Caregiver Burnout When Caring For Special Needs Cats?

UnderneathTheStars

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This is going to be long but I feel I need to talk about it. Feel free to offer words of encouragement, advice, ask questions, etc. I don't mind but I just need to post about it.

I feel as though I'm a bit exhausted. Almost a year ago I decided to adopt a retired breeder persian who I was told was in good health. When I showed up to adopt her, though, she was very ill. I will not specify where I got the cat or from whom. All other cats there seemed to be in good health, though. Anyway, I took her home because I had already fallen in love with her. I also took her straight to a vet. Then, two vets. She was diagnosed with calicivirus, a spay-site incision infection, and my vet said she was extremely underweight (5lbs). So, we gave her antibiotics, saline nose drops, and urgent care high calorie food. The infection at the spay site went away within weeks and the worst of the calicivirus went away. It was around this time that I was getting up to administer feedings, clean her face, etc. in the middle of the night. Some calicivirus symptoms lingered like tongue ulcers and stuffy nose. She wasn't gaining weight despite the voracious eating and the vet was concerned. I then noticed that she started having diarrhea. It was once a night but then it became 3-5 times a night. We tried limited ingredient food. Nothing. We tried multiple probiotics from the vet thinking it was anti-biotic related. Nothing. Blood work showed dehydration but otherwise good health. Stool sample came back clear. We tried Metro and it helped until the treatment ended. I was getting up in the middle of the night to clean her and then waking up in the morning before work to do the same. Finally, after tons and tons of diagnostics we finally received the IBD diagnosis. We switched her to raw-only food, s.boulardii probiotics, weekly B12 injections from home, and sucralfate liquid to help her intestines heal. It was a really slow recovery and some days were good and some bad. I spent a lot of time crying and worrying. She had to eat multiple small meals a day for good digestion and it would take her forever to eat and she wouldn't eat unless I hand fed her the nuggets of raw food. Over time, things got better. She started eating by herself and at more regular times. The diarrhea stopped. She gained three pounds (!!!!). Her digestive issues have been under control ever since. No diarrhea in about 7 months and I'm super happy. Now she's only on raw food, weekly B12, and s.boulardii for the IBD.

But, then, she started drooling. Not only drooling, it was sometimes blood tinged. This became a care issue too because I had to clean her face multiple times a day and started having to hand feed again. Vet #1 said it might be stomatitis. Vet #2 said not stomatitis but gingivitis. Since she's special needs, they want her to see a specialist. She's scheduled for April. We luckily got her symptoms under control and now she eats well by herself, is still maintaining her 8lb body weight, and is barely drooling (only a little at night). She gets 1-tdc for her gums, an oral gel from the vet, and we have gabapentin for if the pain gets bad (but I've only had to use it two times in the past two months). Based on pictures I've sent, the specialist doubts it's stomatitis and thinks it might resorptive lesions instead. Either way, in April she will see the dental specialist and also the internal medicine specialist for a CT scan of her sinuses, blood work, and a chest ultrasound (minor heart murmur) in case there needs to be surgery to clean or remove teeth.

I love this cat so much it hurts. I wasn't expecting a sick cat. In fact, for the first few weeks although I took excellent care of her I didn't bond with her because I was just so shocked and it was almost like I was on autopilot. But she's the sweetest thing ever and I quickly fell in love despite the difficulties. Even though my cat is doing pretty well now, eating, playing, and washing herself, I worry. I have a demanding career and when I work I just worry. I still wake up at night to check on her because it has become routine even though she doesn't need me to anymore. I feel weird feelings of being happy that she can take care of herself and feeling a bit sad because I had gotten so used to babying her and now I don't have to as much. The most recent time she ate by herself from her bowl instead of being hand fed I cried. I was happy because it meant her pain was less. I was sad because I felt like she didn't need me as much. I feel a bit crazy. I sometimes have nightmares that she's sick again.

Is it possible this is caregiver burnout? I know that sounds silly...caregiver burnout from a cat. But, I do wonder. How do I get into a new routine now that she is starting to feel better? How do I stop worrying and hovering and making myself exhausted?
 

shadowsrescue

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Hugs to you! You have gone above and beyond for this sweet girl. She has had a rocky time, but you have given her excellent care. I can completely understand the worry. Most of us here go through this with our animals.

