Does She Just Not Like Me?

[huxleysmom]

I am puzzled by Sophie’s behavior. When I got her, she was so affectionate (though I later realized she was poorly from a spay scar infection). Once she felt better, she slowly became less and less affectionate with me and even started to bite/scratch. Now, she barely gives me the time of day and keeps herself to herself unless I play or when I feed her. She does want my presence and will follow me around the appartment and rub against my leg once in a while. I went away for Xmas for 13 days. She spent the first 9 days alone with a pet sitter coming twice a day and then I got another sitter to stay at my place the last 4 nights as I thought it would just be too long for her. Well, he sent me a picture of Sophie on his lap! Apparently, she was affectionate with him, slept in the bed with him, spent time on his lap and didn’t bite him once!!!! Basically my cat cheated on me with the sitter! Lol.
I laugh about it, but it is very annoying. Why does she behave like this with him, but not with me? Does she not like me or trust me? Is she happy with me then? Does she simply prefer men? I know some animals do have a gender preference for their humans. It’s all very sad. After Huxley, I desperately wanted to adopt a healthy, affectionate cat but instead I find myself with yet another sick cat expect this one couldn’t care less if I’m here or not and would actually prefer to be with my male cat sitter.

 

[m3rma1d]

Yep, sounds like a cat to me.
Bribe her with treats?

 

[rubysmama]

How long did you have Sophie before you went away? How long have you been back home now? Just wondering if she needs more time to get to "know" you.

Here's a TCS article with 14 Cat Experts Reveal: How To Get A Cat To Like Me that might have some ideas for you.

 

[huxleysmom]

I adopted her back in August. I came back yesterday. She is behaving with me exactly how she did before I left. Distant when I am sitting somewhere, follows me around when I move. That’s about all the interaction I get. If I try to pet her, she’ll tolerate it for a couple of minutes and then will bite.

How long did you have Sophie before you went away? How long have you been back home now? Just wondering if she needs more time to get to "know" you.

Here's a TCS article with 14 Cat Experts Reveal: How To Get A Cat To Like Me that might have some ideas for you.

 

[rubysmama]

Is the 2nd cat sitter a friend? If so, I wonder if having him over to visit, and seeing how Sophie responds might be worth a try.

Meanwhile read the tips in the article I posted, as maybe something will help.

Here's another article:
Playing With Your Cat: 10 Things You Need To Know

 

[CatCrazy777]

Try not to be disheartened. Time and patience are so important, especially because most things are on a cats terms rather than your own! Maybe you could ask the cat sitter how he was with her? If she likes to be stroked in a certain place/ way, or maybe talked to. Hopefully he can give you some insight - good luck!

 

[huxleysmom]

No. He’s not a friend.I read the other article you attached and will try some of the tips. We do play a lot together, so i don’t think that’s what it is. I think it’s the way I approach her. Maybe too much and try to force it when it’s not there. Who knows. Maybe she does need a male human. If she is a cuddly cat, do i want her to be in a home where she doesn’r Want to be cuddly? Is it a good home for her?

Is the 2nd cat sitter a friend? If so, I wonder if having him over to visit, and seeing how Sophie responds might be worth a try.

Meanwhile read the tips in the article I posted, as maybe something will help.

Here's another article:
Playing With Your Cat: 10 Things You Need To Know

 

[huxleysmom]

I’ll ask him. All i know is he was surprised that she wasn’t known as a lapcat.

Try not to be disheartened. Time and patience are so important, especially because most things are on a cats terms rather than your own! Maybe you could ask the cat sitter how he was with her? If she likes to be stroked in a certain place/ way, or maybe talked to. Hopefully he can give you some insight - good luck!

 

[rubysmama]

Some people are just "cat whisperers" and maybe the cat sitter is, and that's why she took to him so quickly.

Or maybe she senses you "trying too hard" to get her attention. Maybe try ignoring her a little bit. https://www.quora.com/Why-do-cats-like-people-who-ignore-them

Here's some more TCS articles, with tips:
10 Must-know Tips For Happy Living With A Shy Cat
16 Top Cat Experts Share Tips For Dealing With Timid Cats
Your Cat Probably Hates It When You...
25 Signs That Your Cat Loves You

 

[susanm9006]

If she didn’t like you she wouldn’t be following you around from room to room. Even though it has been four months she may still be nervous around you because you put her in a carrier and took her home. Just a tiny thing but it can make some cats hesitant. I would definitely offer treats, spend a lot of time talking with her even if she doesn’t come near and pet her when she asks for attention. I have no doubt in time she will become more affectionate with you.

 

[huxleysmom]

I hope you are right! She has been sick so I have had to give her nasty bitter liquid meds in her mouth and that process was definitely not painless. So maybe you are right. Hopefully time and patience on my part will help.

If she didn’t like you she wouldn’t be following you around from room to room. Even though it has been four months she may still be nervous around you because you put her in a carrier and took her home. Just a tiny thing but it can make some cats hesitant. I would definitely offer treats, spend a lot of time talking with her even if she doesn’t come near and pet her when she asks for attention. I have no doubt in time she will become more affectionate with you.

