First cat just can't relax around second cat

kenda1l

TCS Member
Thread starter
Kitten
Joined
Nov 12, 2021
Messages
2
Purraise
2
I apologize for the length in advance. TLDR: Our first cat just can't seem to adapt to our recently adopted cat. I've never had cats who haven't bonded so I'm not sure how to proceed. Cat 1 seems very stressed no matter what we try. At this point, I just want them to be happy, even if they aren't friends.

I'll go through this as a timeline because they've gone back and forth in their relationship. FYI: Cat 1(Frankie~4yrs, not much of a lap cat) has lived with us since kittenhood. Cat 2 (Buddy~3yrs, very much a lap cat) was adopted around 3 months ago and came from a home where he was bullied by other cats.

Weeks 1-4: After going through the stages of closed door to screen door to allowing them in the same room, Frankie seemed to begrudgingly adjust to Buddy but would often chase Buddy back into "his room". We used both relaxicat's collar on Frankie and feliway's multicat plug in. They seemed to be starting to get along. Frankie still chased Buddy into his room occasionally but they also often slept in side by side cat beds in the window.

Week 5-7: Here's where I think I messed up: I assumed they were getting used to each other and didn't buy a new pheremone diffuser/collar. Frankie's anxiety ramped up and became more aggressive towards Buddy. I went back to the screen stage for a couple weeks but it didn't make a difference. I bought the multi cat diffuser and collar for Frankie again. They worked somewhat but not like before.

Week 6-8: Buddy began attacking Frankie (we never saw it directly, but I believe he was biting her scruff, and attacking her while she was in the cat box). Frankie regressed to hiding under a chair, is no longer visiting her normal "spots" (cat tree, window etc.), and is fearful of using the cat box. Worried that the feliway multicat was causing his aggression, I bought the feliway Optimum which has both calming and multicat features and put the 2nd collar on Buddy.

Week 9-12ish: I now have both the multicat and the optimum plugged in. He has started to calm down, but Frankie is still spending most of her time under the chair and when she isn't, she is hyper-focused on Buddy and hisses/growls/chases him away anytime he comes near. Feeding times are tense (Buddy gulps his food, whereas Frankie has alway eaten hers over a few hours. I feed them 3 times a day, in separate rooms and take away their wet/dry food bowls after 20 minutes, plus use a puzzle feeder for Buddy' dry food which slows him down enough for her to eat most of her food). Buddy has full range of the house and has pretty much taken over her spots. Buddy is definitely the more chill/dominant one at this point. Frankie just can't seem to relax despite the calming products.

I don't want her to live her life stressed and unhappy, and honestly, spending $40 a month on calming products just to keep them civil is not a small expense (though I'll do it if needed). I just want them to go back to the stage where they tolerate each other. Any suggestions for getting them back to that point would be very appreciated.
 

di and bob

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Dec 12, 2012
Messages
16,582
Purraise
22,960
Location
Nebraska, USA
3 months is not long in a cat's world, Frankie has been through a huge change. Buddy is feeling more at home now and is trying to establish his place in the hierarchy. Biting her scruff is showing dominance. (I take it he is neutered) Females are the manners teachers, the limit setters and Buddy is a huge pain in her you know what right now. Females are VERY protective of their territories. Growling, hissing, swatting are all normal behaviors. You might invest in some Bach's Rescue Remedy or other calming treats available on Amazon or pet sites, and be able to stop some of the other things you are using. I put the 4 drops of rescue remedy in a lickable treat. Maybe even give it to both cats at the beginning. She is observing him now and figuring out what to do. She WILL stand up to him eventually and they will have a normal relationship. They may not be best buds but they will form a family unit and become friends. Frankly, after 3 months that they are tolerating each other is very good, (with no blood drawn) we just want more. Make sure you have three litter boxes right now, at the very minimum two, she can't be made to be afraid to use them and he can't guard them all. You can always remove one later. Make sure Frankie has places to hide and get a Kickeroo (two, and keep one in a plastic bag with catnip to refresh them) and throw it towards Buddy when he is stalking. They are great for distraction.
Time is your friend. Try not to be nervous around them, they pick up on this, give Frankie some much-needed individual attention, I'm sure she feels betrayed and bewildered, and give them both treats once in a while close together so it brings on good feelings. It WILL happen, it just takes time and a lot of it......
 

rubysmama

Forum Helper
Staff Member
Forum Helper
Joined
Nov 25, 2013
Messages
25,278
Purraise
62,760
Location
Canada
I don't really have anything to add to what di and bob di and bob posted, but did want comment kenda1l kenda1l and let you know I'd read your post, and hope things eventually work about between Frankie and Buddy.

Are things better for Frankie when using the litter box? That and eating normally are the most important things to watch for, as you don't want her getting stressed and developing behavioural issues.

Here's some TCS articles that might have some more info for you.

How To Fix An Unsuccessful Cat Introduction | TheCatSite
The Multi-cat Household | TheCatSite
Stress in Cats – The Ultimate Guide – Cat Articles
 

Timmer

TCS Member
Super Cat
Joined
Jan 10, 2018
Messages
877
Purraise
1,024
Location
Cleveland, OH
Kenda, I'm kind of going through a bit of the same thing, except I brought mine home from the shelter the same day so they were both new to the house. It's been about two and a half months, though it seems longer. One is much more aggressive than the other one. Like you, I got the Feliway diffuser. I never had luck with those, but for awhile, this seemed to work. Still, the one wants to dominate over the other and they fight. I believe they will work it out and I think yours will too. What really has to happen is Buddy needs a good slap around by Frankie. If Frankie does not assert herself, that can be a problem. I had the same thing going on a few years ago with two cats and I ended up keeping them separated for 8 years.
You don't want to get in a situation where one cat cannot use the litter box. I hope you have more than one litter box going. Can you plug the Feliway in near the box?
Wish I had some better answers for you. Maybe give it another month.
 
Top