Forever Merlin's Mom

CL56

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Hello
I found this site while researching a bump on my 16 year old Merlin's bottom.
Joined Dec. 27th but haven't posted.

Merlin was a rescue in 2003. He literally reached out from his cage and cried for me when I walked by. He was not adoptable as he had just been brought in - but I put my name on him.
Two days later the shelter called and asked if I still wanted him...that the shelter had come down with kennel cough and they were putting all the cats to sleep !! (that's LA County in California for you) I said of course I do ! So weeks of nursing him through that - oh he was so pathetic, I didn't think he would make it.
But he did !

We bonded like I never have before - Even my parrots that I had for 30+ years.
He follows my every step be it kitchen or bathroom. He plays fetch. He loves new food dishes.
Loves to lay on his back in my arms and get belly rubs. He reaches up to touch my face.

Anyway, I took him to the vet, they did blood, urine and a needle biopsy.
All came back fine, except the biopsy - cancerous cells...so surgery performed Dec.8th.
They couldn't remove it all due to the location. (He's such a good boy with his e-collar)
We chose (of course) to have the histopathology run...adenocarcinoma. Need to make an appointment with an oncologist.

Merlin had his stitches removed on Dec. 23 and everything looked good. He was a little dehydrated so he got some sub-q fluid.

His Dr. called late morning of the 26th (Tuesday) to check on him - he's such a good boy and made a good impression on them with how tolerant he is - he was fine.
That evening tho we noticed he was staying up in the front room where I work instead of being with us, we figured ok, he needs some space. He still came to bed with me that night.

He slept all day Wednesday (didn't eat his morning wet food) and that evening he wasn't interested in eating either. Thursday morning I decided he was not eating (dry food out all day and wet food given twice a day) and I noticed the litter box only had a couple of clumps to be removed.
He needs to eat so I sent hubby to get baby food. He still wasn't interested so I started syringe feeding him. He seemed to perk up a little bit and he still came to bed with me.

Friday he stayed by my feet all day at my desk (I work from home). I kept syringe feeding him and watering him...he was not looking good. After work he stayed in there again, not coming out with us.
I kept going in to check on him, he seemed to just be withering away. So, ok, I'll get him to the Dr. in the morning. He still came to bed with me that night.

During the nights I wake up several times and give him a pet, just something we do...
I noticed tho he wasn't moving to his other spots and only changed positions twice during the night. He stayed curled up at my tummy.

In the morning my heart was breaking, I knew my boy was in bad shape. He was wobbly and limp. I called his Dr. and ended up a blubbering mess trying to tell them details. They said to come right in.

They examined him, everything felt fine, not constipated etc...so we decided to do a blood draw. When the Dr. came back in the room I knew from the look on her face that my fears were correct.

She said Merlin is in kidney failure and that his numbers were off the charts.
She said we can not help him.

So, my beautiful boy, my soul kitty...I held him for his final sleep.
The pain is unbearable right now.

 

Mashkasheli

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I am so very sorry for your loss. Merlin is at peace right now. I know the pain is agonizing. I too lost my best friend Sheleg a month ago and the pain is unbearable but I know that he is at peace now. I really wish I had the right words to say-there are so many amazing people on this site that always know exactly what to say, and how to make one feel better, but Merlin was so lucky to have you, and you him. Your love will last a life time. Love never dies. Merlin is now at peace and the both of you will always share the bond of love. You gave him the biggest gift that you could have. You prevented him from suffering and that is the bravest most selfless and most difficult thing you could have done. I know your heart is aching and I am thinking of you. Please take care and remember that you are not alone. RIP dear Merlin.
 

di and bob

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You did so much for that beautiful boy, he knows this and values the love and care you gave him while helping him thru this. You shared 14 years of your life with that precious baby, you made both your worlds complete. He repaid you by giving you his heart and bonding to your soul for eternity. You used this bond of love to comfort him when he needed you the most, you were there for him at the end, you knew in your heart you couldn't let someone you love so much suffer for one more day. When life ceases to be enjoyed, when it is a world of pain and just existing, it is up to us to end that suffering, to offer one last supreme act of love, to take on their own pain as our own broken heart.
Please don't dwell on the end, it brings nothing but heartache and tears. Try to celebrate having that boy in your life, for what he taught you about love, for 14 years of companionship and happiness. That is as he would want for the one he loves above all else, he would never want you to be so sad because he had to go. Just as you would want for him if you were the first to leave, keep the good memories for the future, to rebuild your life's journey and fill it with sunshine and happiness once more, knowing the new journey he now undertakes is never far from your own, the bond of love will tie your paths together for eternity. We can never change the past, but the future is ours to make as we will. Leave your sorrow in the past, it will never be gone, but it can be firmly put to the side. Bring forth the love and precious memories you will always have, and let them shape your future and heal your heart.
Bless you for giving this wonderful boy such a good home and so much love. He will carry that forever in his heart. Let friends help you through this who understand your pain and what you are going through. Let us share the burden on your soul, and lift you once more towards a world of happiness, secure in knowing the love you share will forever be a part of it. Take care. My heart cries for your loss, Ill keep you both in my thoughts and prayers......RIP sweet Merlin, you will never be forgotten and will be forever loved by a heart that will hold you for eternity. May the good Lord bless and keep you, until you meet again!
 
