Sorry it's long and totally off topic, but I value your opinions
We recently moved out of our starter home of 8 years into our forever home, in that 8 years we became quite good friends with one of our elderly neighbours (“Alvin”) Previously he was one of those people that would say his age and you would do a double-take, you’d never believe he was that old, although in the past 8 years he has aged terribly and quickly.
Alvin had little retirement saving and (obviously) cannot live off his pension alone, so he has (had) a contract job as a caretaker. Shortly after we moved in to the starter home, Alvin’s adult daughter “Tara” moved in with him, he never agreed to let Tara move in, but due to his increased aging he was unable to do parts of his contact job, so out of necessity he allowed her to stay because she helped him out at the job.
From an outsider perspective, Tara is a lecherous woman, she is 50+ years old, never had a stable job, lost her license twice for DUI, has been in and out of AA for 10+ years, and that’s just scraping the surface of her personality! In the 8 years we lived next to them, she has systemically ruined his life.
- The little retirement savings he did have, she stole to pay off part of her back-owed income tax
- She makes him pay her car and insurance and cell phone
- She lives rent free
- She sells his belongings for alcohol
- She steals his pension to use at the VLC gaming machines
DH and I unsure what exactly she is doing to make him pay for her things, but we’ve seen first-hand the verbal tirades she goes off on, shouting all sorts of obscenities and names at him. So obviously there is some verbal abuse going on, but we don’t know if it extends to physical.
There are many times we thought of reporting this situation (to somebody? Not even sure who?) and we’ve spoken to Alvin on it multiple times, and it’s the same excuse. He needs her now, because of his ailing health he can’t do any part of that job now, Tara is doing that job for him now, he needs that job to make ends-meat, which they are BARELY making because of Tara’s habits and every day it’s more of her abuse and demanding more and more money from him, which causes him to stress which deteriorates his health further.
It’s like a never ending downward spiral.
DH and I surprised each other last night that we were considering offering one of our spare rooms to Alvin. We have the room in our new home, He would have his own bedroom and bathroom plus his own family room, with shared laundry and kitchen. He could sell off his home cheap to Tara (it’s a trailer on a rented lot, it wouldn’t go for much anyway) give her the contract job, and then the 3 of us to work out what he can afford to contribute out of his pension, while still having enough for leisure money for him. That way he can stop paying for Tara’s debts and finally retire.
That’s the up side, I am conflicted on some things.
- Privacy invasion, We’re child-free by choice, I’m concerned about having someone else in the house
- His health, we cannot provide him home care, he will have to work that out himself.
- His dog, I don’t know how well that will go over with the kitties.
And the big one:
-Tara.
If we were to do this for him, it would be an escape, I would want him to wash his hands of her (so to speak). I don’t want her within 100ft of my house, let alone IN it! I don’t want him giving her money, I don’t want her to contact him, because we all know how that ends up. Is it unreasonable to request he let her go? To have no contact? I know it is his daughter, but she’s a total abuser, she’s totally not welcome in our home and if we find out after she’s still coercing money out of him, we’re going to be really hurt.
It could be all speculation, he may choose to stay where he’s at, he’s refused help before. but I don’t know, what do you think? I’d value a different perspective.
We recently moved out of our starter home of 8 years into our forever home, in that 8 years we became quite good friends with one of our elderly neighbours (“Alvin”) Previously he was one of those people that would say his age and you would do a double-take, you’d never believe he was that old, although in the past 8 years he has aged terribly and quickly.
Alvin had little retirement saving and (obviously) cannot live off his pension alone, so he has (had) a contract job as a caretaker. Shortly after we moved in to the starter home, Alvin’s adult daughter “Tara” moved in with him, he never agreed to let Tara move in, but due to his increased aging he was unable to do parts of his contact job, so out of necessity he allowed her to stay because she helped him out at the job.
From an outsider perspective, Tara is a lecherous woman, she is 50+ years old, never had a stable job, lost her license twice for DUI, has been in and out of AA for 10+ years, and that’s just scraping the surface of her personality! In the 8 years we lived next to them, she has systemically ruined his life.
- The little retirement savings he did have, she stole to pay off part of her back-owed income tax
- She makes him pay her car and insurance and cell phone
- She lives rent free
- She sells his belongings for alcohol
- She steals his pension to use at the VLC gaming machines
DH and I unsure what exactly she is doing to make him pay for her things, but we’ve seen first-hand the verbal tirades she goes off on, shouting all sorts of obscenities and names at him. So obviously there is some verbal abuse going on, but we don’t know if it extends to physical.
There are many times we thought of reporting this situation (to somebody? Not even sure who?) and we’ve spoken to Alvin on it multiple times, and it’s the same excuse. He needs her now, because of his ailing health he can’t do any part of that job now, Tara is doing that job for him now, he needs that job to make ends-meat, which they are BARELY making because of Tara’s habits and every day it’s more of her abuse and demanding more and more money from him, which causes him to stress which deteriorates his health further.
It’s like a never ending downward spiral.
DH and I surprised each other last night that we were considering offering one of our spare rooms to Alvin. We have the room in our new home, He would have his own bedroom and bathroom plus his own family room, with shared laundry and kitchen. He could sell off his home cheap to Tara (it’s a trailer on a rented lot, it wouldn’t go for much anyway) give her the contract job, and then the 3 of us to work out what he can afford to contribute out of his pension, while still having enough for leisure money for him. That way he can stop paying for Tara’s debts and finally retire.
That’s the up side, I am conflicted on some things.
- Privacy invasion, We’re child-free by choice, I’m concerned about having someone else in the house
- His health, we cannot provide him home care, he will have to work that out himself.
- His dog, I don’t know how well that will go over with the kitties.
And the big one:
-Tara.
If we were to do this for him, it would be an escape, I would want him to wash his hands of her (so to speak). I don’t want her within 100ft of my house, let alone IN it! I don’t want him giving her money, I don’t want her to contact him, because we all know how that ends up. Is it unreasonable to request he let her go? To have no contact? I know it is his daughter, but she’s a total abuser, she’s totally not welcome in our home and if we find out after she’s still coercing money out of him, we’re going to be really hurt.
It could be all speculation, he may choose to stay where he’s at, he’s refused help before. but I don’t know, what do you think? I’d value a different perspective.
