Dealing with the toughest period of my life these past 7+ months

nurseangel

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I am dropping by for moral support. I am so sorry for everything that has happened! I would request the records from the hospital and the assisted living to see who is telling you the truth about the Depakote dose. I am really happy she will be back with your dad again. I also wanted to add that with elderly people, sudden changes can bring on personality changes, etc. You probably already knew that, but even moving a resident to another hall in a nursing home type setting can send them into a state of confusion. Sometimes, it takes a bit for them to return to their normal state. I wish all the best for you and my prayers are with you all.
 

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I just read this thread for the first time and want you to know you have been superhuman. What you've gone through is more than you should have to. I had to take care at a distance of my father, so I can sympathize with you. You are doing a wonderful job, and you will be in my thoughts. :vibes: :vibes: :vibes:
 
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les26

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I am dropping by for moral support. I am so sorry for everything that has happened! I would request the records from the hospital and the assisted living to see who is telling you the truth about the Depakote dose. I am really happy she will be back with your dad again. I also wanted to add that with elderly people, sudden changes can bring on personality changes, etc. You probably already knew that, but even moving a resident to another hall in a nursing home type setting can send them into a state of confusion. Sometimes, it takes a bit for them to return to their normal state. I wish all the best for you and my prayers are with you all.
Thank you so much, and yes, she was confused each time she was put in the hospital and rehab etc., would often say "I don't even know how I got here!", but we would explain it to her as many times as it took.

I called the assisted living place today and asked them "what dosage is the Depakote she is getting?" and they had the correct answer, 750 mg., so that should be solved, I never want to go through that again, having her overmedicated and toxic from it, so they know to keep her on that dose, and I even wrote it on a big piece of paper and taped it to the wall by her bed!!

THANK YOU ALL!!!:grouphug2: :rbheart:
 
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les26

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Well, she's back in the ER right now...we visited them on Saturday and she said that her right knee was bothering her. She was transported the day before to get her gall bladder bag checked but she said it went fine, so I emailed the facilty and told them to check her knee out. I get a call this morning and they said she has a fever of 100.2, is complaining her knee hurts, and is refusing to let anyone change her, says her knee hurts when they do it, so they suggested taking her to the ER to see what was going on and why there is fever again. He also said they sometimes see residents not motivated to want to get better, but I don't know what to think about that, she was doing better next door in rehab and maybe if there is something going on again she won't be in the best spirits, who would be? But to hear that from him was just like a punch in the stomach to Deb & I, we really don't know what to say about this now....

I'm going to call the ER to see what is going on, I know it can be a long wait but they called me this morning hours ago, see if I can get any information on her.

Here we are, AGAIN....
 

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I'm terribly sorry your mom and you are going through this all over again but I will keep you both in my thoughts. 🙏
 
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les26

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Now this morning she almost choked on some jello, it went down the wrong way into her lungs, she has a fever and they said it is from that, the way her body is responding to it, was out of it and talking gibberish again just like right before her gall bladder issue, they said she has arthritis in her knee but no infection, no UTI, but they are going to do or did do a pelvic scan just to make sure nothing is going on inside her like her gallbladder or other things. I talked to her the best I could, told her I loved her, explained what was going on, told her she will feel better but right now she won't, and told her just to rest, sleep, they'll watch her closely. I think she understood but really couldn't communicate with me because of the fever I guess, unless something IS going on inside but they'll find out.

I feel like I could cry or explode or everything in between, and I also feel numb again. How much more can she take???
 
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Then last night the assisted living place where they live called me and asked if I could talk to my dad, he was in their office and wanted to "go next door" to see my mom. They put him on the phone and I once again explained to him that she was in the hospital, I didn't tell him about this latest incident, but he then seemed better, you can talk him "out of it" and he is better, but then the nurse proceeded to tell me the other day it took 4 nurses to change my mom, she was refusing to let them change her because it hurt when they would move her, and she was screaming in pain like I heard her do the other morning in the hospital, and my dad hid in the bathroom and was crying. That made Deb & I cry, and broke our hearts again.

