Casper, Goodbye Old Man

sivyaleah

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After just over 2 years of treating Casper for CKD and several other concurrent diseases, it became quite obvious Friday that he was in a downward and unavoidable spiral towards his eventual end of life. He was deeply shut down, mentally out of it, barely eating and not behaving "himself" at all. It almost seemed he was having small seizures in reaction to certain types of noises. He'd just sit there staring into space, and suddenly would jerk forward heavily. I don't believe he was recognizing us at this point. It was extremely difficult to watch. The change came on rapidly but with kidney disease, this is how things go, eventually.

Saturday he became much worse. We pushed up his fluid appointment and asked for the vet to see him. After a long discussion, without going into all the details, we all agreed the safest course of action was to run blood tests to assess his kidney values before assuming any other issue was at play. Sadly, the blood work that has to do with his kidneys came back SO highly elevated in all respects that it was a wonder he was still even alive at that point. The numbers had practically tripled since his last check up about 4 months prior. He was now in complete renal failure, past Stage 4.

We were in no position to make a quick decision what to do on the spot, although we had already had talks about what we'd do when this time came but still wanted to give it some time to think about how to proceed. So, they did his fluids, gave him a B12 as usual, did an injection of an antibiotic just in case there was an infection at play and, a Cerenia injection to help him eat. We kind of all hoped *maybe* this would perk him up enough to buy a little more time to think things through without rushing through the decisions to be made.

Went home. Got him to eat 1 small bowl of very expensive hamburger meat that I made him as he was completely refusing all his cat food. But other than that, he remained shut down, no energy at all. Slept on the couch between my husband and I. At bed time, he wouldn't do his usual game with us of head butts, instead, just falling onto the bed restlessly, and instead of sleeping with us as he always does, left soon after and went downstairs.

Sunday morning, I came down to feed both cats. He was hunched over on their ripple rug, unresponsive, didn't get up to greet me nor even look at me. I brought him his thyroid meds in his cream cheese treat - would not eat it. Brought him another med wrapped in ham. Would not eat it. Then, tried his favorite canned food and he turned his head away. Tried another food. Then baby food. Nothing.

I knew at that moment, the time had come. My husband came down and I told him what happened and we both mutually agreed that to leave Casper suffering, watching him decline further for whatever amount of days to come was not quality of life for him. He clearly was not happy. He had no life in him to live. He was ready to go.

Called the vet and was lucky they were able to have us come in that morning. We also were lucky his regular vet was available to be there for us. She's been a great ally, compassionate and smart dispensing good medical advice along with personal anecdotes of her own very similar situation with her own cat, so was intimately aware of everything we were experiencing. We brought Casper to the vet's office as we personally didn't want to remember his passing in our home - everyone is different - no way is better than the other. Thankfully, Casper passed easy, and very fast. I can't say enough nice things about the entire vet practice we use; plus they truly adored Casper - everyone looked forward to his visits. My husband stayed with him until just before he passed. I stayed through the entire procedure; I'm stronger emotionally than my husband and felt I wanted to be there until Casper's last breathe. I'm glad I did.

I could write pages of how sweet, confident and devoted Casper was with us. He was a good brother to his sister Cocoabean (well, pretty good lol, he never asked for her to be there). Truly, an all around great cat and a joy to have around. He was already well into his adult years when we got him, and we had him another 8-1/2 years past that - being now nearly 18 upon passing. His huge presence in our lives will be missed greatly, but at least we know we did everything right for him, he wanted for nothing and received excellent medical care. He leave a huge hole in our hearts, but one which we know will mend with time.

