Considering returning my kitten... :(

[findingtheyut]

Hi folks. I don't write this post lightly, and I'm really reaching out for some advice and guidance.

I got a 4 month old kitten around 2 weeks ago, and I'm finding my mental health has gone down the drain since getting her. For the longest time, I've wanted a cat - I love all of my friends' cats, have taken care of them, did all the necessary preparations, read a Jackson Galaxy book/watched tons of his videos, the works. I felt very ready to welcome a kitten into my life. However despite the preparations, actually owning a kitten in the moment has been incredibly challenging for my mental health. I find myself wondering at all times what she is up to, if she's safe or getting into mischief, if she's happy, etc. I feel like a helicopter parent in this respect. She meows all the time when she can't get what she wants, such as going onto a counter that's still too tall for her to reach, trying to reach blinds that she's too short to reach, or going into the bedroom which I have, to this point, kept off-limits due to allergy/insomnia reasons. It is sometimes extremely difficult to listen to because it almost sounds like yowls.

Especially with the pandemic I've been basically around my kitten 24/7. I am able to leave my apartment for a good amount of time, but I often times feel a little suffocated or trapped. I constantly find myself getting into rabbit holes of thinking, constantly Googling this and that to make sure I'm doing the right thing, to make sure she's not unhappy for any reason, and isn't stressed, especially with the yowling. I also have been living by myself for a while now, so welcoming a new being into my life has also been challenging, much more so than I expected. I have been struggling to focus at work because I'm so often helicoptering my kitten wondering if she's destroyed anything. I also struggle sometimes focusing and being in the moment with my pod of friends whenever I see them because I'm off in another world wondering if my kitten is OK when I'm not around. My sleep has also suffered, wherein I wake up at times stressed out, not able to fall back asleep.

Needless to say, I've felt more discomfort/anxiety/stress from getting my kitten than enjoyment so far.

That's not to say though that I haven't enjoyed my time with my kitten. She is the cutest when she's snuggled up next to me and sleeping or when I'm playing with her during our multiple sessions every day.

I've been thinking over and over whether or not I want to return my kitten for my sanity, but also for my kitten's most positive growth as I don't want to transfer my negative feelings onto her. I don't want to be that awful person that looks irresponsible for returning a kitten because I wasn't "ready". But at the same time, my headspace has taken a turn for the worse. I plan on chatting with my therapist about this.

Should I just wait it out a bit more and then decide? How do I know if I simply am not ready to raise a kitten? I never thought I would be experiencing this anxiety, sadness, and remorse, yet here I am Thank you all.

 

[Mr. Meow]

I treat it like a relationship. You can't love and take care of something/someone else until you learn to love and care for yourself first. If your mental health is suffering, then your pet will inevitably suffer as well. I know people who became so depressed during the pandemic that they couldn't get themselves out of bed to feed, play with or clean up after their pets. Taking on a pet is no small task. It's a multi year commitment.
While I can only guess at how you're feeling from your explanation, only you know if you're mentally/emotionally stable enough to care for this kitten. If having this kitten is causing you to suffer, then it's probably not the right time/fit. If your emotions are causing the kitten to suffer, then it's not the right time/fit.
Personally, I'd suggest talking to a therapist. Maybe they can help you work through some things while you try and decide what's best for both of you.

 

[FeebysOwner]

Hi. It is true that only you can make the determination on whether or not to keep your kitty. And, talking to your therapist might help you come to some probable conclusions. But, the other thing I would do if I were you, is spend some time imagining that you have already returned your kitty - what does that feel like? Is there more relief than there is remorse, or are you now consumed by worries about whether or not you did the right thing?

You have a young kitten, and they are always challenging in terms of requiring patience and perseverance, to be sure. But, they do mature and present less challenges down the road. And, tbh, you are feeling some of the very same things first time cat owners feel, based on the threads I have read on this site.

