Can't Tame Feral...i Am Near Tears...need Advice

[sweetblackpaws]

I won't be able to put up a gate because it will only be a 1-bedroom apartment, so there will be nowhere to block off. I suppose they will all just have to get to know each other.

She hardly comes out of her carrier and it has been weeks. Supposedly this is "normal" and I am "doing great" with her, but honestly, she looks very unhappy. I will forever wonder if I did the right thing. I will let you all know if and when she comes out to explore or if things progress.

 

[msaimee]

I honestly don't understand why you say you will be forever wondering if you did the right thing. First of all, who would have taken care of her after you moved? Probably nobody. She was dependent on you for food. You would have moved and left her behind, and she would have been in a very bad way, hungry and waiting for you outside your apartment and not understanding why you are not there. Second, she had an ear infection which the vet was able to treat. Those are very painful, and if it had been left untreated, she could have lost her hearing. Again, how do you think she would have survived without a steady food source, and with hearing loss? Almost everyone has told you that it takes several months or even longer for a feral cat to adjust to living indoors, and to adjust to living with a human and unfamiliar cats. Even in an ideal situation, when bringing in a fully domesticated cat into a new household, there is an adjustment period of several months. It takes a great deal of patience to take in and socialize a feral cat, which is why so few people do it, and so many feral cats die within a few years outside, or are captured and euthanized. Trust me, Apple is doing fine. She may just be a shy, reserved cat, like my Mia. You are reading unhappiness into her behavior, and I honestly don't think that is an accurate reading at all. If she were unhappy with you, she would be crying and yowling all night long. She'd be scratching at the doors, scaling the windows, and looking for any way of escape. Trust me, I have been there. Why not just relax and enjoy the progress she has made, the fact that you've saved her life, and that when you move she will be safe with you and you won't have to spend everyday wondering and worrying about whatever happened to her. There should be no second-guessing yourself right now, but immense relief because you've done all of the hardest part of the work already and now it is just a matter of time. So hang in there.

 

[sweetblackpaws]

Thank you, MsAimee, I hope I am "misreading" her, like you said. Remember, I have never done this before. I see a cat who hardly comes out of her carrier and I probably have mistaken that for unhappiness. Perhaps she is comfy in there.

She doesn't eat much, which is another reason I was worried she might be depressed, but she is also using less calories now, so I suppose it makes sense she would not be eating much.

I am sorry, will try to relax more. I just sprinkled her rug with catnip - saturated it, hoping to her to come out. If she doesn't like it, I can wash it out. She is sleeping right now.

 

[shadowsrescue]

I would look to remove the carrier at some point. If the carrier is always there, she may never choose to leave it.
When my 3 came inside, 2 of them kept hiding under a chair. They would only come out at night. I tried my best to block underneath the chair, but they still found a way. I had to remove the chair. In it's place, I had a small cat tree that had a hiding box.

Have you tried engaging play with her? A favorite of my ferals is to take a small towel and then get an old shoe lace. Place the shoe lace under the towel and then slowly at first and then more quickly pull it out. I have even tied a toy mouse to the end.

Have you tried a laser pointer? Maybe she will at least follow it with her eyes. She may have no idea how to play so it will take time, but you need to keep trying.

Please do relax and enjoy her. My 3 have now been inside 5.5 months. They are still progressing, albeit slowly. One of them hides a good portion of the day. Yet at night he is out and about in the room and more engaging. I would never for a moment think that I did the wrong thing in bringing them inside and with me on my move. Yes, at times they may be unhappy, but more likely it is getting used to a new environment with new sights, sounds and creatures both human and animal. That is a lot to take in.

I have been in my new home for 3.5 months now. I am still not adjusted. I miss my old home and my neighbors and friends and most especially I miss the familiarity of my previous area. This is a brand new experience for me. I am sad some days. I then think about the adjustment my 3 feral boys have had to make. It is hard on them too. Put yourself in Apple's position, she has been through so much and so many changes. It may take her a long while. But time is better than leaving her behind. Instead of thinking that she is sad/depressed think of her as going through change. There will be good days/weeks and not so good days/weeks. It is all part of the process.

