Being a single woman who works

mommytobuck

TCS Member
Thread starter
Alpha Cat
Joined
Mar 12, 2014
Messages
635
Purraise
189
My 14 year old cat has grown so afraid of everything that I cannot get him medical care anymore and he is starting to pose a danger to me. He isn't just scared. He gets scared and aggressive. Right down to thunderstorms. His aggression results to harm to himself and has to me already.

But this is my second cat have I have had that was difficult. My last cat was about 60% less difficult than this one but still difficult. True they were both the same kind of cats (black tuxedo) which I have heard is an anxious breed.

But also both of my difficult cats were living alone with me.

My earliest cat Tigger lived with me but also my entire nuclear family. He was never scared and very easy at the vet. He was of course a different type of cat... a gray tabby.

I am starting to think that living alone with a cat from kitten hood is not a good thing and will result in a messed up cat.

My friend says it is the black and white tux breed but...

Does anyone who lives largely alone have a cat they raised from kitten hood that is social and easy going to the vet and with other people?
 

di and bob

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Dec 12, 2012
Messages
16,582
Purraise
22,960
Location
Nebraska, USA
Black and white tuxedo is a color, not a breed. Any breed can be a black and white tuxedo, most anyway, unless they are bred specifically for a certain color, or coat pattern, like a Bengal.
I have NEVER had a cat, and I have had many, that enjoys going to the vet. 99% hide when strangers come around too, this is mostly instinct to keep them alive. But I have cats that were abandoned or born in the wild, so understand.
Out of all the cats I have had, one that has a lot of Oriental in them, such as Burmese or Siamese, have been the most social and outgoing of all the cats I have had. They are also very talkative and need to be around people. They do not do well alone, so do well with another to keep them company. They are also stubborn and get tehir needs across to humans very well. Look for 'points' (darker feet, ears, tail, and muzzle, and blue eyes) to ID these cats. There are other breeds that are friendly and 'people' cats too, such as the Ragdoll, and many others. In mixed breeds you can ID many of theses breeds by their coat and build. Research the different cat breeds to find out.
As for your problem now, there is always something that triggers fear and aggression in a cat. It could be left alone too much and without a friend to keep it company, jumps at the slightest sounds, or sees things outside through the window, such as other cats or dogs that brings about fear. A cat that is yelled at can become afraid and aggressive. Cats pick upm easily on their humans feras and nervousness too. So try to be calm, talk softly and offer treats. Don't make sudden moves or stare at them, that is a sign of hostility to a cat.Don't try to approach a cat that is scared, provide them with distraction and a place to hide. Many cats get over stimulated with too much stroking or attention and attack also. Learn the signs of overstimulation, bushed tail, pacing, growls, hissing, raised hair on the back, and dilated pupils. Leave them alone. If you KNOW what will bring about aggression, such as thunderstorms, get some calming aide treats on Amazon after calling your vet, and give before a storm or a vet visit, they really help. Prozac is often prescribed by vets to take teh edge off of their fears too.
I really don't think raising a kitten from kittenhood brings on fears. Something else is, something external. Age can heighten fears, being alone too much can too, as can loud people, strange cats and loud sudden noises. Just be there for him, be calm yourself and try to spend a little more time with him in play and cuddles. Get some calming aides too!
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #3

mommytobuck

TCS Member
Thread starter
Alpha Cat
Joined
Mar 12, 2014
Messages
635
Purraise
189
I have always been a perfect mom to my cat with the exception of having to be gone for 12 hours per day. Those over the counter calming thing don’t work assuming I have the ability to give him them before a thunderstorm hits. I am considering not getting a cat again. I just don’t think living alone with a cat is good for mental health. I think that along with a smart and anxious cat has created the problem.
 

