Encouraging kitten to enjoy being held, tolerate baths, and other training

[imaginewizard]

Teach kitten it's okay to be handled
To start this post off - I do understand that ultimately, one cannot fully dictate a cat's behaviour, and that especially with kittens, how they act when they young isn't how they act when they are older, and I am fully prepared to accept no matter what I do, my kitten may never want to cuddle, and that's fine!

My 'resident' cat (7yrs next month) (a term that is increasingly irrelevant as Lillie (>13 weeks) has now lived here almost 4 weeks) started off when I first got him 5 years ago only occasionally sat on or near me, was mostly just content to get pets but not cuddle. Now 5 years later he will more often than not as soon as he can tell I am waking up he comes to snuggle, he will sit on my lap more often, when I lie down for naps he will come join me. So point being even if Lillie doesn't end up like that I will still have River! And it also means I understand cat's temperament can change and I'm fine with that.

So, as above, I know for a large part the type of cat Lillie is and will become is out of my control, but I was wondering what I can do as an owner to make her more used to and hopefully enjoy being held, handled and cuddled. After all, she is a young kitten and likely hasn't had much experience to really know much about it. I know if you expose a cat to too much affection too quick it can overwhelm them - it needs to be something they want otherwise it's a negative experience.

So is it a case of handling her and holding her for certain times a day, and increasing it, as it is for other things with cat training? If so, what pace would you suggest - in terms of how long should I start with and how much should I increase it by?

---
Teach kitten to tolerate baths
Again, I 100% am aware cats do not need baths as routine, they clean themselves. However, sometimes they do. I only ever bath River if he has gotten himself unusually dirty - when he was younger this was sometimes a case of getting into dusty or dirty places, but now that he understands off-limit areas better, it usually only ever happens if he has soiled his carrier while he is in it - in which case he gets a bath, cat shampoo and a rinse.
When River was younger, he resisted and thought these. He was never violent against me, but he would constantly attempt to scramble out of the bath, be it by clinging on to the side or on to me, and would be moaning the entire time. 5 years later and he is such a good boy. He certainly doesn't want to have baths, but if I put him in one, he has completely stopped fighting it - either he has learnt they are not that bad or that it's over faster if he doesn't. He will just stand there and let me wash him. Same situation with trimming his nails - he's still funny about his back paws but he never fights with his front anymore.
With it being Lillie's formative years, I'd like her to learn baths aren't bad like River has. What would be the suggestion here - should I give her exposure baths (i.e. baths when she doesn't need them) so she learns being in a tub of water isn't a bad thing? How often, for how long?
---
Other things

Any other suggestions I should make the most of the time I have a kitten in her formative years to teach her? Someone mentioned clicker training so I'll look at that. River is sort of harness and leash trained (in that his previous owners leash trained him, but they lived in a more rural area, and River was an indoor/outdoor cat - I have only ever lived in urban areas near main roads, so I don't let River out because a. I am not convinced it is safe and b. I usually live in a maisonette and would have no idea if he wanted in and as someone with OCD and anxiety, I'd be constantly checking for him. River quickly adapted to being indoor only with absolutely no complaints, but as he is scared of traffic (which is fair, cars are scary), he has now associated his harness and leash with loud noises, so I need to retrain him to not), so I would also like Lillie to be too. I find it easier to transport cats without a carrier, and as long as he isn't near cars, River prefers to not be inside one either. Obviously there are loads of guides online about leash training so I can read one of those.

Any other suggestions?

Thanks all for reading and for your help!

 

[ArtNJ]

In my experience, encouraging a kitten to be friendly is about figuring out what the kitten likes an will tolerate, and doing that, and not doing stuff the kitten doesnt like such as forcibly putting on lap and holding there or picking up when the kitten doesn't like that. Often, kittens start out only willing to be pet when tired or in a special spot where the human is often quiet and inactive such as the bed or couch. To the extent the kitten doesn't like being put in the bath, such training would definitely work at cross purposes with your main goal of getting the kitten friendlier and more comfortable with you. As such, I simply wouldn't do it unless the cat has a self-cleaning problem. And even then, a wipe would likely be less traumatic.

I've never had a total failure of the be patient method. My two year old is still a bit skittish, and will more walk across the lap and lick my arms (incessantly, urg!) from the sides then actually sit on my lap. But she is very demanding for affection and attention at times. And sometimes it takes a while -- a 3 year old that we rescued from our yard took a year or two to really become as affectionate as most of our other cats. With her, I also tried to gradually expand things. Like when I noticed she would come on my chest in bed, I started lying down on the couch and calling her. That eventually worked so well she even crawled onto my chest when I was stretching my quads! She started off you could only pet the sides of the head/cheeks and neck or you'd get nipped. Eventually, she was totally indistinguishable from the more affectionate cats I've had. So in my experience the be patient method, do what they like, method definitely does work!

