Feeling Guilt And Emotion I Never Felt Before

boney girl dad

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I am so very sorry for your loss of Coby. He is now in a perfect condition in a perfect place. We grieve because we have loved. Real love. The pains of grief some day become less and we realize how fortunate we have been to spend a part of our lives with our kitties. Memories of the good times begin to get in front of our memories of the end. I wish for peace to fill your heart quickly.
 

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Sorry for you loss....

We lost our Little Girl recently and we are devastated.... She was an outside stray and was about four years old, our guess. We cared for her about two of those years so we are sure she knew we cared.
We are thinking of a replacement adoption but not right away!

poikaa and butterfly
 
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Cobysmom1005

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I am so very sorry for your loss of Coby. He is now in a perfect condition in a perfect place. We grieve because we have loved. Real love. The pains of grief some day become less and we realize how fortunate we have been to spend a part of our lives with our kitties. Memories of the good times begin to get in front of our memories of the end. I wish for peace to fill your heart quickly.
Thank you very much. Missing him so much today its very hard.
 
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Cobysmom1005

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Sorry for you loss....

We lost our Little Girl recently and we are devastated.... She was an outside stray and was about four years old, our guess. We cared for her about two of those years so we are sure she knew we cared.
We are thinking of a replacement adoption but not right away!

poikaa and butterfly
Im Very Sorry for your loss. My boy made it to 17 but it doesn't make it easier for me. I dont think I will adopt for a while. I need time for my heart to really heal -- which is going to take a long time.
 
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Cobysmom1005

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Losing my own seventeen year old boy a month ago, I know the feelings you are going through. But you know what? No matter which scenario took place, you would still be having these same feelings, it is called grief. If you would have taken him home, you would still feel guilty for prolonging his pain.
We had promised our boy he would die at home, no vet visit. But naturally he died on a Sunday, the vet was not available and watching him fight against the inevitable was excruciating. He had such a strong will to live, it was a slow process. If I ever go through this again, I will have a pain injection ready to ease the discomfort.
As for your anxiety attacks, I had them regularly for a long time when my Chrissy died five years ago. Burt's death was a little easier on the soul because he was 17 and was suffering from a stomach tumor. At the very end, he was suffering and the pain needed to end. With Chrissy however, it was from my own stupidity, and she followed me onto the street, what I witnessed will haunt me forever. I thought of those last moments constantly, I bargained with God, I cried almost constantly. I,too, had to lock myself away at work and cry. I sought the solace of pouring out my grief and my soul to others who were going through what I was. You know what I found out? I was not alone, there are literally legions going through the same thing you and I did, and it DOES help to pour out your pain and share it.
I also believe that our little ones would NEVER want us to go through this pain because of them. They love us too much. You would never want Coby to go through what you are going through if you were the first to go. Coby feels the same, that is what love is, unselfish, only wanting happiness for the one they hold so dear. Don't dwell on the end, I know that is almost impossible right now, but you consciously have to distract your mind from going there. It brings nothing but heartache and tears, you can never change the past. Focusing on the present right now helps, and you must try to make yourself feel better. Do good in that sweet boy's name, donate food and litter to your local shelter, I pay for the adoption of the cat that has been there the longest several times a year, and they put a little sign on the door saying Chrissy paid for their adoption. Do it all in your precious Coby's name.
Time is the only thing that helps, you learn to live with the pain, you forge a new life's order for yourself. Coby's new path will forever parallel yours, he is a beautiful part of your past, he was in your life and shared it for 17 years, he was in your life for a reason. He left you a legacy of love, don't be afraid to pass it on. The distraction a new little love can bring is welcome, and believe it or not, you can learn to love again. Like a mother with several children, each one precious and unique. It would bring honor to his name, his job on this earth complete.
The bond you have with him can never be taken from you. Love is spiritual, it will not fail you like the physical body. Us it to bring you comfort, not pain, along with your precious memories of happier times that can never be erased. He will send you a sign. Open your heart to find it, it may have very well been that ladybug, if they meant something to him or you. It can be very subtle. My Chrissy left me a single ringed hair every day for a week on my vanity. When I cried to the skies asking if she was all right, she sent me a sideways shooting star, a diva to the end! Let the happier memories take over the sad. Live for what Coby would want for you, not in sadness.
My heart goes out to you, I've been there and it has been a long journey. But with those who understand there to help along the way, you will make it. And perhaps someday you'll comfort someone else who is going through what you are right now. Doing this in Coby's name and filling a little of that emptiness that is in your soul. Please take care of yourself, loneliness is a powerful influence and needs to be banished. I'll pray for you both.......RIP precious Coby. Please send what comfort you can to a heart that so desperately misses you, let your pure light fill the heart of the one who loves you so much. Let them know you will always be near, a soulmate is just that, a permanent part of your soul. May the good Lord bless and keep you, until you meet again!
Im very sorry about your losses as well. Thank you, your words are helpful to me. It has been up and down, mostly down. I just miss him so very much. I do feel the lady bug was a sign from him. I never have them in my house and it was just very strange because it was on my ceiling in my living room near where i was sitting. Like he was like, 'hey, I'm ok. Do you see the ladybug?' When my other kitty passed she sent me white feathers.

