Ensuring A Well Socialized Kitty

[Jem]

Hi everyone!

I have not had a new cat in a while, but we will be adopting soon. I'm not sure what gender/s, what age/s, or how many yet. I think I'll just have to see who picks me. We are starting from scratch after loosing our three babies in the last two months (all from unrelated illnesses and age).
We live a very quiet lifestyle and have no children, but we do have extended family (including children), who we do want to be able to come visit, without causing stress to our future fur babies.
Our last cat that we adopted as a kitten, did not get socialized well, our fault, because of our living situation at the time, we hardly ever had people over. He was very fearful and unfortunately aggressive with "intruders". I want to make sure (as much as I can) that this doesn't happen again as we now have the opportunity to invite guests, and have my nieces over for sleepovers and so on.

So my question is....How often do we need to have people over at the house during our future kitty/ies development (if we get kittens), to help ensure proper socializing? I understand that this mostly happens during the first 14 weeks (I think?) of their lives. And how many different people should we have come over, so they get used to "people in general" and not just be used to one or two, and be scared of everyone else.
As much as we loved Hank and as much as he was a wonderful, loving cat (to us), he really did cause us to sacrifice many things, and I absolutely hated myself for causing him to be so fearful of the world. I just want to make sure we don't do the same mistakes again.

Thanks for any input.

And to add, I get that all cats have their own personalities and quirks, and I may not be able to "guarantee" a friendly and sociable cat, but I want to do as much as I can.

 

[Furballsmom]

I understand that this mostly happens during the first 14 weeks (I think?) of their lives.

You're right, what happens at this stage can be really important. If at all possible you'd want to try and find out what sort of early-stage socialization your prospective furbaby has gone through. If it's kittens you have, every week or so or something like that? I'd say people with other pets, and one or two that are non-pet people, younger, older, etc.

Sometimes, as with my guy, screaming kids can be a problem no matter how well socialized the cat is, so reminders to use their "inside" voice can help, or simply allow the cat to hang out in its chosen safe place when human craziness lets loose

I'm sending you all sorts of good thoughts for tons and tons of wonderful furry feline love in your future!

 

[Mamanyt1953]

I can't add much to what @furball's mom has said. I applaud you for asking the question, and being determined to help the new baby-to-come live a happy, well-adjusted life!

 

[Jem]

Sometimes, as with my guy, screaming kids can be a problem no matter how well socialized the cat is, so reminders to use their "inside" voice can help, or simply allow the cat to hang out in its chosen safe place when human craziness lets loose

Yeah, even I have issues with human craziness!!! And I will be completely OK with a kitty who may be shy or wanting to retreat if things get too loud. It's the absolute fear that my Hank had that I really want to avoid.
So I guess I really don't need to go overboard with having someone different over at the house everyday or anything eh?

I'm sending you all sorts of good thoughts for tons and tons of wonderful furry feline love in your future!

Thank you! I still have a few cries now and then from losing my other babies, it was all just so fast! And it's only been two weeks since we lost our last of the three. But our home is so empty, so I think we need new life and love in the house.
My husband especially, is being very impatient, as there are a few things I want to get done in the home before we bring any in. He keeps showing me photos of cats and kittens in our local shelters. And this is from a guy who when we met said he wasn't a "cat person". I converted him.

 

[Furballsmom]

That's marvelous about your hubby, good for you .

I think you're right, --you'll be able to tell how your new feline(s) is/are with other people, and will be able to adjust visitors accordingly.
(I'm excited for you )

 

[ArchyCat]

Years past, I remember a discussion group on socializing kittens. Several breeders commented that once the kittens had opened their eyes and were becoming mobile, they would invite neighborhood teenagers to come visit after school and play with kittens for an hour or so several days a week. The owners would provide snacks and sodas for the teenagers.

 

[kissthisangel]

Whilst it's important to have people come over and to help socialize your kittens I think there is another really important aspect to this. That is how YOU want people to behave toward your cats when they come into your house. I feel like by setting a standard early on in your relationship with the cats, and any relatives you can actually control the situation.

I don't have many visitors at all. When we do, I give them a handful of treats and tell them I don't know how my cats will interact with them. I ask them not to approach my cats. I prep them, if the cats do come up to you, just drop a treat down, if they stay you can start to pet them a bit, but sometimes they just want a bit of time out. If you don't want the cat to be near you ( some people really aren't cat people) when the cat approaches you throw the treat a little way off, and they will eat that instead. We didn't actually have any problems with this until my father in law was coming into our house without knocking, and then the cats were confused because they didn't get any treats. They weren't aggressive though just confused. In this situation I just gave my cats the treats once FIL came in and settled down - I was still in control of the cats, if not my front door lol.

I think it's largely going to depend on the cat's personality coupled with your own approach. Certainly with children they will like to play with the cats so giving them a wand toy to play with kittens can help them to build bonds early on and keep those razor sharp kitten claws away from the kids. But make a point of saying when the cat has had enough that it's time to stop, it's a great opportunity for the children to learn about proper care of cats too. Petting gently can be taught at any age. There was a thread about a toddler and a cat, and I suggested that puppets might be a good option to allow you to feel how gently a child is stroking before letting them approach an animal depending on how old your visitors are this could also apply here.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

So I guess I really don't need to go overboard with having someone different over at the house everyday or anything eh?