 

[huxleysmom]

Apart from playing this morning, she’s been avoiding me. If she’s in the same room as me, she is in a place I can’t see her (behind my armchair on the floor or the kitchen counter) or in another room.

 

[susanm9006]

I would bet it is the medicine. She may be fearful that if she gets too close she may be grabbed and get a dose. But she will get over it and get back to her old behavior.

 

[war&wisdom]

It's probably at least partially because of the med administration. But also, she had been essentially alone for 9 days before the second cat sitter came to stay, so maybe she was more affectionate with him because she had been a bit lonely. When you came home, she had already gotten her cuddles in.

 

[huxleysmom]

I thought of that, yes. Who knows. It’s probably a bit of everything. I might just be too « pushy « for her own taste. I’ve been giving her plenty of space today. Presenting my hand to her and only petting her when she rubs her head on my hand. Generally ignoring her, but talking to her. It seems to work. On the edge of my lap and facing away, but I’ll take it!

It's probably at least partially because of the med administration. But also, she had been essentially alone for 9 days before the second cat sitter came to stay, so maybe she was more affectionate with him because she had been a bit lonely. When you came home, she had already gotten her cuddles in.

 

[rubysmama]

I hope you are right! She has been sick so I have had to give her nasty bitter liquid meds in her mouth and that process was definitely not painless. So maybe you are right. Hopefully time and patience on my part will help.

Oh, didn't know about the meds. I'm sure that's part of her not wanting to get too close to you. In time, she'll forget all that.

On the edge of my lap and facing away, but I’ll take it!

And there's a start, already.

 

[catlover73]

One of my cats was adopted from a friend who was doing private rescue with her own funds. I helped socialize him when he was a baby and he was adopted out. He was returned to her so my hubby and I adopted him. When we first adopted Sonny he would run away from his foster mommy when she would cat sit for us. If were home when she was visiting he would be his normal cuddly self around her. The best we could figure out is that he was scared he was going to be taken somewhere else. She just let him come to her on his own terms when she was cat sitting. He has lived with us since 2010. Every once in a while he decides not to cuddle with our cat sitter still. He will hang out in the room but may or may not accept pets. My friend and her hubby were hanging out with us at our house New Years Eve and he was being affectionate with all of us. Sometimes cats have their own reasons for how they adjust to people. Things change and move at the cat's pace not ours.

I agree with having a conversation with the 2nd cat sitter about his interactions with your cat. Perhaps there is something he is doing differently that could help your relationship with your cat. Yes some cats can have gender preferences but they can change over time. Your cat may not be cuddly but that does not mean that she does not love you or is unhappy in your home. It seems like your cat is choosing to show love by following you around instead of being in your lap right now. This too is something that could change eventually.

I have seen cats go through independence phases where it seems like you don't exist. This happened with my Apollo. He wanted to be in the room with you but did not want to cuddle with either of us. He has now decided he is daddy's kid and prefers to interact mainly with him. He will hang out in the same room as me but if I decide to pet him at the wrong time he will run away from me. If I wait for him to rub on me before petting him then he will let me. I have had to accept that he shows me affection by being near me instead of being in my lap.

My very shy senior Starbuck is normally scared of anyone but us. She has within the last year decided that my cat sitter is now allowed to pet her. My cat sitter has experience with shy scared cats of her own. She knew Starbuck's hiding spots to check on her when we were traveling but she would not force interaction. She allowed Starbuck to decide when she wanted to interact. Starbuck actually made my cat sitter be late to a Christmas party because she kept asking for more pets on Christmas day when I was out of town. My cat sitter decided petting Starbuck was more important then being on time for a party. All of my other cats interact with my cat sitter but it took Starbuck along time to decide it was ok just to be petted. Starbuck does not like to be picked up most of the time so my cat sitter will not try to pick her up unless she asks for it. Starbuck's behavior is very obvious when she does want to be picked up.

 

[huxleysmom]

Look who joined me in bed this morning! She is still fairly distant during the day and does not really like to be petted. I am trying my hardest to let her be when she settles away from me but it is so hard! Look at that face! All i want to do is cuddle with her but I gotta remind myself that she is NOT Huxley. I have to learn to let her take over and interact with her on her own terms only. I guess one of my 2019 resolution will be to be more patient!

 

[Hellenww]

Get a telescoping back scratcher. Our skittish boy, Sqeeker, loves it. At about 8 yrs he let me start brushing him with a regular brush most mornings. At 10 he asks for brushing.

Your Sophie has already shown that she wants affection. Scratching from a distance might help her remember. At first let her rub on the scratcher, just hold it steady at first.

 

[susanm9006]

When my Willow first came near me and I could touch her, she stood stiff and although she would let me pet her for a minute or two, there was no response to the pets. Not a lean in or a purr regardless of how or where I stroked her. I too thought maybe she just wasn’t a cat that liked to be petted. Looking back years later though I think she simply could not relax enough at that point to enjoy the attention even though she wanted it. She is just the kind of cat, and yours may be at well, that is always at least a little on guard and needs to try things out before she relaxes. And with Willow while it definitely has to be on her terms she now purrs up a storm when she gets the affection she asks for.