Feeling Awful

[ArtNJ]

Our 12 year old has had an enlarged heart for a few months that we are aware of. We declined to pay $650 to the local vet for a senior blood test and xray with no guaranty that would even identify the problem, much less any assurance that any treatment would matter. I don't have trust for the local vets which recommend paying for every single thing, so it was a super hard choice for us. She has been panting significantly, but still seemed completely happy these past few months. We recognized that death wouldn't be years away, but there was no indication that it was coming immediately.

She has always been indoor/outdoor, coming back quite frequently and allowed to spend the night inside. Now that she hasn't come home for 36 hours, we are pretty sure she must have had a heart attack. In all probability, she is lying dead or actively dying somewhere in the neighborhood. We can't find her.

I've had cats pass before, but somehow this is much worse. In part because of the guilt at not paying the vet to explore the issue, but also because she might be actively dying alone, and if if she is already dead, her body is likely lying under a bush somewhere to be found god knows when. Most of the neighbors have fences or dogs on the loose, so I'll have to ask for help rather than simply trespassing. But the most likely spot is a few acres of public land behind my house -- I searched already.

 

[jefferd18]

Our 12 year old has had an enlarged heart for a few months that we are aware of. We declined to pay $650 to the local vet for a senior blood test and xray with no guaranty that would even identify the problem, much less any assurance that any treatment would matter. I don't have trust for the local vets which recommend paying for every single thing, so it was a super hard choice for us. She has been panting significantly, but still seemed completely happy these past few months. We recognized that death wouldn't be years away, but there was no indication that it was coming immediately.

She has always been indoor/outdoor, coming back quite frequently and allowed to spend the night inside. Now that she hasn't come home for 36 hours, we are pretty sure she must have had a heart attack. In all probability, she is lying dead or actively dying somewhere in the neighborhood. We can't find her.

I've had cats pass before, but somehow this is much worse. In part because of the guilt at not paying the vet to explore the issue, but also because she might be actively dying alone, and if if she is already dead, her body is likely lying under a bush somewhere to be found god knows when. Most of the neighbors have fences or dogs on the loose, so I'll have to ask for help rather than simply trespassing. But the most likely spot is a few acres of public land behind my house -- I searched already.

I would recommend that you keep searching close to your home. My cat Jeff died six months ago and I searched all over my neighborhood, asking anyone I could find. Then I got to thinking that she must be closer to home so I searched the shed in my back yard and I found her. I am still experiencing pain and deep depression.

Heart issues are a relatively quick and painless death in cats, but you need to find her to be able to allow some closure for yourself.

 

[will2002]

Hindsight is 20/20. Don't beat yourself up for something you "think" you should have...could have done, because it does no good, and you can't go back and change one second of history .

You gave that grand ole gal twelve years of love and care. That is more than most of us humans get to do for our cats. As far as the Vet's recommendations go, If we done every test most Vets think we should, we would easily have a $10,000.00 bill every time we walked in the door with a sick pet. And most likely we would walk out if their office with our pet still sick!

Cats know when their time is short, and they seem to want to go away to be alone when that time comes. While I was farming (in another life) I would find a dead cat from time to time far away from the house and barns that I didn't even know was missing. I felt bad about it, but there wasn't a thing I could do about it. Life must go on.

I hope you gain inner peace with what ever you find. God bless you.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

I know you now. I've been talking with you for some time now. And this is what I know...you LOVE your cat. You made the best decisions for her that you could possibly make at the time. So please acquit yourself on that account.

It is typical of cats that they go somewhere secluded when they know that their time is near. I understand that instinct...dying is, after all, the most private act we ever do. But it is so hard on us left behind, especially with our cats. Not knowing for sure is a torment.

I agree with jefferd18 . Look close to home. Small, enclosed spaces especially. I know you will rest easier when you have her physical body back to take care of properly. But I also know this...that physical body is the least part of her. The greatest part is her heart and spirit, which are with you now and always.

 

[ArtNJ]

She came home. And is actively dying. At least we get to say goodbye. Unfortunately, the vet is closed so I cannot offer mercy despite the fact that she does appear to be suffering now.

My daughter is bawling...so hard.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Go be with her. Let your love for her be a guide as she leaves this Adventure for her Next Great Adventure. She will carry it with her on her way. My heart with yours.

 

[jefferd18]

She came home. And is actively dying. At least we get to say goodbye. Unfortunately, the vet is closed so I cannot offer mercy despite the fact that she does appear to be suffering now.

My daughter is bawling...so hard.

I am so sorry. The best you can do for her is to make her comfortable as possible and to be by her side.

 

[ArtNJ]

And she is gone...she must have fought her way home through the pain.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Rest you gentle, Sweet Friend, dream you deep. Your pawprints are on someone's heart forever.

Gone on, gone ahead, to a place where there is no pain, no illness, no fear. Gone with love to light your way. And now you dance on sunlight forever, sweet girl. In a moment of time, from where you are, those you love will dance with you in joyous reunion.

 

[jefferd18]

I feel so sorry for your daughter and the cat- may she rest in peace.

 

[Leomc123]

Oh no ArtNJ , god bless your kittens soul , poor thing she even came back to see you and your daughter with her last strength to be with you in her last moments I am sorry that the vets were closed at a time like this, she was being loved and cared for by you and your daughter in her last moments . This is so sad and heart breaking , i feel so sad for all of you. Big hugs to your kitty and to you and your daughter. Your baby is in heaven now resting in peace, you love her and she loves you . I am so sorry

 

[Maria Bayote]

I am very sorry for your loss. Being an emotional person that I am, I could not even finish reading your last post.

She did all she could to come back and say goodbye, and for you to have your closure.

Please be strong. My prayers your way.

 

[di and bob]

Every living thing fights against the darkness. At times like this the body shuts down, so although the struggle appears painful, the perception of pain is mercifully reduced......
I am sure she took one last tour of her beloved world, and when she was ready she returned to where she she was loved and was comforted by those who completed her world. She died at home, surrounded by that she loved more than anything else and comforted by the love she received from her family. i would wish the same for all of us.
The bond you built over the years is very strong, nothing can ever take it away or break it's strong links that tie your souls together. "Death cannot take that which never dies" and the love between you will be there for eternity. She will forever be as close as your thoughts and prayers. So send her those of past happiness, of joy and the memories of her sharing your life's journey. Not sadness and tears. It is as she would want for those she loves so much, just as you would want for her if you were the first to go. Try to celebrate her life, not dwell on her death. Do not let her death take on more importance in your life then her life, it is but a moment in your life and she gave you so much more to carry forward.
My thoughts and prayers are with you all, I wish I could take away the pain. But we must experience pain in our lives to fully appreciate the joys. Take care and know we will share your burden to make it lighter, we all care and empathize with your grief. My heart goes out to you......RIP dear one. You will be dearly missed, you will forever have a special place in loving herats. May the good Lord bless and keep you, until you meet again!

 

[Marlow cat]

I am so sorry for your loss. Your beautiful cat had so much love and devotion for you and your daughter to come back home. I am filled with sadness and tears for your cat and for your loss.

 

[zed xyzed]

I am so sorry. For her to come back home shows you how much she loved and trusted you and your daughter. I am thankful you got to say goodbye and don't have to wonder what happened. RIP sweet girl, you will always be loved and remembered by your family