Cats grieving

[sweetdz99]

I haven't lost a pet recently, but I did lose both parents, 1 in June and the other September.

My dad had 5 cats. Now I have 7. They get along pretty good, but his are grieving. He treated them like children. Washed their faces, their butts, their finger nails. He combed them daily and they slept with or on him all day every day.

I love cats and animals in general. I spoil them and care for them but in no way the level he did. A month ago, they all looked like they were homeless, with dirty faces and disheveled fur. Their butts smelled and had crusty poop on them and nails were dirty. I am doing my best and learning daily but my goodness they are alot. My two wash themselves with occasional poop on the fur (really long hair) lol

The other day there was a little tussle and when I came in the room, I just got all of the "it wasn't me -- stares" this had been going on all day! I was frustrated and yelled, "Grandpa should have took you all with him!" Now I know they don't really understand the words I said, but I do. They all got some treats after that. I guess my point of this thread is to ask advice on how to cope while helping them cope. One walks down the hallway and cries at his door, one just started coming out from behind the couch, one wants to be on top of me whenever I sit down. I'm hoping time will help us all.

Thanks for reading.

 

[danteshuman]

Are they long haired cats? If so get a quiet grooming shaver and shave arounc their bits and their armpits. Cami has long hair and needs like a shorts outline on her backside cut or shaved to keep poop out of it.

Their face? Cat wipes, you can also use unscented baby wipes. Most cats do this on their own, so I’m not sure why they are nit

You might try telling them how much you miss grandpa while you pet or brush them every day.

If brushing them all, every day is to much work you can take them to a groomer and have all the long haired cats get their haircut to only 1/2 inch long (making them short haired.) If they are short haired cats, they should only need to be brushed once a week, 2-3 times a week max when they are shedding. (Just take your 2 cats to get sprayed with the groomers spray or put a dab of pure vanilla extract on the back of all 7 of your cat’s neck.)

In the meantime do something that brings you joy, every day; even if just for a few minutes. It is what keeps me sane during high stress times.

 

[mrsgreenjeens]

First off, I'm sorry for the loss of your parents. And so close together. That must be so difficult And now you are feeling guilty for what you said to your father's cats. Don't. We all have bad days and say things we don't mean. Obviously you love them or you wouldn't do what you do for them. I think the above suggestions are good ones, with the exception of I would have a groomer do the trimming at least the first time around since it can be quite a task and you don't want to hurt them accidentally, or scare them using a trimmer.

I'm really surprised they don't clean their own faces, or that they don't clean each other. Are the five bonded? Are they flat faced cats who need their tears wiped away, is that what you mean by "dirty faces". If that's the case, then yes, they do need human intervention, but it shouldn't take too long. Once a day should do it I would think. Just a quick swipe with an Unscented baby wipe and your done. Or use a warm washcloth if you want.

Is there a reason you don't want them in your father's old room? Maybe opening the door to that room will help them grieve better as they will know he's not in there but can go in and sleep in his bed, etc.

 

[game misconduct]

sorry to read/hear about your loss hopefully you will all be able to support/ comfort and heal from this pain together as each day passes

 

[sweetdz99]

Are they long haired cats? If so get a quiet grooming shaver and shave arounc their bits and their armpits. Cami has long hair and needs like a shorts outline on her backside cut or shaved to keep poop out of it.

Their face? Cat wipes, you can also use unscented baby wipes. Most cats do this on their own, so I’m not sure why they are nit

You might try telling them how much you miss grandpa while you pet or brush them every day.

If brushing them all, every day is to much work you can take them to a groomer and have all the long haired cats get their haircut to only 1/2 inch long (making them short haired.) If they are short haired cats, they should only need to be brushed once a week, 2-3 times a week max when they are shedding. (Just take your 2 cats to get sprayed with the groomers spray or put a dab of pure vanilla extract on the back of all 7 of your cat’s neck.)

In the meantime do something that brings you joy, every day; even if just for a few minutes. It is what keeps me sane during high stress times.

View attachment 401354

A couple of them are long hair but even the short hair ones get snarls. I do comb them and shave their hind areas. Their faces are dirty, like eye boogers and 1 gets this dirt mark from being out in the garage.

Thank you for the advice!

 

[sweetdz99]

First off, I'm sorry for the loss of your parents. And so close together. That must be so difficult And now you are feeling guilty for what you said to your father's cats. Don't. We all have bad days and say things we don't mean. Obviously you love them or you wouldn't do what you do for them. I think the above suggestions are good ones, with the exception of I would have a groomer do the trimming at least the first time around since it can be quite a task and you don't want to hurt them accidentally, or scare them using a trimmer.

