For my Kitten

[kittens mom]

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• kittens mom
• Nov 30, 2015

May 21, 2004- November 29 2015

 

[mollyblue]

Im sorry for your loss.

 

[kittens mom]

Kittens cremation is arranged for 10 AM tomorrow morning. We opted for a witnessed cremation for our peace of mind. I am dreading and at the same time relieved that her physical remains will be home. I promised her she would be with me always.

Mass confusion this morning when I called the pet memorial and found they had given me wrong information. What I was assured was a private cremation , her alone was actually animals placed on a grid and cremated together. I had a major meltdown sorting that out.  So now to be at peace with myself I have to go through this. I have no idea what to expect. Except to see her , know it's her and know it's all her I am taking home. I have been watching our other cat like a hawk. So far she's eating normal and behaving normal. Kitten was more a people person than a cat person herself. While they would happily eat with each other and on occasion do their best to tag team me off the edge of the bed they were not buddies by any means.

I have lived the first 24 hours.

I have found it oddly comforting when that feeling of just being overwhelmed creeps up to do the sing song Kitten Kitten in a high pitched voice that always set the very tip of her tail wagging.

Her special toys. The blankets from her crate yesterday. I wanted today to be a quiet one. Instead getting her arrangements fixed just makes that impossible. Busy hands, blank mind. Clean house. sit on the puter and blog.

 

[mollyblue]

Did they say how long it will take for the cremation?  Its bad that we have to witness that to ensure that we only receive our loved ones remains.  They charge enough, they can at least do it respectively.

 

[margd]

I'm so, so sorry about Kitten. I've followed your other threads and know how much you loved this little girl. It's horrible that you have to actually witness her cremation to ensure it is done just for her. You are braver than I am. Hugs. [emoji]128149[/emoji]

 

[kittens mom]

I'm so, so sorry about Kitten. I've followed your other threads and know how much you loved this little girl. It's horrible that you have to actually witness her cremation to ensure it is done just for her. You are braver than I am. Hugs. [emoji]128149[/emoji]

I'm not brave at all. I just can't take any more loss right now. This is the lesser of two evils.

 

[kittens mom]

 
Did they say how long it will take for the cremation?  Its bad that we have to witness that to ensure that we only receive our loved ones remains.  They charge enough, they can at least do it respectively.

I'm guessing less than an hour from beginning to end.

I buried my 11 year old rabbit a few years ago , deep and the neighbors dogs dug her up and shredded her all over. I would probably most likely , ok for sure end up in jail if that happened. This had nothing to do with the pet memorial place. The person at the VCA didn't have a clue what she was doing. Which is why you should always follow up before it's too late. Was hoping to stay home to make sure Mook was adjusting well. They weren't close buddies but Mook hates to be alone.

 

[mrsgreenjeens]

I am so, so sorry for your loss.  I can barely see to type through my tears.  Not for what is unsaid in THIS thread, but for all the love that I saw in the thread over in Health. 

I hope, over time, some of these wounds will begin to heal.  Keep Mook close to your heart and always treasure every moment you had with Kitten.

Run free at the bridge, with seeing eyes again, sweet 

Kitten

 

 

[kittens mom]

And in a few minutes I have to tell my already distraught husband before he goes to work that we have to go witness her cremation. I actually prefer this. I have no idea how he's going to handle it. I am the family glue. Keep the homestead running. I have to find the reserves to make it through tomorrow.

 

[macha 143]

I am sorry for your loss...

Rest in peace dear Kitten...

(((Kittens Mom)))

 

[zed xyzed]

I am so sorry for your loss. 

 

[donutte]

Again, I'm so sorry. I've never witnessed a cremation but I hope it is peaceful for you.

Just know that Kitten is free now. She's getting to romp around with my Lucky with wild abandon. 

 

[kittens mom]

 
Again, I'm so sorry. I've never witnessed a cremation but I hope it is peaceful for you.

Just know that Kitten is free now. She's getting to romp around with my Lucky with wild abandon. 

I'm not really a rainbow bridge kind of girl. I used a physic after Nikki died and really she fed me back the same information she claimed she needed to know in order to contact the right spirit. She is BTW extremely well known. I don't know what exists after this. I do know she is no longer suffering in pain and confusion. Tomorrow I will have her physical remains reduced to ash that I can safely keep near me forever. I have over 11 years of memories to thumb through. So she will never really be gone. I would like to think that her spirit lives on. I would like to think that spirit gets to live again. It would be a shameful waste for the essence that made our pets so special to be lost. I can only control and sometimes barely that what happens in my life. I respected my horses as individual beings and in like I respected Kitten and respect Mook as the individual beings they are.

When my mare died I had someone tell me it was God's will and that he would never give me more than I could bear. It' wasn't pretty. Really so God tied my horses gut in a knot and ruptured it so she would be in unending agony for hours waiting for a vet to arrive to stick a needle in her neck and I had to watch as she locked yes on me from about 15 feet away as she felt the drug go in and jerked out of the vets grip and tried to make it to me but fell dead on her head half way there. What I hope for Kitten and your Lucky is that they have retuned and what made the special connected or will connect with someone who will cherish them just as much as we did. Almost everyone I know that has pets and cares deeply for them has encountered at least one that you just connect with on a spiritual level. .