 

[LokiWolf]

OK I can answer two questions here - harness and bath.
So my old girl Bellatrix (14) is the wallflower type -hides under the bed but loves to snuggle. She also will let me do anything to her. She is very stoic. So baths aren't a problem. She likes to sit at the front door and have it cracked open to see things but will flee if people are around. She will wear a harness but does not like to walk. She is the carry me type (which I adore) so she is easy.

Now Lizzy (almost 8 months) is more energetic and wants to move around. She will snuggle but she also wants to play. So I did harness train her. And I am working on getting her comfortable with baths.

First the harness. Harness equals good things. Something special like canned tuna (just a nibble). Put the harness out and let them smell it. Play with them around it. Have it sit next to their food while they eat.
Next step: put harness on. Kitten will flop but it's OK. Leave it on for a minute then praise and take off. Do this everyday and leave it on for longer intervals. Once they are comfortable enough to run around and eat then you can put a leash and let them drag it around. Once they are comfortable with that then you can try to see if they will walk. If you have a backyard start there. If not find a quiet place to get them used to it.

OK bath time. Associate it with good food. Give hem treats in the tub or sink. Use a handheld faucet to bathe them. Do not put them in a tub of water. Go slow. Praise and reassure.

 

[danteshuman]

1) Baths: foam baths! The best invention ever!!!! You foam them up, then dry them with a towel & are done! They also sell cat wet wipes for spot cleaning!

2) Getting a cat to snuggle: a few things: A) be the furniture! Let your cat get on you & do whatever. Do not pet them unless they ask for it. B) If your cats gets on you, give them at least 15 minutes before you get up. An hour is better. For this reason my cats come running when I get under a blanket; they know I’m going to stay seating for a longtime! C) Feel free to lure the kitten onto your lap. I used a wand toy to get them on me. I also gave them a few quick scratches behind the ear then went back to playing. Remember as a kitten, all they want to do is play! So as your cat grows up; they will get more snuggly.

 

[maggie101]

3is 33

Teach kitten it's okay to be handled
To start this post off - I do understand that ultimately, one cannot fully dictate a cat's behaviour, and that especially with kittens, how they act when they young isn't how they act when they are older, and I am fully prepared to accept no matter what I do, my kitten may never want to cuddle, and that's fine!

My 'resident' cat (7yrs next month) (a term that is increasingly irrelevant as Lillie (>13 weeks) has now lived here almost 4 weeks) started off when I first got him 5 years ago only occasionally sat on or near me, was mostly just content to get pets but not cuddle. Now 5 years later he will more often than not as soon as he can tell I am waking up he comes to snuggle, he will sit on my lap more often, when I lie down for naps he will come join me. So point being even if Lillie doesn't end up like that I will still have River! And it also means I understand cat's temperament can change and I'm fine with that.

So, as above, I know for a large part the type of cat Lillie is and will become is out of my control, but I was wondering what I can do as an owner to make her more used to and hopefully enjoy being held, handled and cuddled. After all, she is a young kitten and likely hasn't had much experience to really know much about it. I know if you expose a cat to too much affection too quick it can overwhelm them - it needs to be something they want otherwise it's a negative experience.

So is it a case of handling her and holding her for certain times a day, and increasing it, as it is for other things with cat training? If so, what pace would you suggest - in terms of how long should I start with and how much should I increase it by?

---
Teach kitten to tolerate baths
Again, I 100% am aware cats do not need baths as routine, they clean themselves. However, sometimes they do. I only ever bath River if he has gotten himself unusually dirty - when he was younger this was sometimes a case of getting into dusty or dirty places, but now that he understands off-limit areas better, it usually only ever happens if he has soiled his carrier while he is in it - in which case he gets a bath, cat shampoo and a rinse.
When River was younger, he resisted and thought these. He was never violent against me, but he would constantly attempt to scramble out of the bath, be it by clinging on to the side or on to me, and would be moaning the entire time. 5 years later and he is such a good boy. He certainly doesn't want to have baths, but if I put him in one, he has completely stopped fighting it - either he has learnt they are not that bad or that it's over faster if he doesn't. He will just stand there and let me wash him. Same situation with trimming his nails - he's still funny about his back paws but he never fights with his front anymore.
With it being Lillie's formative years, I'd like her to learn baths aren't bad like River has. What would be the suggestion here - should I give her exposure baths (i.e. baths when she doesn't need them) so she learns being in a tub of water isn't a bad thing? How often, for how long?
---
Other things