I'm giving a shout out to all at TCS who, when I arrived here years ago, were so helpful and welcoming. Casper is the reason I wound up on this site, as he was also the first cat I ever had that was my own, and I certainly needed some guidance at the beginning and then, as he suffered through each health problem. Thank you each and all :hugs:

PS: If anyone is moved to comment below, I have one small request. Kindly do not refer to the Rainbow Bridge or similar. I understand many find comfort in this concept but for me, it's an uncomfortable one and I do not believe in it. Gone is gone for me. Thank you for understanding and respecting my request :redheartpump:

Last, one of my favorite photos of Casper, in much better days, in one of his favorite boxes :redheartpump:

 

Furballsmom

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Casper, baby, you put up one heck of a battle. I'm so very glad your people were courageous, loving and had the strength to let you go.

RIP buddy.
 

mrsgreenjeens

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I'm so sorry for the loss of your very handsome boy Casper. I've lost three now to kidney disease, and it never gets any easier :hugs:. I'm so glad your Vet was so supportive, and there on a Sunday, if I'm reading correctly. Our Vet cried right along with us with our last two on "the day". That shows just how much she loved our babies.

Yes, that hole in your hearts will mend in time, and someday you will smile again when remembering Casper, thinking of the good times rather than his final sickly days.

Again, my sympathies.
 
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sivyaleah

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I'm so sorry for the loss of your very handsome boy Casper. I've lost three now to kidney disease, and it never gets any easier :hugs:. I'm so glad your Vet was so supportive, and there on a Sunday, if I'm reading correctly. Our Vet cried right along with us with our last two on "the day". That shows just how much she loved our babies.

Yes, that hole in your hearts will mend in time, and someday you will smile again when remembering Casper, thinking of the good times rather than his final sickly days.

Again, my sympathies.
Yes, she was there. You could see she was quite moved by the situation. Since I stayed until the end, we spoke a bit afterwards and you see she was tearing up, hugged me goodbye, etc. I really valued her honesty with us for the past few years. She never steered us wrong.

I do remember your giving me some advice here and there in posts I made when Casper was first diagnosed, I believe you may have been one of the people (or, the person?) who guided me over to Tanya's site. I never go into the forum end of things there but found it invaluable for information and frequently revisited it throughout the past couple of years.

Today, is better than yesterday. Tomorrow will be better than today, and so forth.

I took the day off so that I could have at least one day of acclimating to a new routine. Little by little, we are rearranging things around the house so we and Cocoabean aren't being bombarded by reminders of Casper.

At least, Cocoa is doing well - haven't noticed anything out of the ordinary with her. While her and Casper were friends, they weren't cuddly together. They co-existed nicely, would play fight, groom each other, lay near each other a lot but never with each other. Since there was a big age gap between them I guess she got used to him never being an active sort of play mate and certainly in recent months his energy level was dipping lower week by week. I assume she must have gotten used to him being more of a presence than a companion. This past week, I can only remember one time where they interacted with each other to any degree. Perhaps, for her, this worked out for the best.
 

Maria Bayote

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Everyday I tell myself not to check this forum "Crossing The Bridge" in the morning. Not in the morning as there is still a whole day ahead of me. But I can't help it. I need to be there for others, even in distance and only in mere but very sincere words, who are in grief.

So here I am, a tissue in hand, to tell you this:
Please be strong. You gave Casper the very best years of his life. A loving and warm home is what every pet deserves, and you gave it to him plus much more. I am sure Casper would not want to see you sad. He is now free from all the physical pain and restrictions he had to endure.

Grief does not really go away. It just gets mellow in time. Hang in there. The sound of his purr remains in your heart, with every beat of it, will also resonate inside of you for many many years to come. He continues to live inside of you, in your heart and in your mind.

Rest in peace, Casper. Thank you for the love and happy memories you have given your family. You will always be remembered with so much love.
 

Antonio65

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Everyday I tell myself not to check this forum "Crossing The Bridge" in the morning. Not in the morning as there is still a whole day ahead of me. But I can't help it. I need to be there for others, even in distance and only in mere but very sincere words, who are in grief.
TCS is my first reading in the morning, and the "Crossing the Bridge" forum is the first of the day.
Just like you, everyday I tell myself not to do that, because I'm at work and I am easily moved to tears, but I can't help it either.
 
