Chai Kitty

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rosegold

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Checking in to say that I’ve been thinking about you and hoping that you’re doing okay, rosegold rosegold (and Chilli and Clove, too :) ).
Thank you so much! :hugs:

It’s been hard lately. My heart is heavy and it’s hard to explain to others that I’m still not “over it”. This time last year was the time when she started to come out of her shell, play with toys, purr, etc, and eventually allow me to pet her. Those were truly some of the happiest days of my life... it’s hard to remember them without her here.

I was missing her a lot today. Then, tonight, I met a little tuxedo street kitty... that also had a black mustache. It really REALLY reminded me of Chai. The kitty was shy, but kept meowing at me, rubbing on the rock, and watching me and following me around. I sat down for a while and hung out with it and it got really close. A few more hours and some food and I think I could’ve touched it. Such a sweet curious face. As I was walking away thinking about the kitty, I looked up and saw a restaurant called “Chai”. Almost started crying. :(

I want to go back and find the kitty, and foster her and get her a good home, but she was with a little friend and I can’t take them both. But as I was sitting with her, I just felt a rush of that same pure love and belief that I felt when I was taming Chai. I never thought I would feel that way towards another cat but now I can’t stop thinking about this little tuxedo baby. I posted on our local animal rescue page about the two kitties so maybe someone else will rescue them. The weather is getting so cold. :(
 

Mia6

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Your Chai was one of the most beautiful kitties I have eve seen. It's rough to lose
one of our babies. I lost my Vincie girl 2 months ago yesterday and it still hurts like
crazy. and there is no time limit on grief. My doc said take all the time I need.
Some of us need more time than others.💝
 
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rosegold

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Your Chai was one of the most beautiful kitties I have eve seen. It's rough to lose
one of our babies. I lost my Vincie girl 2 months ago yesterday and it still hurts like
crazy. and there is no time limit on grief. My doc said take all the time I need.
Some of us need more time than others.💝
Thank you. So sorry for your loss :(

I am starting to accept that “pet grief” is just “grief,” and that validation is helpful. There nothing different, lesser, or somehow niche about my grief for Chai just because she wasn’t a human. I only wish that others would realize this...
 

tarasgirl06

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Those that don't understand need some education. For my family, and for me, cats aren't "pets" -- they are FAMILY. Many, many people feel the same way. This is a very narrow, judgmental, critical society and I want no part of it! I happen to live here, but I don't partake of the things they do, have the (lack of) values they do, or think like they do. It's time for others who feel this way to push back! We don't need anyone else's permission to feel our feelings or have our values.
 

rubysmama

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I was missing her a lot today. Then, tonight, I met a little tuxedo street kitty... that also had a black mustache. It really REALLY reminded me of Chai. The kitty was shy, but kept meowing at me, rubbing on the rock, and watching me and following me around. I sat down for a while and hung out with it and it got really close. A few more hours and some food and I think I could’ve touched it. Such a sweet curious face. As I was walking away thinking about the kitty, I looked up and saw a restaurant called “Chai”. Almost started crying. :(
Reading that gave me goosebumps. Do you suppose Chai is trying to tell you to put some of the love and empathy you have towards helping other cats. I know you don't have room to foster, but maybe volunteer at a shelter, or even donate food or supplies in Chai's memory.
 
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rosegold

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I just came back to the area I saw the cats, and brought some food with me. But I don’t see them. :( It’s cold and raining, so hopefully they found a cozy spot. Maybe I’ll look again in a few days.

. I know you don't have room to foster,
I guess I don’t... though I’ve tried to brainstorm about how I could make it work. I still have that big crate and I can’t bring myself to get rid of it. I’ve even considered moving to an apartment with an extra bedroom just so I could have space to foster a shy cat. But the fear of stressing out my current cats (and giving them FIP) always stops me. My cats are both so sweet and patient, and have never shown a lick of aggression to any cat, and I often wonder if Clove wouldn’t be happier with a more active playmate... but three is a lot, even temporarily.

I don’t know. It’s one of those things that I kind of discovered I loved on accident, but now it’s been one of the most fulfilling things in my life (like becoming a teacher). All thanks to Chai. I just wish I could put that passion towards actually working with a new cat, not towards remembering when I *used to be* socializing a cat (not to mention just being sad about Chai every time I think about it). It seems so pointless and depressing that I found something that I love doing so much and I’m pretty good at, and now I just... can’t do it anymore, ever, at least for the foreseeable future.

I feel very stuck in my grief. I can’t help but feel like if I could take on a shy foster and help it gain confidence and find it a forever home, it would make Chai’s death feel less meaningless. I want to embrace the highs and the lows that came with socializing a shy cat - I want to rise to another challenge, with all the strength and wisdom she taught me - not just abandon that whole experience as a sad fluke. If that makes sense.
 

