Cat Contract.

[mightyboosh]

If your kitty was empowered to make a contract, what would it be like?

Mine would create something like this:

I am the boss. Period.
You will devote all your resources (time, money etc.) to my care.
I reserve the right to damage property if I feel so inclined.
I will create any kind of mischief my mood dictates.
There are no sacred times for humans eg. bedtime when I have to fit in with your silly habits.
You will feed and water me before all other humans and yukky species eg. dogs.
If I feel like a cuddle at any time, including inconvenient ones, I will get one and when I've had enough I will walk away without even a thankyou meow or backward glance in your direction. I may do this suddenly and without reason or warning.
All YouTube videos shall be about cats.
I reserve the right to add/amend this list at will.

 

[verna davies]

Mine would add:-
You will carry out any task requested by me at any given time without question.

Signed and witnessed.

 

[aliceneko]

I own you, you don't own me.
It's ALWAYS me first!

 

[Kat0121]

You will not season any meat you eat because if you do, we cannot have any. This is unacceptable.

When we want pets or chin scritches, we want them NOW. You WILL drop what you're doing and take care of our needs until we want you to stop. After that, you will not touch us until we allow you to.

From Sophie: You will not eat any ice cream other than vanilla because that is what I like. You will also only buy the expensive kind because the cheap is not good enough for me.

No cardboard boxes are to be broken down and recycled until we have had a chance to check them out. If we decide that we really like a particular box, it stays. End of conversation. Get used to having it around.

Under no circumstances are you to get rid of any of our toys- even the ones we do not play with. They are ours to ignore as we please. We do not care if another cat might like it and actually play with it. They can get their own.

We reserve the right to reject any food at any time and you had better be prepared to get us something else IMMEDIATELY. If you do not, we WILL yell at you in stereo until you comply with our wishes. If that food is unacceptable, you will get us something else until you find something we like regardless of how long this takes or how many cans you have to throw out. That is YOUR problem, not ours.

We only boss you around for your own good- and ours of course.

We love you despite all of your many, many flaws. We understand that it's not easy to be perfect. We just make it look like it is.

 

[mightyboosh]

No cardboard boxes are to be broken down and recycled until we have had a chance to check them out. If we decide that we really like a particular box, it stays. End of conversation. Get used to having it around.

Oliver must have forgotten to put that on the list. He's amending it urgently.

 

[mightyboosh]

If we decide that we really like a particular box, it stays.

This is Oliver's new box, obtained yesterday.

Cat With No Head (don't Panic)

 

[Graceful-Lily]

If your kitty was empowered to make a contract, what would it be like?

Mine would create something like this:

I am the boss. Period.
You will devote all your resources (time, money etc.) to my care.
I reserve the right to damage property if I feel so inclined.
I will create any kind of mischief my mood dictates.
There are no sacred times for humans eg. bedtime when I have to fit in with your silly habits.
You will feed and water me before all other humans and yukky species eg. dogs.
If I feel like a cuddle at any time, including inconvenient ones, I will get one and when I've had enough I will walk away without even a thankyou meow or backward glance in your direction. I may do this suddenly and without reason or warning.
All YouTube videos shall be about cats.
I reserve the right to add/amend this list at will.

You pretty much covered everything lol. This is perfect.

Felix would probably add something like... "In the event that I must be carried to the veterinarian (in case of ailment or otherwise) you must serve me and tend to my every need for the following 2 weeks there after until I feel my anxiety has subsided."

 

[mightyboosh]

tend to my every need for the following 2 weeks

Only two weeks? Felix sounds a very reasonable cat. Are you sure he's a cat as the word reasonable is a paradox when used in the same sentence as the word cat.

 

[KarenKat]

Gohan would like to add:
You will feed me when I am hungry, not at a convenient time. During the entire time I am eating, which may take upwards of 20 min, you are not to leave the kitchen, talk loudly, laugh, or do any other noisy activity or my meal is ruined and you will try again later.

I am to inspect every item that enters my house, whether it is a new chapstick, something that was moved from another room, or a present you are attempting to hide from the other human.

No torties. This is non-negotiable.