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- Nov 12, 2021
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I apologize for the length in advance. TLDR: Our first cat just can't seem to adapt to our recently adopted cat. I've never had cats who haven't bonded so I'm not sure how to proceed. Cat 1 seems very stressed no matter what we try. At this point, I just want them to be happy, even if they aren't friends.
I'll go through this as a timeline because they've gone back and forth in their relationship. FYI: Cat 1(Frankie~4yrs, not much of a lap cat) has lived with us since kittenhood. Cat 2 (Buddy~3yrs, very much a lap cat) was adopted around 3 months ago and came from a home where he was bullied by other cats.
Weeks 1-4: After going through the stages of closed door to screen door to allowing them in the same room, Frankie seemed to begrudgingly adjust to Buddy but would often chase Buddy back into "his room". We used both relaxicat's collar on Frankie and feliway's multicat plug in. They seemed to be starting to get along. Frankie still chased Buddy into his room occasionally but they also often slept in side by side cat beds in the window.
Week 5-7: Here's where I think I messed up: I assumed they were getting used to each other and didn't buy a new pheremone diffuser/collar. Frankie's anxiety ramped up and became more aggressive towards Buddy. I went back to the screen stage for a couple weeks but it didn't make a difference. I bought the multi cat diffuser and collar for Frankie again. They worked somewhat but not like before.
Week 6-8: Buddy began attacking Frankie (we never saw it directly, but I believe he was biting her scruff, and attacking her while she was in the cat box). Frankie regressed to hiding under a chair, is no longer visiting her normal "spots" (cat tree, window etc.), and is fearful of using the cat box. Worried that the feliway multicat was causing his aggression, I bought the feliway Optimum which has both calming and multicat features and put the 2nd collar on Buddy.
Week 9-12ish: I now have both the multicat and the optimum plugged in. He has started to calm down, but Frankie is still spending most of her time under the chair and when she isn't, she is hyper-focused on Buddy and hisses/growls/chases him away anytime he comes near. Feeding times are tense (Buddy gulps his food, whereas Frankie has alway eaten hers over a few hours. I feed them 3 times a day, in separate rooms and take away their wet/dry food bowls after 20 minutes, plus use a puzzle feeder for Buddy' dry food which slows him down enough for her to eat most of her food). Buddy has full range of the house and has pretty much taken over her spots. Buddy is definitely the more chill/dominant one at this point. Frankie just can't seem to relax despite the calming products.
I don't want her to live her life stressed and unhappy, and honestly, spending $40 a month on calming products just to keep them civil is not a small expense (though I'll do it if needed). I just want them to go back to the stage where they tolerate each other. Any suggestions for getting them back to that point would be very appreciated.
I'll go through this as a timeline because they've gone back and forth in their relationship. FYI: Cat 1(Frankie~4yrs, not much of a lap cat) has lived with us since kittenhood. Cat 2 (Buddy~3yrs, very much a lap cat) was adopted around 3 months ago and came from a home where he was bullied by other cats.
Weeks 1-4: After going through the stages of closed door to screen door to allowing them in the same room, Frankie seemed to begrudgingly adjust to Buddy but would often chase Buddy back into "his room". We used both relaxicat's collar on Frankie and feliway's multicat plug in. They seemed to be starting to get along. Frankie still chased Buddy into his room occasionally but they also often slept in side by side cat beds in the window.
Week 5-7: Here's where I think I messed up: I assumed they were getting used to each other and didn't buy a new pheremone diffuser/collar. Frankie's anxiety ramped up and became more aggressive towards Buddy. I went back to the screen stage for a couple weeks but it didn't make a difference. I bought the multi cat diffuser and collar for Frankie again. They worked somewhat but not like before.
Week 6-8: Buddy began attacking Frankie (we never saw it directly, but I believe he was biting her scruff, and attacking her while she was in the cat box). Frankie regressed to hiding under a chair, is no longer visiting her normal "spots" (cat tree, window etc.), and is fearful of using the cat box. Worried that the feliway multicat was causing his aggression, I bought the feliway Optimum which has both calming and multicat features and put the 2nd collar on Buddy.
Week 9-12ish: I now have both the multicat and the optimum plugged in. He has started to calm down, but Frankie is still spending most of her time under the chair and when she isn't, she is hyper-focused on Buddy and hisses/growls/chases him away anytime he comes near. Feeding times are tense (Buddy gulps his food, whereas Frankie has alway eaten hers over a few hours. I feed them 3 times a day, in separate rooms and take away their wet/dry food bowls after 20 minutes, plus use a puzzle feeder for Buddy' dry food which slows him down enough for her to eat most of her food). Buddy has full range of the house and has pretty much taken over her spots. Buddy is definitely the more chill/dominant one at this point. Frankie just can't seem to relax despite the calming products.
I don't want her to live her life stressed and unhappy, and honestly, spending $40 a month on calming products just to keep them civil is not a small expense (though I'll do it if needed). I just want them to go back to the stage where they tolerate each other. Any suggestions for getting them back to that point would be very appreciated.