Any other suggestions I should make the most of the time I have a kitten in her formative years to teach her? Someone mentioned clicker training so I'll look at that. River is sort of harness and leash trained (in that his previous owners leash trained him, but they lived in a more rural area, and River was an indoor/outdoor cat - I have only ever lived in urban areas near main roads, so I don't let River out because a. I am not convinced it is safe and b. I usually live in a maisonette and would have no idea if he wanted in and as someone with OCD and anxiety, I'd be constantly checking for him. River quickly adapted to being indoor only with absolutely no complaints, but as he is scared of traffic (which is fair, cars are scary), he has now associated his harness and leash with loud noises, so I need to retrain him to not), so I would also like Lillie to be too. I find it easier to transport cats without a carrier, and as long as he isn't near cars, River prefers to not be inside one either. Obviously there are loads of guides online about leash training so I can read one of those.

Any other suggestions?

Thanks all for reading and for your help!

Not all cats show their fear. I put my cat Maggie in a carrier. She cries because she is scared. Being in the car calms her. Maybe it's the music. Vet has no trouble taking care of her. On her way back she poos in the carrier because the experience terrified her. Peaches trimmers hard. Coco clings on to me. They all react different. River is probably scared but now knows she is helpless. I have never had a cat want to be in a carrier.. Sorry for the negactive response. Just my opinion. Hope you and your cat can compromise

 

[danteshuman]

Yeah my cat is in my arms & only goes in the carrier once we arrive at the vet’s office. I really need to get him a car harness.

My advice? Bring an extra towel in case she has an accident. Also don’t feed wet food 6-8 hours before the car ride & withhold dry food 2-4 hours before the car ride (if your cat gets really car sick.)

 

[imaginewizard]

As a generic update - Lillie had a vet trip today, so she was in her harness (as I would usually do with River), but in the cat bag for the taxi trips and then I carried her leashed for inside the vet.
When she was in her harness in the house, she seems fine, in fact fine enough to still want to play with my laces as I try to tie my shoes, maybe only a tiniest bit less mobile - so I wonder if that means she is completely fine to the idea of wearing a harness? She was wearing it yesterday for about half an hour and playing more or less fine.
I got her to walk with me a bit outside the vet to near the door - she seemed to be getting it.

Most importantly, as soon as we got home, she has been sleeping in my lap for the last two hours ... maybe because the vet trip has exhausted her, but very much a case of be careful what you wish for coz now I haven't had breakfast and am in danger of being late for my meetings!!!! But at least she sees my lap as a sleeping spot!

 

[imaginewizard]

Often, kittens start out only willing to be pet when tired or in a special spot where the human is often quiet and inactive such as the bed or couch. To the extent the kitten doesn't like being put in the bath, such training would definitely work at cross purposes with your main goal of getting the kitten friendlier and more comfortable with you. As such, I simply wouldn't do it unless the cat has a self-cleaning problem. And even then, a wipe would likely be less traumatic.

I see your point about the bath being counter-productive to getting her more comfortable with me -
I mean, in terms of being comfortable with me, I would say she is there. She literally follows me around the house, she will often sleep on my mousemat when I am on my computer (when she's not walking on my keyboard), she will come join me on my bed from time to time when she's not playing or chasing River. And she has on three occasions in the last four weeks, including right now after her vet visit, fallen asleep on top of me. So she does seem to trust me for sure, so my whole question about handling was more how to capitalise on this and do anything to reaffirm this and potentially lead her to being more so.
So my concern with the baths is that if I don't use her formative years to desensitise her to them, if and when she does need them (e.g. soiling herself in the carrier), it will be a more lengthy, difficult and traumatising experience. Hence why I'm wondering if gentle steps (get her used to being a bit wet in the bath, then more so, then more so, without the need to actually clean anything off her) is something I should try.

First the harness. (...)

OK bath time. Associate it with good food. Give hem treats in the tub or sink. Use a handheld faucet to bathe them. Do not put them in a tub of water. Go slow. Praise and reassure.

She seems able to play more or less normally in her harness (with only a little bit of mobility hesitance), and isn't particularly bothered by the leash following her, so would you agree with that she is more or less desensitised to harness wearing. I will continue doing positive associations with her, but I would be inclined to move to the next step of getting her to follow/walk with it on. She's pretty much at the exact stage River is at.