ArtNJ

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Jun 1, 2017
Messages
5,485
Purraise
6,957
Millions of single city dwellers have a cat in studio and work 50 or 60+ hours a week. Cats usually adapt quite well to that. Maybe they get inactive and overweight quicker/more frequently, and maybe it isn't the optimal situation, but they do well enough. Your cats problems are not a normal thing, and are likely either a health or mental issue.

Fourteen is getting to the age where medical conditions can easily change behavior. A senior blood panel would be a great idea (costly though.) If there is no health issue, remember, if some humans with great families struggle and/or suffer from mental illness, it would be silly to think cats can't have similar issues. So if no health issue is found, you should talk to your vet about medication.

Of course, di and bob di and bob isn't wrong, and it could also be something specific. I lived above York Avenue in New York City, and the fire trucks and ambulances were a constant. Neighbors have contractors in making tons of noise. We had cats, and many do in such situations. But you never know what might impact a cat. Still, sometimes you just can't figure it out, or as noted above, it could be a mental health issue. So, just like with people, sometimes medication is useful & needed.
 
Last edited:

di and bob

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Dec 12, 2012
Messages
16,582
Purraise
22,960
Location
Nebraska, USA
Cats are by nature solitary creatures, and though they do get along with others, most just tolerate them. Cats are MUCH better pets to leave alone at home, they sleep up to 12 hours a day. Dogs are pack animals and they WOULD get neurotic if left alone for long periods of time. I'm sorry you have anxious pets, but there is always a reason for cats/animals to behave the way they do. Your cat is displaying redirected aggression, attacking the nearest thing because of fear of something else. You have to find out WHY your cat is anxious, then you can work on solving the problem. There could be people being cruel to them, even through the window, another cat coming to the window, people knocking hard on the door, any one of a thousand things to cause the problem. It could stem from him sensing something like fear, dislike, from you. The tone of your voice, the pitch, the level, can cause panic in an anxious animal. He is getting to the geriatric stage, his time on this earth is limited. I hope you can find it in your heart to understand what he is going through and try to get to the bottom of this. My cat was so panicked at going to the vets, I stopped when he was 13 or 14. As long as they are indoor cats and don't show any signs of physical problems, vet visits at advanced age are your choice if they cause him such distress. My vet helps me with phone calls and videos that I bring in. You could call your vet and see whgat he advises. All the luck! PS my cats bring me great joy and comfort. Another cat in your life down the road could bring you the same. I can't imagine my life without these regal, proud animals in it.
 
Last edited:

Krienze

Officially a cat lady now. No regrets.
Super Cat
Joined
Feb 2, 2020
Messages
988
Purraise
1,787
Location
Louisiana
Of the 7 cats I have had in my life, only 2 were a year old when I adopted them.

Most of them were 5-6 weeks old (rescues, no mother cat) and my Sammy was born in my bathtub by a stray we took care of. None of them (with the exception of my CiCi who recently passed) had anxiety or aggression issues. CiCi I knew it was because she'd been severely abused before we adopted her.

My Sammy is a Tuxedo and I can assure you, he's a floofy goofball. His coloring has nothing to do with his personality though.

I don't want to alarm you, but if your cats behavior has shifted suddenly, have you considered taking him to the vet? One of the older cats I had, Sassy, had a shift in behavior like that too. He (yeah, he x.x look, I saw homeward bound as a kid and didn't care that the cat was a dude!) apparently had been really sick and the vet believed he had a tumor forming in his brain.

I am 100% NOT saying that is what is wrong with your cat. I'm just saying it might be worth it to see if there is a medical reason your cat is acting strangely, if you haven't already done so. A call, at least, couldn't hurt. See what they say? Some vets might go to you? But if he's being aggressive with you, there's gotta be a reason why. My Sassy hauled off and bit someone just petting him once, when his personality had always been docile before.

Whatever you chose, I really hope everything works out for the best for you and that your kitty calms down a bit.
 