Every day isn't necessary. A couple of times a week wouldn't be amiss. I'd kinda take all the advice given here, and work out something that feels right for YOUR household.

 

[1 bruce 1]

We have people here a lot. And I mean a lot!
This helps in kitten raising, but to a naturally shy one (especially an adult that might not be used to a busy place), it might be more hell than anything so if you have people over, always make sure they understand that if the cat wants to go hide, let them. Children especially can't resist a cute little cat or kitten and need to be reminded that a scared kitty needs to be left alone.
Bold or shy, it's always their choice. Sometimes things freak them out and we don't know why, and if they retreat just don't force the interaction, and definitely don't feel you need to chase, corner, and "soothe" them. Let them hide, they're curious little things and nosiness always wins out with them. It just might take some time.
Another thing to do is treat the cat carrier like it's the best place to be. Leave it out in an area that you're not tripping over it, door open, put a nice blanket inside and occasionally feed them in it, toss toys in there for them to chase, and generally let them realize that a cat carrier means potential adventure vs. a horrifying trip to the vets.
Put them in the carrier with a toy and some treats, load them into the car, and drive around the block, or somewhere that brings you back home in 2-3 minutes. No scary vet visits, nothing bad happened, do this often. When they're OK with that, load 'em up, take them through the bank drive through or a gas station drive through.
I took Baby Girl through a gas station once after a visit to the vets and the guy working there almost fell over himself. He thought she was the cutest thing ever (he was right. ) (Don't take them out of the carrier, though!)
Leash and harness train and the possibilities are endless on where you can take them. But be cautious, avoid places like parks that don't enforce dog leash laws (even if they do, people don't listen) and avoid loud places like playgrounds, etc.
And have fun. It doesn't happen overnight, and cats will always be cats and not dogs, but it's really cool that you're wanting to make them comfortable in all situations.

 

[duncanmac]

What you are really looking for are confident cats. I think cats gain confidence through really engaging play. Maybe this lets them conquer things and really own their territory.

I tried to do this with our 3 cats and it "worked" for two of them, but they were also naturally outgoing cats. The third is our shy feral boy. He's great with my wife and I, but as soon as the doorbell rings, he is under the bed.

The other part of the equation is your guests. Teach them how to play and interact with the cats, not to chase them if they walk away and where they like to be pet. People love to pick up cats. Our one guy is OK with it for a while, but I warn people to put him down once he starts to squirm because the next thing he does is give a warning bite.

Cats can definitely get used to people and not be aloof - we had 30 people over once and one of our guys did laps of the room visiting everyone.

 

[Etarre]

I had very similar plans for my first cat, Gwen. I wanted her to be social and fearless and tried to harness train her. Guess what? She was just naturally shy and resisted my best efforts to interest her in meeting new people and venturing out into the world. Since she was born in a nice foster home, kept with her mother until an appropriate age, and then came straight home with me, I have to conclude that this was just her nature, which in the end trumped my attempts to 'nurture' her in a particular direction.

So if it's really important to you to find an outgoing cat, you might try adopting an adult or at least an adolescent instead of kittens...you can get a better sense of their personalities that way and evaluate whether they're likely to enjoy visitors.

I'm so sorry to hear that you lost three cats recently. I know how quiet and empty a house can feel after losing one pet, and can only imagine how difficult it is to lose three. Best of luck finding new kitties to fall in love with!

 

[Jem]

Thanks for all your input everyone.
I think we'll be on the right track by simply ensuring our new kitties will have visitors a couple of times a week.
I'm not overly concerned about having a shy kitty. Some cats just aren't as outgoing as others, that's fine with me. It's just, poor Hank was basically a feral personality, with SEVERE fear aggression towards almost everyone. Except with us, he was an affectionate, playful, cuddle bug. He once chased down a friend of ours (stupid friends fault though, we told him what not to do), and ended up hiding in the bathroom as we got Hank in his safe room. Who knows, maybe he would have been the same even if we had taken proper steps to socialize him. Our vet at the time never explored further into a neurological issue, because he was fine with us, and we "overall" knew how to "handle him".

 

[Furballsmom]

 

[Mamanyt1953]

I think, bottom line, that any cats coming into your home will be very lucky little felines, indeed.

 

[danteshuman]

I agree with everyone's hints. I would do a few things.

A safe/cat room where guests can not go... ever (your bedroom.)

A cat tree in the living room. Train your kitten to hang out there and that they get treats there.

Every time you have guests ask them to try to give your cat a treat (if you can onthe cat tree.)

Insist your guests respect your cat. Petting is allowed if the cat wants it but no picking up. Plus toys not hands. With little kids it takes time but you can teach them no jumping and ifthey are calm and slow the kittens/cat will come to them. If you can expose the cat to kids as young as possible. Also I have to watch the little girl with the kittens. Insisting that she not hold or restrain the kittens or pick them up by their lower belly..... or wrap them in a blanket to hold them. After almost 2 months she was finally rewarded with a kitten willingly sleeping on her and the other crawling all over her, putting his side in her face. I just kept having to insist that she let the kittens come and go as they please. Also treats didn't hurt. Plus the kids love to play with them.

If you can harness train your cat. That way she/he can meet lots of different people and hopefully learn people are OK.