I don't know if ill ever be the same person without him around. They are a part of your life for so long and then you have to say goodbye. I dont know how others do it. Half my heart is def. missing. He was there through so many things in my life and now he isnt. It hurts me like no other pain ive felt in my life. And my when my grandfather passed I cried alot but this with Coby cuts me 10x worse. They are so innocent and I think thats part of it. I know Coby wouldnt want to see me hurt, i think the more you love them the more you grieve and thats why it hurts so much.

I will pray for you also. It helps to know theres others going through what I am
 
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Cobysmom1005

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So


You are not alone there. I would like to tell you it will go away but it doesn't really ever fully go away. The loss of a loved one is extremely crushing in life. 17 years of a cuddly little kid is not going to be easy to get over but don't blame yourself.
Thank you. Just thinking about him very much today. I miss my boy. I hope you are having a good day.
 
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Cobysmom1005

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You will have a sign, it'll arrive when Coby feels you're ready to get the message.
It took me nearly three months before I had a sign from my sweet Lola, pictured left. She came into my dreams three times in a few days. Not always nice dreams, but I saw her.
Be patient.
Thank you. I hope I see a sign from him soon. I do think the ladybug was a sign but something else from him would def. help me right now.
 
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Cobysmom1005

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Thank you for the kind words about Simon and Sebastian, they were great boys and it hurt me tremendously to lose them, but their time on this Earth was up, but they live in our hearts and minds forever, they are never really gone, their spirit is with us everyday, we notice it in the most subtle ways, but also when I see Sylvester who is both of them combined!

Things that helped me through the grief and anxiety were talking to people who understood, pastors and a psychologist, also breathing exercises, inhale through the nose but not in the lungs, let your belly fill up with air first, breath in for 5 seconds, hold for 5 seconds and exhale through the mouth with a "whoosh" sound for 5 seconds, wait about 10 seconds and repeat, do this about 8 times a day or more. It not only helps with the anxiety but also helps clear your lungs of the junk we inhale each day, I still do this daily. Also an herb called Holy Basil, it helps your body adapt to the stress, you still know it is going on but it helps you handle it much better and calmer, has no real side effects unless you itch from it you might be allergic but I am very sensitive to things and I don't itch, I also open the capsule and take a small amount if I feel I don't need the whole capsule, it helped me with the anxiety and stress and I take it here and there still as needed. But the things that helped me the most were of course time, which heals and lets you think about it in a different way, but also getting more cats!!! 3 months after Simon passed Stanley showed up at work, a little tiger and I took him in and that helped, and sure enough 3 months after Sebastian died I got Sylvester, and he has helped me in so many ways to get over them both, I can't describe how much he helped and still helps me, and I him.

And I think the ladybug WAS a subtle sign, they are supposed to be good luck insects, I'm sure it was his way of getting your attention and saying "I'm fine now...." and if you sit quietly at night and calm your mind, just let the thoughts come into your head, try to channel his spirit very calmly and quietly, and you may be surprised at what you "sense", his spirit is still with you and always will be....

God Bless...
Hi Les26,

I have some people i can talk to, but not alot, my best friend she helps me and some family members but i dont have alot of family...I would talk to others but i feel like alot of people dont care. Thats why I came on here cause i know people understand and are very kind. Ive been trying the breathing though my nose and it does help some when i start feeling emotions at work. Im going to also try the basil you are talking about.

I really dont feel like social media is helping with my anxiety either, like facebook or that. I think its making me feel worse cause i see people with their cats and pictures of them and it hurts me because hes not here. Even if i see an ad for petco or petsmart my eyes fill up with tears. I just cant deal with it.

