I haven't been on here for a long time as I have been dealing with the toughest period in my life since last September when I realized that my parents couldn't take care of themselves or each other anymore, had to admit them to the hospital then short term rehab then into assisted living. They were doing pretty good, I got them where they needed to go, then early November Deb & I both got Covid because we were so worn down from stress, then about 7 weeks ago both my parents got it, my dad got over it pretty fast but my mom who has AFIB spent 4 days in the hospital with Covid and Sepsis then another rehab place then the rehab place where they started back in October, and she hasn't been right since, very weepy and out of it, she took several steps back with this and the staff there said that they have seen Covid "taking it's toll on the elderly residents" and it causes "personality changes" and mood changes, and she surely has that. The doctors check her out and they say she is otherwise okay, she says she has no pain, doesn't feel sick, her meds stayed the same, but she had a LOT to deal with with all that then about 10 days ago the stomach virus swept through the building and they both got that. I talked to her the other night and despite having to shout because she doesn't wear her hearing aids or wear them properly we had a good talk and she seemed like she was doing better. Then today Deb & I went to visit them and she was laying on the bed sleeping in a very weird position, then was so out of it she seemed like she was comatose or stoned which scared the heck out of us. I called the nurses to come in to check her out and check her vitals, and I gave her some water to drink and the nurses said her blood pressure was a bit low (she has that issue a lot so they constantly monitor her for it), and they also got her a sandwich to eat and more water, and she started to snap out of it so much that I said "you wouldn't have gotten that response from her 10 minutes ago" so she did seem to be getting somewhat better, but I left there feeling so heartsick and upset. I asked the nurse to please check in her records on the computer from a few days ago when the P.A. checked on her for the second time in 2 weeks if he had any notes in there, she just called me and said he did but it was nothing more than before and said she checks out okay but they wonder if this is her new "normal" now or if it still is from the Covid and I know MANY people said it could take 6 months or more for her to shake that at age 83, I know when I had it about a month later I developed anxiety, even asked on here if others had that, talked to other people who had that happen, so I'm sure she has aways to go with that. But I told them they are going to have to REALLY make sure that they both are eating and drinking, as they easily could get dehydrated, and I turned the heat down in there, it was like a steam bath which can also make you lethargic, but I am doing everything that I know to do for them, am making sure that they are taken care of the best that they can be, and hope that they get better and are as good as they can be, but this Covid is a weird virus, lingering issues especially in the elderly.
The other part of it that has aged me about 10 years is that they had many places and cars and properties, I used to talk to her for years and say "you don't use these places, you don't rent them or live in them, can we please sell them so when the time comes I don't lose my mind?" and she'd say "and I don't want that to happen" and I said "but you're not doing anything about it!". 2020 she floored me when she said she wanted to sell a property, we got a great deal on it but more importantly we got rid of it, no more paying taxes and upkeep on a place for "ghosts to live in" as I would say, and she felt better about it. I told her I could keep going and sell more but she'd always say "it's too soon, I need time" and "I don't want to upset your father" which was nonsense because he has Aphasia and Dementia and wouldn't have known or cared about it, so they did nothing. But this past Summer, when I saw that things were getting worse, I tried to keep them in their home as long as I could by having improvements made and me taking them food and giving her meds the correct way-she almost overdosed a few times because she went nuts and took 3 months of blood pressure pills IN 3 WEEKS because she said "your father is driving me nuts, I didn't want my blood pressure to go up-so I started to divy them out correctly, but I also made a list of all the things they had that I would have to sell, homes, cars, properites, and came up with 11 things, ELEVEN!!! Most people go into assisted living and have a home, a car or two, and maybe something else, but not 11 things that they didn't use but paid taxes on and paid for oil and to have the grass cut and the snow shoveled...I talked to them MANY times over the years to sell them or move into one of them, told them that this is CRAZY to waste money like this, but they had it to spend and that's what they did, I couldn't do anything except watch it happen unless I as I jokingly said were to have them deemed incompetent, so as they went through these changes I hooked up with a WONDERFUL realtor who helped me start digging into this mess and as of now I am down to 4 things on the list, and two of them are in the process of being sold, the last two things will be the house they lived in and a car there, but the rest is gone, I enlisted the help of a financial advisor and invested the monies into CD's that would pay dividends every 3 months so they are well taken care of so there is no money worries and it is costly where they are but they all are, and they deserve to be taken care of in a good place.
This has been the toughest, most emotional time of my life, but I have met every challenge head on, have made the best choices I could make, my realtor said "I don't think we could've done any better", but it was so tough and still is, seeing them in the mental state they are in, I wish I could wave a magic wand and make them better but I can't. Oh, they both also took a LOT of pills for migraine headaches over MANY years, I tried to talk to them about that too, telling them I thought they were getting rebound headaches but they told me "no we're not, we know what we are doing", but in 2016 they discovered my dad had inoperable lesions on the left side of his brain, and a year later my mom had a seizure and I told the doctor "she takes too much medicine for migraines" and he said "I see that, I'll address it" and he did, he put her on medicine to PREVENT the headaches and she hasn't really had one since, I wish I could go back in time 40 years and have them do that for her but I can't, I can just make sure that they are cared for as best as can be, sell the remaining things, and understand that this is how it is, this is my and their life now, all I can do is deal with it the best that I can, but it has really worn on me...