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CL56

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Thank you Mashkasheli & di and bob for responding to my post and for your kind words - it helps to not feel so alone.
The pain right now is just raw. So is the silence, he was such a talker - and a slurper when he groomed.
I will never again get to breathe in that wonderful smell of comfort and love that he had in the fur on the back of his neck. It's odd, no one else could smell a thing, just me. (yea, I saw those threads)

Mashkasheli, I am so sorry for your loss of your beloved Sheleg.
 

les26

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I am so very sorry that you lost your sweet boy, we all know the pain that goes with it, you feel as if you too will die and really don't care if you do, and your heart is broken and hurts, but somehow with time and love and faith and prayers we DO move on, slowly but surely we get back on track, but it is so hard to see things like this happen to our wonderful cats, but he is fine now, no more pain or problems, just fine and you will meet him again someday.

"Their last breath on Earth is their first breath in Heaven".

I hope that your heart heals a bit more each day, God Bless.....:alright: :grouphug: :rbheart:
 

aliceneko

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I'm so sorry for your loss. Merlin lived a long life that seems like it was full of love. May he rest peacefully. My thoughts are with you.
 

betsygee

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I'm so sorry to read this. So many of us know how devastating it is to have to make the decision to let them go. Merlin was lucky to have so much love and care for the time he was with you. My heart breaks for you. :hugs:
 

Kitty Mommy

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I'm so sorry for you loss of Merlin. He is a beautiful boy. It was such a hard decision you had to make and you did it out of love. I'm sure he knew that. You cared for him for many years and he will always be with you in your heart. Hugs! :alright:
 

Mamanyt1953

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Rest you gentle, Merlin, dream you deep. Your pawprints are on someone's heart forever.

I am so sorry. You fought so valiantly for him. Love never dies, you know. It changes form, and continues on, loving as always. I know how desperately you miss his physical presence, but he has not gone from you. Only his poor little body, which could no longer support his great heart and sweet spirit, is gone.
 
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CL56

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les26, aliceneko, betsygee, Kitty Mommy, and Mamanyt1953 thank you so much for your care and comfort.
 

raysmyheart

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I am so sorry for your loss of sweet Merlin. How good for you to love and care for him in his illness and to be with him when he passed. May you be comforted by the memories of your times together.
 

Antonio65

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So, my beautiful boy, my soul kitty...I held him for his final sleep.
The pain is unbearable right now.
I'm so terribly sorry for your loss :(
Take comfort from the fact that you did much more than an average persone would have done, you have been there for your Merlin till the last minute, you never failed him, he never felt alone.
And you gave him the most beautiful gifts in his last minutes, a night with you, with ciddles and love, and a painless last trip to the place where many other cats are, where they will wait for us till one day when we will be able to kiss them again :(

You know what? I knew another cat named Merlin and he was just the same. Same color, same little face.
I'm sure they're now running together.
RIP Merlin!
 
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CL56

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Thank you raysmyheart and Antonio65

The things we have to adjust to.
No one staring at you when you eat to slip kitty snacks to.
No one following you to take advantage of you in the bathroom.
No one running into the kitchen to see if you are doing something in there for him.
No one curled in your lap watching tv.
No toys levitating from the far end of the coffee table.
No rampages from one end of the house to the other.
No one to tuck the covers around me after getting into bed.
Last night was a toss and turner - no one to pet as I shifted positions.

I am trying, I really am.
 

boney girl dad

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So very sorry for your loss of Merlin. Our time with our kitties goes so fast. If we could spend our entire lives together, it still wouldn't be long enough. The time we do get is a blessing. The grief and other emotions we feel after they leave us is because we have loved. We continue to love. Merlin is now in perfect condition in a perfect place. I wish you peace in the coming days.
 
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CL56

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Thank you boney girl dad.
 

raysmyheart

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Just want to let you know CL56 CL56 , that I am thinking of you and praying you will feel some comfort will come upon you. It is hard because of so much love between you and Merlin. I held my Rachel when she had to go and I felt so much anger and hurt. You were there always for Merlin and when he needed you the most. Please let us know how you are doing, you are very much in my prayers.
 
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CL56

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Just want to let you know CL56 CL56 , that I am thinking of you and praying you will feel some comfort will come upon you. It is hard because of so much love between you and Merlin. I held my Rachel when she had to go and I felt so much anger and hurt. You were there always for Merlin and when he needed you the most. Please let us know how you are doing, you are very much in my prayers.

Thank you so very much raysmyheart !
I am trying to get through this.
...Last night I closed my eyes and called him to bed and tucked the quilt tight to my stomach like he was there.
I told him he is such a good boy and that I loved him.
It felt soothing to at least have part of our nightly ritual.
I slept a little better.


crezy(er) cat lady in the making
 

raysmyheart

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CL56 CL56 , if you are a crazy cat lady, I am just the same. When I read your words of how you cared for Merlin in his sick times, all I can think about is how you stood by him and how pleased he must have been that you were there, because he needed you. It could only have meant everything to him, the loving way you would do anything. I am so glad you shared his beautiful photo with us, I can tell he was there for you, too. I can see he was very kind and gentle. I just wanted to say I am very sorry. I continue to pray that you will feel Merlin close to you and comforting you. Please know there are so many here that do understand.
 
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