Coping Emotionally While Caring For Sick Cat

[saamlber]

TL;DR at the bottom

My first cat, Teddy, 2 yo, has been through a lot for the past 2 months, battling against FLUTD. It hasn't gotten a lot better, but we also recently found that he possibly has coronavirus, which when I found has a small chance of mutating to basically a death sentence (no matter how small the chance), the pent-up stress over the past 2 months really got to me.

I spend most of recent days extremely stressed out and anxious. I haven't been able to eat or sleep well. Sometimes I'm able to calm down a bit, but one instance of my cat doing something irregular, no matter how small, like having a bit of leftovers after a meal, not fully participating in play sessions, etc, sends me right back into the spiral.

The anxiety has gotten worse and worse. I have never had a pet before, so experiencing something like this for the first time has been extremely overwhelming.

I don't really have anyone to talk to, none of my close friends were ever really close to their pets if they had one, as far as I understand my parents don't see Teddy as more than just a cat or a pet. I have tried to talk to my parents while choking back tears but they always say something like "it's just a cat, there are so much more in life that you need to worry about" (at least not in a scolding tone). I do understand that there are a lot of things in my life, but in our cat's entire lives, there's really only us. I love my cat and consider him family.

When your cat fell sick, how did you cope with your emotions? My mind seems to always find a way to assume the worst is going to happen

TL;DR: First cat I have ever owned is sick, I don't know how to deal with all the stress and anxiety, as I'm not close to anyone who is as close to their pet as I am, not even my parents. How did you cope emotionally while caring for your ill cat?

 

[Furballsmom]

Hi!
The best thing you did was to come here, I'm so glad you did. The people here are wonderful help, not least because we've all been through things like this including not knowing any other people who understand, but basically because this is a site full of cat-loving and compassionate people.

What if you tried meditation? Also, les26 has commented several times that holy basil can be very helpful in times like this.

Also, there's chamomile tea that can be stress-easing.

Also, keep in mind that your cat is a little feline sponge for your emotions. The better you're able to control them, the better for your kitty.

 

[Avery]

Hi Saamlber, I'm so sorry to hear of your anxiety and stress, but can totally relate. I am also an anxious person, a big-time worrier, and when cats are sick or not acting right, it is a very stressful situation.

Furballsmom has some good ideas. I also find that taking walks, getting some exercise, can help. Sometimes I can get lost in a book or a movie and take my mind off a problem. I am lucky to have a good friend who loves her pets and I can talk to my sister about anything, but I have also seen a social worker in the past to deal with anxiety issues.

Is your veterinarian a compassionate person who you could talk with and maybe get some reassurance about the kitty? I'll bet you already know a lot about your cat's condition, but maybe your vet can help you put things in perspective and provide encouragement so you don't have to worry so much.

I think it is a good thing to care so much about your cat and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. But keeping ourselves healthy and trying to stay optimistic is important, too. Good luck and please keep us posted.

 

[Pixelated Cat]

Hi S saamlber ! I agree with Furballsmom that this is the best thing to come here, and Avery puts it perfectly when she says it is very stressful when they are sick. I can also relate to the anxiety as I have anxiety myself, and am a natural worry-wort. My cat recently had a bout of illness, and I received lots of love and support on here. He had pneumonia, and it was a long road to recovery. During the first six weeks of the illness, I was afraid I would get up in the morning and find him not breathing anymore.

I don't know if everyone on here will agree with me when I say this but....I believe sometimes we need to have a good cry to release some of the anxiety and other feelings we may be harboring. I believe crying can be very healing, I had a couple of good cries when my cat was sick. After the crying, I felt a little lighter, and then I would repeat the following mantra "This will get better." It is hard when you first start the mantra, but it gets easier to say and believe when you repeat it again and again.

How is your relationship with your veterinarian? Does he/she listen well when you talk about your cat, and are they compassionate? Do they allow you to call the office at any time with questions and concerns? Our veterinarian has open communication with us at all times, and I had many phone conversations with her during Pixie's illness. Talking to her helped with the anxiety when I was alarmed by symptoms.

They are our babies, and don't listen to anyone that will tell you otherwise. They are family members. Good luck with everything, and please keep us posted.

 

[Kieka]

I get very stressed when my guys are sick. With my boy, Link, if it can go wrong, it will go wrong and I've had my share of stressful days and weeks with him. It helps that my family understands and I talk about him at work like he is my child so my boss does too. I find it helps to let the crazy cat lady out so those around you know how it is. Otherwise, online communities like this can help by making a thread and keeping us posted about how things are going. I also have a cat only Instagram account with a few followers who send love and support when things happen.