1) Baths: foam baths! The best invention ever!!!! You foam them up, then dry them with a towel & are done! They also sell cat wet wipes for spot cleaning!

2) Getting a cat to snuggle: a few things: A) be the furniture! Let your cat get on you & do whatever. Do not pet them unless they ask for it. B) If your cats gets on you, give them at least 15 minutes before you get up. An hour is better. For this reason my cats come running when I get under a blanket; they know I’m going to stay seating for a longtime! C) Feel free to lure the kitten onto your lap. I used a wand toy to get them on me. I also gave them a few quick scratches behind the ear then went back to playing. Remember as a kitten, all they want to do is play! So as your cat grows up; they will get more snuggly.

I will look into foam baths, and thank you for the snuggle tips. She's been on my lap now for two hours and is likely going to make me very late, but hopefully it has reinforced in her mind that snuggles are a thing we can do. I remember a kitten I catsat for two years ago would always snuggle on me when I sat down, clearly Lillie is more of a play type and that is fine, hopefully the more she learns to enjoy human body warmth than, as you say, when she gets older she will want it more.

3is 33

Not all cats show their fear. I put my cat Maggie in a carrier. She cries because she is scared. Being in the car calms her. Maybe it's the music. Vet has no trouble taking care of her. On her way back she poos in the carrier because the experience terrified her. Peaches trimmers hard. Coco clings on to me. They all react different. River is probably scared but now knows she is helpless. I have never had a cat want to be in a carrier.. Sorry for the negactive response. Just my opinion. Hope you and your cat can compromise

Didn't read your response as negative at all! River dislikes being in a closed carrier but is fine being in an open one, and prefers being on a leash to being in a closed carrier. He's perfectly fine with vets, loves to explore when he's there. It's possible River (who is a he btw) is still scared of baths but has just learnt that making a fuss is pointless, but I also like to think I can read his body language and I don't recognise any of his fear signs. Especially as he doesn't find baths scary anymore as he will often stand on the bath edge when I am showering and attempt to drink the shower water.

But yes, River's dislike of carriers and my dislike of having to handle carriers over the ease of having them on leashes is why I'd like them both to be happier on it. River just needs to relearn it and Lillie needs to get used to it.

Yeah my cat is in my arms & only goes in the carrier once we arrive at the vet’s office. I really need to get him a car harness.

My advice? Bring an extra towel in case she has an accident. Also don’t feed wet food 6-8 hours before the car ride & withhold dry food 2-4 hours before the car ride (if your cat gets really car sick.)

I'm the opposite coz I rely on public transport, the cats are in the carrier in the taxi (if I'm on the bus it depends on how I am feeling, but the safest thing appears to be to have him in the carrier while boarding and getting off, then having it open for him to peak out of while sitting), and then on the leash at the vets.
I already don't feed them the from the day before until they get back to discourage them from toileting on the journey, I'm not sure what you're suggesting I do with the extra towel though, nor do I think I'd have the means to carry one with me and a cat and a cat carrier and potentially the things I buy at the vets.




Thanks all for your inputs!

 

[danteshuman]

I think 12 hours is the max they need to go without food before a trip. 8 hours should be fine. You don’t want the cat getting dehydrated.

Maybe an extra puppy pad to put in the crate, just in case? Cami (mom’s car) gets so car sick from going to the vet; she threw up last time. She also is so scared so she goes first so she doesn’t wind up her brothers. She freaks out & is terrified of the vet.

I keep trying to convince my mom to give her a light sedative before her vet visit..... I think public transportation would be more frightening. You can call your vet ahead & ask to pick up a light sedative for your cat before the day of the vet visit.

 

[imaginewizard]

Maybe an extra puppy pad to put in the crate, just in case? (...)

I keep trying to convince my mom to give her a light sedative before her vet visit..... I think public transportation would be more frightening. You can call your vet ahead & ask to pick up a light sedative for your cat before the day of the vet visit.

If they do soil the carrier (it's a bag, not a crate), it's usually faeces not urine, so a puppy pad probably wouldn't help in my case, and even if it was urine, I'd still be inclined to wash them because they'll be tumbling around a damp surface regardless - but thank you for the suggestions!

Additionally nothing about their behaviour makes me think they need sedating - River is extraordinary calm for a cat, as several people both at the vet and in trains have commented. He only freaks out around traffic, which is why I tend to keep him in the bag until I've gotten into the bus or into the vets. Lillie has only ever been outside yesterday, but she didn't freak in the sense of trying to flee, she was obviously a bit nervous about the new experience but her reaction was to stay put in my arms.

