Cat intro - Managing aggression

[AflamedValkyrie]

Hi everyone,

After reading tons of incredibly helpful threads here, I decided to share my cat intro with you and ask for advice.

I have a neutered male cat named Bentie who is 1 year and 2 months old. He was born in my backyard but we decided to bring him in and make him an indoor cat at around 5 months. He's an amazing cat, laid back, he comes to us every morning purring and kneading on us. He's quite a big cat at almost 6 kg and he's not very active except for noon and dusk.

In late July, I saw a 3.5 month old female kitten and started feeding her. Shortly after I left for vacation but I left a feeder for her and the other stray cats. So she stayed there the entire time and even after I returned, she never left the yard. Bentie could smell her the entire time and in fact while we were on vacation, we saw through the cameras that he spent most of his day by the back yard door. He meowed at her and tried to open the door, as if he wanted to play with her.

Long story short, after returning from our vacation, she tried everything to get into the house and he did everything to meet her. I took her to the vet for vaccinations and tests and I decided to bring her in. We named her Pixie. She's a small cat weighing 2,3 kg at almost 6 months.

As they had already spent close to a month of getting used to each other's smell, had briefly seen each other and tried to play footsies under the door, I thought let's not do a proper cat intro and keep them together and monitor them. At first they were fine with each other, he tried to play with her but she was more interested in playing with the toys and exploring the house.

After a few hours, things started to get ugly - he stared at her, chased her and mounted her but she didn't like that at all and hissed, growled and hid under the furniture. It looked like he wanted to play with her and she was just being a drama queen.

So we decided to do a proper cat intro instead and spay her, in case her hormones were driving him crazy and the mounting was not domination. We set up a room for her and did the first part with the closed door for a couple of days. We cracked open the door while feeding and everyone was happy. We opened the door and they were both eating fine. When she was in her room, he'd often roll on the floor outside of the door and meow as if he wanted to play with her.

She doesn't seem very interested in playing with him but they do touch noses every day before eating. On the other hand, he stares at her all the time and watches her every move. As soon as she moves or runs to play with the toys, he chases her and grabs her by the neck. Other times, it looks like wrestling. Anyway, she hates that and she hisses and then growls and most of the time she runs under the furniture but never runs to her room. She usually stays there for a few minutes and then comes out to play but I can see that she's stressed and fearful of Bentie. This happens again and again. They still eat together, no problems with the litterbox and other than their encounters, they seem perfectly happy when they're not in the same room.

We were taking things slow with their meetings and they lasted for only a few minutes, twice or thrice a day plus 3 times when they would eat their meals. When there's food involved, everyone's happy. When we try to play with her, she's more than happy but won't go more than a meter close to Bentie. He, on the other hand, has no interest in playing with toys or us when he's with her and he fixes his gaze onto her. He waits to see when she's not looking or just laying on the floor and jumps at her then.

I figured it's dominance since both are fixed now and I haven't seen a single wound or a drop of blood. She does get aggressive after Bentie grabs her by the neck and bites his legs, ears and face but she's not done any real damage. When she defends herself, he gets angry and gets more aggressive with her too. If I separate them at that moment, Bentie redirects his aggression on me and bites me but soon realizes it's his mom and stops. But he does look very frustrated and starts stalking her again.

Pixie has also redirected her aggression on me and I can tell that it's not a light bite but neither is breaking skin (nor theirs or mine). We decided to let them in the same room for a couple of hours until they figure out each other and the hierarchy. It does seem to get slightly better but I don't know if I'm doing the right thing. We're currently towards the end of the 4th week.

I have a Feliway Friends diffuser in the room where they hang out together.

I've put them near each other when they were sleeping and Bentie started grooming her. Both were annoyed but no biting and they even slept together for an hour.

One thing I find very interesting is that Bentie has never hissed or growled at Pixie, while she does that to him every day.

Here's a clip of Bentie stalking her and another when she fought back and things got ugly (she's the one you hear).