ArtNJ

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Jun 1, 2017
Messages
5,485
Purraise
6,957
Just wanted to add that in most cities it shouldn't be any problem to get a home call vet to come. They can certainly take blood for a senior panel. You don't even necessarily pay any more, because the home call vets have much lower overhead. Some vets will also give a single dose of a tranquilizer to help get a pet into the office, but that may not be the best idea for a 14 year old whose health we are uncertain about.

If you can afford the $300ish dollars, I'd get the full senior blood panel asap, and if that shows nothing, discuss meds with the vet.
 

FeebysOwner

TCS Member
Staff Member
Forum Helper
Joined
Jun 13, 2018
Messages
22,439
Purraise
33,202
Location
Central FL (Born in OH)
Hi. Three different cats, all home alone during the day for at least 10 hours - I did not/do not have issues with any of the cats regarding this aspect. They were cooperative (for a cat) at the vets, and pretty social (mostly). I am married, so two people at home in the evenings was the only difference.

Now, with the 3rd cat (Feeby - 15+yo), I have been at home nearly 24/7 for a chunk of her life. There have been no changes - positively or negatively unless it involved a health/aging issue. The age of your cat suggests that there might be an underlying health issue, and on that chance alone a full senior check up with the vet is in order - along with the complete blood panel, urinalysis/fecal check, it might be wise to have an x-ray done to check for arthritis as well.

For a cat who is alone all day most of their life, enrichment through cat trees, perches, windows to look out, plenty of various types of toys, even calming music, can make a difference - and then when they have someone at home at night with them, a lot of attention and playtime can go a long way in making a singular cat living with just one person a happy, well adjusted cat.

Once you've ruled out any health issues, you can try testing some music with your guy on the weekends, if he is receptive to it, you can play some while you are at work. And, not all calming products work on all cats, so if whatever you have tried hasn't worked, there are others to try. Just do an internet search on 'cat calming products' and try some different ones. If you don't have all the enrichment items I mentioned above, you might consider getting a few and see if that has any positive effect on him.

Thunderstorms affect many, many cats - all three of mine did not/do not like them at all. The best 'cure' for that is ensuring they have a safe, secure hiding place to run to. And, let them be until they are ready to come out on their own.

Gabapentin, in a very small dose, can be administered to a cat to help calm them for a visit with the vet - whether that be in a vet office or in your home.

Lastly, if you truly like having cats, when you lose your buddy and are ready for another, you might consider adopting two siblings - they will be plenty of company for one another while you are not there to be with them.
 
Last edited:

Willowy

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Mar 1, 2009
Messages
31,886
Purraise
28,287
Location
South Dakota
It's my strong opinion that kittens should be adopted in pairs/trios, because my observation is that kittens raised alone (even with a whole human family) do end up being weird. But if it's an adult cat who isn't used to being around other cats, they should be fine with being alone as long as they have sufficient enrichment (as already mentioned) and get a reasonable amount of attention when their human is home.
 

glittercat

TCS Member
Super Cat
Joined
Jul 8, 2014
Messages
918
Purraise
1,260
I'll add that I live alone with three indoor cats. (I think a couple of hundred years ago being an unmarried woman of a certain age with no children and three black cats would have meant I was in league with the Devil!).

I work full time and am out for 8+ hours a day.

If people come round they will all run away but eventually they will come out if they are left in peace. Though a friend brought her grandson round in December (7 Yr old) and he traumatised them by pursuing them round the house, despite my asking him not to, even when they hid. I was quite cross.

They do however run at the sound of the doorbell or any loud or unexpected noise (though they seemed to be OK with fireworks...)

Two of mine are fine to go to the vet, the third one is fine once I can catch her. She's very suspicious!

Sometimes I wonder if I should have let them out so they were more confident, but I live near a busy road and I would be devastated if something happened.

