Broken after letting a cat down

Amanda26

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This past year I noticed that two cats living in my apartment complex kept getting into near death situations, and I kept saving them just in time. The third time it happened after I had already spent thousands on vet care, and I brought them both into my apartment to protect them. At this time I had just started a new challenging job, and already had a cat and a cat allergy.

One of the cats was less socialized and I could not touch him after knowing him for 3 years. After a few months of having both cats inside with me I had bad asthma and was so burnt out. I placed the less socialized cat in a feral sanctuary and I kept his more social friend with me. After a few months he passed away there.

I have been having so much regret. I actually debated bringing him back home, because his friend missed him and grieved for him. But I was worried because of my asthma, and the fact that I could not catch him to get him in a carrier in case of an emergency. When I caught him for the vet and sanctuary I had to pull a crate door closed with a string from another room, and it took weeks of training him to eat in the crate. I also could not legally have 3 animals in my apartment or most apartments. I reached out a few times to the sanctuary while he was there and I got positive updates and a picture of him in a cubby snuggling with another cat, and that made me hesitate and feel more conflicted.

Now I keep imagining him at the sanctuary, wondering where his friend was and why I left him there.
 

FeebysOwner

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Hi. You don't know why he passed, nor do you know that it would not have happened if you had kept him. I know you know all this, but hearing it from others might help to make you realize that he did not pass because of what you did or did not do. He also sounds like he found a new friend while at the sanctuary - think of that when you think of him. I am sure he was happy to have a new friend while there!

You did the best for him - and for his old 'friend' that you are still taking care of. Don't forget that part.
 

epona

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Just a reminder - asthma can be life-threatening. People die from it. It's not like a hayfever/rhinitis type allergy that is a bit irritating and makes you feel a little unwell but isn't majorly harmful and can be treated with antihistamines, you could actually die. (My husband has severe asthma and is regularly in and out of hospital, despite it being fairly well controlled by modern daily medications -thankfully cats do not trigger his asthma though).
You did absolutely what you could for these cats, but you have to consider your own health too.

Sounds to me like putting the more feral one into a feral sanctuary was absolutely the right thing to do, there is no reason why he couldn't have thrived there, maybe he just wasn't in great health in the first place.

You did your utmost to look after him, and it doesn't sound as though you did anything wrong.

I am sorry for your loss ❤
 

rubysmama

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I'm sorry for your loss, and sorry that you feel you let the cat down. But you really didn't. You rescued him from the street, and paid his vet bills, and then when you couldn't keep him inside, you brought him to a feral sanctuary, where he even found a new friend. It's heart breaking that after all you did, he didn't get to live there very long. But it was not because of anything you did. I know your heart is still breaking, but you cared about him and only wanted the best for him. Thanks for all you did. RIP little kitty. :angel:
 

FeralHearts

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I'm so sorry for your loss. XOXOX

You did everything you could to give these cats a chance at safety and care, even when faced with enormous challenges. Including risking your own health. You cared for two vulnerable lives, more than once, and gave love, protection, and a fighting chance - something they wouldn't have had otherwise.

Your decision to place the less socialized cat in a feral sanctuary wasn't made lightly. You weighed his needs against your own limitations, knowing that his safety and quality of life were the priorities. You even too the time to reachout to the sanctuary to check on him, showing that you continued to care deeply about his well-being even from a distance. You saw evidence that he was safe, cared for, and even bonded with another cat.

Regret is a heavy emotion, but it often arises from love and an incredible sense of responsibility. The fact that you are reflecting so deeply now only shows how much you cared. Please remind yourself that you didn’t leave him behind out of neglect or indifference, you did so out of necessity and love, ensuring he had a place where he could be safe and comfortable. You made the best decision you could.

It’s natural to wonder what more you could have done, but it’s important to acknowledge all that you did for them. You gave love, and even in the face of impossibly difficult decisions, you acted with compassion. The weight of regret doesn’t belong to you - it belongs to a world that placed these cats in harm’s way to begin with.

You didn't do anything wrong. Quite the opposite.

XOXOXO.
 
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di and bob

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You have to have intent to have guilt and your only intent was to do what was right for him and your health. You had no way of knowing this would happen. You gave him what he wanted most, someone to love him.....
I know it's hard, but you have to think of your own health. You have other little ones who need you, please mourn with them they are most likely hurting too, even though they just know you are hurting.
That precious little one will always be a part of your soul. Love never dies, it is spiritual, so eternal.
Time is the only thing that helps, it will dull the sharp edges and allow you to go forward into your future. One day your sadness will turn into gratitude for knowing him. He taught you what love is about. It hurts when things like this happen, I have been there, and although teh feelings of guilt and sadness never leave, they can be managed and you will learn new ways to cope.
My heart goes out to you, I'll keep you all in my thoughts and prayers.....RIP precious one. You will never be forgotten. you will always haev a secure place in a loving heart. May teh good Lord bless and keep you, until you meet again.
 

iPappy

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This cat was narrowly escaping potentially life threatening situations while living outside. You paid money to vet him and brought him inside. Despite trying to tame him for quite some time, he wasn't adjusting and your health was at stake. You sought out a sanctuary (rather than dumping him back outside) and ensured he was cared for for the remainder of his life. You didn't let this cat down at all. You saved him! I am so sorry he has passed, but please understand that sometimes we can only do what we can do. And sometimes, all we can do is save them from a bad situation and get them somewhere safe.
 

IzzysfureverMom

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You have nothing wrong, in fact you did absolutely everything you could have done. You have a wonderful giving heart be proud of that. As epona epona mentioned asthma can be deadly but I'm sure you know that. I have pretty severe asthma myself and have great difficulty at certain times. I am fortunate that cats are not one of my asthma triggers. He was lucky for what you did for him. He could have died a horrible death but because of your care and concern he passed in a place that was caring for him and in the comfort of safety. Please be kind to yourself. I am sorry for your loss. I too wish we could save them all.
 

AbbysMom

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I'm so sorry. :hugs:

Speaking as someone that has asthma and is allergic to cats, you did what you had to do. You could have died if you kept in . You got him off the street and into a safe place and in a place he was cared for. You did the best you could for him. No one can expect mroe than that. :hugs:
 
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