 

[donutte]

You know, shortly before we got Lucky - the year before, I guess would be more appropriate - we lost a cat - Black Cat - that somehow massively touched our souls in the very short time he was here (3 years). He got out one day and was killed. It hit us hard. Really hard. We got Lucky in July of 1999, in a pretty heart-wrenching situation himself (someone had tied him to a car and you can imagine the rest). Black Cat was, well, black, and Lucky was black and white... but we swore that Lucky was the reincarnation of Black Cat. My mom called him AB-Cat for the longest time - Almost Black Cat.

So, I think I get what you are saying.

 

[kittens mom]

 
You know, shortly before we got Lucky - the year before, I guess would be more appropriate - we lost a cat - Black Cat - that somehow massively touched our souls in the very short time he was here (3 years). He got out one day and was killed. It hit us hard. Really hard. We got Lucky in July of 1999, in a pretty heart-wrenching situation himself (someone had tied him to a car and you can imagine the rest). Black Cat was, well, black, and Lucky was black and white... but we swore that Lucky was the reincarnation of Black Cat. My mom called him AB-Cat for the longest time - Almost Black Cat.

So, I think I get what you are saying.

You do.

 

[kittyluv387]

I'm so sorry that Kitten didn't make it.  One day I hope you'll get to the point of being able to look at the glass half full.  She did spend majority of her 11 years with you as a happy kitty with a great mommy and daddy that she loved.  

 

[kittens mom]

 
I'm so sorry that Kitten didn't make it.  One day I hope you'll get to the point of being able to look at the glass half full.  She did spend majority of her 11 years with you as a happy kitty with a great mommy and daddy that she loved.  

From about 1 week old she spend those days. Mostly I'm Ok. I learned when my mare died that self destructive behavior accomplishes nothing. I cannot bargain with the universe or cry her back into my arms. Life is extremely inconsiderate since things march forward no matter how you scream and flail.

I watched BabyMook scan all of Kitten's morning perches this morning and realized that sooner rather than later she is gong to need a companion. They weren't close but there has always been another cat in the house. Realistically I need to do this before the weather warms up as there are tons of outside projects that have just slipped by this year. With it cold and frozen I would be inside anyway. What better time to get a baby cat started . Before Kitten was blinded we were making plans to add one. It's not like there aren't gazillions out there needing a chance to become part of a family. Cats breathe life into my home.

Meanwhile we have to get through today and bring our little girl home.

 

[jcat]

I'm very sorry for your loss. RIP, Kitten.

 

[di and bob]

My heart truly cries for you,I pray that when you get your little girl back home the memories you have of a happier time will comfort you. The legacy of love she left you, who she loved so very much, passed down to another little soul who so desperately needs someone to love, would be a testament to her name. Try to remember that she would never want you to be so sad when remembering her, but would want you to celebrate what you had, the 11 wonderful years you had together. It's so very hard, but we must go on with our lives, knowing that is what they want for us. Our hearts needs to be once again filled with joy and light, for that is where we carry them now, and wouldn't want it to be a place of sadness and darkness for them to dwell in. You have been through so much, felt so much pain, and yet you are willing to open that big heart again to another, she would be so proud. It's just not right that you are hurting so bad by loving so much.  

 Her essence will never leave you, although her earthly body is left behind, what  made her what she is will be a part of you forever. Your bond is so strong even death will never take it away from you.

I'll keep you all in my thoughts and prayers, you and Kitten and Mook and your beautiful mare, please take care and know we will share your pain, you are not alone...........RIP sweet Kitten, you will never be forgotten and will always be held in a loving heart!

 

[kittens mom]

So this morning I had a witnessed cremation for Kitten. If anyone has any doubts , trust issues or simply wants to follow the process through like I did they should. She was presented in a natural state and I was allowed to spend some time just petting her. I kissed the special spot on her head and stroked the now still fluffy noodle she had been so proud to flourish. I have inked paw prints. Some extra fur, and beautifully done paw prints in clay material on her box. I watched as she was put into the oven. And I was there when the removed the remains and then pulverized them to powder. She was then sealed in a baggie and secured in the box by screws. She was treated with respect and love from her first few days until now. Where that will continue in a place of honor on my desk shelf. I know that what is in there is not her essence. But as I stroked her cold little still body my hands knew so well I am so thankful I gave myself peace of mind of knowing she was treated well always. I took one final picture of her before she was put in the oven. I don't know if it was morbid or just to keep one last image of her. She looked at peace. The scared, tired pinched in look gone. For me it was a good thing. It would have killed my husband to see.

There was nothing to be scared or repulsed about. It was the same little body I'd held every day. I have not one regret doing it this way.