Extremely Anxious Cat - Please Help

[bazilisk]

One of my cats is anxious to the point that we are considering rehoming her, as much as it breaks my heart. I would love to hear any advice or opinions that would allow me to keep her.

If I leave the apartment at all, she will wail and wail until I come back. It doesn’t matter if anyone else is home, or how quickly I come back, she will caterwaul for ten minutes or ten hours, until I’m back in our home.
This also extends to when I am sleeping. She has some Oriental breed in her, so her vocalizations are particularly grating. If my partner is home alone, she will refuse his offers of attention and food to pace and wail at the door. It’s escalated to the point that neither of us are getting sleep because of it.
In addition to the noise, she will consistently run outside and wail, going so far as to hide under cars and dumpsters to avoid me bringing her back inside.

I am truly at my wit’s end and would appreciate any support/advice/etc. :-]

 

[di and bob]

So, it sounds like she is wailing because YOU leave, or when anybody does? How new is she? Since she cries outside too, and hides, it means she doesnt just want out. It sounds like she was abandoned and has separation anxiety. I would try antianxiety meds, either from the vet or online.i got some antianxiety treats for vet visits and they really helped. I have a cat i am giving CBD oil to and it seems to help, there is also a supplement called Rescue Remedy that helps also. I tried Hemp oil and it was not as effective. The CBD oil i got behind the counter at a local pharmacy, it was for pets. If you have had her less than a month, she is very scared and needs a lot of reassurance. Please look up here on this site how to handle anxiety in cats, im sure it will help. Ease keep us informed, all the luck to you. My best cats had Oriental in them and were the most dear to my heart, though they were a little ornrey at times!

 

[LTS3]

Some cats do better if they have a cat friend to play with and annoy. That's something to consider.

Don't reward annoying behavior with attention or food. That just reinforces the behavior.

Does your apartment door lead directly outside?

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[danteshuman]

My cat is half siamese. I raised him from 4 weeks old and adopted him out at 11 weeks old. He came back at 13 weeks old (she returned him) & he had extreme separation anxiety. It took him 6 months to get back to normal for him (some mild separation anxiety.) If you do not have it in you to be patient then please reach out to a siamese cat rescue group.

If it was my cat I would:

1) take her to the vet and get her on antiaxiety meds or CBD oil ASAP.
2) Let her sleep with you.
3) look up how you can lesson separation anxiety & do it. Since I’m home 24/7 I still had to practice with Jackie by leaving him for short trips. Now I just feed him wet food & walk out the door calmly without even saying goodbye.
4) have your partner start clicker training, feeding & playing with her. All good things come from your partner for now. Also start practicing where you pet her, your partner then joins in or takes over (as you are next to her.) My guy is very wary of trusting people and it has taken him years to let some people pet him!
5) when she wailing , call her to you. Jackie shuts up quicker if I call him to me, then reward him with affection.
6) harness train her and take her on a daily walk or build a catio. You want that hyper siamese energy out in positive way. Plus you have to tire out their minds to tire out their bodies. On that note puzzle feeders, bird feeders by a window where she can sit and watch & interactive toys you rotate all help with that hyper energy.

Jackie is a fantastic cat! He is super cuddly, playful & intelligent! I adopted him so he wouldn’t be returned again at 12 or 25 months old. Listening to your post has convinced me more & more that I made the right call for my hyper easily stressed boy. I knew if someone who didn’t know how to deal with issues adopted him, they would give up on him & rehome him as an adult. If you put in the work you will probably be so grateful you kept her.

My last cat Dante had his normal meow then his fingernails on a chalkboard scream. I taught him to ditch the headache inducing scream. I over reacted to slightest soft meow and I ignored his headache inducing meow. Often when he screamed, I would say “sush” then very lightly touch his nose with my fingertip and then turn my back on him & ignore him the biggest way I could. I wouldn’t even look at him for 5 minutes.

Jackie snuggling me, he falls asleep on me, like this all the time:

 

[danteshuman]

Oh & my anxious guy is calmer when his calmer braver brother is around. Perhaps the right match in temperament, after a slow introductions may help your girl a bit. Jackie & Nick are littermates, so they already had the relationship. We visit Nana’s house & stay a night most weekends so the boys can be together (I’m only allowed 1 pet in my apartment.)

Nothing helps calm a stressed out cat more than their cat buddy being all calm!

 

[FeebysOwner]

A lot of good advice above! But, knowing her age, how long you have had her, and if she has had previous homes would be helpful information too!

