Cat Handling & Cuddles....

[Tink84]

Hi all,

Just looking for a little advice on handling my cat and encouraging cuddles....he was such a cutie when I first got him and for months he'd curl up on my lap or next to me.....now (he' 17 months old) for the last 5+ months he wont sit on my lap / next to me and likes to be in his own space...he doesn' mind petting but gets fed up quickly And when I took him the vets yesterday (see my post in the health forum) the vet asked me to pin him...i did good with that but 5 mins later he was pressed against the wall an she asked me to pick him up when I did he did a low growl noise (which he does when he doesnt like being handled or picked up against his will) and I said sorry to the vet that I'm not a very confident cat handler.....the vet repled it ok and said to the cat oh do you know your mum's not very confident and your just taking the mickey....i agreed but I don' know how to change this or how to train him!! Anyone got any ideas? He is a loving cat an sleeps by me of a night on the floor and jumps on the bed for an he of a morning an sometimes lays on me then but never downstairs in the livingroom xx

 

[susanm9006]

Your cat sounds very normal -some are simply not lap cats who stick around for long cuddling sessions. You just have to accept that affection will be delivered and received on his terms.

As far as the vet, most detest it and you will sometimes get growls and hisses both while there and even sometimes a few days afterwards. Nothing much to be done except let them get over it.

And yes cats can be trained to do a few things but loving long cuddle sessions and behaving at the vet are not amongst them.

 

[Tink84]

Thank you for your reply. I suppose I worded my post wrong....i meant is there a way I could approach him is ways in which I can handle him so he doesn't 'take the Mickey' as i felt like that statement vy the vet inplied uf i did things differently then he would be a bit nore submissive and wouldn't behave like that (Not that I thought he was acting wrong- he was rather calm Tbh as he could of tried to scratch and bite but he didn'!!) I would love to be a little more confident in the way I handle him I do know I am a wimp as I just don't want to get bit or scratched but do want to handle him properly as I do worry I'm too nervous when petting him that he gets annoyed with me an hard me off x

 

[Kieka]

I know vets can be judgmental and say things wrong. But it isn't a failing on your part that the vet noticed that. The failing is if you don't take the steps to improve your relationship with your cat. When it comes to vet visits I have an armpit cat (who hides in my arms and buries her head in my armpit) in Rocket and a bold confident cat in Link. In both of them they listen to me when it counts and the vet can see that they take comfort from me. There are two issues as I see it:

1) An imbalance in the relationship with your cat. Somehow along the way there wasn't a clear boundary of what each of your positions are along with some miscommunication between you.
2) You want him to cuddle. Which is more of the miscommunication but also some growing pains.

I would strongly encourage you to read Jackson Galaxy's new book Total Cat Mojo. The tips in general will really help your relationship with your cat and communication between you two. It really is a relationship which does mean some acceptance and compromise will have to happen. I know how challenging it can be sometimes but you can rebuild and get to a better place with some effort.

My recommendations, outside of reading the book, is:

1) Establish a play time at least 15 minutes, twice a day. This will offer a good bonding moment for you and your cat. You have to be 100% committed and actually engage in the play. Be the pray that your toy is simulating. Actually move around the area and get your cat moving. When the play session is over, offer verbal praise and a treat/meal. Once your cat has eaten it is quiet time. I usually do the play before leaving for work and about 30 minutes before bed. That way your cat will naturally be triggered to fall asleep after the session.

2) Accept him. If he isn't a cuddler, then he isn't a cuddler. My Link went through a phase at around a year to 2.5 years where he was exactly what you describe. He went from cuddle and pet me to just sit there while I hang out on the other end of the couch. I still push Link to accept occasional petting but Link knows he isn't allowed to bite or scratch human so he will warn me first. So I push just to the warning and then we go back to our respective positions. Over the last two years I have gotten him to the point where I can brush him over twice. I am not doing it though so that I can actively pet him, I need to be able to check for injuries, cuts, and abrasions so I need to be able to do a quick once over. As to the lap, very suddenly about 6 months ago Link decided he wanted on laps again. Out of the blue and without any real consistency. He now will settle on a lap from time to time and when cherish those moments.

3) Biting and scratching. It sounds like you are afraid of being bit or scratched. That tells me that there was either hand play or there is fear on your side. You have to take control of that one and nip it. Next time you feel even the slightest amount of tooth or claw you say no loudly and move physically away. Count to ten. Return and continue as if nothing happened. Continue the same reaction, every time for any amount of tooth or claw. Within two weeks you should start to see a change.

