Bullying within a bonded pair

[Racheli]

Hi,
We have two cats, Newton and Churchill, both are 2 year old neutered males. They’ve lived together since they were 1 month old and they’re definitely a bonded pair: they often play together, cuddle together and lick each other. And they both love me and my husband very much, cuddle with us, ask to be petted and purr endlessly.

When they were younger, they’d both cuddle with us together, but not anymore. Churchill became more dominant, and Newton more timid. Newton could sit in a good spot, and Churchill would come and stare at him, and if that doesn’t help - sit on him, until Newton leaves. The same happened once when Newton cuddled with my husband (Churchill prefers my husband, while Newton is more of a mamma’s boy). But recently it came to an extreme - Newton woke me up for cuddles late at night, he was under the blanket, lying all relaxed and purring - and Churchill just came and slapped him (without claws, I think). Newton escaped immediately. And then Churchill left.

We play with both of them often, they both get much (and equal) attention, they have plenty of food, and both have good high places to sit at and places to hide.

What can we do to stop the bullying? We can see they love each other…

 

[Alldara]

What do you do when he does that? Do you leave him in his newly conquered spot? Do you and husband try to stop him before it happens at times?

As for resources, how are they spread out around your home. Do they have to do a lot of sharing to access good viewing windows and similar?

 

[Racheli]

What do you do when he does that? Do you leave him in his newly conquered spot? Do you and husband try to stop him before it happens at times?

As for resources, how are they spread out around your home. Do they have to do a lot of sharing to access good viewing windows and similar?

Regarding your first question, I guess that depends. Sometimes we don’t interfere. Someone I tell him off (without shouting or anything). I’m actually not sure what’s the right thing to do in that context. And sometimes Churchill’s just jealous - the other day when he scared Newton off of me he didn’t take his place, he just left.

They share food, water and the litter box, it hasn’t been a problem, I’ve seen them drink simultaneously and so on. They each have their own favorite spots, but some locations are liked by them both.

 

[Alldara]

Regarding your first question, I guess that depends. Sometimes we don’t interfere. Someone I tell him off (without shouting or anything). I’m actually not sure what’s the right thing to do in that context. And sometimes Churchill’s just jealous - the other day when he scared Newton off of me he didn’t take his place, he just left.

They share food, water and the litter box, it hasn’t been a problem, I’ve seen them drink simultaneously and so on. They each have their own favorite spots, but some locations are liked by them both.

For me, if I'm able I just try to stop this in advance. Cal is bad for this because he's an invasive species and Magnus doesn't like his aura to be touched sometimes. So I'll just put my hand on Cal to stop him going forward.

But if he pushes Magnus from a cozy spot I will remove him and put Magnus back. Mags doesn't always stay but it helps them to learn not to do this.

It's hard because sometimes Cal legitimately wants to cuddle or groom Magnus and Magnus just wants to be left alone. But we don't know that until Magnus takes off. We do try to increase space as much as possible.

So even though they WILL share items, it's out of necessity sometimes. I'd make sure you have at least 2 boxes in 2 areas of your home. And at least 2 water bowls in two areas. That'll lower the chances of bullying when you're not around around and without cameras on all the time it's super duper hard to know for sure. (Been there. It was our "victim" cat causing the issue.) Keep plenty of scratchers, rotate toys but leave two out if they are prone to fighting over things.

Keep encouraging positive interactions of course. Telling them they are good boys when they are gentle or play with one another. They're young and with some encouragement from you both they will sort this out. I'm happy to say that Cal and Magnus have grown closer again also. Just last night Magnus, Cal and I had a cuddle for about 15 minutes and Cal was the first one to leave.

 

[Kris107]

My two pester each other. I've even had them lay on top of each other. I also try to stop it before it happens. The rule is whoever got there first. Sometimes one will be in a playing mood and the other is sleeping and I just have to say "whoa, no. Brother/sister is sleeping". Boundary and rule setting.

 

[Racheli]

What do you do when he does that? Do you leave him in his newly conquered spot? Do you and husband try to stop him before it happens at times?

As for resources, how are they spread out around your home. Do they have to do a lot of sharing to access good viewing windows and similar?

So, do you see that it helps when you "play the cop"? Does it stop the "bully" from bullying in the future, from your experience?
I'll say they love each other very much, they very often cuddle together and play together. But they used to cuddle with us *together* when they were younger, and they didn't fight over "resources" (mostly sitting locations) - And I wanna go back to that...

 

[Racheli]

My two pester each other. I've even had them lay on top of each other. I also try to stop it before it happens. The rule is whoever got there first. Sometimes one will be in a playing mood and the other is sleeping and I just have to say "whoa, no. Brother/sister is sleeping". Boundary and rule setting.

Does that help? Is your "education" making them pester each other less?

 

[Kris107]

Not sure as I haven't collected data on it. But if we give them a little correction (verbal or touch) they seem to get it. The pest will usually stop. As with most things with cats - they know the rules it's just whether they choose to obey.

 

[Alldara]

So, do you see that it helps when you "play the cop"? Does it stop the "bully" from bullying in the future, from your experience?
I'll say they love each other very much, they very often cuddle together and play together. But they used to cuddle with us *together* when they were younger, and they didn't fight over "resources" (mostly sitting locations) - And I wanna go back to that...

Yes it does help a lot. I couldn't have cuddled them together this time last year.

With young cats it is common for there to be wrestling and rough housing though.

 

[Racheli]

Yes it does help a lot. I couldn't have cuddled them together this time last year.

With young cats it is common for there to be wrestling and rough housing though.

Ok, I'll give it a try, we'll see what happens. Thanks!