 

[les26]

They are our babies so yes we get stressed and anxious, even us guys! I am anxious to take Sylvester next week to get a hair trim and he's done that several times now but I still worry, I think it is normal as long as the worry doesn't overtake us. As Furballsmom said years ago I was told about Holy Basil when Sebastian died, and it works so well, it lets you deal with the stress with a clear head and is not addictive like drugs are, it just helps you adapt to the stress. I also found prayer works, exercise, lots of water, and rest and sleep as these things can frazzle you if you let it.

I hope that things turn out okay and the stress level you can keep under control. And when any of ours are sick I am the one that has to take them to the vet, my wife cannot handle it because of the stress and she reminded me the other day of one time when we had Sebastian at the vet she almost passed out she was so stressed, I forgot about that episode!

Take care, God Bless.....

 

[FeebysOwner]

I am so sorry for your little guy - and for you. I have no solutions, really. Just cry when you need to cry and post here when you want to vent. And, love on your little baby (if he likes it) every chance you get.

What is being done to treat the FLUTD? Has a complete urine culture been done to see if there is a specific infection that might be involved? Dietary changes are typically required, possibly a water fountain to encourage additional drinking, clean litter boxes are a must, and stress relieving activities (toys, catnip?, etc.) for the cat (and you) are all essential - and even then, FLUTD symptoms can recur.

Also, the corona virus - which most cats contract at some point in their kitten stage - does not have to mutate into FIP. Most of the time, the virus is dormant for the entire cat's life. I've dealt with FIP with my first cat - it hit him when he was 15. In most cases - not all - if it were to become active, it would likely be in Teddy's latter years. Let that go for now...

And read A LOT about FLUTD. Make sure other causes are ruled out. Knowing as much as you can, and acting on whatever you can, will help you feel better because you'll know you are doing everything possible for Teddy.

 

[dustydiamond1]

TL;DR at the bottom

My first cat, Teddy, 2 yo, has been through a lot for the past 2 months, battling against FLUTD. It hasn't gotten a lot better, but we also recently found that he possibly has coronavirus, which when I found has a small chance of mutating to basically a death sentence (no matter how small the chance), the pent-up stress over the past 2 months really got to me.

I spend most of recent days extremely stressed out and anxious. I haven't been able to eat or sleep well. Sometimes I'm able to calm down a bit, but one instance of my cat doing something irregular, no matter how small, like having a bit of leftovers after a meal, not fully participating in play sessions, etc, sends me right back into the spiral.

The anxiety has gotten worse and worse. I have never had a pet before, so experiencing something like this for the first time has been extremely overwhelming.

I don't really have anyone to talk to, none of my close friends were ever really close to their pets if they had one, as far as I understand my parents don't see Teddy as more than just a cat or a pet. I have tried to talk to my parents while choking back tears but they always say something like "it's just a cat, there are so much more in life that you need to worry about" (at least not in a scolding tone). I do understand that there are a lot of things in my life, but in our cat's entire lives, there's really only us. I love my cat and consider him family.

When your cat fell sick, how did you cope with your emotions? My mind seems to always find a way to assume the worst is going to happen

TL;DR: First cat I have ever owned is sick, I don't know how to deal with all the stress and anxiety, as I'm not close to anyone who is as close to their pet as I am, not even my parents. How did you cope emotionally while caring for your ill cat?

I've always believed that a deep cry washes toxins and poisons out of the system.
Don't even waste your time expecting any emotional support from the "They are only animals" mindset people
Here on TCS you will find advice, support and love from like-minded folks.

 

[les26]

I've always believed that a deep cry washes toxins and poisons out of the system.

Absolutely true!!! Also hot Epsom salt baths can do the same thing and are relaxing...

 

[LTS3]

It's called "compassion fatigue" and quite common to anyone in a care-giver role: nurses, hospice workers, etc and even pet owners. There are web sites out there with more info on compassion fatigue and how to cope. Here are two:

Compassion Fatigue
Compassion Fatigue Awareness Project

 

[saamlber]

Wow, I don't know what to say. Thank you so much for all of the responses. Knowing that so many people on here have shared similar experiences and are ready to help and talk to others about it does put my mind at peace.

There has been some small but welcoming progress with Teddy; his urination amount is still inconsistent but there have been some bigger pieces, and he doesn't spend a minute in the litterbox like he usually does anymore, maybe closer to 20-30 seconds.

