Cats Grieving

KarenKat

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I wanted to share a story in case it helps someone later. As many may know, Randall and I put our 10.6 yr old Tabby, Trin, to sleep recently. We still have two other cats: Gohan, who was adopted as a feral kitten 6 years ago and Olive, who is around 3 and we adopted last year. Trin and Gohan had been friends for years, Trin would groom Gohan fairly often and they had a huge level of comfort around each other. Olive, being the new cat on the block, was not as close to the other two. But she did play with Trin on occasion and they would lead merry chases around the house (I’m sure at least one of them was merry).

We decided to have the vet come to the house to euthanize Trin, and I am so glad we chose to do it that way. Not only was she so compassionate and Trin was saved a stressful trip, but Olive and Gohan were present. Olive hid at the time but Gohan stood on the stairs about 10 feet back and observed the whole event. I don’t believe he knew what was happening at the time, but he did watch from afar.

When Trin was gone, the vet suggested we have Olive and Gohan come out and see his body to help process their grief. She left the house and gave us time to bring them over. It felt quite macabre and like a dirty trick, but we lured them bother over with treats.

Gohan started sniffing the blanket the vet had brought - he always has to “map” new items in his home - and then he saw Trin. He instantly recoiled and withdrew - probably an animalistic instinct (if something killed my friend it could kill me). He ran back to the stairs.

I had been plying Olive with treats the whole time so she didn’t distract Gohan (they still aren’t friends). Olive is less concerned about new blanket smells, so I picked her up and brought her over. As soon as she saw Trin, she had the same instant recoil and squirmed to jump away. She ran under the futon and poor thing immediately threw up.

That night, we had the two snuggliest cats in the world. Gohan usually will sit in Randall’s lap but not sleep and then he will leave in 5-10 min. This guy melted into his legs and slept there for hours. Olive was also very cuddly, but this is normal for her so it was hard to tell if her behavior changed.

The next few days, I wasn’t sure what to expect as I have never seen a pet grieve before. We didn’t notice any searching or questing for Trin, and I assume it’s because on some level they had seen and somewhat understood. The very next day after, we found one of Gohan’s toys in a chair Trin would frequent. Not terribly unusual, but he doesn’t normally put anything on that particular chair. As we debated if this was a tribute to his brother, he jumped onto this same chair (very unusual) and gave a long, low, mournful meow (the closest he had every done to something like that was when he was very hurt). It seemed fairly obvious that he was expressing his grief.

Olive, having known him less time, seemed extra cuddly. I think for her, she was more insecure and worried about being abandoned and so she glomped onto me.

It has now been about 10 days, and Gohan has stabilized and is acting normal (for a cat). He has started snuggling in bed, which was Trin’s spot. But Trin has an alpha personality with the other two and it could be that Gohan feels more comfortable there now. Olive has been rather hyper recently - more than any other time I’ve seen - and I think she is missing having the playmate.

If anyone else is thinking about having their cats present for another one being put to sleep, I think it was so valuable and helpful for our guys to understand. It broke our hearts, but it is helping to heal theirs. If we have gone to the vet, I would not have brought them with - the experience would not have resonated with them because they would have been stressed and unable to understand or observe what was happening.

How else have your cats grieved?
 

LisaT.

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Poor Windy. It’s one of those many times you wish you can sit them down and talk to them to help them understand. :hearthrob:
The licking lasted for about a month, maybe 2, even after I brought Theo home with me. There is no more licking now. It took her quite a while to grieve Beamer's death. He was her buddy, the sweetest kitty friend there ever was.
 

Mamanyt1953

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They know, and they understand. You did just the right thing. How much more traumatic if their friend and companion had just...disappeared.

I kept pet rats for many years, and learned that when one passed, I had to give the others time with the tiny body. They would come up to him, nuzzle, lie with him for a bit, and then go on about their business, but never, ever did ANY rat fail to pay their "respects" for their friend who was no more.
 
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KarenKat

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I kept pet rats for many years, and learned that when one passed, I had to give the others time with the tiny body. They would come up to him, nuzzle, lie with him for a bit, and then go on about their business, but never, ever did ANY rat fail to pay their "respects" for their friend who was no more.
That is so heartbreakingly sweet. :redheartpump:
 

Mamanyt1953

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They are. Ratties are highly undervalued as pets. Mine were affectionate, smart, charming, funny, and loving with each other. They knew their names, and would come when called (they got "free range" time daily), and were even leash trained.
 

will2002

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It's my opinion that most folks do not understand how far advanced up the "food chain" cats actually are. I know when I really started to seriously observe the cats that we were caring for, I was surprised how much they understand the world around them. They simply amaze me every day.
 

