feel guilt about semi feral cat being eaten, need feedback.

Jcatbird

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Cats can find bugs and many other things to sustain them. Ferals have been known to live many years on their own. Mice, lizards, rats etc. as well as any food left out for other dogs or cats that live in the area. Few can be licked off of leaves and grass. Some grasses are edible. Water content is in food to some extent too. Even a faucet dripping somewhere could be a source. Some people have birbaths and even a bucket left out could still have water. Any drainage sources nearby? I have missed cats with kittens for weeks! You would think that a mom cat feeding many mouths would really need being fed. I’m sure she wanted the free food but she was scared off. We have humans, dogs and I even have a few coyotes here too. I found a cat here that I didn’t know. It had gotten into my greenhouse and was just laying on a bench. It was an old cat and had a tumor on its neck. It appeared on Easter Day and was all white. This was before the last colony of cats and I had no idea where this cat had come from. My neighbors did not have cats either. Long story short, after having the cat andctrying to find if it had a family, I sort of gave up and got the vet to remove the tumor and settled in to have a cat named Easter. I still had signs up saying, “ Found Cat.” I got a call. It was a woman with two little girls who had been missing their cat for 6 months. After I gave them a thorough grilling to identify their cat, it turned out to be Easter. How did he survive as an old guy for six months? :dunno: He had been scared from their home and ended up here. The family was very happy to get him back. Easter is not the only lost cat I have found and returned. This is why I said , don’t give up. Putup lost signs and you can also post on Next door. There are lots of places online to post about a lost kitty. A neighbor may have seen kitty so.... keep looking.
If you go on the roof, be safe. Take a phone or let someone know. I do think you may have heard kitty. I had one feral get on my roof for safety. She would only answer me once in awhile and would not come down. Lol I started feeding and watering there and finally lured her down.
 
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BBirdcat

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OK thank you. Im not sure if it was better if she got.eaten quick by the coyote or she's somewhere right now suffering and scared. I will put up posters tomorrow, I have no idea if that was the kitten I thought heard a REALLY faint meow. After that since then though I haven't heard a single thing. It sounded like she didn't want to be heard/she was not feeling well/she was WAY further back than she usually is.

I just want her back. Will hopefully have good news tonight
 

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Try not to let your imagination lead you to thinking she is suffering. You know she does love being outside and she was born to be good at foraging. She may have been scared during her encounters but that doesn’t mean she is still scared. If she is not spayed, she might be having a fine time with another kitty. She may be chasing a mouse or stalking a squirrel. She could also be laying in a bed with another human after eating a big dish of kibble. If you can, try to let your mind go to that and hold on to hope.
 
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BBirdcat

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Try not to let your imagination lead you to thinking she is suffering. You know she does love being outside and she was born to be good at foraging. She may have been scared during her encounters but that doesn’t mean she is still scared. If she is not spayed, she might be having a fine time with another kitty. She may be chasing a mouse or stalking a squirrel. She could also be laying in a bed with another human after eating a big dish of kibble. If you can, try to let your mind go to that and hold on to hope.
thank you. you are very positive and calming. I hope that's the case.

Im not sure how long I'll be able to keep searching.

I just feel bad. I wish I had kept her in till she wanted to leave (even if it was till 3 or 4 am) or had let her leave at 1am instead of 1240. I will search in an hour and a half or so.
 
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OK I just went out for 35 minutes at 3am and no sign. I did see a small cat that looked very similar to my cat, but I'm 95% sure it wasn't them. Didn't seem to recognize me, very skittish and think both ears were pointed (not one clipped which my cat was after being neutered). I fear the worst :(

My cat was also very adventurous and brave, and the last week or so was exploring the street area more and going to areas I think further than she was used to. The day before she disappeared, I had called for her at 10:40 and 11:20 (times I usually call her) and she never came which really scared me. Normally when I call her she comes within 5 minutes and that day she didn't. We ended up seeing her on the camera just strolling along at 4:00am or so and that morning she went for breakfast as usual. Then the next day happened :(

I also think this last week or so she was developing ear mites and bugs were going back on her, making her sleep not ideal or constantly having to wake up. I had bought European Revolution (which I'm still waiting for to come) as since she was semi feral and so skittish, could never get her physically to a vet which made it difficult to get Revolution. I had given her a topical ear medicine but only put it in twice her ears on different days. Was waiting for Revolution to come and give it to her. Even that night the last time, she had tried to sleep like 4 different times and kept moving positions but never slept for more than like 5-10 minutes. Normally she slept a lot longer.

