Can’t sleep without my cat in bed

Steveizzo

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So I rescued my cat 11 years ago. He’s my best friend and has slept in the bed with me ever since he came home. I now live with my girlfriend in a new place, and she doesn’t want the cat in the bedroom (she says she’s allergic, which I don’t always believe). I’m trying my best, but it just sucks. I toss and turn, I can’t sleep well at all. I didn’t realize how important it was to have him in the bed and how used to it I’ve become. I usually get up around 3:45am and go sleep with him In the adjacent room. My girlfriend thinks that I don’t sleep well because of her, so she’s sleeping on the couch downstairs, and says she wants me to get comfortable in the bed. I am hesitant to tell her it’s not her, it’s because my cat can’t be in there. When she goes to sleep on the couch I just pretend like I’m going to sleep in the bed, but then go into the other room where my cat is and sleep with him on the floor with a blanket. Obviously this is not sustainable, but what’s the best way to bring this up with her ?
 

Antonio65

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Hi Steve, welcome to TCS.

Your girlfriend says she's allergic to cats. Does her allergy show up only in bed or during the day as well? Have you ever noticed any symptom of this allergy? What is her reaction to you after you have handled, cuddled, slept with your cat?
If nothing has ever happened, I might guess she's telling you she's allergic only to hide the real reason that might be she just does not want an animal in her same bed, which is normal to many people. Probably she doesn't want to hurt you with this subject.
Do you feel/think she likes/loves your cat? Could it be she's uncomfortable with him, doesn't like cats, but she doesn't know how to tell you for the sake of your relationship?

Of course the situation sounds unsustainable and not good at all to me, and I don't know how long this might go on, honestly.
She saying that she thinks you don't sleep well because of her, and she goes to sleep on the couch downstairs does not sound good at all, if you ask me.
Unfortunately I don't have a solution ready at hand for you.
 

will2002

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Sometimes a person just has to make a really difficult choice in life. This may be one of those times. I realize this doesn't help any at all...but it is the sad truth. Hope you folks can work through this little problem to everyone's satisfaction.
 

Maria Bayote

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but then go into the other room where my cat is and sleep with him on the floor with a blanket
I am so sorry for this. You do love this cat very much, and it shows. I believe there are medications or shots for allergies. You can accompany your GF to the doctor to try resolve this issue. If she hesitates or does not agree, she may not be telling you the truth about the allergy thing as what Antonio65 Antonio65 hinted above.

I understand you when you say you cant sleep without your cat., as most of us sleep with our cats in bed too.

I hope your GF also loves your cat, even not as equally as you do. Because somewhere along the way this cat may become an issue to her, and I hate that one day you have to choose. Your cat also loves you and trusts that you will take care of him, so it will be difficult for you in the long run, just in case.

Goodluck. Keep us informed.
 

GreyLady

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Aww. This makes me sad to read your story. Maybe she is not the girl for you, but what do I know. Sounds like there is issues if you think she could be lying about an allergy and you lie about where you sleep and why. You should be able to openly say "I want to sleep with my kitty/cant sleep without my kitty" and then you come up with a compromise and have a conversation without her lying to get what she wants and not have to compromise. Also why would you let her think it's her fault if it's not? That is funny to me.

BUT, Maybe it could be what Antonio65 said, that she doesnt feel comfortable with animals in the bed in general. It can be a cultural thing or based off what her parents taught her growing up but she doesnt want to say "ew I dont want a cat in my bed."

She could also be jealous or want to do sexy stuff but the cat makes her uncomfortable. But if she leaves to go sleep on the couch even though the cat isn't in the room I doubt it. And again, in both of these situations, the feelings should be shared openly with the idea you will work it out/try to understand eachother.

I dont know you two but this sounds off. Break up with the girl and sleep with your cat in your own bed is my gut feeling.
 

Azazel

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I completely get where you’re coming from. I can’t sleep without all THREE of my cats in the bedroom with us! Luckily my husband puts up with it but I don’t know what I would do if he didn’t allow it. It would truly suck. Is she okay with your cat being in the room at least? Or does she not want him there at all at night? Could you set up a little bed for him in the corner of the room at least?

The other thing is.. I think you should be honest with your girlfriend. She should try to be understanding.
 
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Maria Bayote

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Just to share, my husband was not an avid animal lover when we met. But from the beginning I expressed to him that I love my pets (dogs and cats) so dearly. Now he is a hands-on cat/dog Daddy. :)

I also have asthma, btw, yet it did not stop me from having my pets sleep with me in bed. So, my point is, talk to her heart to heart. Ask her what she really feels for your cat. Now is the time for both of you to be honest. When she tells you that "its only a cat!" or something to this effect, or worse, if she asks you to choose, then for me it would be kind of a red flag. But it is important that you two are honest to each other from the beginning. That is how it should be.
 

Elemteacherjoy

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I agree that it's probably time to have an honest conversation about the cat between the two of you. Give her time (and listen) to hear her "side" of the story as well. I recomend choosing a time that is good for such a conversation; not right before bed, not when either of you are upset at the other already, etc.
 

MissClouseau

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I give my vote to be honest with your girlfriend too. If you go with her preferences or needs where you don't want to compromise, this might lead to some resentment later and that would be unfair for both of you.

Did she get an allergy test? Sometimes people mistook their own allergies. Like I knew someone who thought she was allergic to dogs but turned out she was allergic to dust mites and dog was just coincidentally there.

Also let me add, I'm one of the people who actually prefer to sleep without a significant other. It's not a big annoyance either so I don't request it but it would be almost a relief if the SO asked to sleep separately. Maybe your girlfriend would be OK to sleep separately, like it wouldn't even be a compromising thing for her... if you two choose to do that.
 

CatsSoul

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There's nothing worse than conflicts because of the cat.
Really understand your frustration.
Did you try to put a pouf near the bed from your side and let your cat sleep on it?
Maybe this could be a solution?
 

Tik cat's mum

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I think you need to tell your girlfriend the truth you miss cuddling your cat. And try to find a compromise if she has allergies medication or shots could work. If she just doesn't want the cat in bed find out why maybe it's something that can be solved by talking you won't know unless you try.
 

neely

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S Steveizzo Just curious, have you taken any of the helpful advice from the above members? I sincerely hope you can work out a comfortable arrangement between your girlfriend, you, and most of all, your cat. :catlove:
 
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