We just don't know how much more they or we can take, this is 8 things wrong with her in 4 months, 6 hospital stays in that time. It kills me to see her just lying in bed all the time, she is not enjoying life anymore and I don't know how much more of this she can take nor can we...
 
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We saw Mom yesterday, slowly getting better and somewhat more coherent. Whenever she has an episode like this she goes into AFIB, her heart rate goes wacky and blood pressure goes low, but since they had her on antibiotics for whatever infection she had, maybe a UTI, and the fever is gone as well as the cough and the aspiration, she then settles down and "comes to" again, we have seen this several times now. But it is so so heartbreaking to see her like this, lying in bed all the time. They said she should be released in a few days, they have to get someone in to evaluate her to see if she can go back with my dad or must go back to rehab AGAIN, ugh....

And then we saw Dad, he is upset about this and not acting like himself which is understandable. We told him she is getting better and should be out of the hospital in a few days, but we didn't tell him about the aspiration, it would just upset him, so we told him her knee pain and the infection were why she had to go in.

We are doing all that we can, Deb said "you're doing more than you can", and we just have to accept whatever happens, we know that they both want us to keep living our lives and we have to, we just wish we could make it better somehow but it isn't in our hands much...
 
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les26

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Phone rings 7:03 this morning, Dad fell in the bathroom, "he's okay, just keeping an eye on him, but we have to report it". It just never ends....

Deb has been going over to their house and cleaning up and throwing things out, we had a LOT of things that we had to sell of theirs in a certain order but now we are working on their house and a car, those are the only things left to sell, and she said she saw some disturbing things over there, clothes that were peed in put in other rooms or jammed into a hamper, soiled Depends jammed in a closet, so their mental state of mind was very much deteriorating which we could pick up on but had no idea the extent of it. In a weird way, knowing this and seeing this, makes the whole way this played out somewhat easier, knowing that I did what I HAD to do, if that makes any sense to you. But they are where they need to be, and are being taken care of the best that they can be, we did what we had to do and did it to the best of our abilities, but it is still so tough, and hearing her tell me what she saw to me is very sad, knowing that they got like that....but like I said a long time ago they both took so many pills for migraine headaches (Fiorinal, Esgic and more) it messed them up something fierce, but they did what they felt they had to do and wanted to do, we tried to talk to them about it many times over many years but they did what they wanted to do and I think they are paying the price for that now, my Grandmother was on a few pills for blood pressure and other things but she lived to 93 and never acted like this, the pills and old age caught up to them...
 
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Now two hours later my work cell phone rings, it's my mom, she had a nurse call it, and she is telling me her name and that she is calling from the hospital and I keep saying "Mom, it's me", she says she didn't know if we knew where she was and I told her that I have visited her 3 times this week, and me and Deb were just there together on Friday, she starts crying and says "you were? I didn't know that you knew where I was at" which just breaks my heart...I don't know if it is from the meds or the infection and AFIB she just got over or that older people get so confused when they are moved, but it just broke my heart...I told her the doctor told me yesterday someone from the facility is going to go see her tomorrow and decide when and where she can go to, and that made her feel somewhat better, but this is my life now, stuff like this and the post above about my dad, it just never, ever ends....
 

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les26 les26
Hi,you don't know me,I'm some one pretty new here at TCS - my name is Kwik.Ive been reading your journey here with your parents and my heart really goes out to you,as an only child myself I completely understand the way you feel,your parents have been your world,they are everything ..
If it's any consolation please know that you are in my heart and in my prayers ,I don't know anything about your Faith but I have enough for both of us if you ever have any doubts - you're not alone,your parents have a Loving Father Who has them both in His Loving Arms-as He Does you and Deb.. no matter what we go through we must remember that even life itself is just temporary,so hang on as this too will pass
Although it's heartbreaking to see your parents age and go through the hardships that come with it,you still have them - try not to think too much about what they could've or should've done because it's done and you have and are doing the very best anyone could possibly be doing for your beloved parents.... you are a wonderful son,both your parents would be very very proud of the man you are and what you are doing for them if they knew just the half of it----
My prayers are with you all ,we are all appointed a time to be born and a time to die but the in-between is what matters-you LOVE your parents,that goes on into Eternity..... Love Conquers all,don't listen to that person with the terrible bedside manner-God is the Great Physician & He's Still in the Miracle Working Business
 