Eventually Id like to let a new kitty into my life but I feel its way too soon right now. My pain is so fresh right now. I think Coby would bring a kitty to me when it is time. I hope that the lady bug was Coby saying hes ok. Because Im going crazy wondering if he made it to the other side ok.

Thank you for talking to me and listening, it helps me alot.
 

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Hi Les26,

I have some people i can talk to, but not alot, my best friend she helps me and some family members but i dont have alot of family...I would talk to others but i feel like alot of people dont care. Thats why I came on here cause i know people understand and are very kind. Ive been trying the breathing though my nose and it does help some when i start feeling emotions at work. Im going to also try the basil you are talking about.

I really dont feel like social media is helping with my anxiety either, like facebook or that. I think its making me feel worse cause i see people with their cats and pictures of them and it hurts me because hes not here. Even if i see an ad for petco or petsmart my eyes fill up with tears. I just cant deal with it.

Eventually Id like to let a new kitty into my life but I feel its way too soon right now. My pain is so fresh right now. I think Coby would bring a kitty to me when it is time. I hope that the lady bug was Coby saying hes ok. Because Im going crazy wondering if he made it to the other side ok.

Thank you for talking to me and listening, it helps me alot.
I am glad the deep breathing is helping and the Holy Basil will too, and they won't hurt you, talk to the person at a good local health food store about it and I'm sure they will agree it is a good "adaptogen" which helps you deal with stress, and talking to people on here helps too, we all understand or we wouldn't be on here!

I am sure that he made it to the other side just fine, and your heart will tell you when you are ready for another kitty. After Simon passed, I wasn't looking for another one as we have 9, but Stanley appeared, so I took him. And Sylvester, well, he was meant to be, we were meant to find each other after Sebastian died, and we did, 3 months later in both cases. But you will know when the time is right, and I'm sure your little boy will help you in the decision.

Take care and keep on here and keep us updated on how you are doing!!! :) :hugs:
 

les26

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Ive been trying the breathing though my nose and it does help some when i start feeling emotions at work.
I also want to tell you of a breathing exercise for anxiety that works if it is an acute panic attack, breath in (belly breath so your belly fills with air first) for 4 seconds, hold your breath for 7 seconds then exhale for 8 seconds, this one seems to help immediately while the one for 5 seconds also helps but is good to do everyday for many reasons. If you Google it 4-7-8 breathing exercise i will talk about it more.

I am glad it is helping, I know how anxiety can run out of control and try to take over our lives but DON'T LET IT, breath lol!!!
 

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Of course he made it to the other side OK, he was loved, remembered, and an innocent, all he needs to get there. 'Not one single sparrow falls to the ground without our Father knowing it, would He not love you too?' Coby is basking in a patch of sun right now.
You gave him a wonderful home and your love for 17 years, he gave you a lifetime of love and memories. . I can say that the deaths of these sweet innocents affects me more than most humans. Somehow their undemanding ways, and unending love allows them to be closer to our hearts and souls. We have a relationship that cannot be matched. And then we feel guilty about this......sigh,....there seems to be no end at times.
I have found over the years, and thus with so many losses in my life, that allowing these dark thoughts to invade your life is not helpful at all for healing to begin. You have to consciously push them to the back and allow the good to take over. Why should they be more important than the beautiful memories and the love you have for that precious boy? I lost all joy in life, I was unable to go through a day without breaking down. It took me years to find my way back to the sunshine, and I'm sure with all the life I wasted by just existing, my little girl was horrified that she was the reason. We only want the best for those we love, and I know they want no less. Don't allow yourself to go there. Concentrate on the good he brought into your life. Don't allow one day or even a few months to rule and overshadow the rest of your life, and the 17 years of happiness. I can guarantee you that is NOT what Coby wants for you. Honor that little boy's life by honoring your memories and what he left you, is legacy of love. It is all he had to offer and it is more precious than gold. You are so very fortunate to have known him, to have loved him, to have shared your life's path with him for a little while. Now he shares your heart for eternity, his love can NEVER be taken from you. Rejoice in that knowledge.
 