I'm really surprised they don't clean their own faces, or that they don't clean each other. Are the five bonded? Perhaps you could post in the Behavior Forum and ask if there is a way to get them to do it themselves. Are they flat faced cats who need their tears wiped away, is that what you mean by "dirty faces". If that's the case, then yes, they do need human intervention, but it shouldn't take too long. Once a day should do it I would think. Just a quick swipe with an Unscented baby wipe and your done. Or use a warm washcloth if you want.

Is there a reason you don't want them in your father's old room? Maybe opening the door to that room will help them grieve better as they will know he's not in there but can go in and sleep in his bed, etc.

Thank you. They are siblings and bonded but they don't cuddle with each other. They wash each other rarely. They aren't flat faces, 2 are sort of shorter snouted and their eyes water. Most the of the dirty faces are eye boogers. I do shave their hind areas too.

They can be in my dad's room. I left the beds he set up for them and the blankets, even his shirt. The one that cries down the hall at his door, used to sleep in there with him 24/7. Now she only goes with others. I tell them its bed time at 9pm, like he used to and they follow me to his room. And sit on the bed for awhile after they lay down. Once I leave, they do too.

He just took such good care of them and now I am feeling like I'm not, I guess.

 

[Maria Bayote]

I am deeply sorry for the loss of your parents. Even as adults, we never take the passing of any of our parents very easily. There will always be the spirit of kid in us that will always long and hurt for our Mom and Dad. Plus, this pandemic has taken a toll on most of us, mentally and financially.

Aside from the great advices above, have you checked with the vet if the cat that is usually wailing has no health issues? Maybe you can also look into this.

Your Dad obviously loved them. Animals can also grieve. It so happens that you are also feeling the same way. Take it one day at a time. Talk to the cats about how you feel in a low calm voice. At times cats also can catch stress from their humans.

Hang in there. We are here for you.

 

[sweetdz99]

I am deeply sorry for the loss of your parents. Even as adults, we never take the passing of any of our parents very easily. There will always be the spirit of kid in us that will always long and hurt for our Mom and Dad. Plus, this pandemic has taken a toll on most of us, mentally and financially.

Aside from the great advices above, have you checked with the vet if the cat that is usually wailing has no health issues? Maybe you can also look into this.

Your Dad obviously loved them. Animals can also grieve. It so happens that you are also feeling the same way. Take it one day at a time. Talk to the cats about how you feel in a low calm voice. At times cats also can catch stress from their humans.

Hang in there. We are here for you.

Thank you so much. It has been hard, having seen them both take their last breath..I try to feel grateful. My mom was on hospice and we knew it was coming but not dad.
The cry baby kitty, used to cry when my dad was alive. Not to this extent but when he would leave his room to go out into the other room, she would lay on his bed and cry to get him back in there. I can surely make her an appt just to make sure.

He loved them like they were his kids. They take pills fairly easy, you can touch all their feet and bellies, they don't mind the face and booty wiping and they do listen when you tell them to stop fighting aggressively. That was all his doing. They aren't bad, they are just alot. I just want to do right by them, so I'll continue to wake up at 4am for their breakfast, I'll wash faces and butts, I'll sit in his spot on the couch as they take turns coming on my lap for their combing, I'm take them for they walks outside and pick them grass blades and bring it inside.. I'll do my best.

Thank you!

 

[sweetdz99]

Grandpas baby is the cry baby, Phil is the second pic. He just needs his booty wiped. Lol

 

[Mamanyt1953]

I am so, so very sorry that you, and the cats, are going through this. Don't be afraid to talk to the cats about him, and how much you miss him. I, personally, think that cats follow much more of what we are saying than the "experts" would have us believe. And they know very well how to read our tone of voice. Perhaps knowing that you share their grief will help.

To your parents,

Fair winds and following seas, Dear People. Fair winds and following seas.

 

[di and bob]

First of all, my heart goes out to you for the loss of your parents, I hope you can find comfort in knowing they are together again and at peace because they carry your love with them. You can use those little ones that your father left behind as a connection to talk to him, to tell him about your day and your trials, for advise.
I thank God there are compassionate people around like you, that would take on 5 extra cats. Your loss has been very recent, you have been so busy you haven't given yourself time to grieve. In one way it is a blessing to be kept so busy, you and all those little ones will bring comfort to one another as you get through this, in the meantime don't try to keep perfect, because none of us are and it is impossible to achieve. The snapping and saying things that you never would normally is understandable and forgivable. You must somehow carve out some time for yourself. You are exhausted not only in body but also in soul. Take a walk, go shopping, read a book, start a journal about your adventures with 7 cats. They love you and are adjusting to their new life too. If they have eye buggers, most cats do. let it go for a while. Keep cat wipes around for the dirty behinds, they may have a lot fewer messes as they get used to their new schedules and their new life. don't try to be superhuman right now, schedules and chores will become routine and easier as time goes by. Just gather them all up and give comfort to each other, just take one day at a time......