 

[msaimee]

I agree. I think change is a mixed bag for most people and cats.. Prior to my taking him in, my cat Sonny was allowed to run around outside all times of night and day, he mated as he pleased, and he had his cat buddies to roam with. He belonged to a man who had over a dozen cats and was not taking care of them properly.. Before I was able to find Sonny's owner and speak to him, I thought he was part of an uncared-for cat colony. I had him neutered and kept him inside, he had a very bad flea and parasite infection and he was very skinny and starved. It's a long story, but when I finally located the owner, I tried to help him in every way possible with all of his cats, but I would not return Sonny. I had spent hundreds of dollars getting him well, and had fallen in love with him and did not want him to return to this sort of life. Now I know Sunny still misses being able to run around outside, he misses his freedom. I do sometimes take him outside on a lead and harness, that is our compromise. But there are many days when he is meowing because he wants to go outside, and I am just too tired or busy to take him out. Sometimes I questioned having taken him and kept him, but the majority of time he is a very happy, well cared for, friendly cat and I know if he were to return to his former home and lifestyle, he would once again become skinny and riddled with parasites and fleas So he is not happy 100% of the time. But his fur is long and luxurious, the scabs under his fur from the flea bites healed, and he is a big, fluffy boy. Change is hard and difficult, and even when we gain a lot from it, there is always still some loss and sadness. Even if Apple has some sadness or stress with her new life, the pros outweigh the cons. She has a forever home, and a loving caregiver. She will never go hungry. If she gets sick, she will get eterinary care. No one will be able to hurt her. She will never be trapped by someone who doesn't want cats around and taken to a shelter. I would say the pros definitely outweigh the cons.

 

[saleri]

How much longer until you have to move to your new home sweetblackpaws?

 

[sweetblackpaws]

Thank you, I had not really thought of it that way - cats adjusting as we adjust to a new move and how sad and traumatic it can be for us - and we know what is happening, while they don't.

Yes, I have tried many toys and the laser. The laser surprised me, I thought she would go nuts for that. Maybe in time! I will continue trying to try to engage her in play. The only thing I don't have is a tall cat tree - I figure such a large item I will get once I get settled into my new apartment.

Saleri, I am not moving until the end of September.

Shadowrescue, I am sorry about the transition you are going through - I feel for you, having gone through something very similar. I truly do. It sounds like your babies are doing great, though! Slow is fine...slow is progress!

 

[sweetblackpaws]

Is it too soon to remove her carrier to encourage her to come out? She's been hiding out in it since day 1 (over a month).

 

[saleri]

Is it too soon to remove her carrier to encourage her to come out? She's been hiding out in it since day 1 (over a month).

Just curious, do you by any chance have a video recorder on your phone or separately, kind of interested to see how Apple acts in her room!

 

[rubysmama]

Is it too soon to remove her carrier to encourage her to come out? She's been hiding out in it since day 1 (over a month).

Is the carrier always in the same place? If so, wonder if you could try moving it a bit closer to the door each day, and see how she reacts.

 

[sweetblackpaws]

No video camera, no wifi. I was going to call the cable company and get wifi, but I am moving soon, so I figured I will just get it when I move. I'm behind the times, I know! I just never needed it until now. I know she comes out, though, because the scratcher is moved around, etc.

Yes, the carrier is in a large walk-in closet. I think that is a good idea to move it gradually, rather than at once.

She is eating like a little bird (or maybe she wishes she had a little bird).

 

[walli]

I would try the Cat Dancer toy, my cats don't really go for the laser toy either.
Your doing great!

 

[sweetblackpaws]

ok I just moved her carrier out of the closet (with her in it) and closed the closet door. She is still in her own room, of course. She cried when I first closed the carrier door and was ok as soon as I opened it. She ran into her playtent, towards the back (it is a large playpen).

Did I do the right thing??? I wish she knew it is because I love her and I am not trying to give her more angst.

 

[shadowsrescue]

I think of it as "tough love". In order to move forward, she needed to come out of the closet. Just don't be surprised if she finds another hiding spot. I have had to move many things out of the cat room to keep my 3 from hiding.

Keep moving forward. You did the right thing!

 

[walli]

agreed, right thing!

 

[sweetblackpaws]

Thank you, she just looks so pathetic in the playpen. I suppose it would have been ok to leave her in the carrier (in the closet), but then she may never have wanted to come out and it would be very stressful for her when I move.

Of course, the downside is it will be near impossible to catch her should she need to go to the vet again. It was easy with her sleeping in her carrier. I still can't touch her.

 

[sweetblackpaws]

Here I just snapped this pic of her in her playpen. Does she seem normal? She looks sad to me, but maybe she is just exhausted?

 

[sweetblackpaws]

I don't know how to do the larger photos? How do I attach it without using a file format?

 

[walli]

One thing you got going for you it isn't a total freak out with your other cats
once they are safe together she will have pals, and you won't have to worry about her so much, It's hard because it takes time. Are the other cats still visiting her?

That is the same look my Walli has, it's normal I think!

 

[sweetblackpaws]

Oh, I feel better after you said that about Walli! So perhaps it is normal.

Yeah, the 3 other cats visit and it's going well. One still hisses, one wants to play and one is indifferent. They are all much bigger than her.