1 bruce 1

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I wanted to share a story in case it helps someone later. As many may know, Randall and I put our 10.6 yr old Tabby, Trin, to sleep recently. We still have two other cats: Gohan, who was adopted as a feral kitten 6 years ago and Olive, who is around 3 and we adopted last year. Trin and Gohan had been friends for years, Trin would groom Gohan fairly often and they had a huge level of comfort around each other. Olive, being the new cat on the block, was not as close to the other two. But she did play with Trin on occasion and they would lead merry chases around the house (I’m sure at least one of them was merry).

We decided to have the vet come to the house to euthanize Trin, and I am so glad we chose to do it that way. Not only was she so compassionate and Trin was saved a stressful trip, but Olive and Gohan were present. Olive hid at the time but Gohan stood on the stairs about 10 feet back and observed the whole event. I don’t believe he knew what was happening at the time, but he did watch from afar.

When Trin was gone, the vet suggested we have Olive and Gohan come out and see his body to help process their grief. She left the house and gave us time to bring them over. It felt quite macabre and like a dirty trick, but we lured them bother over with treats.

Gohan started sniffing the blanket the vet had brought - he always has to “map” new items in his home - and then he saw Trin. He instantly recoiled and withdrew - probably an animalistic instinct (if something killed my friend it could kill me). He ran back to the stairs.

I had been plying Olive with treats the whole time so she didn’t distract Gohan (they still aren’t friends). Olive is less concerned about new blanket smells, so I picked her up and brought her over. As soon as she saw Trin, she had the same instant recoil and squirmed to jump away. She ran under the futon and poor thing immediately threw up.

That night, we had the two snuggliest cats in the world. Gohan usually will sit in Randall’s lap but not sleep and then he will leave in 5-10 min. This guy melted into his legs and slept there for hours. Olive was also very cuddly, but this is normal for her so it was hard to tell if her behavior changed.

The next few days, I wasn’t sure what to expect as I have never seen a pet grieve before. We didn’t notice any searching or questing for Trin, and I assume it’s because on some level they had seen and somewhat understood. The very next day after, we found one of Gohan’s toys in a chair Trin would frequent. Not terribly unusual, but he doesn’t normally put anything on that particular chair. As we debated if this was a tribute to his brother, he jumped onto this same chair (very unusual) and gave a long, low, mournful meow (the closest he had every done to something like that was when he was very hurt). It seemed fairly obvious that he was expressing his grief.

Olive, having known him less time, seemed extra cuddly. I think for her, she was more insecure and worried about being abandoned and so she glomped onto me.

It has now been about 10 days, and Gohan has stabilized and is acting normal (for a cat). He has started snuggling in bed, which was Trin’s spot. But Trin has an alpha personality with the other two and it could be that Gohan feels more comfortable there now. Olive has been rather hyper recently - more than any other time I’ve seen - and I think she is missing having the playmate.

If anyone else is thinking about having their cats present for another one being put to sleep, I think it was so valuable and helpful for our guys to understand. It broke our hearts, but it is helping to heal theirs. If we have gone to the vet, I would not have brought them with - the experience would not have resonated with them because they would have been stressed and unable to understand or observe what was happening.

How else have your cats grieved?
"As soon as she saw Trin, she had the same instant recoil and squirmed to jump away. She ran under the futon and poor thing immediately threw up."
:( Man.
If that isn't grief, I don't know what is.
When we had a terminally ill cat, the others reacted to that sick cat like he was a stranger. Hissing, etc. He smelled like the vet but I also think he smelled of sickness, death, medicine, and all this stuff and we opted to keep him separate so the others wouldn't bother him.
We had a dog die at home once. We got the same reaction, the cats especially gave him a sniff and puffed up until they looked like porcupines, then walked off slowly and never seemed to give it another thought. The other dogs gave a sniff, hackles went up a bit, but that was the end of it.
We had a little puppy here that loved one of our adult dogs. The adult dog tolerated him, but when that adult dog died the puppy searched for him for weeks. It was really one of the saddest things.
I read somewhere that puppies and kittens react differently to the death of a companion than an adult would. Makes sense to me, because a 5 year old might not understand the concept like a 25 year old would and would have a different reaction.
I absolutely believe they grieve. One of our old horses died one day, and after they were buried the others stood around in a group and just stood there with their heads low. They weren't grazing, they were just standing there looking like a human family that had just learned someone they loved died and were trying to wrap their heads around it.
One day, we had a chicken die that was the top of the pecking order. They did grieve, but the entire flock was messed up on who was what and who needed to do what for awhile.
"When Elephants Weep" is a good book on this subject.
If someone is still not convinced, go to any ranch during weaning time. It's not the grief of death, but grieving the unknown and it's every bit as horrible as taking a nest of feral kittens to tame/adopt out and watching the mother return to the kitten nest to find it empty.
KarenKat KarenKat I'm sorry for your loss, but am glad this experience has made us all open our eyes a little more on the fact that they feel like we feel. :sunshine:
 