Can you find new ways to bond with her that don't involve care giving? Find a new special toy or play time activity. Maybe even a cozy heated bed for her.

I think the worry will begin to lessen as she continues to improve. Your Mom radar will always be on though so I believe you may always have some worry.

You need to take care of yourself as well. Have you ever tried Flower essences? There is Bach Rescue Remedy that is available at many retail locations. I also have used one called Caretaker From Green Hope Essence Farm. Caretaker | Green Hope Farm Flower Essences
 

Furballsmom

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How do I get into a new routine now that she is starting to feel better? How do I stop worrying and hovering and making myself exhausted?
Hi! What about a spa treatment? I realize you work but maybe joining a gym (without a forever contract, be wary of those), or even just starting some exercises at home - if you aren't already? Find a sauna, and try some music for both of you. There is classical harp music, there's an app called Relax My Cat, there's MusicForCats . com :)
 

FeebysOwner

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Hi. I think your anxiousness will lessen over time as she improves. Some of the sadness comes from the only relationship you really have ever known with her is disappearing a little bit at a time as she gets better - even if it means good things for both of you!

The thing is that as she continues to improve, there will be ways to re-form your relationship with her given that she will feel like doing more and interacting with you in ways she might not have felt like doing before. Find some toys she likes and spend some time everyday playing with her. If she is a cuddler, just enjoy cuddling with her for the sake of cuddling.

If you think it might help to alleviate some of your concerns about her while you are not home, you could set up cameras and check in on her during the day.
 

LTS3

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Compassion fatigue sucks :hugs: Being in a caregiver role, whether for a person or an animal, can really take a toll. You can Google for compassion fatigue resources. What most web sites will tell you is to take time for yourself. It's ok to take a break and do something fun or relaxing :grouphug:
 

kittyluv387

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Wow you are so amazing and wonderful. You really turned her life around!! I think you just have to get used to the new normal. If you feel like paying attention to her, try playing with her? And also I think it's time for you to help yourself. Get a massage, eat some good food. Just do something that you enjoy! You should start sleeping through the night too. Sleep is essential for stabilizing your mood. Exercise is great because you'll just start feeling better overall. If you're interested maybe you can take yoga classes? They're supposed to be great at stabilizing your body and mind.
 

PushPurrCatPaws

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... Sleep is essential for stabilizing your mood. Exercise is great because you'll just start feeling better overall. If you're interested maybe you can take yoga classes? They're supposed to be great at stabilizing your body and mind.
:yeah:

Sleep and exercise and purposeful breathing exercises can really, really help.

Every day, too.
:vibes: :vibes: :vibes: :grouphug2:
 

1 bruce 1

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Lordy when it rains it pours, doesn't it?
I didn't see it mentioned that you contacted the person you got this cat from, but if you haven't (no need to mention names here of course) I would do so ASAP and send them a copy of all the vet bills/work done on this cat since you got her and ask for some kind of compensation since you were told that she was healthy when it's obvious she wasn't.
If this were a minor issue I can see where it could be missed, but it sounds like this person maybe wasn't 100% honest with you, or they were dealing with problems of their own and didn't realize how sick she was. Did they specify why this cat was retired (age, etc?) How old is this kitty anyways?
As for you, I like the camera idea to check in on her. If that's not possible, do you have a neighbor, friend, or relative that would be willing to check on her while you work and send you a text to say she's doing alright?
The blood drooling could be a lot of things, but seeing a dentist will be a good thing for you both. She'll feel better and so will you, because if she has a bad tooth or an abscess that will make the appetite crap and she won't want to eat. Once this is taken care of, she should feel better and will probably eat you out of house and home and learn to do that when you're not around.
When it comes to being the care taker and being burnt out, you're not alone. My wife and I have been through this many times. You're not burnt out on your cat, just burnt out on the situation, that's all, it's totally normal. I've heard mothers of new born babies and caretakers of elderly relatives say the same thing, they don't resent the baby or older person, they just hate the situation and that's perfectly OK. You're up during the night, which interrupts your sleep, and over time this can create problems.
Take heart and look into the suggestions from the others, take care of yourself and your kitty as best you can and good things will happen. You obviously love her to bits that that's what matters :wave3:
 

Talien

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I second the massage or spa idea. A lot of people think it's just a luxury that "rich people" do to show off or whatever but it's really not, it's very therapeutic and does wonders to help you relax.

