Freaking Out About Newly Adopted Cat/introduction

bootsm

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Hi,

I had my beloved cat pass away late October and I felt like I might have been ready to take on a new cat and thought my current cat might be missing her brother. She has been meowing a lot at night. Although I don't know what it means for sure and it could be that she wants extra food. (We had to feed him a lot because of kidney disease so she plumped up and we put her on a diet)

So we found a cat that we thought would be a good fit. He's big and gentle and doesn't seem to be aggressive. It's only been a day and they havent interacted much but my cat seems a little stressed and unsure and this is me worrying...but my big fear is that her personality will change. Today she seems unsure of the stuff she normally does and she has such a big personality that it would break my heart. But she is still loving and still does her normal things but she's just hesitant. I'm afraid that once they fully meet, she will change..though I have no evidence for this.

For background, she's 13 and she was adopted as a kitten to be a companion to my other cat and they have both been with me as kittens. She went and touched noses with the new cat but he hissed at her. She didn't seem too distressed about it though.

Has anyone gotten a new cat as a buddy for a cat who recently lost it's roommate and have had the cat change?
 

ArtNJ

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Sounds like its going very well actually. We usually recommend going slower though -- have you read our guide? Not sure its needed with how well it seems to be going though.

How To Successfully Introduce Cats: The Ultimate Guide

Its completely true that there might be some mild personality change even after they get used to each other. But its nothing to stress about; once the anxiety fades any personality changes should be relatively modest. Also, I don't think you can predict exactly what, if any, changes you'll see. Sometimes the changes, or lack of changes, can be surprising. For example, when I had a cat die in the past, the sibling that usually totally ignored the deceased cat suddenly became much more affectionate. I could understand it if they were bonded, but they weren't -- he ignored the other cat that died. Weird right? Just have to see how it goes.
 
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bootsm

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I read it today in fact! We had had them separated mostly but decided to have them meet quickly. But after he hissed we quickly put him back to the room. Now we are taking our time and we are working on getting them used to each other's scents
 

ArtNJ

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Its probably a good idea to take it slow; this is another adult cat your introducing, not a kitten, so being cautious probably does make sense. That said, to have only a mild hiss when one went to touch noses? On the first day? Thats GREAT. I'd be especially pleased that your 13 year old made the first outreach -- often cats that age are very very stressed for a bit. Your cats mild stress may upset you a bit, but only mild stress with willingness to reach out really does mean there is reason for optimism. This is going to end up well I predict.
 
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bootsm

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Ok a bit more worried now. The second day my cat seems to be more angry with me. After I got done petting the new cat, she smelled him on my hands and lightly bit me several times. And she has been very stand offish. Not sleeping with me or looking at me when I call her or coming to me.
 

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I would try not to worry too much about personality change. Time can cause it, grief over a lost friend, and of course a new cat. We are always changing, but right now your kitty is stressed and that is what the new behaviors are from.

When we introduced our third cat, resident kitty Gohan was very stressed and after a few months withdrew often to an upstairs office. Over time he got used to her and come back. He had definite behavior changes which were temporary like more hiding. Some are permanent, which is more playfulness (which we like).

We recently lost our other resident kitty Trin. That changed Gohan more than anything - he got much more cuddly.

All stimuli is change, and can cause some amount of personality change in your cats. But the core of who they are usually is the same. This is a marathon, and these behaviors will probably stop after a few weeks or months. It really does sound like it’s going well. Give it time.
 

Kflowers

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I wouldn't worry too much either. I'm the scent swapping object between our cat and our new dog. (Hush it's only been 6 months.) When I pet the dog, I go find the cat and hold out a finger to her. She sniffs look of disgust. I go wash my hands, hold out the same finger. She sniffs it and rubs her cheek on it. Mom's okay now.

The reverse. Cat sits in my lap, dog sniffs my skirt. She's going to anyway, she's a dog.

So we've made it to scent swapping.

Cats forgive easier than you think.
 
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bootsm

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Just an update, it's been just over a week. My resident girl is still hissing. Tues, I thought we had a breakthrough with them sniffing noses and her not hissing. He also is trying to be submissive to her by laying down and he even tried to rub his cheek against her. But the next day, she seemed even more angry. Angry at me and him. She tried swatting at him. They don't seem like they will fight but just so disappointed as 2 days ago it seemed she was more comfortable and last night seemed worse than ever :( She's also become more and more distant from me. I'm freaking out especially because I just lost the cat love of my life in October and it feels like I'm losing a cat all over again.
 

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I would imagine cats - just have their good days and bad - so, your girl might just be having a less than good day. Progress will come and go, so not every day is going to be an improvement over the previous day. And, you are still talking about a very short period of time to adjust to a new cat on top of losing a 'buddy' not that long ago. Hissing and even swatting are not necessarily bad signs of how the introduction is going. She is still trying 'to put him in his place' and terms of who is the 'boss'.

Are you really sure she is becoming more distant, or are you just over-analyzing her behavior now because you are constantly looking for signs of good changes? You can also try to make sure you dedicate time to solely to her at least a couple/three times a day to let her know you aren't trying to 'replace' her.

As long as you are employing the proper introduction techniques, and all of the suggestions above, progress will be made - even if it is slower than you would like.
 
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bootsm

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She is definitely more distant but not completely. Before she would sleep with me every night (actually spooning with me under the covers) and would run up to me and want pets. And I've been sleeping with her on the couch while husband is with the new cat in the bedroom. The first couple of days we got them used to each others scents and made sure the new cat wasn't as stressed being in our place. When he seems calm and resident cat seemed not as curious or agitated with his smell we starting having them interact more.

I know it hasn't been long but I just don't want to lose her. And i'm really starting to love him, he is sooo sweet.
 

FeebysOwner

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That is so sweet that you are sleeping on the couch for/with her! And, it is a good sign that she still loves you - or she might not choose to sleep there with you. She is probably doing that because it is the one time she knows for sure that she has you to herself and the 'other' cat is no where around. Nonetheless, she is older, so if the routine was for her to sleep with you in your bed, I am sure she recognizes that she is no longer in 'her' bed - even if she is still with you.

Do you have a second bedroom? If so, perhaps that room ought to be the sleeping station for your husband and the new cat - and, let your old gal have her spot back with you in your bedroom?

She just needs more time to adapt - and a lot of one-on-one time with you, to keep her confidence up.
 
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bootsm

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Yeah, maybe we can switch them. She just seems to get stressed doors being closed, let alone not having access to the larger room. Unfortunately we are in a small manhattan apartment
 

Kflowers

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new cat trying to rub his face against her is a way of scent marking her as his. She might not be ready for that, so swat. It is seriously early days. Cat don't care for change, until they do. the only thing cats do fast is hunt and try to protect their space.

Introducing new cats is a long term project, weeks, maybe months. Though yours are getting along pretty well, so I'd say weeks. Being sure someone is sleeping with her will keep her insecurities at a low level and help with the process.
 
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