Would any of these articles help you decide what to do?
How Much Time Does It Take To Care For A Cat? – TheCatSite Articles
Kitten Proofing Your Home: 13 Practical Tips – TheCatSite Articles
First-time Cat Owner’s Guide – TheCatSite Articles

 

[fionasmom]

I agree with the above posts. Only you know the tipping point between keeping the kitten and waiting for things to work out versus returning the cat and then regretting that. Where would the kitten be returned to? That might have something to do with the decision.

In my experience, cats settle down a lot once they are no longer kittens; in fact some people even wonder what happened to the cute little playful kitten once they enter the more adult stage of sleeping or relaxing for a lot of the day.

 

[Beholder]

It's okay to feel the way you do. Sometimes it doesn't work out, which is why many shelters give a month return window. Returning a kitten does not make you a bad person. From my own experience, raising a kitten is ten times more stressful than an adult.

I never, ever thought I could return a cat. I always thought once you made the decision to adopt them it was terrible to return them. I think I had this opinion because my sister was always terrible with cats and returning them, and just an overall awful human. She dropped numerous kittens off in the walmart parking lot that she only had because she didn't spay/neuter her other kittens, which she also later dropped off. Anyway, my opinion changed when this happened to me this last summer. I already had two 6 years old boys, but I really, really wanted another cat. My fiance wanted a kitten, and since I adopted my other boys as adults I thought we'd give it a try. We adopted a black 10 week old that we named Sirius. The shelter had been super busy and he was the last kitten left. He had a mild hissing problem (distrustful of humans) so I think that's probably why, but they told me he was actually very sweet and wouldn't be a problem. We got our apartment ready, including his safe space from the other cats in the bathroom. We even got him a collar with his name on it.

Long story short, we were not prepared. The hissing grew to outright attacks. He never bit me, but when I would try and pick him up he would growl and lash out with his arms. Surprisingly he got along GREAT with my other cats! Him and Po would run around together and he slept of top of Morty. But he hated me, and I grew to hate him. He was also extremely needy, which wasn't something I was used to. I think the thing with adopting a kitten is that you can't quite learn their personality as quickly as an adult. Anyway, after two weeks I made the decision to take him back. I felt terrible but after reading a few other stories online I changed my view about the situation.

A few weeks later we adopted another kitten that we named Goose, at 9 weeks. By this point I didn't realize that kittens weren't for us, I kinda just thought Sirius was more feral. Goose has been a handful and while I love him, my god is he stressful. My other cats aren't the biggest fan of him because he constantly jumps on them. Nonetheless, it was a different experience with Goose. He never tried to attack me and while he does stress me out a lot, he's still an important part of our home. Moral of the story is I found out as cute as kittens are, I'll never adopt one again. I will be sticking with 2+ year old cats and I'm fine with that. Goose is getting closer and closer to the year mark now so I have faith he will calm down. My profile picture is actually of Po and Goose, so you can see the kind of relationship they have, hah.

Anyway, I know your story is very different but I just wanted to share mine so that you know it's okay to take the kitten back, especially if your mental health is suffering. Sirius got adopted back out the same day that I returned him. Most kittens will get adopted back out very quickly, adult cats not so much. If you feel like you just need to talk to your therapist and you want to keep the kitten, that's also okay. I'm not going to lie, with Goose I also came to that point, but we pushed through and things have gotten substantially better.

 

[SkittlesMom]