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Thank you so much! :hugs:

It’s been hard lately. My heart is heavy and it’s hard to explain to others that I’m still not “over it”. This time last year was the time when she started to come out of her shell, play with toys, purr, etc, and eventually allow me to pet her. Those were truly some of the happiest days of my life... it’s hard to remember them without her here.

I was missing her a lot today. Then, tonight, I met a little tuxedo street kitty... that also had a black mustache. It really REALLY reminded me of Chai. The kitty was shy, but kept meowing at me, rubbing on the rock, and watching me and following me around. I sat down for a while and hung out with it and it got really close. A few more hours and some food and I think I could’ve touched it. Such a sweet curious face. As I was walking away thinking about the kitty, I looked up and saw a restaurant called “Chai”. Almost started crying. :(

I want to go back and find the kitty, and foster her and get her a good home, but she was with a little friend and I can’t take them both. But as I was sitting with her, I just felt a rush of that same pure love and belief that I felt when I was taming Chai. I never thought I would feel that way towards another cat but now I can’t stop thinking about this little tuxedo baby. I posted on our local animal rescue page about the two kitties so maybe someone else will rescue them. The weather is getting so cold. :(
Do you have a limit on how many pets you can have in your apartment, or is it that you don't feel ready for it yet? If it's the latter, what if you take them in and keep looking for shelter placement for them in the meantime? Baby steps, and all that.
 

tarasgirl06

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I just came back to the area I saw the cats, and brought some food with me. But I don’t see them. :( It’s cold and raining, so hopefully they found a cozy spot. Maybe I’ll look again in a few days.



I guess I don’t... though I’ve tried to brainstorm about how I could make it work. I still have that big crate and I can’t bring myself to get rid of it. I’ve even considered moving to an apartment with an extra bedroom just so I could have space to foster a shy cat. But the fear of stressing out my current cats (and giving them FIP) always stops me. My cats are both so sweet and patient, and have never shown a lick of aggression to any cat, and I often wonder if Clove wouldn’t be happier with a more active playmate... but three is a lot, even temporarily.

I don’t know. It’s one of those things that I kind of discovered I loved on accident, but now it’s been one of the most fulfilling things in my life (like becoming a teacher). All thanks to Chai. I just wish I could put that passion towards actually working with a new cat, not towards remembering when I *used to be* socializing a cat (not to mention just being sad about Chai every time I think about it). It seems so pointless and depressing that I found something that I love doing so much and I’m pretty good at, and now I just... can’t do it anymore, ever, at least for the foreseeable future.

I feel very stuck in my grief. I can’t help but feel like if I could take on a shy foster and help it gain confidence and find it a forever home, it would make Chai’s death feel less meaningless. I want to embrace the highs and the lows that came with socializing a shy cat - I want to rise to another challenge, with all the strength and wisdom she taught me - not just abandon that whole experience as a sad fluke. If that makes sense.
Huge props to you for wanting to help other cats! As for three being a lot, for me, three is an almost-empty house, as I moved here with 9 of our 21 (everyone else had to go to sanctuary, about which I've written a lot here at TCS). So I guess it depends on the size of your home and your personal perspective. Fostering and rescuing are so fulfilling, and as you know, it saves precious lives! so if you have the inclination, I hope you follow it. That big crate could be very helpful. And you would undoubtedly have them vetted, right?
 

rubysmama

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I feel very stuck in my grief. I can’t help but feel like if I could take on a shy foster and help it gain confidence and find it a forever home, it would make Chai’s death feel less meaningless. I want to embrace the highs and the lows that came with socializing a shy cat - I want to rise to another challenge, with all the strength and wisdom she taught me - not just abandon that whole experience as a sad fluke. If that makes sense.
You definitely have the passion and patience to socialize a shy cat. :petcat::catlove:
 
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rosegold

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Do you have a limit on how many pets you can have in your apartment, or is it that you don't feel ready for it yet? If it's the latter, what if you take them in and keep looking for shelter placement for them in the meantime? Baby steps, and all that.
It’s mostly that my apartment is on the small side for more than two cats. It’s a big roomy two-story studio, but the only separate area with a closing door is the bathroom. So that makes introductions/separations tricky. It’s more than big enough for my two cats who get along fabulously... but I don’t know about a third foster.

I don’t have an apartment pet limit, that I know of. My landlord is cool. I’m limiting myself to two permanent kitties at least for now, just because the cost of shipping them internationally (when I bring them back to the States with me) is going up. But I could potentially foster.