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I am so, so sorry for your loss. I understand all too well what you are feeling. I guess as humans we think we could have fixed everything and if we had just done one more thing or made a different decision. The guilt that comes with that is overwhelming. When I lost my Tama so many years ago I felt the same. That day he died I had a funny feeling that morning when I left for work. Something just didn't seem right but I didn't know what. I should have listened to my intuition and stayed home but I didn't. All morning long I had this odd feeling so I finally called my husband and asked if he could go home and check on Tama. He did, and Tama was gone. He died alone and I will never forgive myself for not being there with him. Even now sometimes when I think about that day I feel so guilty even though I know that it was his time and even if I had been there I couldn't have prevented it. The anxiety I had afterwards was unrelenting; I know exactly what you are talking about and I know it hurts so much. I just lost my Tiger a month ago to sudden heart failure and that same anxiety is back. I wake up at night with my heart pounding and I have a constant fear about something happening to my other cats. It's so hard to keep doing the same things you always did when everything just feels wrong. The "new normal" just doesn't feel right. I know you are having a hard time with this and how difficult it is to try and deal with all these feelings. I am so sorry you are going through this. You loved Coby so much and he will always be in your heart. It does eventually get to a point where you will be able to think if him with happiness instead of sorrow and the feelings of guilt and loss will lessen over time. You are not alone. Everyone here has had to go through the loss of a beloved cat companion and you will find support and understanding here. I know I did. Coby will give you a sign when he thinks you are ready. I know my Tiger gave me a sign about two weeks ago. I found one of his whiskers on the bathroom floor and I know it wasn't there before. I think he was telling me he is okay. I will pray for your heart to heal.
 
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Cobysmom1005

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Of course he made it to the other side OK, he was loved, remembered, and an innocent, all he needs to get there. 'Not one single sparrow falls to the ground without our Father knowing it, would He not love you too?' Coby is basking in a patch of sun right now.
You gave him a wonderful home and your love for 17 years, he gave you a lifetime of love and memories. . I can say that the deaths of these sweet innocents affects me more than most humans. Somehow their undemanding ways, and unending love allows them to be closer to our hearts and souls. We have a relationship that cannot be matched. And then we feel guilty about this......sigh,....there seems to be no end at times.
I have found over the years, and thus with so many losses in my life, that allowing these dark thoughts to invade your life is not helpful at all for healing to begin. You have to consciously push them to the back and allow the good to take over. Why should they be more important than the beautiful memories and the love you have for that precious boy? I lost all joy in life, I was unable to go through a day without breaking down. It took me years to find my way back to the sunshine, and I'm sure with all the life I wasted by just existing, my little girl was horrified that she was the reason. We only want the best for those we love, and I know they want no less. Don't allow yourself to go there. Concentrate on the good he brought into your life. Don't allow one day or even a few months to rule and overshadow the rest of your life, and the 17 years of happiness. I can guarantee you that is NOT what Coby wants for you. Honor that little boy's life by honoring your memories and what he left you, is legacy of love. It is all he had to offer and it is more precious than gold. You are so very fortunate to have known him, to have loved him, to have shared your life's path with him for a little while. Now he shares your heart for eternity, his love can NEVER be taken from you. Rejoice in that knowledge.
Thank you very much. Right now i am taking it one day at a time. It is all I can do. I am trying to just remember all the good times we shared together but then the guilt tries to creep on in on me and sometimes it just takes over and I cry. I know that this is normal. And it is part of grieving him. I have his fur clippings in a bag and i put them next to me when Im sleeping..I hope it doesnt sound crazy. He took so much of my heart when he left. I know I need a long time to heal. Im sorry for all the losses you have had, it def is not easy especially after each one. Ill never forget my buddy.
 