I’m not a cat person- highly allergic and I’m a dog person. So there was no way I was ever having a cat... Friday Sept 18,2020- my son (who always wanted a cat) hears meowing under my Jeep.. husband gets kitten and brings it inside- & we put it in a dog crate until we take it to the shelter. He’s tiny and has a sore eye. I have no idea what to do with a kitten so I get my neighbor who has 3 cats to come over and she gives me litter and a little wet food and explains what to do. Kitten spent the day in the crate.. we bathed him, he was grey- but then white & I decided to not take him to the shelter- kalways heard kittens and puppies don’t do good there.. but he’s not staying. Until he sat with me all day Saturday... and snuggled.. my husband said take him Monday to the vet so we started the shots- he was about 5 weeks old & 1.5lbs. My neighbor had loaned us a carrier and we kept him in that.. around the 2 week mark I was frustrated. My eyes were going crazy with allergies even with meds- he was so time consuming and I kept him in 2 rooms so I could keep an eye on him but I also crated him at night. I wanted him gone. He didn’t have a name at that point and my husband said just breathe and do what works for you and us... cause everyone says don’t crate the kitten, but I didn’t want him to get hurt or into anything or one of our dogs to attack him cause he was small. So I took a breath and decided to just do what works best for me and not listen to everyone else. So I played with him during the daytime with his toys and when I needed to shower or clean he went into his crate (with a small plastic container of litter) and he sometime meowed but he calmed down and slept- he was little and slept a lot. Then when we wanted to exercise him- my son or whoever wanted to play with him, we let him out and played for awhile- but we crated him when we ate and kept him in just 2 rooms. We slowly introduced the dogs and now they play and are best buds. I stay at home and 2 kids are in college and 2 in school- taking care of this kitty became something I did for me- but on my terms and what worked with my schedule not anyone else’s or whatever the status quo says about raising a kitten. We saved him from most likely dying outside and we did it our way. He also saved me, because I detested cats and now I love my kitty.. and my allergies don’t bother me much now, just sometimes and he’s become a member of the family and I’m so glad we didn’t get rid of him. So my advice to you- take a breath.. do what works best for you and your situation even if it’s crating yours at night- our kitty is super friendly and I think way down deep somewhere he knows we saved him and he loves us for that. I’ll try to post some pics of him- from the day we found him until just last week. My husband and I have more pics of Mr. Skittles (my husband named him) than our kids on our phones lol!

 

[fionasmom]

B Beholder I do see your point; while I love kittens, I am not a puppy person at all despite having owned dogs for my entire life from 5 years on. Only one puppy in all that time and fortunately he was a very good one.

SkittlesMom I love your story. I was not a cat person per se until about 35 years ago when an abandoned pet named Daddy Cat walked up to me and looked at me as if to say, "I know you are the one who will help me.."

 

[SkittlesMom]

Thank you- I was actually sent here looking for tapeworm info! He got fixed a few weeks ago and had tapeworms, the vet treated him but we still have them.. so we got him the Bayer med and I was googling how much and how often to give it.. when I came across that post and wanted to share my story- hoping it would help. We say all the time.. “who knew we’d have a cat!”We’ve had 8 dogs- down to 2.5 now (the .5 one goes to college with our daughter) 6 of the dogs were shelter doggies so we are familiar with rescuing, but not kitties! The cat world is new to me, but I am learning.. and I’m learning they are amazing jumpers and climbers I still wouldn’t trade Skit for anything in the world now.. he’s such a good kitty

 

[fionasmom]

My biggest pack was 5 dogs at one time, along with some kitties. Everyone I have ever had has been a rescue, cat or dog, after my mother's seemingly immortal and entirely inbred champion poodles died.

As for tapeworm, I have usually gone to the vet, in fact just took my avatar today, and gotten Droncit injection.

 

[SkittlesMom]

We got him neutered 2/4 & they saw tapeworm segments- I had no idea- but came home and vacuumed like crazy! Dogs don’t have fleas and kitty did originally when we found him- I’ve been taking him on the shot schedule regularly and due to covid had to postpone his neuter.. anyway they gave him profender & then did a cheristin treatment for fleas- even though we didn’t see any.I noticed yesterday more segments and we are kind of snowed in (AL) so my husband went to tractor supply and got the Bayer stuff today. I did find out to just give him one tablet and the others in 2 week increments. I’m hoping this kills it for good- cause now I’m vacuuming again like a crazy woman

 

[fionasmom]

My vet does not even use or carry Profender which I found interesting as I thought that it seemed like a convenient product to use. If you just used Cheristin or the Profender, it might be a good idea to wait a few days before adding in the Bayer.