This really sucks. If anything I just wish my last moment wasn't her wanting to come in even if it was just a quick in and out like usual. I dont know if she feared the coyotes outside, but when I was outside today at 3am it was so peaceful and quiet. You could see little moths flying by and it was very relaxing. I see why she enjoyed it so much (and why she freaked out and was crying for hours when I tried to make her a house cat that one time.. and she was so relieved and happy when that next morning I let her out). I'll probably do the same routine tomorrow at 3am, and if nothing give it a break for 2-3 days then try again on Wednesday or Thursday.

Also want to work on flyers for tomorrow.
 

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If another cat is around, she may be too! I take that as a very good sign. If she has not been spayed, I am thinking she may either be avoiding a male or with a male. Not sleeping, meowing to go out, roaming further, keeping unusual hours can all be indicators of coming into heat. I would definitely keep looking. The other cat you saw could be a male! Females in heat may avoid mating for awhile and hide out but the male will persist and so will her hormones. It sounds like you have a good plan mapped out. If she does mate, she and husband may be coming for food afterwards. He may also take her to get a snack wherever he has been eating. There is a good chance that someone, somewhere is putting out some kind of food. I feel you have every reason to be optimistic. :)
 
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My cat was neutered. Unfort around the time I left in my neighborhood very late at night, someone stole a car in the area so I can't go out at late night anymore :( I have notified everyone in my neighborhood about the missing cat, but I can't go out.

Not looking good for my cat, but I plan on a celebration for her next week. She was the best.
 
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She was abandoned by her mother. She had such a feisty and adventurous streak to her that was so different than what I thought cats were. She loved to explore which was not helpful when she was a teenager as I think she started to explore further than what she was used to. Wish she just stayed in our backyard area.

I love her so much. Will be having a ceremony for her next week.

My regret is letting her out at 1240. Watching past photo and video times even a month or two prior, I would let her stay as long as she slept even past 1am (from 8:00-9:00pm on) and shed want to leave. I wish I didn't mind the flea but it was a new occurrence that hadn't happened in a week or two. It was tough w her not wanting to stay in all the time but she was exceptional. The best cat I ever had.

Wish I could just hug her and pet her again. Miss her so much.
 

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I'm so sorry for your loss!

I went through something similar. Sammy's mom was going stirr crazy in the house after giving birth to Sammy. After a few weeks she ran out. She ran back in one day when we had doors open to clean (with the cats and dogs in other rooms) so I put her back out because I didn't want her to get her paws covered in bleach & she'd been attacking Sammy who at the time was just a baby, so I couldn't put her in a room with him and she fought with my other cats, Cici and Isabel, so couldn't put her in a room with them either. So I put her out. Last I saw her... heard screeching we assumed was her mating or something... then a few days later saw a deceased cat on the road that looked like her fur pattern. I still feel sick to my stomach thinking about it because if I had just thought of something else, I think maybe she'd still be with us.

It's been years and the guilt stays, but... I get it's not really my fault just like it isn't really your fault either. We loved them so we bear the burden and guilt because we think of the things he coulda or shoulda done, etc. But the fact is, we didn't know anything would happen and we tried to make them inside cats.

I guess I just wanted to let you know you're not alone >.< I think at some point we all have something like this happen where we hang onto it because guilt is just a hell of an emotion.

I'm really sorry for your loss =(

It wasn't your fault <3
 
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I'm so sorry for your loss!

I went through something similar. Sammy's mom was going stirr crazy in the house after giving birth to Sammy. After a few weeks she ran out. She ran back in one day when we had doors open to clean (with the cats and dogs in other rooms) so I put her back out because I didn't want her to get her paws covered in bleach & she'd been attacking Sammy who at the time was just a baby, so I couldn't put her in a room with him and she fought with my other cats, Cici and Isabel, so couldn't put her in a room with them either. So I put her out. Last I saw her... heard screeching we assumed was her mating or something... then a few days later saw a deceased cat on the road that looked like her fur pattern. I still feel sick to my stomach thinking about it because if I had just thought of something else, I think maybe she'd still be with us.

It's been years and the guilt stays, but... I get it's not really my fault just like it isn't really your fault either. We loved them so we bear the burden and guilt because we think of the things he coulda or shoulda done, etc. But the fact is, we didn't know anything would happen and we tried to make them inside cats.