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Cobysmom1005

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I am so, so sorry for your loss. I understand all too well what you are feeling. I guess as humans we think we could have fixed everything and if we had just done one more thing or made a different decision. The guilt that comes with that is overwhelming. When I lost my Tama so many years ago I felt the same. That day he died I had a funny feeling that morning when I left for work. Something just didn't seem right but I didn't know what. I should have listened to my intuition and stayed home but I didn't. All morning long I had this odd feeling so I finally called my husband and asked if he could go home and check on Tama. He did, and Tama was gone. He died alone and I will never forgive myself for not being there with him. Even now sometimes when I think about that day I feel so guilty even though I know that it was his time and even if I had been there I couldn't have prevented it. The anxiety I had afterwards was unrelenting; I know exactly what you are talking about and I know it hurts so much. I just lost my Tiger a month ago to sudden heart failure and that same anxiety is back. I wake up at night with my heart pounding and I have a constant fear about something happening to my other cats. It's so hard to keep doing the same things you always did when everything just feels wrong. The "new normal" just doesn't feel right. I know you are having a hard time with this and how difficult it is to try and deal with all these feelings. I am so sorry you are going through this. You loved Coby so much and he will always be in your heart. It does eventually get to a point where you will be able to think if him with happiness instead of sorrow and the feelings of guilt and loss will lessen over time. You are not alone. Everyone here has had to go through the loss of a beloved cat companion and you will find support and understanding here. I know I did. Coby will give you a sign when he thinks you are ready. I know my Tiger gave me a sign about two weeks ago. I found one of his whiskers on the bathroom floor and I know it wasn't there before. I think he was telling me he is okay. I will pray for your heart to heal.
Thank you and I am so sorry for your losses! Its so hard. I hope you are doing ok. Yes the anxiety attacks are a nightmare. Ive never experienced anything like them. My Coby was my beautiful boy and when he left I felt like my world had ended. It seems to get a sliver better but I still cry, its just every other day instead of everyday. I sleep with his picture near me and his fur. And I found a penny yesterday, it was weird cause I didnt even think to look down but, there it was. I know they say coins are signs from spirits but its the first one i found since hes been gone. I just hope my angels and spirits that look over me are watching him for me until I get there one day. I will pray for you as well, for you to heal.
 
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Cobysmom1005

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I also want to tell you of a breathing exercise for anxiety that works if it is an acute panic attack, breath in (belly breath so your belly fills with air first) for 4 seconds, hold your breath for 7 seconds then exhale for 8 seconds, this one seems to help immediately while the one for 5 seconds also helps but is good to do everyday for many reasons. If you Google it 4-7-8 breathing exercise i will talk about it more.

I am glad it is helping, I know how anxiety can run out of control and try to take over our lives but DON'T LET IT, breath lol!!!
Thank you, I am going to look this up later. it comes and goes, still having them but not as bad as the past few days. I hope you are doing well today.
 

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You are not crazy at all, you are grieving the loss of someone very important to you, and your world is turned upside down. I couldn't even sleep in my own bed for over a month, just because that is where my Chrissy slept next to me. I had to take Benadryl to sleep, because sleep wouldn't come, and I truly didn't think I would ever think of her without bursting into tears. But time heals even the worst of wounds, and time has helped.
 

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Thank you very much. Right now i am taking it one day at a time. It is all I can do. I am trying to just remember all the good times we shared together but then the guilt tries to creep on in on me and sometimes it just takes over and I cry. I know that this is normal. And it is part of grieving him. I have his fur clippings in a bag and i put them next to me when Im sleeping..I hope it doesnt sound crazy. He took so much of my heart when he left. I know I need a long time to heal. Im sorry for all the losses you have had, it def is not easy especially after each one. Ill never forget my buddy.
It doesn't sound crazy at all. I have little reminders of all the cats I've lost. A bit of fur, a whisker, a claw that was shed. It helps me feel like a part of them are still here.
 

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My condolences.

I'm sure Coby doesn't feel let down. In fact, I think you did him a favor. If he was suffering and miserable, at least you know he isn't anymore. How do you know that he could have made it through the treatments or even through the night? He is in a better place now; he can run freely and enjoy himself, not held back by any illness or age restrictions. Maybe he is meeting his ol' littermates, too. ;)

Your buddy would hate to see you like this. Stay strong, my friend. We all know the feeling. :alright:
 

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I am very sorry for your loss. Wow..17 years.. You have a lot of memories. Try to think of them more than him not being around. We are the ones privileged to have them in our lives. :) I know it's not easy. It's taken me a long time to even be able to speak Meela's name without crying. Now I am finding myself smiling when I say her name (most times) and I try to attach a happy memory of her so that I don't cry.
 

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I am very sorry for your loss. Wow..17 years.. You have a lot of memories. Try to think of them more than him not being around. We are the ones privileged to have them in our lives. :) I know it's not easy. It's taken me a long time to even be able to speak Meela's name without crying. Now I am finding myself smiling when I say her name (most times) and I try to attach a happy memory of her so that I don't cry.
That is really good advice. When my Mom died, I found could talk about her and things we'd done in the past, but as soon as I thought about her being gone, that's when the tears came. So I can see the same idea working with the loss of a pet.
 
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