neely

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I don't know if it is from the meds or the infection and AFIB she just got over or that older people get so confused when they are moved, but it just broke my heart.
Yes, moving them plays a big part in their confusion. I remember the same happened with my dad but please know that you had no other choice. Your parent's health is your top priority and unfortunately as stressful as it is you are right on top of it. Since today is Father's Day I'm sending special thoughts to your dad hoping he has recovered from his accidental fall and the two of you can spend the day together. 🤗
 
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les26

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We went over and spent some time with my dad today, he seems okay from the fall, couldn't really explain a lot about it to us but he knows he did it. He was pretty good today, which we were thankful for.

The doctor called from the hospital and said mom is doing good and will be evaluated tomorrow to see when she can go back to hopefully my dad or next door to rehab. So things are not getting worse there thank God!

We went to my parents house to continue chipping away with the massive cleanup with all the junk that they had, they were actually like hoarders, and again it shows us the mental state of mind that they were in, junk everywhere, stuff from 2008 or so and up laying around, so we are going to keep cleaning this up to get rid of it in the very near future, it is quite the job...

I could not find a lot of the keys to cars and a boat that they had that I sold, but it worked out. But yesterday Deb said she found some keys in a drawer so I looked through them today, and found the keys to a 1957 Lincoln that my dad had stored for FIFTY years in a garage (there you go again with the eccentric things...), but the guy that bought it can just put a new ignition in it, but of course I found them now! There is a 1970 Avanti in their garage, that will be highly bid on I know, but I didn't know where the keys were, and of course neither of them know where they put them. But as I was looking through this drawer I found some old driver licenses of my Nana, one was funny, she would not have liked that one I'm sure, but I found another better one and said "hi Nan....help me find these keys, please", and within about 4 or 5 seconds what did I pull out but the Avanti keys!!! So she is still helping us even though she passed in 2009. :angel:

THANK YOU for the replies, I truly appreciate each and every one...:rbheart:
 

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We went over and spent some time with my dad today, he seems okay from the fall, couldn't really explain a lot about it to us but he knows he did it. He was pretty good today, which we were thankful for.

The doctor called from the hospital and said mom is doing good and will be evaluated tomorrow to see when she can go back to hopefully my dad or next door to rehab. So things are not getting worse there thank God!

We went to my parents house to continue chipping away with the massive cleanup with all the junk that they had, they were actually like hoarders, and again it shows us the mental state of mind that they were in, junk everywhere, stuff from 2008 or so and up laying around, so we are going to keep cleaning this up to get rid of it in the very near future, it is quite the job...

I could not find a lot of the keys to cars and a boat that they had that I sold, but it worked out. But yesterday Deb said she found some keys in a drawer so I looked through them today, and found the keys to a 1957 Lincoln that my dad had stored for FIFTY years in a garage (there you go again with the eccentric things...), but the guy that bought it can just put a new ignition in it, but of course I found them now! There is a 1970 Avanti in their garage, that will be highly bid on I know, but I didn't know where the keys were, and of course neither of them know where they put them. But as I was looking through this drawer I found some old driver licenses of my Nana, one was funny, she would not have liked that one I'm sure, but I found another better one and said "hi Nan....help me find these keys, please", and within about 4 or 5 seconds what did I pull out but the Avanti keys!!! So she is still helping us even though she passed in 2009. :angel:

THANK YOU for the replies, I truly appreciate each and every one...:rbheart:
That is great news !
 

Kwik

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We went over and spent some time with my dad today, he seems okay from the fall, couldn't really explain a lot about it to us but he knows he did it. He was pretty good today, which we were thankful for.

The doctor called from the hospital and said mom is doing good and will be evaluated tomorrow to see when she can go back to hopefully my dad or next door to rehab. So things are not getting worse there thank God!

