Can We Tell Jokes Here?

mightyboosh

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Doctor Smith phones his patient and says, " John, I have some bad news and some even worse news."
"Oh heck," John replies, "What's the bad news?"
The doctor replies, "You only have 24 hours to live."
"That's awful," replies John, " How could there be any worse news?"
The doctor replies, "I've been trying to contact you since yesterday."
 
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1 bruce 1

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If you can keep your head when everyone else around you is losing theirs, you might want to find somewhere else to land your helicopter.
 
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A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales and how she had heard in Sunday School about how a whale had swallowed Jonah.

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl remained steadfast in her position and reiterated that indeed, a whale had swallowed Jonah.

Irritated, the teacher again stated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, "I'm not sure how it happened, but when I get to heaven I will ask Jonah."

The teacher says, "What if Jonah went to Hell?"

The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."
 

Katie M

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A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales and how she had heard in Sunday School about how a whale had swallowed Jonah.

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl remained steadfast in her position and reiterated that indeed, a whale had swallowed Jonah.

Irritated, the teacher again stated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, "I'm not sure how it happened, but when I get to heaven I will ask Jonah."

The teacher says, "What if Jonah went to Hell?"

The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."
:flail:

Reminds me of something from Whose Line-

Tonight's top story-a man swallowed by a whale runs all the way to the other end until he's pooped out.
 
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My current favorite joke is:

Q. How do you find Will Smith in the snow?

A. You look for fresh prints.
:flail::flail::flail::flail:
This passes as a joke itself
Love this show, very funny stuff!
 
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What's the difference between a joke and a rhetorical question?
To normal people, a lot.
To people like me, nothing. Funny is funny, and funny is joke material :D
 

debbila

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Mother tomato, Father tomato, and baby tomato were taking a walk. Baby tomato kept lagging behind. Mother tomato told Father tomato to make baby tomato walk faster. Father tomato hit him hard on the head and said ..........


" Ketchup! "
 

debbila

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One of my most loved puns:

There was a king who collected thrones. He had magnificent thrones from all over the world. His collection was kept in a room that was ceiling-to-floor glass walls. His wise counselors warned him that it wasn't a good place as thieves could easily break in and steal the thrones, but he wouldn't listen. Sure enough one day a rock was thrown at the glass wall and all of his thrones were stolen!
The moral of the story?

People who have glass houses shouldn't stow thrones.
 
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