 

[mewlittle]

I'm not sure how to word it this but I'm sorry for your losses I believe family that passes on watches over the ones who are still here so I hope which I think they are they are watching over you and the kitties

When I was a child my grandpa who i called Poppy acted like he didn't like cats I think he was trying to be a man I don't know but I never seen him be mean to any of the cats we had, anyway a stray gray kitten missing an eye and a broken tipped tail randomly showed up at his door ,me being a kid nosey on what's in the cupboards I seen cat food which I thought was odd but assumed my grandma who was Mima put it there (big cat lover) ,next thing I know I catch poppy outside opening a can of cat food I was shocked I was about 6 years old this was in the year 1999 ,so I go "poppy I thought you didn't like cats " his response " what only if their outside his name is Zane" XD Mins named him Buffer because she had a B named obsession ,so Zane Buffer the one eyed kitty, so from 1999-sometime 2006 he was manly an outside cat, we tried many times to get him inside and it ended up with one up us tore up but if you didn't attempt to take him inside we was sweet as pie, Poppy passed away in october 2006 I was around 13 and before he passed he asked us to keep Zane safe ,so after he passed away, we tried and tried to keep him inside and somehow he would get out so we had him neutered which helped but one time he got out and was missing for days this was about 2-3 months after poppy passed we think Zane Buffer kept trying to get out to look for Poppy, one day I hear a cat making a weird howling noise under the trailer I go out to investigate and I see Zane Buffer under the trailer I go under there to lure him out and he kept meowing at me not wanted to come so I picked him up and went inside and I sat him down and he started to limp and I go "mommy there's something wrong with buffers leg I think he needs to go to the vet" so we take him to the first vet they suggested PTS my mom refused took him elsewhere to come to find out a human had twisted his leg causing his knee to be shattered and that's also when we found out he was felv positive the vet told my mom there is 3 options 1 do a knee replacement that would require vet med transport3 hrs away and costs 3,000+ 2 amputation 3 pts we went with the first option to give him the best chance and to keep a promise, so he ended up being a one eyed fake knee bent tailed cat XD he lived about another 3 years after that, from Oct 2006 to July 2009 we gave him nothing but love if he wanted something he got it (cat safe) spoiled etc, it did take him awhile I think us fixing his knee made him feel more comfortable with us,
when mima passed away in 2015 our cat Blanket whom we had since birth 1996 had a big grieving process she took it harder then buffer ,Blanket passed on July 2016 I was pregnant when she passed away she was like a sister, I spoiled Blanket tell she passed
So give them time give them love like he did for them and be extra sweet in time they will get better but cats don't forget whom had them and loved them and don't take it to heart if the cats reject you or not seeming close to you ,its not because you doing anything wrong or bad its just because they miss him and probably don't understand why they aren't with him but in time they will come around

I hope everything with his cats get better and I hope you get better in time ,everyone has their own grieving process I still grieve for Poppy Mima and all the cats that had passed but I had to continue to move on

I hope my reply helped even a little xoxo

 

[danteshuman]

As a kitten Jackie was really close to my cat Dante. Then Dante passed unexpectedly & I adopted Jackie. Imagine my grief when Jackie got all sniffy over Dante’s ashes. I think he could still smell his ‘uncle’.

would tell them that he is dead and that you miss him so much. Cats often sneak away & hide before they die. So your grandpa suddenly disappearing would fit that narrative.

would tell them that he is dead and that you miss him so much. Cats often sneak away & hide before they die. So your grandpa suddenly disappearing would fit that narrative.

I know cats grieve. My other cat grieved the loss of Dante for about a year. I have heard countless stories of cats grieving. Even stories of cats visiting their owner’s grave.

 

[mrsgreenjeens]

As far s getting up at 4 a.m. to feed the cats, is that just your father's cats, or your own as well? If just your father's cats, perhaps you could every so slowly, like 5 minutes per day, start delaying that meal. Say 4:05 a.m. tomorrow, then 4:10 a.m. the next day and so on until they are on YOUR schedule. Cat's can adjust, and in this case, I think it would be best if you could get everyone on the same schedule, if they aren't already (meaning all seven). As for the eye boogers, maybe try adding some L-Lysine to their diets. It's possible they have Feline Herpes which makes their eye's tear up. That's an unknown whether they have it or not, but L-Lysine might help. Do their eyes ever get worse? Hopefully not.

You even go out and cut grass to bring in to them. Man, you are a saint! Would you consider getting some cat grass and growing it inside for them to chew on. It just grows in a pot.