Try leaving her with a piece of your worn, unwashed clothing when you have to leave. More than one piece if there are particular places she like to hang out. Even your partner should consider keeping a piece of your clothes with them too.
Separation Anxiety In Cats – TheCatSite Articles
Stress in Cats – The Ultimate Guide – TheCatSite Articles

 

[Furballsmom]

Hi
As mentioned, how old is she?
Is she spayed?

 

[bazilisk]

But, knowing her age, how long you have had her, and if she has had previous homes would be helpful information too!

I am truly at my wit’s end and would appreciate any support/advice/etc. :-]

Hi everyone, thank you so much for all your advice and help so far. Here is more information per request.
We have had her (her name is Shoelace) for almost a year and a half at this point, so this behavior is not new. She was definitely abandoned — her previous family moved out and left her behind. We have two other cats who don’t seem to care at all that she screams like this. I don’t know her age, but she is definitely full grown, probably 6-8 years old. CBD oil has definitely helped in the past, but it’s an ordeal to get her to take it, and I’m afraid we’re just making her more anxious when we pull it out. She refuses anti-anxiety treats. She sleeps with us as often as she wants, but often she won’t just settle down. She wails until one or both us is woken up and then she expects pets, reassurance, etc.

I don’t know how to positively reinforce the act of quieting her down when it feels like rewarding her bad behavior. I call her to me for pets when I’m home and awake and that seems to help, but I’m mostly concerned with the sleep. My partner and I suffer with a variety of health issues, so our sleep is precious and hard to get. This cat is affecting us heavily in that respect. Attached is a picture of her, just for fun.

 

[Furballsmom]

Is she spayed?

In case this wasn't already mentioned can you try a purr toy or a heartbeat toy in conjunction with a couple of your worn socks?

 

[bazilisk]

Is she spayed?

In case this wasn't already mentioned can you try a purr toy or a heartbeat toy in conjunction with a couple of your worn socks?

I don’t believe she is.

 

[Furballsmom]

That could help, if she isn't.

 

[FeebysOwner]

Not being spayed can present its own set of issues. Nonetheless, here is some additional information, courtesy of another member who has used CBD oil with one or more of their cats for a long, long time now. It should be able to be added to food, and there are ways to compound it so that it might be less offensive to your cat.
CBD Pet Tincture with Hemp Oil - Organic, Non-GMO, Food Grade Ingredients (4cornerscannabis.com)
Cannabis 101: CBD for Cats | Boulder Holistic Vet

 

[Alldara]

B bazilisk

Hi! We have a potential half Siamese cat (vet think yes but we have not tested him), who had VERY similar issues. It was at the point where if we were working at home on our computers with the doors open and his full access to us, he would scream.

We have been using Feliway constantly and provide catnip and silvervine generously.

Ignoring did not work. He could scream for 10 hours if ignored. We started button training him which was an amazing breakthrough. He still yells and will sass about not getting what he wants but it's not as bad. You need not go this far but talk to him and keep your words used consistent across people. Model the words and use those so that the cat understands exactly what's happening. We say things like, "Mom home later." And then "Mom home now!"

For leaving we would train him like a dog. We would begin with just going out, locking the door and coming back in. Do that repeatedly for 10 or so minutes a day and gradually increase the time from immediately to 5 seconds, 10, onwards. (Yes you'll still have to go out normally otherwise, but this helps to affirm that you'll come back).
Cat calming music..again the video above is about a dog but similar method.

Holding Magnus works...so likely a thunder-jacket would help but he just naps when he's home alone now so we never tried one.

And yes making a big deal about quiet meows and not screams. I make the "brrr" sound at the cats to encourage that sound instead. He still is majorly vocal and sometimes screams out the window into the abyss but it's never for longer than 15 minutes at a time.

The other ideas above are EXCELLENT ideas as well. I'm glad you reached out here because rehoming will be awful for you all but I understand it needing to be an option for some situations .

 

[Alldara]

I don’t believe she is.

Howling will definitely be reduced after spaying.

 

[susanm9006]

If she isn’t spayed then that is the reason for a great deal of the screaming as well as her trying to run outdoors at every opportunity. Cats who don’t get pregnant are in almost continuous heat and they are restless and miserable. She will likely calm down and quiet down once she spayed. Please get her spayed before making any decision about rehoming her.

 

[Hellenww]

Will she let you look closely at her belly for a spay scar? Some vets tattoo on the belly or inside ear at spaying. You could also ask your vet from an AMH test before scheduling a spay.

Feline Reproductive Function Tests

Anti-Müllerian Hormone (AMH) Test for Ovarian Remnant Syndrome, Cryptorchidism and Determination of Spayed/Castrated vs. Intact Ovarian remnant syndrome testing consists of AMH and progesterone testing on a single sample. A positive AMH test is consistent with the presence of an ovarian remnant...

www.vet.cornell.edu