Is this domination thing a phase that I need to let them sort out themselves? Do you see any signs of real aggression that need action on my part?

Thank you in advance and sorry for the super long post!

 

[ArtNJ]

You can relax. This is normal.

A 1 year 2 months is still a kitten in terms of play drive. Given their size as adults, 1 to 1.5 year olds while perhaps not the absolute most crazy enthusiastic players (basically a tie with kittens!), are certainly the most off putting for inexperienced owners to watch play with a smaller cat. Your reaction is normal, as is the smaller cats reaction. Here is the thing though: they are not fighting. If the smaller cat is playing sometimes before running and hissing, if the smaller cat comes right back out in 5 minutes and acts like nothing happened, your already all good. The discomfort the smaller cat sometimes feels is just that, discomfort, and not pain. If your not there yet, and the smaller cat is generally scared, thats ok too. If the older cat seems to be a jerk and not taking no for an answer, that is what cats of this age are usually or at least very often like. You can let them work this out. The odds of friendship are very very high given the ages. It just might take some time.

I watched the video, and thats all normal and fine. Its playing out just like I said. They ARE playing, its just after a bit the smaller cat is in some discomfort because the size difference is coupled with the stupid over enthusiasm of a 1 year old. But this isn't an actual problem, and will improve with time.

 

[AflamedValkyrie]

Thank you A ArtNJ for your reply, I cannot describe how much you've helped me! I've been so stressed the past 2 weeks but now I'm much calmer and I know my stress affects their behavior too.

Today they've been together all day long with a couple of 5-min timeouts for taking things a bit too far. Both seem more relaxed now that they've been together for hours. I guess they had the chance to study each other as they played, ate and slept in the same room.

Bentie still chases her but significantly less and she seems to be a bit annoyed but doesn't complain much. He will also stalk and run towards her but doesn't really touch her except touching noses and both make chirping sounds.

One thing I cannot understand and seems to trigger his stalking behavior is that she moves like prey. They stare at each other and suddenly she runs to hide. Is she trying to make him play with her? Some other times she stalks him when he's not looking and prepares to pounce on him. She runs towards him and when he sees her, she stops halfway as if she's afraid of him and runs back under the coffee table. She doesn't seem scared though.

I will keep them separated at night but give them free access to every room for the rest of the week. If this goes well, we'll let them free access at night too. I really hope they won't have any fights at night while we sleep. He usually sleeps on the bed with us so if she wants to join us, we may have a territorial issue there.

 

[AflamedValkyrie]

Hi everyone,

I wanted to give you an update on our cat intro. We're now entering the 6th week and for the past 2 weeks our cats have been together all day except for nighttime.

They seem to be doing great - they play a lot together every day, chasing each other all around the house, they eat together, sleep close to each other and sometimes they even cuddle and groom.

Earlier in the introduction, I figured my resident cat Bentie was bullying her or thought she was prey. She was showing signs of defensive aggression (hissing, growling, ears backwards and tail thrashing) and that stressed me out, thinking it was a mistake bringing in a new feline friend for Bentie.

Thanks to the valuable input of @ArtNJ, I decided to let them be together more and figure out some things for themselves. I'd only break them up if she was complaining too much or hissing + growling + trying to hide from him. And it worked! Now they're enjoying themselves so much, even though there is occasional hissing or growling from her when Bentie doesn't know when to stop playing.

I've captured a lot of their moments in video and wanted to share them with you in case someone else goes through a stressful cat introduction and needs to see/hear how other cats interact and assess their situation accordingly. Anyway, here are a few clips (sorry for the bad camera quality and low volume!). Hope you find them helpful

Bentie's attempt to show dominance
Bentie establishing dominance
Trying to play or dominate?

Bentie stalking Pixie
Pixie growling but Bentie doesn't stop

Bentie just wants to sleep
Pixie wants to groom him but Bentie had enough
Pixie claiming Bentie's favorite spot