I've never had a single cat though, always had at least two if not more.
 

aliceneko

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Dec 28, 2017
Messages
5,605
Purraise
9,368
Location
London, England
It's my strong opinion that kittens should be adopted in pairs/trios, because my observation is that kittens raised alone (even with a whole human family) do end up being weird. But if it's an adult cat who isn't used to being around other cats, they should be fine with being alone as long as they have sufficient enrichment (as already mentioned) and get a reasonable amount of attention when their human is home.
I agree. My mother is single and I live on my own with her, so we adopted Toffee and Fudge because we wanted two cats who could keep each other company when we go on holiday and have long days out (I'm at home more than her). If you feel your cat would be better on their own than with a feline partner, I also second Willowy's advice! We didn't have any cats/dogs prior to Toffee and Fudge so it was easier for us.
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #13

mommytobuck

TCS Member
Thread starter
Alpha Cat
Joined
Mar 12, 2014
Messages
635
Purraise
189
It's my strong opinion that kittens should be adopted in pairs/trios, because my observation is that kittens raised alone (even with a whole human family) do end up being weird. But if it's an adult cat who isn't used to being around other cats, they should be fine with being alone as long as they have sufficient enrichment (as already mentioned) and get a reasonable amount of attention when their human is home.
Thank you. I just realized how much my prior cat was not left at home alone. He lived with me when I was in grad school (so I was gone at most 5 hours a day) and when I came home he was with me and my parents and another cat -- my brother's. He only really took the turn for the worse when I moved out on my own and he was 4 years basically living alone. Also he wasn't as old at death so he was less grumpy generally.

For the rest of the thread
- tried at home vet twice never able to examine him.
- tried Gabapentin, worked, but the moment the vet showed up... they weren't able to examine him. I gave him the max dose 200 mg.
- I am out 12 hours per day. If people in the city have cats perhaps they have mentally ill cats they just don't know it yet.
- I believe my cat is anxious because it is home alone all day -- 12 hours at at time, and I do 8 sleeping.
- He has been examined. He is 100% healthy. Just not mentally.

Oh and this cat was the first cat that I largely left alone when he was a kitten. I took the first two weeks off that I had him but then I left him alone. I got him when he was 20 weeks. Though he had no problems with the vet or anyone when he was under 6 years old, I wonder if that did things to him as well. My prior cat / kitten I was home all the time for his first year.
 
Last edited:

She's a witch

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Feb 21, 2018
Messages
1,780
Purraise
2,371
Location
Europe/WA, USA
I don’t mean to be insensitive but I’ll write this anyway, hoping my brainstorming can give some hints to solve this puzzle: maybe there’s something about your behavior or relationship between you and these cats that make them so anxious? Maybe you don’t have a strong bond with them? Working so many hours, I imagine you’re not really actively playing or spending time with them, which is crucial to bond imo? Maybe you’re stressed yourself and they pick it up? I’m thinking, if the pattern repeat, it could be something about you, not only environment, that is making them stressed? I’d say it’s worth investigating this possibility and potentially try to make some changes if possible.

But at the same time, I personally agree with you that spending so much time alone is not healthy for most cats, and potentially harmful for kittens. I think it’s common misconception that indoor cats are low maintenance. Indoor cats require effort and enrichment, especially if they are the only pets. In some European countries (but also in some shelters in US, eg. all shelters in my city have this rule) you can’t even adopt one kitten alone, they always go in pairs to avoid all kind of issues that result from lack of company and play in crucial development stage. Maybe that’s what happened with your current kitty?
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #15

mommytobuck

TCS Member
Thread starter
Alpha Cat
Joined
Mar 12, 2014
Messages
635
Purraise
189
I don’t mean to be insensitive but I’ll write this anyway, hoping my brainstorming can give some hints to solve this puzzle: maybe there’s something about your behavior or relationship between you and these cats that make them so anxious? Maybe you don’t have a strong bond with them?
It is one cat at the moment. Ironically a lot of people think I have too strong a bond with them as I refuse to go places to be home with the cat. But I admit it was a mistake to get a cat when I work so many hours. I really felt that it wasn't going to be a big deal but now I realize... it was a mistake and most of my prior cats did have me home OR someone else with them when I was out. I also feel that my cat is highly "routined" and this is a function of working. My cat gets into a routine and when we depart from that routine it gets anxious. It isn't flexible. This is purely a function of my getting up the same time every day, home the same time, and doing pretty much give or take the same things on the weekends. Having another human or cat or dog in the home leads to unpredictability.
 

