Casper - An Essay On Loss

[sivyaleah]

Today, my husband published the essay on his blog that he's been working on since we lost Casper 3 weeks ago. He's been having a more difficult time with the loss; writing this has been helpful in the process of him being able to move on emotionally.

I'm leaving this here for anyone interested in reading it. He has never been a member of TCS, but has always valued the information I've brought home from the site as it made both of us much better cat parents.

Casper • Quod Scripsi - What I Have Written

 

[kittyluv387]

I really enjoyed reading the essay. Casper was truly a special boy! I don’t know how anyone could give him up, but glad that you two were able to enjoy several years with him.

 

[sivyaleah]

I really enjoyed reading the essay. Casper was truly a special boy! I don’t know how anyone could give him up, but glad that you two were able to enjoy several years with him.

Giving him up, for my friend, was extremely difficult. It took nearly 6 months of back and forth of many heart to heart emails and phone calls for him to finally come to the conclusion that it was in Casper's best interests not to be alone so much. My friend, was living part time at his home in NJ, and spending a lot of time w/his then GF in NYC. Casper was an indoor/outdoor kitty back then and neighbors would watch out for him while my friend was away. He was very independent but also, very human dependent and my friend felt the same way my husband did about him; he was a source of comfort in the same exact way helping my friend through many rough patches in life. But, he knew he was handing him over to people that would give him an excellent life, which we did and then some.

My friend told me he was way more upset to hear of Casper's passing than he expected being that so many years had passed since he had let him come live with us. Truly, Casper was one of those incredibly special animals - he would have been an excellent cat to bring to such places as nursing homes being he was so gentle, social and friendly.

 

[kittyluv387]

Giving him up, for my friend, was extremely difficult. It took nearly 6 months of back and forth of many heart to heart emails and phone calls for him to finally come to the conclusion that it was in Casper's best interests not to be alone so much. My friend, was living part time at his home in NJ, and spending a lot of time w/his then GF in NYC. Casper was an indoor/outdoor kitty back then and neighbors would watch out for him while my friend was away. He was very independent but also, very human dependent and my friend felt the same way my husband did about him; he was a source of comfort in the same exact way helping my friend through many rough patches in life. But, he knew he was handing him over to people that would give him an excellent life, which we did and then some.

My friend told me he was way more upset to hear of Casper's passing than he expected being that so many years had passed since he had let him come live with us. Truly, Casper was one of those incredibly special animals - he would have been an excellent cat to bring to such places as nursing homes being he was so gentle, social and friendly.

I suppose it’s a matter of priorities. He did do the right thing since his priority was his gf. Maybe I would have done the same thing when I was younger. I didn’t stay true to myself as much before in relationships. But now in my 30s? I feel much more firm in my priorities and my values. Today I would never get involved with anyone or anything that would require me to downgrade the care of my cats. My cats come first period. Significant others can come and go but pets are forever.

 

[sivyaleah]

I suppose it’s a matter of priorities. He did do the right thing since his priority was his gf. Maybe I would have done the same thing when I was younger. I didn’t stay true to myself as much before in relationships. But now in my 30s? I feel much more firm in my priorities and my values. Today I would never get involved with anyone or anything that would require me to downgrade the care of my cats. My cats come first period. Significant others can come and go but pets are forever.

Totally agree with this! We were not thrilled that he chose the GF over Casper, especially, considering how much he loved him. I dislike judging people harshly and being in this community has taught me that sometimes, there is a grey line when it comes to certain situations. For this one, he certainly gave it the upmost thought and consideration, took his time to be sure it was the right decision for all involved. We certainly were the lucky ones in the deal even with the fact that when adopting an older cat (which Casper was already) it comes with the certainty that some health issues will crop up sooner than later (and, they did) but we were prepared in all ways to handle those. We wouldn't have done anything differently and if another older cat comes our way that feels right for our family we wouldn't hesitate to have them join our home

 

[kittyluv387]

Totally agree with this! We were not thrilled that he chose the GF over Casper, especially, considering how much he loved him. I dislike judging people harshly and being in this community has taught me that sometimes, there is a grey line when it comes to certain situations. For this one, he certainly gave it the upmost thought and consideration, took his time to be sure it was the right decision for all involved. We certainly were the lucky ones in the deal even with the fact that when adopting an older cat (which Casper was already) it comes with the certainty that some health issues will crop up sooner than later (and, they did) but we were prepared in all ways to handle those. We wouldn't have done anything differently and if another older cat comes our way that feels right for our family we wouldn't hesitate to have them join our home

Agree with everything you said! And yes older kitties deserve love and more often than not they usually still have a lot of life in them.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

What a moving and lovely tribute to a very special cat. Thank you for sharing that.

 

[di and bob]

A beautiful, fitting tribute to a beautiful, personable feline who will always be remembered and loved. He was obviously what we call your 'soulmate' , a cat that becomes as much as a part of you as you. That one special little one that will never be forgotten and that will bring you comfort in your memories.
I know you don't believe in an afterlife, but I want you to ponder on one fact. When you observe the physical shell that is left behind when death occurs, does it not seem somehow different, somehow empty? I believe that it is because the 'essence' (I call it) or the soul of that living being has left. Like love, it is spiritual, and is too strong to just vanish, to be done. It goes back to the world around it, to the 'essence' that sparked it into being in the first place. It is the call of nature, it IS nature. There are many things in this world that will never be explained. Miracles are one and what happens after death another. Another is the meaning of love. Love is not a physical entity that we can hold and examine, that we can will on to another and onto ourselves. It just happens.What causes the chemicals to happen that scientists say brings it on. What causes love to continue for a lifetime after our loved one is gone?
because I know what it is like to lose a soulmate, I understand the depth of your grief. It does not matter to the heart whether it was human or not, it just feels the pain of loss of someone it loves. And only time helps to mellow that pain, to help us get through this feeling of loss. One day at a time......
RIP beautiful Casper. You were a one of a kind cat that meant so very much to the people who loved you. You will be dearly missed, and forever held close in loving hearts. Goodnight, sleep tight, little prince!

 

[jcat]

That's a wonderful tribute to Casper; love for him is apparent in every line.

 

[+Jeffrey+]

Sorry for you and your husband's loss, sivyaleah. Casper sounded like an awesome little friend. Y'all were very lucky to have him. And I too enjoyed the article on Casper. Well done. My super awesome Lady G. loved boxes, too. Put a box down, and she couldn't wait to get in it. Of course, I think all cats like boxes.

RIP Casper