Can We Tell Jokes Here?

mightyboosh

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Jul 19, 2017
Messages
2,710
Reaction score
8,787
Location
Burnley, UK
Doctor Smith phones his patient and says, " John, I have some bad news and some even worse news."
"Oh heck," John replies, "What's the bad news?"
The doctor replies, "You only have 24 hours to live."
"That's awful," replies John, " How could there be any worse news?"
The doctor replies, "I've been trying to contact you since yesterday."
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #44

1 bruce 1

TCS Member
Thread starter
Top Cat
Joined
Apr 8, 2016
Messages
5,949
Reaction score
14,411
If you can keep your head when everyone else around you is losing theirs, you might want to find somewhere else to land your helicopter.
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #45

1 bruce 1

TCS Member
Thread starter
Top Cat
Joined
Apr 8, 2016
Messages
5,949
Reaction score
14,411
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales and how she had heard in Sunday School about how a whale had swallowed Jonah.

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl remained steadfast in her position and reiterated that indeed, a whale had swallowed Jonah.

Irritated, the teacher again stated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, "I'm not sure how it happened, but when I get to heaven I will ask Jonah."

The teacher says, "What if Jonah went to Hell?"

The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."
 

Katie M

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Jun 1, 2017
Messages
3,103
Reaction score
10,629
Location
Kingwood, WV
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales and how she had heard in Sunday School about how a whale had swallowed Jonah.

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl remained steadfast in her position and reiterated that indeed, a whale had swallowed Jonah.

Irritated, the teacher again stated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, "I'm not sure how it happened, but when I get to heaven I will ask Jonah."

The teacher says, "What if Jonah went to Hell?"

The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."
:flail:

Reminds me of something from Whose Line-

Tonight's top story-a man swallowed by a whale runs all the way to the other end until he's pooped out.
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #51

1 bruce 1

TCS Member
Thread starter
Top Cat
Joined
Apr 8, 2016
Messages
5,949
Reaction score
14,411
My current favorite joke is:

Q. How do you find Will Smith in the snow?

A. You look for fresh prints.
:flail::flail::flail::flail:
This passes as a joke itself
Love this show, very funny stuff!
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #53

1 bruce 1

TCS Member
Thread starter
Top Cat
Joined
Apr 8, 2016
Messages
5,949
Reaction score
14,411
What's the difference between a joke and a rhetorical question?
To normal people, a lot.
To people like me, nothing. Funny is funny, and funny is joke material :D
 

debbila

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Feb 8, 2016
Messages
21,215
Reaction score
3,057
Location
Phoenix, AZ
Mother tomato, Father tomato, and baby tomato were taking a walk. Baby tomato kept lagging behind. Mother tomato told Father tomato to make baby tomato walk faster. Father tomato hit him hard on the head and said ..........


" Ketchup! "
 

debbila

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Feb 8, 2016
Messages
21,215
Reaction score
3,057
Location
Phoenix, AZ
One of my most loved puns:

There was a king who collected thrones. He had magnificent thrones from all over the world. His collection was kept in a room that was ceiling-to-floor glass walls. His wise counselors warned him that it wasn't a good place as thieves could easily break in and steal the thrones, but he wouldn't listen. Sure enough one day a rock was thrown at the glass wall and all of his thrones were stolen!
The moral of the story?

People who have glass houses shouldn't stow thrones.
 

mightyboosh

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Jul 19, 2017
Messages
2,710
Reaction score
8,787
Location
Burnley, UK
Very old joke:

"Doctor, doctor, my dog has lost it's nose!"

"Really, how does it smell?"

"Bloody awful."
 
Top