Feeling A Little Unloved

[Kvla]

Hey,

I’m wondering if anyone else has gone through something similar. I moved away from home into a place where I share a room with a roommate, and I brought my cat.

She really likes my cat. And my cat really likes her. I feed her, care for her, and pay for her vet bills and all of it. I’m really grateful to have a roommate that loves my cat like I do. I was just a little disappointed to find that there seems to be something a little more than just being friendly towards my cat. My roommate makes little side comments about how my cat likes her more and she’s not wrong. She sleeps on her bed, lays on her chair, greets her at the door, waits outside the bathroom for her, let’s her lay in her lap, and purrs. The last two things she hasn’t ever done with me.

I feel as though I missed the connection with her and that I should rehome her to my roommate. It really feels like she is my cat’s “person.”

 

[Furballsmom]

Hi!
I'm thinking out loud here, but if you were to volunteer at a cat rescue, or foster, would it be possible that you might find a cat that you connect with more?

 

[Maria Bayote]

Hello.

Was she bonded to you before? Or did this happen only when you move to this new place, with this room mate?

Try to play with her more, spend some quality time at least an hour or two each day, talk to her in soft voice, etc. Cats are independent by nature. They tend to do what they want to do, and that includes selecting their human, unlike dogs who stick to their owners whatever happens.

 

[Kvla]

Hi!
I'm thinking out loud here, but if you were to volunteer at a cat rescue, or foster, would it be possible that you might find a cat that you connect with more?

I figured I’d stick it out a while and wait. I probably won’t be living with this roommate next year, but if I offer the cat to her now I’d be heartbroken having to live with her knowing “I gave her up”. If by the end of the year nothing has changed, I will probably offer her the kitty and look for one I have a connection with. I have no doubt my roommate would be a bad cat momma to my girl. It’s just kinda sad for me.

Hello.

Was she bonded to you before? Or did this happen only when you move to this new place, with this room mate?

Try to play with her more, spend some quality time at least an hour or two each day, talk to her in soft voice, etc. Cats are independent by nature. They tend to do what they want to do, and that includes selecting their human, unlike dogs who stick to their owners whatever happens.

No, she wasn’t bonded with me before we moved. I had her for about a year, and we’ve had some issues trying to correct her behavior and I think she sees me as “the bad guy” from using all different types of methods to correct her. (Some being negative reinforcement).
I’ve been the one who plays with her everyday because she has so much energy and it helps a little bit with how much she bites. I probably play 40-60 minutes a day. This sucks! ):

 

[Furballsmom]

Try ignoring her. You know how cats will deliberately approach the one person who doesn't like cats? I think it's because that person doesn't put any emotional pressure on the cat, or the cat becomes curious... In any case and whatever the reason is that they do that, try it, it might work for you

 

[Maria Bayote]

I figured I’d stick it out a while and wait. I probably won’t be living with this roommate next year, but if I offer the cat to her now I’d be heartbroken having to live with her knowing “I gave her up”.

This is very loving of you. Yes, please give her more time. She will come around. As for the biting etc., you can try hissing at her whenever she is being aggressive towards you. Cats do not respond to physical punishment (I am not saying that you do that). They will just get more scared and aloof towards the person giving them the punishment.

I hope you never have to give her up, but if you really must, then just kindly ensure that this friend has the means, the time and the finances to care for your cat as much as you can provide.

 

[Furballsmom]

There might be something here;

14 Cat Experts Reveal: How To Get A Cat To Like Me

 

[Kvla]

Thank you both for your help!@maria bayote and Furballsmom

I was reading the article attached and I saw this screenshot:

Instantly I remembered that I never picked up my cat because I knew she hated being restrained, but my roommates cat back at home didn’t even tolerate being held, so she was always holding my cat. Could that be why she’s started to like her more?? And if I started doing that same thing would my cat seem to be less distant from me or end up preferring me? Or will I always be in 2nd place because my roommate has been “using” this method longer?

 

[Furballsmom]

And if I started doing that same thing would my cat seem to be less distant from me

i was not familiar with this, I think it's absolutely worth a try and there's no way to know for sure, but you remaining in secnd place isn't an automatic thing, at all.

 

[Kvla]

i was not familiar with this, I think it's absolutely worth a try and there's no way to know for sure, but you remaining in secnd place isn't an automatic thing, at all.

What do you mean by the automatic part?

 

[rubysmama]

Who's home more? You or your room-mate? Are you ever home alone with her? If so, how does your cat react then?

I’ve been the one who plays with her everyday because she has so much energy and it helps a little bit with how much she bites. I probably play 40-60 minutes a day.

If she plays with you for 40 to 60 minutes a day, then she definitely does not have a problem being around you.

There might be something here;

14 Cat Experts Reveal: How To Get A Cat To Like Me

On the flip side, there's: Your Cat Probably Hates It When You... | TheCatSite

 

[Furballsmom]

What do you mean by the automatic part?

Looking at it from your cats behavior, I was trying to say that I don't think it's an foregone conclusion that you would remain in second place in your cat's affections.