Oh, I just had to say goodbye. I can't talk to anyone, you guys are the only people I can cry with right now in the middle of the night.
Speedy deteriorated over the last six hours since we came home from the ER, she couldn't drink, her breath smelled terrible, she couldn't get comfortable or really stand up and every time she tried to change positions she cried. She seemed to be suffering. I so, so didn't want to take her back to the ER, I really wanted Speedy to pass away at home and not be frightened in her final minutes. But it was 11 pm and I couldn't make Speedy wait and suffer just to do it the way I wanted. My vet is not available until tomorrow afternoon, I couldn't let Speedy be like that for 14+ hours. It was time.
Speedy was so sick, too weak to hiss at the vet as usual. Until they put the catheter in, then she got upset and was angry even at me, growling and even trying to slash with her claws, despite her weakness. And anyone who has been through this knows that the sedative gives them a little sting and I hated that she got that shock and freaked a bit.
It was not at all what I wanted for my sweet little girl. But it was the right thing to do, she quickly went to sleep in my arms and we the doctor gave me some time with her before the end.
I'm so sad. It has been just me and Speedy together for almost 18 years, I am not sure how to wake up tomorrow by myself. I love you Speedy.
Please post on the Crossing The Bridge site when you are ready. My heart is breaking for you.
It took the strength of love to have ended her pain, and now yours starts. May God grant you both peace.......