 

[Beholder]

I’m not a cat person- highly allergic and I’m a dog person. So there was no way I was ever having a cat... Friday Sept 18,2020- my son (who always wanted a cat) hears meowing under my Jeep.. husband gets kitten and brings it inside- & we put it in a dog crate until we take it to the shelter. He’s tiny and has a sore eye. I have no idea what to do with a kitten so I get my neighbor who has 3 cats to come over and she gives me litter and a little wet food and explains what to do. Kitten spent the day in the crate.. we bathed him, he was grey- but then white & I decided to not take him to the shelter- kalways heard kittens and puppies don’t do good there.. but he’s not staying. Until he sat with me all day Saturday... and snuggled.. my husband said take him Monday to the vet so we started the shots- he was about 5 weeks old & 1.5lbs. My neighbor had loaned us a carrier and we kept him in that.. around the 2 week mark I was frustrated. My eyes were going crazy with allergies even with meds- he was so time consuming and I kept him in 2 rooms so I could keep an eye on him but I also crated him at night. I wanted him gone. He didn’t have a name at that point and my husband said just breathe and do what works for you and us... cause everyone says don’t crate the kitten, but I didn’t want him to get hurt or into anything or one of our dogs to attack him cause he was small. So I took a breath and decided to just do what works best for me and not listen to everyone else. So I played with him during the daytime with his toys and when I needed to shower or clean he went into his crate (with a small plastic container of litter) and he sometime meowed but he calmed down and slept- he was little and slept a lot. Then when we wanted to exercise him- my son or whoever wanted to play with him, we let him out and played for awhile- but we crated him when we ate and kept him in just 2 rooms. We slowly introduced the dogs and now they play and are best buds. I stay at home and 2 kids are in college and 2 in school- taking care of this kitty became something I did for me- but on my terms and what worked with my schedule not anyone else’s or whatever the status quo says about raising a kitten. We saved him from most likely dying outside and we did it our way. He also saved me, because I detested cats and now I love my kitty.. and my allergies don’t bother me much now, just sometimes and he’s become a member of the family and I’m so glad we didn’t get rid of him. So my advice to you- take a breath.. do what works best for you and your situation even if it’s crating yours at night- our kitty is super friendly and I think way down deep somewhere he knows we saved him and he loves us for that. I’ll try to post some pics of him- from the day we found him until just last week. My husband and I have more pics of Mr. Skittles (my husband named him) than our kids on our phones lol!

I also have to keep my kitten contained at night and when we're not home for his own safety. I have no judgement there--it has been a lifesaver for both us and Goose. Kittens love to chew when they're teething and it can be dangerous. Here's a photo of what we use. I move the shelves around occasionally as he grows. Luckily it's fairly large so we can keep a big litter box, food/water, toys and his bed in there. We're hoping really soon to be rid of it.

 

[fionasmom]

My vet keeps kittens he is trying to adopt out in a crate like that in the waiting room. It is perfectly acceptable; I have no problem putting animals where they will be safe when I am not at home.

 

[findingtheyut]

Hey all. Thank you so much for your kind replies.

I want to give a little bit more backstory. I have always been allergic to cats, much less so now. With that in mind, I decided I wanted to get a kitten from a reputable breeder for the Siberian breed, as I heard they are much more hypoallergenic than most cats. The last thing I wanted was to get a cat and then return it. Alas, that is exactly what I am contemplating right now. In terms of whether or not return is possible, the contract says two different things in two different clauses: 1) I would have to contact the seller in the case I need to rehome. 2) Acceptance of returns within 7 days for whatever I paid for. If it comes to that, I am ready to eat the costs as it is an issue on my end that I may need to rehome. I have a friend in mind who might be willing to take my kitten in, as they even offered to do so in the case my allergies weren't able to handle my kitten.