 

[sweetdz99]

As far s getting up at 4 a.m. to feed the cats, is that just your father's cats, or your own as well? If just your father's cats, perhaps you could every so slowly, like 5 minutes per day, start delaying that meal. Say 4:05 a.m. tomorrow, then 4:10 a.m. the next day and so on until they are on YOUR schedule. Cat's can adjust, and in this case, I think it would be best if you could get everyone on the same schedule, if they aren't already (meaning all seven). As for the eye boogers, maybe try adding some L-Lysine to their diets. It's possible they have Feline Herpes which makes their eye's tear up. That's an unknown whether they have it or not, but L-Lysine might help. Do their eyes ever get worse? Hopefully not.

You even go out and cut grass to bring in to them. Man, you are a saint! Would you consider getting some cat grass and growing it inside for them to chew on. It just grows in a pot.

Thank you! They get lysine when they get the sneezes, one of mine gets it every day.

He would feed his at 3am, that was his schedule. Mine adjusted to that over the last year.. before mom went on hospice she was bedridden and I was already working from home because of covid, so moving in to help him with mom was easy to do.

I changed that to now 415. I've tried to get it to be later, but they come in and scratch my face and cry on my chest lol. I will keep trying tho.

They all go on walks with a harness but with 5, it takes about 2 hours unless I have someone help me. So bringing them grass bladed makes them feel special. They watch from the window and are so excited.

We did try the cat grass and it caused fighting, even when we bought 7 of them they still fought over the one.

I boil chicken for them too lol.

Thank God I'm already married and he just knows this is what I do and loves me any way because I for sure would be the crazy cat lady!

 

[di and bob]

Lol! You better hold on to him, he sounds like a winner. I had to train my husband. Igotcat grass too, but recommend putting it in something heavy enough not to tip over. My cats pulled the pot to the floor, drug the grass out and had dirt scattered from one end of the house to the other. They sure must have had fun, and every one of them was looking at me like, " HE did it!"

 

[sweetdz99]

Lol! Omg it's terrible. Cat poop and vomit at any given time. He would tell me someone threw up and I'd need the description...."ok, there is another one somewhere, it comes in twos!" LOL. He doesn't understand when i praise them for having the right color and consistency of poop and how happy u am they covered it lol. Its pretty bad. Haha

 

[mrsgreenjeens]

I'll say it again, you're a saint! So, apparently, is your hubby

Anyhoo, since you're already using L-Lysine when they get the sneezes, maybe try giving them 250 mg twice per day everyday, then give them 500mg twice per day when they are sneezing. That might stop the tearing. Maybe . That would be one less chore for you.

And I know what you mean about the throw-up. My hubby always lets me know so I can investigate whose it was. I actually keep a log of how many pees we have per day, how many poops and whose they are, and who has thrown up, just in case it's ever needed. But I only have two furkids right now.

 

[danteshuman]

If you can I would build a catio all the cats could go in/out of whenever they wanted (to take the stress off you.) I have had 2 cats on long leashes run around the backyard and untangling them was the job. Now I just walk my cat, every day. He still wants to just get under a bush and hung things for a bit. So I give him time to hunt (where I sit and read) & time yo

The vomit? A vet check might be needed. I missed my last cat’s first sign of food allergies by thinking he just needed sensitive stomach dry food. So something else may be going on.

I feed my cat at midnight, 8 am, noon and 6 pm. You can try leaving out dry food or feeding them right before bedtime to allow you to sleep in a bit..... or at least to not need to wake up before dawn!

One cat I had, came to me as a kitten with a cold. He had eye boogers and it took him a couple of months to stop having a crusty eye. I learned I could put a tiny amount of Vaseline on yip of the booger, then wipe it away with a tissue 15 minutes later. It might be worth s try. Though I always kept the Vaseline to the outside bit around his eye.

I agree with everyone else; you are Saint for taking them all

 

[mrsgreenjeens]

The vomit? A vet check might be needed. I missed my last cat’s first sign of food allergies by thinking he just needed sensitive stomach dry food. So something else may be going on.

I feed my cat at midnight, 8 am, noon and 6 pm. You can try leaving out dry food or feeding them right before bedtime to allow you to sleep in a bit..... or at least to not need to wake up before dawn!

I was thinking this myself. About the vomiting. Perhaps there is something else going on there. Have you determined which one is doing that, and when? There could be an underlying issue there, maybe it's even regurgitation, or going too long without food. I actually have a few little treats under my pillow that I give my guys when I wake up to roll over at night. Keeps the morning clear froth throw-ups at bay. And I, also, feed them something right before bedtime. Mine get three scheduled meals per day, plus the right before bedtime healthy treats (freeze dried meats)