We went to my parents house to continue chipping away with the massive cleanup with all the junk that they had, they were actually like hoarders, and again it shows us the mental state of mind that they were in, junk everywhere, stuff from 2008 or so and up laying around, so we are going to keep cleaning this up to get rid of it in the very near future, it is quite the job...

I could not find a lot of the keys to cars and a boat that they had that I sold, but it worked out. But yesterday Deb said she found some keys in a drawer so I looked through them today, and found the keys to a 1957 Lincoln that my dad had stored for FIFTY years in a garage (there you go again with the eccentric things...), but the guy that bought it can just put a new ignition in it, but of course I found them now! There is a 1970 Avanti in their garage, that will be highly bid on I know, but I didn't know where the keys were, and of course neither of them know where they put them. But as I was looking through this drawer I found some old driver licenses of my Nana, one was funny, she would not have liked that one I'm sure, but I found another better one and said "hi Nan....help me find these keys, please", and within about 4 or 5 seconds what did I pull out but the Avanti keys!!! So she is still helping us even though she passed in 2009. :angel:

THANK YOU for the replies, I truly appreciate each and every one...:rbheart:
Oh such a Happy Father's Day ,what a Blessing to have your Dad and get such good news about your Mom-very happy for you,for your Deb and all!
Life sure has its ups and downs,it's amazing to look back and think about how things can change in a minute,so you just continue to look forward to tomorrow and hang on to your HOPE and FAITH.Youve got alot of prayers going up in behalf of you and your family ,God Bless you
57 Lincoln?70 Avanti?Wow,nice hoarding,lol Big car buff here-your Dad has good taste-good you know where all these treasures are stored,imagine if you didnt,now someone else will get to enjoy them and mean something to somebody like they did to your father👍
 
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les26

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Oh such a Happy Father's Day ,what a Blessing to have your Dad and get such good news about your Mom-very happy for you,for your Deb and all!
Life sure has its ups and downs,it's amazing to look back and think about how things can change in a minute,so you just continue to look forward to tomorrow and hang on to your HOPE and FAITH.Youve got alot of prayers going up in behalf of you and your family ,God Bless you
57 Lincoln?70 Avanti?Wow,nice hoarding,lol Big car buff here-your Dad has good taste-good you know where all these treasures are stored,imagine if you didnt,now someone else will get to enjoy them and mean something to somebody like they did to your father👍
Well, actually I had to track down the Lincoln and also the boat many months ago, but we found them. And the sad part is my dad didn't do much with them, they used to use the boat at a cabin they had on a lake but they hadn't been there in over 20 years, and the Lincoln sat in a barn for 50 years, and the Avanti sat and wasn't driven in probably 45 years or so, so he really didn't use them much which was and is sad to me. They had so many things that they bought because they COULD, they had the money to buy homes and pay taxes and upkeep on but never moved in to them, which was really crazy, plus they would let the grass grow out of control and even get citations for it! When I saw the grass at the beautiful house that they bought around 2010 but never moved into it was 3 feet tall, luckily it was secluded for the most part but one neighbor could see it, and this was back in 2020 and it told me that they were slipping mentally but it took years to be able to be in the position to sell them. I talked MANY times to my Mom about selling off these things and she did sell one property in 2020 with my help but when I wanted to keep going she'd say "it's too much" or "I need time" which was just an excuse, I told her I could take care of it and sell everything off so I wouldn't be stuck doing it when the time came and she'd say "I don't want you to be stuck with it" and I'd say "but you're not doing anything about it", and here it turns out I was left with the mess, 11 things that I listed on a piece of paper a year ago, and we are now down to just 2, their house and the Avanti. It made me sad to sell these things at first, but then I knew that I HAD to do it, plus they weren't using them so it had to be done. And it is still strange for me to look across the street from their house and seeing someone else live in Nana's house which I sold late Fall, for 62 years that was to me still "her house" even though she passed in 2009 and the house sat empty like a museum for 13 years, but like you said someone else is enjoying it now as well as the other homes and cars, there is new life for them all...and the money went right into their bank account plus I invested in CD's so they can afford to live in assisted living as long as they live and it is VERY expensive as you know, but the money is and will be there.
 
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