 

[Kflowers]

If you must bath the cat, put a rubber mat like the non-slip mats for showers/tubs in your kitchen sink. (cut it to fit) or at least a towel so the cat will be able to grab onto something and not slip. Odds are one slip where kit's head goes under water and that's all she wrote. But even if she doesn't slip, holding on to something is comforting for most creatures when doing something scary. Yes, baths are scary. Think towel equals teddy bear.

 

[imaginewizard]

If you must bath the cat, put a rubber mat like the non-slip mats for showers/tubs in your kitchen sink. (cut it to fit) or at least a towel so the cat will be able to grab onto something and not slip. Odds are one slip where kit's head goes under water and that's all she wrote. But even if she doesn't slip, holding on to something is comforting for most creatures when doing something scary. Yes, baths are scary. Think towel equals teddy bear.

Ah, that's a good idea!

 

[danteshuman]

I put a kitchen towel on the bottom of the sink but once I found out about foam baths, I never went back! .... except for the few times Jackie got poo or litter in his fur. Then I used wet wash cloths or gave him partial baths.

Use lukewarm water and a cup to pour water on them.

 

[maggie101]

I rescued a tiny kitten once. When I went to the bathroom he climbed on my back. I caught him just in time so only his back leg got in the toilet. I gave him a quick bath. Yuck!

 

[Juniper_Junebug]

I see your point about the bath being counter-productive to getting her more comfortable with me -
I mean, in terms of being comfortable with me, I would say she is there. She literally follows me around the house, she will often sleep on my mousemat when I am on my computer (when she's not walking on my keyboard), she will come join me on my bed from time to time when she's not playing or chasing River. And she has on three occasions in the last four weeks, including right now after her vet visit, fallen asleep on top of me. So she does seem to trust me for sure, so my whole question about handling was more how to capitalise on this and do anything to reaffirm this and potentially lead her to being more so.
So my concern with the baths is that if I don't use her formative years to desensitise her to them, if and when she does need them (e.g. soiling herself in the carrier), it will be a more lengthy, difficult and traumatising experience. Hence why I'm wondering if gentle steps (get her used to being a bit wet in the bath, then more so, then more so, without the need to actually clean anything off her) is something I should try.


She seems able to play more or less normally in her harness (with only a little bit of mobility hesitance), and isn't particularly bothered by the leash following her, so would you agree with that she is more or less desensitised to harness wearing. I will continue doing positive associations with her, but I would be inclined to move to the next step of getting her to follow/walk with it on. She's pretty much at the exact stage River is at.



I will look into foam baths, and thank you for the snuggle tips. She's been on my lap now for two hours and is likely going to make me very late, but hopefully it has reinforced in her mind that snuggles are a thing we can do. I remember a kitten I catsat for two years ago would always snuggle on me when I sat down, clearly Lillie is more of a play type and that is fine, hopefully the more she learns to enjoy human body warmth than, as you say, when she gets older she will want it more.



Didn't read your response as negative at all! River dislikes being in a closed carrier but is fine being in an open one, and prefers being on a leash to being in a closed carrier. He's perfectly fine with vets, loves to explore when he's there. It's possible River (who is a he btw) is still scared of baths but has just learnt that making a fuss is pointless, but I also like to think I can read his body language and I don't recognise any of his fear signs. Especially as he doesn't find baths scary anymore as he will often stand on the bath edge when I am showering and attempt to drink the shower water.

But yes, River's dislike of carriers and my dislike of having to handle carriers over the ease of having them on leashes is why I'd like them both to be happier on it. River just needs to relearn it and Lillie needs to get used to it.




I'm the opposite coz I rely on public transport, the cats are in the carrier in the taxi (if I'm on the bus it depends on how I am feeling, but the safest thing appears to be to have him in the carrier while boarding and getting off, then having it open for him to peak out of while sitting), and then on the leash at the vets.
I already don't feed them the from the day before until they get back to discourage them from toileting on the journey, I'm not sure what you're suggesting I do with the extra towel though, nor do I think I'd have the means to carry one with me and a cat and a cat carrier and potentially the things I buy at the vets.




Thanks all for your inputs!

Personally, I might try to give her a bath while she's young. Juno was my first cat and I wanted to try to get her acclimated to as much stuff as I could while she was still young. (COVID made it hard to get her used to other people, and I do think she's now more reticent around visitors than she would have been if I could have had people over last year while she was still a kitten).

In my case, I had to bathe Juno as a kitten because of giardia. It was traumatic: it was clear there was no getting her used to it, but Lillie might be different.