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KarenKat

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Yeah, of course I’d rather not have this learning experience but I find it really interesting too.

The chickens are interesting. Trin apparently was our alpha, he went everywhere he wanted and Gohan seemed to let him greet/warn newcombers (ie Olive) and followed is lead somewhat. We just didn’t know he was alpha because he was outclassed when it came to actually exerting his influence. Gohan seemed to get anything he wanted and Trin could only really stalk around. Now the two silly cats don’t know how to relate to each other and they have been staring breadcat at each other until one of them slow-motion walks away. It’s so silly.
 

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Yeah, of course I’d rather not have this learning experience but I find it really interesting too.

The chickens are interesting. Trin apparently was our alpha, he went everywhere he wanted and Gohan seemed to let him greet/warn newcombers (ie Olive) and followed is lead somewhat. We just didn’t know he was alpha because he was outclassed when it came to actually exerting his influence. Gohan seemed to get anything he wanted and Trin could only really stalk around. Now the two silly cats don’t know how to relate to each other and they have been staring breadcat at each other until one of them slow-motion walks away. It’s so silly.
My own observations (that are as scientific as a toy chemistry set you'd buy for your 5 year old nephew :lolup:) is that our "alpha" cat is our asthmatic male cat that's the oldest, but not the strongest.
I do believe he's the "alpha" because he doesn't have to be strong to be that top cat. He's got a really cool personality that is self confident without being over confident. He doesn't remind the other cats that he's the boss, he just "is" and the other cats respect this, and like him, a lot. They seek him out and seem to think he (as the saying goes) "hung the moon."
Even at his worst where all he wants to do is strain to poop and breathe weird, the other cats are kind to him and respect him and protect him and lay beside him. He's never been involved in a fight, never attacked or been attacked in a stand off. If someone starts a hissing match, he walks (not runs) away. His good nature, confidence, etc. seems to give everyone else confidence, he's one cool guy.
I guess it goes back to thinking about someone you respect or respected when you were a kid. You didn't respect them because they constantly badgered you and ordered you to respect them. They just had this "way" that made you feel secure and that if something went wrong, they'd deal with it.
We lost a little cat about 2 years ago, and the other cats didn't like her. She was super sweet, but very needy and kind of a "3rd wheel" and I think the other cats got annoyed or felt over whelmed by her neediness. When she died at an old age, the others seemed to barely notice her absence.
Their relationships with one another are just as deep and interesting as our relationship with them. It's a sad subject but an interesting one.
 

di and bob

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We have always laid our deceased cats out on a blanket let the others know. The others have always come up, one by one, sniffed and walked away. Some would get puffed tails. I really wonder how far into the future their memories hold, some may appear to be searching for a few days but mostly they just get on with life. I believe animals live in the present,they are much more self centered than us because they have to be to survive. But as everyone knows, cats are creatures of habit, and need consistency in their lives. When a member of their family dies, they miss the routine, the familiarity of having that family member present. It confuses and frightens them when it changes.
I know when I start thinking of them my chest feels funny, like my heart is affected, and tears well up unasked. I have felt this way so many times....
 

Maria Bayote

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Animals do mourn for their family or for their pack. I have not yet experienced my cats experience this yet, since my love affair with cats only began more than a year ago. But I do remember when one of my dogs died of cardiac arrest. Even after weeks of his passing, the other two smaller dogs would bark and howl at his grave site at our backyard, and ran around the house as if they were still hoping somebody would show up. This went on for weeks. Even now when they hear our departed dog's name during family conversations one or both of them would come running to us like saying, "Where is he? Did you just mention his name?".
 
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KarenKat

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We have always laid our deceased cats out on a blanket let the others know. The others have always come up, one by one, sniffed and walked away. Some would get puffed tails.
I never expected the scared reaction, but it’s seems consistent and makes a lot of sense. Before it happened, I think I expected confusion, them to sniff and recognize that he was gone and maybe some sadness.
 
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