I guess I just wanted to let you know you're not alone >.< I think at some point we all have something like this happen where we hang onto it because guilt is just a hell of an emotion.

I'm really sorry for your loss =(

It wasn't your fault <3
Thank you.
 
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BBirdcat

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I'm so sorry for your loss!

I went through something similar. Sammy's mom was going stirr crazy in the house after giving birth to Sammy. After a few weeks she ran out. She ran back in one day when we had doors open to clean (with the cats and dogs in other rooms) so I put her back out because I didn't want her to get her paws covered in bleach & she'd been attacking Sammy who at the time was just a baby, so I couldn't put her in a room with him and she fought with my other cats, Cici and Isabel, so couldn't put her in a room with them either. So I put her out. Last I saw her... heard screeching we assumed was her mating or something... then a few days later saw a deceased cat on the road that looked like her fur pattern. I still feel sick to my stomach thinking about it because if I had just thought of something else, I think maybe she'd still be with us.

It's been years and the guilt stays, but... I get it's not really my fault just like it isn't really your fault either. We loved them so we bear the burden and guilt because we think of the things he coulda or shoulda done, etc. But the fact is, we didn't know anything would happen and we tried to make them inside cats.

I guess I just wanted to let you know you're not alone >.< I think at some point we all have something like this happen where we hang onto it because guilt is just a hell of an emotion.

I'm really sorry for your loss =(

It wasn't your fault <3
can you tell me process of how you dealt w it over time? It still feels bad and creeps up on me from time to time feelings of guilt
 

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I think we all have feelings of wishing we had done something different st times. Hindsight is 20/20 but we can’t know the future. Time helps some. Knowing that you gave her love and a place in your heart is important. What would she have done if you had not stepped in to begin with? You did something great for her. Try to hold onto that part.
 

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can you tell me process of how you dealt w it over time? It still feels bad and creeps up on me from time to time feelings of guilt
Honestly? The process for me I don't think would work for you.

Sadie (my cat who passed) had given birth to Sammy shortly before her death so my way of processing was to try and honor her life by giving her kitten the best life he could have. He's become my best friend. I've always tried to process death by tending to life, by giving another animal that place in my home so that they could have one as I truly believe thats what my animals would want. But that doesn't work for everyone.

Maybe you can try writing stories about her? Or writing letters to her? Sometimes putting into words directed at the animal you feel guilt for and expressing your feelings to them can help. True they can't read it, but I like to think they still hear/know it.
 
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I think we all have feelings of wishing we had done something different st times. Hindsight is 20/20 but we can’t know the future. Time helps some. Knowing that you gave her love and a place in your heart is important. What would she have done if you had not stepped in to begin with? You did something great for her. Try to hold onto that part.
Im trying I just cant help but feel a level of slight guilt. She was my first pet and I've never taken care of a pet before and she was so loving and kind.

Hopefully on Sunday I'll do a ceremony for her and that might help. I miss her so much.
 

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I think that will help. We all miss loved ones no matter what the circumstances and you did good things for her. Loss is always hard but I hope you will find a way to ease your heart. I’m so sorry.
 
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I think that will help. We all miss loved ones no matter what the circumstances and you did good things for her. Loss is always hard but I hope you will find a way to ease your heart. I’m so sorry.
Thank you. Im reading books on pet loss and talking here. She was just 11 months, 1 month away from her birthday. I hope this pain can be replaced soon w a better emotion.
 
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UPDATE:

So it turns out my family "forgot" to tell me that night they saw my cat walking around chasing bugs at like 2am in the morning near our back area (where she usually did) on our camera.

After that not sure what happened, but I thought it was possible the attack happened right after I let her out at 1240, so there's a slight bit of relief it wasn't directly after and the coyotes didn't hear her initially at the time or right after.

I also worried she freaked out after I didn't let her back in at 1240 and went crazy and then got eaten at like 1 am.

The fact that it happened after 2am or later means it was probably just more of a bad luck thing.

Still trying to process this as I'm super pissed at my family for "forgetting/failing" to tell me this for 2 weeks when I've been asking about my cat being on any cameras after 1240 for weeks AND they basically had said before she disappeared after 1240 and didn't see her again.

I had such guilt bc I thought the attack potentially happened right after and that's why my cat wanted to so badly come back in. It turns out it was probably more just like a regular night where she had fleas and still wanted to nap. She was also so adventurous and was starting to explore different areas which was probably the issue.
 
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