4) Meal time. Hang out when it is meal time. When you put the dish down, sit down on the floor next to your cat and just talk while he eats.

 

[danteshuman]

I agree with Keika. The only thing I would add is one of my cats can not get enough affection. The other one just wants to be on my lap, ignored while he is there. I respect both of my cat's choices. Long ago I realized Dante just hanging out on my lap was his version of cuddling. I also gave my cats a 15 minute rule from when I first got them. If they get on my lap, they get at least 15 minutes. If I put a blanket over my lap Dante comes running because he knows I'm in it for the long haul

 

[Tink84]

Thank you for your replies helpful and insightful however I do feel I maybe haven't quite explained myself for the following reasons:

1)I have and do accept him and I love him dearly exactly how he is however I was asking about the cuddling so I can hold him and reassure him at times like vet visits or if he' feeling poorly - not for the fact that I want him to sit on my lap to keep me happy.

2)I do play with him. He stays in of a day while I'm at work etc but then goes out when I'm home on his request so I go outside and play chase and pounce with him in the garden when he first goes out and play inside when he comes in if he wants to.

3) Their is fear on my side as I don' want to be bitten or scratched (he generally scratches rather than bites) but isn' good at bei g handled or fiddled with against his will for any longer than a minute if That so times like getti g close to give him meds or flea treatment etc are difficult as he runs an hides so I can' get him an scratches if I try to!

This makes him sound like a horrible cat but he' not he will sit near me an sleeps near me I do believe their may have been a communication breakdown but like I say I thought I'd remidied that by playing, by caring for him and giving him his space, I feed him treats out of my hand he loves that.

I wonder if it' a case of rebble teens age as he' 17 months so probably hust testing the boundaries a little. I just worry hel push himself away.

Il keep work g on it!

Thanks again for your reies Il look for the book too

 

[danteshuman]

Cats respond best to handling when you are calm. So that is step one. Then break what you want the cat to do into little steps. Like touching your cats paw first or lifting your cat from it's chest so his front paws are a few inches off the ground. The key is start small & build up. I swear by giving my cat a treat when I'm done annoying them(pill, nail trimming, brushing or wet wipe bath.) You then repeat each step daily for a few seconds and gradually get your cat used to it.

 

[Kieka]

Thank you for your replies helpful and insightful however I do feel I maybe haven't quite explained myself for the following reasons:

1)I have and do accept him and I love him dearly exactly how he is however I was asking about the cuddling so I can hold him and reassure him at times like vet visits or if he' feeling poorly - not for the fact that I want him to sit on my lap to keep me happy.

2)I do play with him. He stays in of a day while I'm at work etc but then goes out when I'm home on his request so I go outside and play chase and pounce with him in the garden when he first goes out and play inside when he comes in if he wants to.

3) Their is fear on my side as I don' want to be bitten or scratched (he generally scratches rather than bites) but isn' good at bei g handled or fiddled with against his will for any longer than a minute if That so times like getti g close to give him meds or flea treatment etc are difficult as he runs an hides so I can' get him an scratches if I try to!

This makes him sound like a horrible cat but he' not he will sit near me an sleeps near me I do believe their may have been a communication breakdown but like I say I thought I'd remidied that by playing, by caring for him and giving him his space, I feed him treats out of my hand he loves that.

I wonder if it' a case of rebble teens age as he' 17 months so probably hust testing the boundaries a little. I just worry hel push himself away.

Il keep work g on it!

Thanks again for your reies Il look for the book too

Part of it is the rebel teenager time period. Part of it goes back to a disconnect between you and your cat. I think the book will really help you out. If you are already playing that is a good starting point. t

I don't think it reflects badly in your cat (or you) that you are in this position. Not in the least. I have a Snowshoe Siamese who is a challenge every day. He is too smart for his own good, I have no doubt that he would have been rehomed by someone else. But I love him and his attitude.

The more you say the more I think it is a disconnect. A simple slide to the right in thinking and you may find that click. In this case that means a change in mindset. Specifically, the two statements. You are not confident and you are scared.

Scared is solved by accepting that a scratch or bite will happen. Know how you'll react with the firm no and move on. Accept it. It will happen. It will hurt momentarily. But it you react appropriately then it will happen less. Your cat likely doesn't realize how much it does hurt and only needs to understand that.