And yes, like 1 bruce 1 1 bruce 1 suggested, get in touch with the whoever you got her from and give them a copy of the medical bills, especially if you paid anything to adopt her and/or there was an adoption contract. She was advertised as being in good health since she obviously was not, depending on where you live you may be able to take it to court to get compensation from the person or orginisation you got her from if they won't do anything on their own to at least pay part of the cost.
 

jcat

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Is it possible this is caregiver burnout? I know that sounds silly...caregiver burnout from a cat. But, I do wonder. How do I get into a new routine now that she is starting to feel better? How do I stop worrying and hovering and making myself exhausted?
That's what is sounds like, and it takes a long time for the hypervigilance to disappear, but it eventually does, though you'll probably always be very aware of her health status. Give it time.

I can empathize. Our last cat had a number of health problems, including hyperesthesia, eosinophilic granuloma complex, and Hypertrophic cardiomyopathy. The HCM meant that we went from one crisis to the next the last 18 months of his life, and my life revolved around his care that last year. After his death, I really wanted to relax and enjoy life with (a) healthy pet(s).

It wasn't to be. Instead of getting two Norwegian Forest kittens from a breeder as we planned, I fell in love with a 9-month-old domestic shorthair at the local shelter. I was told that he'd been treated for coccidia, was on prescription food for awhile to combat diarrhea, but was now fine.

He wasn't. He had an E. coli infection plus severe food allergies and was diagnosed with a rare form of IBD following a biopsy. That had led to malabsorption and malnutrition. It took a good nine months of food trials and medications to get him stabilized. He still has occasional flares, usually after stealing "people food", but they've been minor in comparison with the early days.

Then he was diagnosed with FORL, which led to all but his fangs being extracted. Last summer he injured his eye on the last day of our vacation, so that first week back meant constant vet visits and meds.

I'm still vigilant, and my husband tells me to, "Stop checking on the cat all the time!", but I'm much more relaxed about it and have learned to take things in stride.

I think Mowgli was meant to end up with somebody willing to take on his health problems, and that it was likewise probably fate that brought your cat to you. You've learned that you can deal with health crises now, so that feeling of burnout will disappear.

Who knows what long-term effect that learning experience will have on you? For me, it was the realization that I could use the experience to help other animals in need by working at a shelter, getting certification as a shelter animal caretaker, and concentrating on the ones that need meds, surgery, etc., without feeling overwhelmed.
 

tarasgirl06

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jcat jcat brought up a very important point about the experience possibly informing your life down the road. This has happened to me so many times, not only with cats but with my dad, whom I had to make health and legal decisions for during the last few years of his life. I was thrown into this maelstrom, as it were, like a babe in the woods, and I had to learn what seemed like lifetimes worth of very crucial things all at once. Thrashing around, I also called upon my Faith to help me through these matters and bottom line, I think success was achieved. Those experiences have been shared with others who are also going through similar experiences and when my own time comes to make decisions of this nature, I am already armed with quite a bit of information.
Look at everything as a challenge, and also as a learning experience. You and your cat were brought together for reasons. Help her, support her, learn from her, and above all, love her unconditionally.
 

kittyluv387

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That's what is sounds like, and it takes a long time for the hypervigilance to disappear, but it eventually does, though you'll probably always be very aware of her health status. Give it time.

I can empathize. Our last cat had a number of health problems, including hyperesthesia, eosinophilic granuloma complex, and Hypertrophic cardiomyopathy. The HCM meant that we went from one crisis to the next the last 18 months of his life, and my life revolved around his care that last year. After his death, I really wanted to relax and enjoy life with (a) healthy pet(s).

It wasn't to be. Instead of getting two Norwegian Forest kittens from a breeder as we planned, I fell in love with a 9-month-old domestic shorthair at the local shelter. I was told that he'd been treated for coccidia, was on prescription food for awhile to combat diarrhea, but was now fine.

