

I thought it might make all of you smile. A life has been saved!

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Oh how precious!!! I'm so glad your friend found her. She looks so very young!!

 

[jefferd18]

Oh how precious!!! I'm so glad your friend found her. She looks so very young!!

I too am very grateful that she found her.

The vet put her at about a week old, she is just beginning to react to light.

 

[Mia6]

I too am very grateful that she found her.

The vet put her at about a week old, she is just beginning to react to light.

Oh my. I hope she thrives. She is a newborn!!!

 

[jefferd18]

Oh my. I hope she thrives. She is a newborn!!!

So far, so good, she is eating like a Trojan. I will keep you updated.

 

[Mia6]

So far, so good, she is eating like a Trojan. I will keep you updated.

Oh, that's wonderful!!!!