I know many folks would gasp at the sound of me getting a kitten from a breeder, but please understand this was a choice I had to make for my allergies - otherwise, I would have 150% adopted from a shelter.

All in all, I need to think more about how I would feel if I gave her up to my friend or back to the breeder. Many times when I think about it, I'm able to imagine a more peaceful life, both for my surroundings and also for my mental state. I'm not sure if what I'm feeling now are just things that will just subside eventually or if I really am not ready for a kitten in my current life stage. I really thought that I would be ready, given I have a stable job and stable life, but clearly my anxiety is getting the better of me. Hopefully chatting with my friends and therapist will give me a clearer picture of what I should do.

 

[SkittlesMom]

I also have to keep my kitten contained at night and when we're not home for his own safety. I have no judgement there--it has been a lifesaver for both us and Goose. Kittens love to chew when they're teething and it can be dangerous. Here's a photo of what we use. I move the shelves around occasionally as he grows. Luckily it's fairly large so we can keep a big litter box, food/water, toys and his bed in there. We're hoping really soon to be rid of it.

View attachment 370546

That’s an amazing set up you have! We just had a small cat carrying crate and then as he gradually got bigger we added rooms and now he has run of the house. He likes to sleep in his stroller (yes I bought my kitten a stroller ) and he has a Halloween cardboard house he uses and of course the dog beds- even in their crates when they’re out during the day.. it took some time but we gradually got comfortable letting him roam.. however now he gets on the counters so I’m always telling the boys to put the bread away! He’ll take the whole bag into the hallway and shake it and chew the heck out of it

 

[Hlee]

I think you can work through all of this and that you would cause yourself more mental anguish by giving the kitten up.
Babies of any species are tough but they grow up so fast it will make your head spin.
It sounds like you will make a great kitty parent . I hope you hang in there. Not trying to judge . It's just so awesome to have cat love I wish it for everyone.

 

[lutece]

In terms of whether or not return is possible, the contract says two different things in two different clauses: 1) I would have to contact the seller in the case I need to rehome. 2) Acceptance of returns within 7 days for whatever I paid for. If it comes to that, I am ready to eat the costs as it is an issue on my end that I may need to rehome. I have a friend in mind who might be willing to take my kitten in, as they even offered to do so in the case my allergies weren't able to handle my kitten.

As your contract states, do contact the kitten's breeder before rehoming. Don't break the contract by placing the kitten with your friend without speaking to the breeder. Breeders have this clause in their contracts because they care about the welfare of their cats. It helps a breeder to keep track of all the people who have their cats, so that they can stay in contact with them over the years. Breeders want to prevent having their cats end up mistreated, abandoned, or in a shelter.

You might also be able to get some help from the breeder if you reach out to them. They might have suggestions for you. It's not unusual for buyers to have all kinds of emotions after they get a kitten. Raising a kitten can be an intense experience!

 

[findingtheyut]

As your contract states, do contact the kitten's breeder before rehoming. Don't break the contract by placing the kitten with your friend without speaking to the breeder. Breeders have this clause in their contracts because they care about the welfare of their cats. It helps a breeder to keep track of all the people who have their cats, so that they can stay in contact with them over the years. Breeders want to prevent having their cats end up mistreated, abandoned, or in a shelter.

You might also be able to get some help from the breeder if you reach out to them. They might have suggestions for you. It's not unusual for buyers to have all kinds of emotions after they get a kitten. Raising a kitten can be an intense experience!

Thank you for this. This is a great idea, and I have contacted my breeder about how I have been feeling and asked for advice.

 

[T.O.]

They are babies like any other baby. I stress about my kitten too. If you want the kitten you have to make sure your house is kitten proof. If it is you’ve done your homework and that’s all you can do to keep them safe.
Have you thought about a second kitten? This may be a suggestion you haven’t considered but many rescue groups prefer kittens be adopted out in pairs because at that age they do better socially and it takes much of the pressure off of you. Of course this would depend where you are with your allergy reaction.