My Grandmother lived right across the street from them, she passed in 2009, I just sold her house a few months ago, they held onto it and did nothing with it except pay the upkeep on it which as I said was crazy, but it is sold now. We went in there a few months ago and went through what little things were left, and I cried my eyes out when I read cards and letters that my Grandmother had from when my Grandfather died in 1975, I could hardly read them through the tears. But it was such an emotional upheavel, this should've been sold years ago, but this was so tough as well as some of the other things to sell. I talked with my pastor and she and some other people have told me "this should never have been put on you", meaning they should've done something when I asked them to over the years, but it was/is on me, I am the only child, other than my wife and my realtor I have no one helping, but that is how it was meant to be I guess. But it has been so so tough doing all of this, while working full time too.
THANK YOU if you read this all the way through, I just needed to vent about it again. I have not been on here because of all this going on. I had coached youth soccer for 21 years and have given that up to handle all this, I am in no state mentally to commit to coaching while this is going on, I just work and try to make it through each day, keep a check on them, yet try to enjoy some things in life yet. Life has changed so much, and life has changed me, but as my Grandmother used to say to me when people faced tough times "that's life, Les".
You were right, Nana....
The other part of it that has aged me about 10 years is that they had many places and cars and properties, I used to talk to her for years and say "you don't use these places, you don't rent them or live in them, can we please sell them so when the time comes I don't lose my mind?" and she'd say "and I don't want that to happen" and I said "but you're not doing anything about it!". 2020 she floored me when she said she wanted to sell a property, we got a great deal on it but more importantly we got rid of it, no more paying taxes and upkeep on a place for "ghosts to live in" as I would say, and she felt better about it. I told her I could keep going and sell more but she'd always say "it's too soon, I need time" and "I don't want to upset your father" which was nonsense because he has Aphasia and Dementia and wouldn't have known or cared about it, so they did nothing. But this past Summer, when I saw that things were getting worse, I tried to keep them in their home as long as I could by having improvements made and me taking them food and giving her meds the correct way-she almost overdosed a few times because she went nuts and took 3 months of blood pressure pills IN 3 WEEKS because she said "your father is driving me nuts, I didn't want my blood pressure to go up-so I started to divy them out correctly, but I also made a list of all the things they had that I would have to sell, homes, cars, properites, and came up with 11 things, ELEVEN!!! Most people go into assisted living and have a home, a car or two, and maybe something else, but not 11 things that they didn't use but paid taxes on and paid for oil and to have the grass cut and the snow shoveled...I talked to them MANY times over the years to sell them or move into one of them, told them that this is CRAZY to waste money like this, but they had it to spend and that's what they did, I couldn't do anything except watch it happen unless I as I jokingly said were to have them deemed incompetent, so as they went through these changes I hooked up with a WONDERFUL realtor who helped me start digging into this mess and as of now I am down to 4 things on the list, and two of them are in the process of being sold, the last two things will be the house they lived in and a car there, but the rest is gone, I enlisted the help of a financial advisor and invested the monies into CD's that would pay dividends every 3 months so they are well taken care of so there is no money worries and it is costly where they are but they all are, and they deserve to be taken care of in a good place.
This has been the toughest, most emotional time of my life, but I have met every challenge head on, have made the best choices I could make, my realtor said "I don't think we could've done any better", but it was so tough and still is, seeing them in the mental state they are in, I wish I could wave a magic wand and make them better but I can't. Oh, they both also took a LOT of pills for migraine headaches over MANY years, I tried to talk to them about that too, telling them I thought they were getting rebound headaches but they told me "no we're not, we know what we are doing", but in 2016 they discovered my dad had inoperable lesions on the left side of his brain, and a year later my mom had a seizure and I told the doctor "she takes too much medicine for migraines" and he said "I see that, I'll address it" and he did, he put her on medicine to PREVENT the headaches and she hasn't really had one since, I wish I could go back in time 40 years and have them do that for her but I can't, I can just make sure that they are cared for as best as can be, sell the remaining things, and understand that this is how it is, this is my and their life now, all I can do is deal with it the best that I can, but it has really worn on me...
My Grandmother lived right across the street from them, she passed in 2009, I just sold her house a few months ago, they held onto it and did nothing with it except pay the upkeep on it which as I said was crazy, but it is sold now. We went in there a few months ago and went through what little things were left, and I cried my eyes out when I read cards and letters that my Grandmother had from when my Grandfather died in 1975, I could hardly read them through the tears. But it was such an emotional upheavel, this should've been sold years ago, but this was so tough as well as some of the other things to sell. I talked with my pastor and she and some other people have told me "this should never have been put on you", meaning they should've done something when I asked them to over the years, but it was/is on me, I am the only child, other than my wife and my realtor I have no one helping, but that is how it was meant to be I guess. But it has been so so tough doing all of this, while working full time too.
THANK YOU if you read this all the way through, I just needed to vent about it again. I have not been on here because of all this going on. I had coached youth soccer for 21 years and have given that up to handle all this, I am in no state mentally to commit to coaching while this is going on, I just work and try to make it through each day, keep a check on them, yet try to enjoy some things in life yet. Life has changed so much, and life has changed me, but as my Grandmother used to say to me when people faced tough times "that's life, Les".
You were right, Nana....
That's why we do what we do, not for ourselves but for our parents. My dad passed away first and having never experienced the loss of a parent I cried and grieved immensely. I was worried I hadn't done enough but in reality I did more than most. I was by his side constantly and when our second child was born she brought him much joy. 
Looking back years later I feel blessed that it was me taking care of my parents and doing what needed to be done in their best interest. You are doing the same and I hope you take that as a compliment. Please feel free to keep us updated on your parents and know that you can come here to share your struggles with us since we do understand.
I remember from previous posts that it's not the easiest of tasks but you are so right that after what you have been through with your parents this will be nothing. In case I haven't told you, you rock!