I have also involved a lot more playtime, toys, and treats, and he seems to be decently involved in those. I've also started cleaning his litterboxes and his living spaces more often. He has been on a predominantly wet diet since we got him but he often doesn't finish all of his wet food so we have to give him some dry because over time he started looking skinnier (though I would definitely prefer an entirely wet food diet). He also never really drank water at all even with the addition of a water fountain. Nowadays I try to add a few tablespoons of water to his wet food, and hope that gives him the necessary hydration.

Sorry for talking at length about my cat's health issues on a grooming/caring forum. I'll definitely try out as many of the advices given as I can. I have found that just letting the tears out definitely helped calm me down a bit. The vets that I now currently go to seems to be nice and helpful people as well, I do call a lot to ask about my cat, and sometimes they call back to check in on him, though I haven't talked to them at length about the coronavirus yet as they wanted to focus on his FLUTD first.

Once again, thank you everyone so so much. I will try to control my emotions, and I will definitely keep everyone posted if there's any noticeable progress with him.

 

[Furballsmom]

 

[les26]

I will try to control my emotions

You don't want to let it overrun you but I have found it best to go with the flow as best as you can, if you are sad cry, if you are sad be sad, it is usually best to let it out as it helps you get over it a wee bit faster than if we try to "control" it. It is quite the balance game, and not easy to do, but just go with how you are feeling and let it ride....

 

[di and bob]

You have to surround yourself with people who understand that that sweet baby is a very important part of your life, and needs to be addressed, respected and treated as something that means everything to you right now. Your heart knows no difference in love. You love that boy just as much and maybe even more than anything else in your life. He is your friend, your family, your confidant right now, he is sick and needs you. I used to worry myself sick. But I have learned over the years it changes absolutely nothing. No matter if you go through this once or a hundred times it always stresses, it always hurts, and there is no way to ever prepare yourself for what comes down the road. I have tried to be more like my little ones, who live in the today, in the moment. They let tomorrow take care of itself. Find a vet you trust and rely on what they tell you. They have seen much, have much more past experiences to refer back to, can definitely help in future decisions and treatments. Never be afraid to ask questions, to get advise. Nothing is too trivial or small. It shows your love and concern.
Tomorrow will take care of itself. Nothing you can do will ever change the past or the future, so choose to dwell on the joys, the love.... not the sorrows, not all those worries. Take one day at a time, rejoice in having him in your life, cry for what he is going through, just hold him tight and tell him you will never let go. Live for today, hold on to that precious boy and love him, get him help when he needs it but give him what he needs the most right now, your comfort and your love......

 

[saamlber]

You have to surround yourself with people who understand that that sweet baby is a very important part of your life, and needs to be addressed, respected and treated as something that means everything to you right now. Your heart knows no difference in love. You love that boy just as much and maybe even more than anything else in your life. He is your friend, your family, your confidant right now, he is sick and needs you. I used to worry myself sick. But I have learned over the years it changes absolutely nothing. No matter if you go through this once or a hundred times it always stresses, it always hurts, and there is no way to ever prepare yourself for what comes down the road. I have tried to be more like my little ones, who live in the today, in the moment. They let tomorrow take care of itself. Find a vet you trust and rely on what they tell you. They have seen much, have much more past experiences to refer back to, can definitely help in future decisions and treatments. Never be afraid to ask questions, to get advise. Nothing is too trivial or small. It shows your love and concern.
Tomorrow will take care of itself. Nothing you can do will ever change the past or the future, so choose to dwell on the joys, the love.... not the sorrows, not all those worries. Take one day at a time, rejoice in having him in your life, cry for what he is going through, just hold him tight and tell him you will never let go. Live for today, hold on to that precious boy and love him, get him help when he needs it but give him what he needs the most right now, your comfort and your love......

Thank you, I think I really needed to hear this.

Everytime I worry a bit too much I come back here and re-read everyone's comments. It really does make me feel a bit better (after a good cry, of course.) Still, it kinda sucks that there's no one who I'm close to personally that I can talk to, but I think I'm managing it a bit better.

There's a lot that I can't help but worry about. I have done a lot of reading on cat stuff in general on many different websites (probably not a good choice when you are already stressed out) and it really show me that there's a lot I need to do for my cats.

I live in Vietnam, so caring for pets here can be difficult. Food-wise, most people either feed a 50/50 mix between supermarket brand kibble and supermarket brand fish-based wet food, or homecook some rice and fish for their cats. I definitely fell for the "cats are low-maintenance and don't need a lot of caring for as they are independent" mindset and it led to this.