He wasn't. He had an E. coli infection plus severe food allergies and was diagnosed with a rare form of IBD following a biopsy. That had led to malabsorption and malnutrition. It took a good nine months of food trials and medications to get him stabilized. He still has occasional flares, usually after stealing "people food", but they've been minor in comparison with the early days.

Then he was diagnosed with FORL, which led to all but his fangs being extracted. Last summer he injured his eye on the last day of our vacation, so that first week back meant constant vet visits and meds.

I'm still vigilant, and my husband tells me to, "Stop checking on the cat all the time!", but I'm much more relaxed about it and have learned to take things in stride.

I think Mowgli was meant to end up with somebody willing to take on his health problems, and that it was likewise probably fate that brought your cat to you. You've learned that you can deal with health crises now, so that feeling of burnout will disappear.

Who knows what long-term effect that learning experience will have on you? For me, it was the realization that I could use the experience to help other animals in need by working at a shelter, getting certification as a shelter animal caretaker, and concentrating on the ones that need meds, surgery, etc., without feeling overwhelmed.
I can kinda relate. My first real cat as an adult is not what I was looking for either (black kitty on my avatar). I just wanted a cute, cuddly and playful kitten. I didn't want a cat with chronic diarrhea, eyelid agenesis, gingivitis, and later, occasional mini seizures. I thought about giving him up early on but I couldn't since he was so sweet and I was attached to him. I also didn't think he'd find anyone else who would be willing to feed him raw food for his diarrhea. But now because of him I'm a much more knowledgeable cat owner and I think all my future cats will enjoy better care because of him. I also stumbled upon TCS because of him too!
 

Richard2121

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Weather that storm! And don't forget to take care of yourself. I can say from experience that time flies by and all of your own self-care and hobbies suddenly are nowhere in your routine anymore. I lost a 7 month old kitten, Charlie, to what was narrowed down to a congenital growth defect. This was not before well over a thousand dollars in vet costs and diagnostics to try and figure out how to help him. Every day for 4 months there was something to deal with. One day it was pain meds, the next it was cleaning vomit off the white carpeting that had dried overnight. The next day it was BOTH. Then it was taking time off work to take Charlie to vets or rush home to check on him because of how sick he was. Then one day we just decided there was not much more we could do as far as diagnostics go. We gave him a little more time and managed any symptoms or pain he was having to see if he would finally start to grow. Then came the day when we had to say goodbye because his pain was getting worse and our ability to manage it was wavering. Once Charlie was gone we figured things would settle down and I could get back to some of my other stuff (working out, etc.) but then it was Richard's turn. We had Richard for about a month when Charlie died. He has diarrhea and some URI symptoms but nothing severe at this point. I figured that with Charlie being sick all the time that if I sanitized the environment and gave it time, Richard would recover without intervention. Jump ahead 4 more months and there was rarely a 2 week span where I was not at the vet''s office with Richard for chronic URI, diarrhea, lack of appetite, vomiting or all the above. Then it was PCR panels and fecal samples and probiotics and more nutrition research. Pair all of that with having 3 other healthy cats to care for and I have not been following anything close to a "routine" in almost a year!

IT GETS BETTER! :)

Now that all of the above has resolved (for the most part) and all my young cats are neutered, healthy and have a somewhat established diet, I can try to learn how to take care of myself again. I am worried I don't know how anymore! The point I am trying to make is that time is your best friend in these situations. Just remind yourself it won't always be like this!
 

tarasgirl06

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Weather that storm! And don't forget to take care of yourself. I can say from experience that time flies by and all of your own self-care and hobbies suddenly are nowhere in your routine anymore. I lost a 7 month old kitten, Charlie, to what was narrowed down to a congenital growth defect. This was not before well over a thousand dollars in vet costs and diagnostics to try and figure out how to help him. Every day for 4 months there was something to deal with. One day it was pain meds, the next it was cleaning vomit off the white carpeting that had dried overnight. The next day it was BOTH. Then it was taking time off work to take Charlie to vets or rush home to check on him because of how sick he was. Then one day we just decided there was not much more we could do as far as diagnostics go. We gave him a little more time and managed any symptoms or pain he was having to see if he would finally start to grow. Then came the day when we had to say goodbye because his pain was getting worse and our ability to manage it was wavering. Once Charlie was gone we figured things would settle down and I could get back to some of my other stuff (working out, etc.) but then it was Richard's turn. We had Richard for about a month when Charlie died. He has diarrhea and some URI symptoms but nothing severe at this point. I figured that with Charlie being sick all the time that if I sanitized the environment and gave it time, Richard would recover without intervention. Jump ahead 4 more months and there was rarely a 2 week span where I was not at the vet''s office with Richard for chronic URI, diarrhea, lack of appetite, vomiting or all the above. Then it was PCR panels and fecal samples and probiotics and more nutrition research. Pair all of that with having 3 other healthy cats to care for and I have not been following anything close to a "routine" in almost a year!

