Convincing my parents

[MonaLyssa33]

My mom is helping me buy a house by contributing $100,000 toward a down payment which came from my grandparents' estate after my grandpa died in July. My mom will essentially be half an owner of my house until I decide I no longer want to live there and can buy a house based on my own income. Since I'm in grad school working toward a career that would likely double my income when I get a job in the field, I don't expect that to be an issue with my next house.

The issue I have been having is that my mom is nixing all of the houses I am interested in because she claims there is too much crime in the area. I keep telling her that she isn't looking at the big picture. She only sees that certain areas have a high crime rate in comparison to other areas of the county without looking at the types of crime. Also, some of the cities in the county don't have their crime data publicly available, so the sites my mom gets her information from don't have the complete information, therefore, skewing the data. I was once looking at a house in a suburb that you'd probably call a sleepy town because nothing happens there. My mom saw there was "high crime in comparison to other parts of the county" until I showed her that the reported crimes were a series of tax fraud charges against the neighbor across the street.

I'm seeing 8 houses tomorrow (with my parents) and I am hoping that I like one of them enough to put in an offer but a lot of them are in the "high crime areas" that my mom thinks exist. I don't know how to convince my mom that there's going to be crime everywhere I look. There's one house I'm really interested in with a backyard that abuts to a wildlife preserve and walking trails. My mom said that I wouldn't be able to walk it alone because of the "crime" even though I go hiking alone all the time. My mom is definitely not the most logical or reasonable person and greatly exaggerates everything, so it might be difficult to convince her.

Do you think I'm being unreasonable? I'm a 33-year-old single woman, so I can understand why my mom is concerned, but I can't afford to live in the areas that my mom would consider "safe-enough." The crime in the areas I'm looking at are primarily burglaries, thefts, and domestic assault, so not a lot of violent crimes against people who don't know the assailant. One of the houses I'm interested in also already has a security system set up, so I'd like to think that would be an advantage. I can already see my mom saying that if it really was safe, there wouldn't be a need for a security system, but I'm fairly certain the security system is there because the owners have a lot of expensive guitars and recording equipment in the house.

 

[verna davies]

Your mum is worried about you, thats natural but I doubt you will ever find an absolutely crime free area. Not only your mum but you too need to feel safe in whatever home you buy, explain that to your mum. If you find a house you like, maybe it would help if you knocked on a few doors and asked the owners what it is like to live on that area. I did that when I moved to my current home and it helped me to decide. Good luck

 

[Margret]

When we bought our home it already had a security system. It also had some really ugly juniper bushes (the kind that shed stickers in the grass) under all the windows, because the previous owners had come from a part of the country that had a lot of crime, so they had done everything they could think of to make the house secure.

The security system has been nothing but a nuisance. Every once in a while it would go off for no reason at all, and when it did it was so noisy that it was almost impossible to remember the security code to disarm it! This continued for years, until the battery finally died (and the system made pinging noises for a month or so to try to get us to replace the battery, until it didn't have enough charge left even for that), and we breathed a sigh of relief. But there were still all those hateful junipers, which my husband was convinced made the house so much safer! (I've never heard of a break-in in our neighborhood, though we have our share of porch pirates.) I finally convinced him that the only windows needing protection were the ones out front, and that they'd be equally secure with rose bushes, so we finally got rid of the juniper bushes and I've been planting a new rose bush ever spring.

See whether you can get your mom to see the utility of rose bushes as a security system. As for the hiking, I might suggest pointing out the hiking you already do, but I'm afraid it would just convince her that the places you already hike are too dangerous. Getting her to talk to the neighbors is the best I can suggest. When we were thinking about buying our house and my in-laws came to look it over (without us) the guy who lived next door and the guy who still lives across the street saw them sitting in front of the house looking at it (casing the joint!) and came over to inquire what they were up to. And that immediately convinced my in-laws that it was a good neighborhood, since the neighbors kept such a good eye on things for each other (and they were right).

My husband adds one other thing that you should look for in a house: Before we bought our "forever" home here in Colorado we lived in Oregon, just east of the Cascade Mountains, and the home we had there happened to have a sloping driveway that faced south so it got the sun in winter. We absolutely loved that feature because it meant that we rarely had to shovel snow, and we determined that we wanted this feature in any future house we bought, and in fact we have it in our current house. And we still love it. I would think that this goes double in Minnesota.

Margret

 

[di and bob]

It sounds like your mom really doesn't want you to own a home. There is crime in every neighborhood, in every town. She will never be satisfied. Since you are dependent on her gift and thus her terms, there is not much you can do until you are able to support yourself. You may be able to convince her about a house if you have a good security system put in, they have really good ones now that have few problems. Or let HER pick out a few to look at. I hope you understand that with her being half owner, you will not have much say in what you can do with the house either.
I think hiking, walking in the wilderness, even in secluded parks, etc, is a much more dangerous activity then being in yoru home. I hope you have pepper spray or have some means to protect yourself. A cell phone, one that can get a good signal in weak spots, ready to dial 911 with a single number, is what I carry, and I was especially glad to have it when two scary looking men were met on a trail I was on. I pretended I was talking to someone. They even followed me for a while. Please consider hiking with a friend or staying on well traveled paths.

 

[Willowy]

Haha, moms! My mom is constantly worried about my brother, who lives in a "bad neighborhood" in Sioux Falls (because the rent is cheap). But even a "bad neighborhood" in Sioux Falls is practically Mr Roger's Neighborhood.

Talk to the realtor. They know a lot about local crime rates and stuff. Have the realtor talk to your mom. If she's reasonable that should help. But if she's just freaked out about her baby buying a house/moving out, well, that's a whole 'nother thing.