Brands like FF or Friskies do exist here, but they are rare and can cost $1.5-$2 per 3oz so feeding two cats on a decent canned diet gets expensive. I'm a teenager, the budget for my cats are set by my parents so there's not a lot I can do. I've contributed most of my allowance, and I'm thinking of getting a part-time job soon to maybe fix that. I've also considered a good homecooked diet, but I'll have to do a lot more reading on that, though I'm not sure it'll be cheaper than the canned diet. Cheaper brands are guaranteed to have some sort of fish as the main or secondary ingredient, and I've heard a lot of negative things about fish (especially the UTI, hyperthyroidism, and kidney disease part).

I guess I just feel guilty that even though I have all of this information, I can't act upon it at the moment. Once I've researched thought about this more, I'll probably make a post on the Nutrition forum about the issue.

Teddy has made some progresses since my last post, still inconsistent, but he has produced on average larger pieces. His bladder was really inflammed when I brought him in a few days ago so the vet said it may take some time to heal, and I have about 10 days left of medicine.

Here's a picture of him. I'm still very annoyed that he often doesn't finish all of his expensive wet food (maybe he leaves about 1/4 to 1/5 in total) and makes me spoon feed him, but will happily finish the kibble all by himself (I try to limit it to maximum of 20% of his diet). I've heard that more frequent smaller meals might help, so I'll that tomorrow.

 

[saamlber]

Also something else I'm confused by is ever since I've implemented a 3 meal schedule, and introduced the new brands of wet food, Teddy started to only poop every other day. My other cat, Tom still poops daily, but for some days he also won't poop until the next. The vet have suggested it may be because I'm not feeding them enough food. Teddy is a bit under 9lbs, Tom is 12lbs. I feed both of them about 6oz of wet food per day (though as I have mentioned earlier, Teddy doesn't finish all of it) plus a small amount of kibble.

 

[Furballsmom]

Oh my goodness, he is GORGEOUS!!!

Sometimes cats process different foods differently. I've seen several threads here where member's cats don't poop on a daily basis.

Could you add some raw egg yolk now and then? (the white of the egg must always be cooked). Goat milk could be helpful too. Also there are recipes on the internet for kitten glop, which can be a useful supplement for adult cats as well.

 

[MargoLane]

Hey - just chiming in to say that when my IBD cat has a flare up, I feel super stressed! I know she's been through it before and that I'm getting better and better at treating it and minimizing it, but ultimately, I still worry quite a bit. I just want her to eat and feel better; most flare ups she goes three days without eating or drinking (under Vet supervision of course, and with all the medication to help her along). It's exhausting.

But day-to-day, I don't feel very stressed. I keep a sharp eye on her eating and litter habits. I think it's important to remember that you have to take care of yourself too. You can't be a good caretake for your cat if you aren't eating or sleeping. Try to carve out some time each day - even if it's just 15 minutes - to do something just for you, that helps to relieve your anxiety.

Also, one of the things that helped me feel better was putting together a "plan" of sorts. Write out how you want to manage each symptom; for example, if A happens, then I do B. For me, if my cat doesn't finish two meals in a row, she gets an extra dose of her anti-inflammatory for the next 3 days. It helps to feel like you have a plan to manage this stuff! Good luck

 

[FeebysOwner]

Also something else I'm confused by is ever since I've implemented a 3 meal schedule, and introduced the new brands of wet food, Teddy started to only poop every other day. My other cat, Tom still poops daily, but for some days he also won't poop until the next. The vet have suggested it may be because I'm not feeding them enough food. Teddy is a bit under 9lbs, Tom is 12lbs. I feed both of them about 6oz of wet food per day (though as I have mentioned earlier, Teddy doesn't finish all of it) plus a small amount of kibble.

I wouldn't get too concerned about the timing of pooping. Skipping a day is probably no big deal, and will likely change from time to time anyway. Skipping multiple days is a whole other thing...

I know it's only been a couple of days since your last post - but, how are things going?

 

[PushPurrCatPaws]

S saamlber -

This is a thread so many of us can identify with! My heart really goes out to you.

I know when I'm stressed and worried or emotional, what works best is to set aside time to have a good cry, like so many here have mentioned, but also to have someone trusted and important in my life to be around me as a sounding board, so I can just cry and talk it out in a big outpouring. It's amazing how much better I feel afterwards. There is a time and place for emotions, so you can attempt to control that time and place... but always set aside specific time for just yourself, to regroup and recoup. When stressed or anxious, try to alternate that with times of breathing and quiet and space and relaxing.

This might be a helpful link:
Relaxation Techniques: Using the Relaxation Response to Relieve Stress