Hi all. This post will be long and I apologize!
Posting here because I really need advice from some other cat people. My husband and I together have three cats, all bengals, all male, all neutered.
For some background, I adopted my first bengal, Mr. T, while we were still dating/living separately. At the time my sister had severe cat allergies but didn't react to bengals so I was thrilled to have found a cat that could live with me! Mr. T is a real sweetheart and was a year old when I got him. He was underweight and terrified but after some vet visits and TLC he really came out of his shell. After a while, I decided that Mr. T might enjoy having a buddy to play with, especially since I work full time. I now wish I had thought this through a little more but at the time my situation was perfect for it. So I got Remsy, my second bengal. They were fast friends. Remsy is the sort who gets along with everyone and cares very little about most things. Car rides? No problem. Hikes? He loves them. New people? Awesome.
It was great! Mr. T and Remsy entertained each other while I worked and when I got home we all snuggled and played.
My husband (boyfriend at the time, living separately) fell in love with my boys and, having never had a pet before, really wanted one of his own. Enter Finnegan, bengal number three. Finnegan, from the time my bf brought him home as a kitten, was a little different. He didn't have the outgoing nature of my boys, hated being held/petted and feared everything and everyone. My bf was ok with this and found other ways to bond with little Finnegan, like playtime. Finn would do this cute thing where he would sit on my bf's lap while he played video games. The two of them loved hanging out, but Finnegan never adjusted to me or any other family members aside from bf's mother.
Life happened and my bf and I got engaged (yay!). My family also decided to move so I found a small place that allowed pets. We started introducing our cats to each other slowly, since they would eventually live together. Finnegan and Remsy already knew and loved each other so that was a plus! Introducing Mr. T and Finn was. Really challenging. But eventually they were mostly ok with each other.
We got married and it was difficult finding a place that allowed three cats, but my landlady was fine with it so he just moved in with me. It's been a bit now and things have become very challenging.
Finn is a wreck. All the time. He is thankfully very healthy and eating well, but he is never happy. His eyes are always huge, he hisses if I touch him or approach him. He hates Mr. T most of the time (though they are on decent terms as they snuggle sometimes) and is always so scared. He pees all over everything when he gets scared or upset and it is so frustrating. My husband says that Finn is a shell of the cat he was when it was just the two of them. It's so sad. The poor guy is never at peace. He's miserable.
It doesn't help that our apartment is way too small for three bengals. Remsy has been upset as well recently and started peeing on things too (we did make sure there was not a health issue going on though we might visit the vet again to be sure).
I feel at a loss. My husband sat me down yesterday and asked if we could consider rehoming Finn, or possibly Finn and Remsy together since they are well bonded. Just the thought makes both of us want to cry but it's just becoming so difficult. Finn is always so miserable and it's becoming incredibly frustrating with all the pee everywhere.
It's hard to watch Finn so sad and scared all the time. My bf says he used to purr and be happy when it was just the two of them, and he thinks Finn would thrive in a calmer household with patient owners and more space to be himself. We both feel so inadequate for Finn and we have no idea how to help him. He's not getting what he needs with us. Our schedules have no stability and a one room apartment gives him no space to get away from Mr. T when he's frustrated. It's at a breaking point and I've noticed myself getting so frustrated with cats recently due to their anxiety and pee everywhere I adore them but I feel in over my head. I wish I had looked ahead back then, talked to my bf and just stuck with one cat. I feel so guilty for even letting it come to this. It was stupid of me to think three high energy cats could be ok in a space this small.
I don't know what to do. Does anyone have advice? I feel like an awful pet mom for even considering rehoming as an option and I don't even know how I would go about it but I don't know what else to do.
Posting here because I really need advice from some other cat people. My husband and I together have three cats, all bengals, all male, all neutered.
For some background, I adopted my first bengal, Mr. T, while we were still dating/living separately. At the time my sister had severe cat allergies but didn't react to bengals so I was thrilled to have found a cat that could live with me! Mr. T is a real sweetheart and was a year old when I got him. He was underweight and terrified but after some vet visits and TLC he really came out of his shell. After a while, I decided that Mr. T might enjoy having a buddy to play with, especially since I work full time. I now wish I had thought this through a little more but at the time my situation was perfect for it. So I got Remsy, my second bengal. They were fast friends. Remsy is the sort who gets along with everyone and cares very little about most things. Car rides? No problem. Hikes? He loves them. New people? Awesome.
It was great! Mr. T and Remsy entertained each other while I worked and when I got home we all snuggled and played.
My husband (boyfriend at the time, living separately) fell in love with my boys and, having never had a pet before, really wanted one of his own. Enter Finnegan, bengal number three. Finnegan, from the time my bf brought him home as a kitten, was a little different. He didn't have the outgoing nature of my boys, hated being held/petted and feared everything and everyone. My bf was ok with this and found other ways to bond with little Finnegan, like playtime. Finn would do this cute thing where he would sit on my bf's lap while he played video games. The two of them loved hanging out, but Finnegan never adjusted to me or any other family members aside from bf's mother.
Life happened and my bf and I got engaged (yay!). My family also decided to move so I found a small place that allowed pets. We started introducing our cats to each other slowly, since they would eventually live together. Finnegan and Remsy already knew and loved each other so that was a plus! Introducing Mr. T and Finn was. Really challenging. But eventually they were mostly ok with each other.
We got married and it was difficult finding a place that allowed three cats, but my landlady was fine with it so he just moved in with me. It's been a bit now and things have become very challenging.
Finn is a wreck. All the time. He is thankfully very healthy and eating well, but he is never happy. His eyes are always huge, he hisses if I touch him or approach him. He hates Mr. T most of the time (though they are on decent terms as they snuggle sometimes) and is always so scared. He pees all over everything when he gets scared or upset and it is so frustrating. My husband says that Finn is a shell of the cat he was when it was just the two of them. It's so sad. The poor guy is never at peace. He's miserable.
It doesn't help that our apartment is way too small for three bengals. Remsy has been upset as well recently and started peeing on things too (we did make sure there was not a health issue going on though we might visit the vet again to be sure).
I feel at a loss. My husband sat me down yesterday and asked if we could consider rehoming Finn, or possibly Finn and Remsy together since they are well bonded. Just the thought makes both of us want to cry but it's just becoming so difficult. Finn is always so miserable and it's becoming incredibly frustrating with all the pee everywhere.
It's hard to watch Finn so sad and scared all the time. My bf says he used to purr and be happy when it was just the two of them, and he thinks Finn would thrive in a calmer household with patient owners and more space to be himself. We both feel so inadequate for Finn and we have no idea how to help him. He's not getting what he needs with us. Our schedules have no stability and a one room apartment gives him no space to get away from Mr. T when he's frustrated. It's at a breaking point and I've noticed myself getting so frustrated with cats recently due to their anxiety and pee everywhere I adore them but I feel in over my head. I wish I had looked ahead back then, talked to my bf and just stuck with one cat. I feel so guilty for even letting it come to this. It was stupid of me to think three high energy cats could be ok in a space this small.
I don't know what to do. Does anyone have advice? I feel like an awful pet mom for even considering rehoming as an option and I don't even know how I would go about it but I don't know what else to do.