And you would undoubtedly have them vetted, right?
Yeah, of course! I just still worry. FIP paranoia. :(
 
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rosegold

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A year ago today she let me pet her for the first time. :(

I knew all these anniversaries in September-December would be sad, but I didn’t know they were going to hit me this hard.
 

tarasgirl06

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A year ago today she let me pet her for the first time. :(

I knew all these anniversaries in September-December would be sad, but I didn’t know they were going to hit me this hard.
Sometimes they really do hit us hard. The purest and greatest love cannot be forgotten, but it does not end here. Know that!:vibes::vibes::vibes:
 

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It’s mostly that my apartment is on the small side for more than two cats. It’s a big roomy two-story studio, but the only separate area with a closing door is the bathroom. So that makes introductions/separations tricky. It’s more than big enough for my two cats who get along fabulously... but I don’t know about a third foster.

I don’t have an apartment pet limit, that I know of. My landlord is cool. I’m limiting myself to two permanent kitties at least for now, just because the cost of shipping them internationally (when I bring them back to the States with me) is going up. But I could potentially foster.



Yeah, of course! I just still worry. FIP paranoia. :(
If you're just going to be fostering them until you can find shelter placement the bathroom should be ok, they'd probably actually feel safer in a smaller area than having the run of the whole place. But I guess the big question is do you really feel ready for it?
 

zed xyzed

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it is so unfair that this beautiful little girl had so many things thrown in her path. I really breaks my heart. Bless you for being there for her, for showing her she was loved and mattered in this big world. I can't tell you in words how truly sorry I am that she has left for her new journey. But she is in a place where she will never hurt again. RIP sweet girl.
 
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rosegold

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If you're just going to be fostering them until you can find shelter placement the bathroom should be ok, they'd probably actually feel safer in a smaller area than having the run of the whole place. But I guess the big question is do you really feel ready for it?
Yeah that is the question... Who knows. Some days I feel like I could be a cat superhero, and some days I feel overwhelmed with the cats I already have. Losing Chai despite trying so hard shattered a lot of my self-confidence and illusions of control, and now I kinda feel like an inadequate cat owner no matter what I do... but that’s probably not true.

it is so unfair that this beautiful little girl had so many things thrown in her path. I really breaks my heart. Bless you for being there for her, for showing her she was loved and mattered in this big world. I can't tell you in words how truly sorry I am that she has left for her new journey. But she is in a place where she will never hurt again. RIP sweet girl.
Thank you very much for your kind words. :hearthrob:


Tomorrow I am going to try to help catch a cat, that was spotted limping around with most of its front leg missing. No explanation necessary as to why I felt drawn to that particular situation... I hope we can find it and get it safely to the vet, even if it has to be euthanized. But fingers crossed it’ll be okay.
 
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rosegold

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I’m doing oddly well these days with everything. Saving that kitten last weekend (which I detailed in another post) was, weirdly, exactly what I needed in my mourning process. In an almost uncanny coincidence, I ended up lying on the ground trying to reach the kitten in the exact same position as I did when I was taming Chai in the bathroom. On my left side with my arm extended out awkwardly and with the exact same treat in my hand. It was weird... the same cat food smells, the same sore neck, the same noises and slow blinks and gentle movements. It was weird but felt very cathartic. I was SO happy when I finally grabbed that kitten. Just pure joy, knowing he wasn’t going to spend another minute outside in the cold.

I think I’ve written here before about how Chai brought out parts of my personality that I actually liked about myself and was proud of... I was able to feel that again on a smaller scale with helping this kitten. My stubbornness/persistence, intense hyperfocus, and extreme love of animals are usually things I feel I have to suppress or scale back about myself, to avoid putting people off... but in this situation, I could embrace them fully and use them to my advantage.

More than anything, the two rescuers I worked with were cat people who “got it.” Even though I had just met them, they were super happy and interested to hear all about Chai, “awww” over her pictures with me and talk about how cute she was, sincerely empathize with my grief, and remind me that she is at peace. It was like getting to hang out with a bunch of you all! <3
 

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I think it helped because you were focusing so intently on something good, on feeling such an intense rush of pleasure when you finally grabbed that little one and knew he was safe. Hopefully these times will come more and more. None of us can sustain those incredibly high levels of stress and sadness forever, they will start to come in waves instead of all the time, and time will soften and fade the grief into something you can manage. Focusing on something other than grief is good for your soul. And I'm sure Chai is right there beside you, in peace and happy that you are getting pleasure from life once more....you will be blessed for helping these little ones find love, for giving them a chance which they never would have had to share the experiences you and Chai did. Thank you for loving so much.....
 
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