Confidence will come with time. For now, any time you doubt yourself repeat three times "I am confident". Then evaluate what is happening and change your viewpoint. don't knock yourself down.

 

[Tink84]

Thanks again for your replies I appreciate it.

If I may....please may I ask about metal medicine.....ive given my cat 2 doses of it and both times within 20 mins of having it it makes him really drowsy...i have looked it up and seen reviews on staying clear of it for cats (I'm in the UK!) I' really concerned that I've used it now and worry it has harmed him.....i stupidly believed vets knew best and wouldn' prescribe anything harmful but I'm doubting it now. What do you suggest I'm really worried now xx

 

[Kieka]

What medicine is it?

 

[Tink84]

Sorry it had corrected my word it isn' metal medicine it' metacan x

 

[Kieka]

Metacam is a pain reliever so that specific side effect isn’t not surprising. I am in the US where Metacam is only approved for injection by the vet so i have no personal experience with it as an at home medicine. A quick search shows it can have dangerous side effects for some cats while others are fine on long term usage. It seems to be one of those “some can’t handle it” type of medications. It also may be of not that studies related to the safety of it tend to test on the injection not oral administration so that can be a factor.

If your concerned about it don’t be afraid to ask your vet for a different option. NOt all vets are created equal. Nor will all prescribe the same thing for the same situation. You do want to trust you’re vet but don’t feel bad about saying your disagree or asking for a second opinion.

 

[Tink84]

Thank you for your reply. He was sleepy immediately after the medication but has woken and been playing now so I think he be ok. He' only had a dose yesterday and today so I think Il give it a miss and not give him anymore of it! If I'm honest he's over the worst of it anyway now as he's had the bite since Friday evening and it' scanning over now I only gave it to him b4 as he had been top of the wardrobe to sleep an hanged it getting down and I noticed it seeping a bit so thought it may have been throbbing but I don' think Il give him anymore now!

I know I'm a pain but another question with regards to him banging the bite today and it seeping: I've wiped it over and he has a E Collar on but for how long would you leave it on realistically? The vet said 7 days but it is driving him crazy and must be so uncomfortable!?! X

 

[Kieka]

As a complete non-vet opinion, I typically leave the e-collars off when I am around and if my cats aren't messing with their wounds I leave it off even when I am not around. This does depend on careful wound monitoring to recognize if it is getting irritated. I also leave the collar on the entire specified time if the vet has put in a drain when we are talking about wounds/abscesses. But my girl didn't wear her ecollar for a moment after her spay; I was also right next to her for a good portion of the first few days.

That said, I specifically asked my vet to put in a tear resistant durable cloth the last time I had to deal with an abscesses. Something that Link could clean and pull on while still allowing it to drain. I just had to clean the area twice a day and move the drain around a little to prevent it from clotting in place but for the first day or two Link cleaned the area often enough that I didn't have to mess with it too much.

It really is best to fully follow directions though and keep the ecollar on if you want to avoid complications. If it really is disturbing him you can look into alternatives like inflatable doughnut collars, a modified plate, a baby shirt over it, etc. We did a yoke type set up on our rabbit after his neuter but I don't know how well that would work on cats.

 

[Tink84]

Thank you for your reply. I have decided to keep it on until he goes back to the vet on Monday now so not long left and he seems to have settled to it now! Its just horrible watching him want to groom and clean himself bless him but I know it' for his own good! He' been really good Thu xx

 

[Tink84]

Keika - I really want to thank you for your honest yet constructive replies. I do accept it is my fault the bond is a little unclear and that is because of my nerves of being hurt by him as he is feisty lol not in a pure nasty vicious cat way but a not so tolerant leave me alone way and I back off straight away due to nerves!!

If I am honest it' taken a lot to adjust as I have never had cats I grew up with dogs but my hubby grew up with cats and we decided a cat (got as a 14 week old kitten) and I wasn' so confident on handling him or being more stern or shore with him. I also work full time long days so didn' really have the full time to get that proper vobd with him.

That said I do believe we are slowly bonding a lot more now as time goes on and he' actually been a lot more accepting of touch etc since he' had his E Collar on! He even got into bed for a cuddle right next to me the other night.

I really do want to fix our bond while he' still young enough to so I will definatley be looking at the book you mentioned.

Once again thank you xx