IT GETS BETTER! :)

Now that all of the above has resolved (for the most part) and all my young cats are neutered, healthy and have a somewhat established diet, I can try to learn how to take care of myself again. I am worried I don't know how anymore! The point I am trying to make is that time is your best friend in these situations. Just remind yourself it won't always be like this!
You're speaking words of wisdom there, Richard2121 Richard2121 -- and when we think about it, it's for THEM as well as for us, because where will they be if we aren't healthy and strong to care for them?!
 

tarasgirl06

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The most caring thing anyone can do for someone they care about who depends on them in any way, to any extent, for care, is to keep themselves healthy, strong, and positive. Burnout and/or illness (or worse) just takes the carer/caregiver out of the equation and then those who want/need the care are without it. It is in no way selfish to keep ourselves as well as possible in every way!
 

rosegold

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I can empathize a lot with this post—I’ve been feeling slowly burnt out by caring for sick/injured kitties since September. Fighting to save Chai from stomatitis (and eventually losing her to FIP in December) was the biggest stress, of course. Every single day was spent caring for her, trying a thousand foods to get her to eat, giving her meds, messaging the vet all the time, and worrying constantly whenever she was in pain. Towards the end, I barely left the house. Syringe feeding and having to watch her have seizures was the worst. But there have been other smaller issues too in the past 6 months. Chilli injured her nose, caught a cold, had several bad hairballs, ate and threw up plastic, had a bout of gastritis where she was vomiting up even water, and now is mostly okay but needs a teeth cleaning asap. Clove, the new baby kitten I got after Chai passed, had chronic diarrhea for about a month from the day I got her as well as alarmingly red gums, and then promptly broke two bones in her toe and had to be on crate rest for 6 weeks. She is JUST about done recovering from that, but every time she limps slightly I freak out again.

What I need most right now, I think, is to actually take time away from the cats. I’m hoping in the next couple of months that I can put aside some money for an overnight trip and a capable cat sitter, and just have a day or two where I don’t have to be a cat mom. I LOVE my cats, obviously, and I have a natural “caregiver” personality (my day job is an elementary school teacher) but sometimes it gets to be too much and I realize I am neglecting myself. We have to take care of ourselves first so that we can better take care of others. :hugs:
 

tails up

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I have been in your shoes twice now with feline leukemia positive and feline aids positive cats. One was at the vet every single week for a whole year. He had a 5 month remission from his terrible symptoms and then came the awful stomatitis (caudal) and pillow foot. Unfortunately both of these instances resulted in death. However, when my cat named Tigger who had the 5 month remission, began to need me less and less I really missed hand feeding and syringe feeding him. It was therapeutic for both of us. I suggest continuing to hand feed her every once in a while as a special bonding time treat. I think you and her will both like this. Don’t forget that just because she’s not sick doesn’t mean she doesn’t need you. It’s a bit like letting children go I suppose. I suggest investing in a pet camera to see and speak to her while you are at work to lessen your anxiety. You can even buy systems that dispense treats when you tell them to!! Just enjoy the time you have with your precious baby and have a blast with her. Try new toys together and maybe learn some pet massage techniques for new bonding time together. I apologize for my rambling but I hope this helps a little! Best of luck to you and your special needs kitty!!
 

DukenGizmo

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When I’m feeling real anxious about my cats needs, I at least promise myself to let it go at night. I lay down with some guided meditation and try to remember I’ve done everything I can. Take care of yourself in little ways like that, allow yourself to sleep. It’s so important and your cat will be no less thankful for you being such a great mom.

I get it, I really do. I know all that craps seems easy to do, but isn’t. As a chronic worrier, I know. But just try to sleep!
 
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