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sivyaleah

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Everyday I tell myself not to check this forum "Crossing The Bridge" in the morning. Not in the morning as there is still a whole day ahead of me. But I can't help it. I need to be there for others, even in distance and only in mere but very sincere words, who are in grief.

So here I am, a tissue in hand, to tell you this:
Please be strong. You gave Casper the very best years of his life. A loving and warm home is what every pet deserves, and you gave it to him plus much more. I am sure Casper would not want to see you sad. He is now free from all the physical pain and restrictions he had to endure.

Grief does not really go away. It just gets mellow in time. Hang in there. The sound of his purr remains in your heart, with every beat of it, will also resonate inside of you for many many years to come. He continues to live inside of you, in your heart and in your mind.

Rest in peace, Casper. Thank you for the love and happy memories you have given your family. You will always be remembered with so much love.
I very rarely read this forum, or responded. I had never experienced losing a pet and felt inadequate to respond. In the past months knowing Casper's time was approaching I periodically would read posts but could never bring myself to write anything - it was too difficult and would flood me with emotions I wasn't ready to deal with.

Perhaps, after I've had a bit more time to process my own loss, and now that I understand the depth of sorrow others feel with this type of loss I'll be better equipped to offer my words of support.

Thank you all. It has helped :grouphug:
 

Lari

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Nearly 18 is a good age, though I wish he'd been able to spend more of them with you. But I'll bet you gave him the best years of his life.

I don't normally come here because I'm lucky enough to have not lost a cat yet (and hopefully not for a long time), so I don't usually know what to say, but I recognized your name from around the forum and I wanted to offer my condolences.
 

di and bob

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My heart goes out to you, your love and devotion for Casper comes shining through. I believe he was telling you it was time, and somehow you found strength through your love to let him go. It hurts, it hurts to not have them in our home, it hurts to not have them present in our everyday lives. But time will soften the sharp edges of grief, and the memories you have of him of happier times will bring you comfort. He shared your life's journey for a little while and you are a better person for having him in your life, it brought love and joy to your heart.
Please accept my sincere condolences, my heart breaks for your loss..... RIP dear Casper, you will forever have a place in a loving heart, you will never be forgotten. Good night, sleep tight, dear one!
 
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sivyaleah

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Well, a week has gone by. We are feeling much better now and I just wanted to thank everyone for all your kind words.

Today, the vets office called to let me know Casper's paw print came in - we'll pick it up this weekend. Also, when I got home from work, there was a card from their office extending their sympathy which was lovely but not only that, nearly every person at the practice signed the card with personal notes about their memories of Casper. Including the doctor that treated Casper most frequently. This touched our hearts greatly, I don't know how many vet practices take that extra step but wow, it was so appreciated and unexpected to receive.

Cocoabean is doing great, no problems with her at all. I think she is enjoying being a solo cat - for now; there will be another when we feel ready. As for us, while we still have our moments (and I am awaiting my husbands blog essay memorializing Casper which will be a tear jerker) for the most part, we are doing a-ok.

Again, thank you. It takes a special kindness and generosity of spirit to be able to comfort someone who's heart is in pain. This community is filled with such people :hearthrob:
 

Antonio65

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Also, when I got home from work, there was a card from their office extending their sympathy which was lovely but not only that, nearly every person at the practice signed the card with personal notes about their memories of Casper. Including the doctor that treated Casper most frequently. This touched our hearts greatly, I don't know how many vet practices take that extra step but wow, it was so appreciated and unexpected to receive.
When my sweet cat Lola was treated at a clinic for her carcinoma, and eventually died at home a few months later, I let them know. And they sent a beautiful card, with a lovley poem and the card was signed by all the staff at the clinic.
I think this is what happens when a pet, like your Casper and my Lola, breaks into the heart of many.
 

Kat0121

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I'm so sorry about Casper's passing. He loved and was loved. You gave him a wonderful life. I'm glad sweet Cocoabean is doing well. Please give her some hugs & scritches for me. :hugs:
 
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