kittyluv387

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Sep 10, 2015
Messages
3,368
Purraise
5,177
I adopted my cat when he was almost 6 months. I noticed after a couple of months that he started to get really bored looking. He's a high energy cat so I don't think he would have done well being an only cat while I work.
 

Lisannez

TCS Member
Adult Cat
Joined
Aug 1, 2018
Messages
234
Purraise
212
We have a tuxie and she does not act like this. I think what you are dealing with is more based on her age. It is possible that she is having a medical issue, or maybe she is having a harder time seeing or hearing and that is causing her anxiety? She’s scared because her senses are dulling? I do know that cats mimic the behavior of their owners and are very sensitive to that even when we humans think we are hiding it well. So if she’s anxious and feels you are also anxious that is making it worse. I have a few friends whose elderly cats began to act exactly as you describe and it was due to dulling of their senses.
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #18

mommytobuck

TCS Member
Thread starter
Alpha Cat
Joined
Mar 12, 2014
Messages
635
Purraise
189
We have a tuxie and she does not act like this. I think what you are dealing with is more based on her age. It is possible that she is having a medical issue, or maybe she is having a harder time seeing or hearing and that is causing her anxiety? She’s scared because her senses are dulling? I do know that cats mimic the behavior of their owners and are very sensitive to that even when we humans think we are hiding it well. So if she’s anxious and feels you are also anxious that is making it worse. I have a few friends whose elderly cats began to act exactly as you describe and it was due to dulling of their senses.
No he has been like this for years. Since 3 years old he was terrible at the vet. I just had him checked out and he is very healthy. It is possible that my anxiety is making it worse so... I have resolved to try to ignore him more. I just think he is naturally like this and being alone has made things worse. If I were to take a guess he is very set in his ways. So anything that is not within the field of normal life gets him scared. When he gets scare he reacts badly. All reason goes out the window. I wish his hearing was going during thunderstorms. But someone gave me a good idea on that... he hides under the bed anyway and I can use a noise cancelling machine (I have one that I use for me) to reduce the noise.
 

di and bob

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Dec 12, 2012
Messages
16,582
Purraise
22,960
Location
Nebraska, USA
Cats are all about routine, they absolutely hate any kind of change. Cats also get bored when home alone too much, toys and a cat tree by a window help. A companion always helps. Some cats, definitely including mine, hate company, any company, and disappear for as long as we have some, even days. You are doing the best you can, so try to just make what little time you have with your little one quality time. Play with a wand, encourage chasing a stuffed toy, for 15 minutes a day. Cats get very used to routine and usually sleep most of the day. A fourteen year old inside cat should not be made to go to the vet if it creates all these problems. Just monitor for health issues and go from there. Color or coat pattern has absolutely nothing to do with personalities, breed does. Ragdolls and many other breeds are known for their calm, lovable attitudes. Of course there are exceptions, but how they are raised has something to do with it too. If you are worried or exhausted, angry or sad, they pick up on this. Your own actions can dictate how your cat acts. I always say "it's all right", and comfort mine during storms, you can visably see them relax when talked to. They know when I am mad and disappear. Accept your boy for who and what he is. Act glad to see him when you come home, and give him a little attention, maybe a treat, every day. At fourteen he is too set in his ways and having his routines to change. Just love him, that is all he wants......
 

jen

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Dec 27, 2001
Messages
8,501
Purraise
3,009
Location
Hudson, OH
He has been examined. He is 100% healthy. Just not mentally.
You mentioned he is healthy a couple of times, I assume and hope this is per a full senior panel of bloodwork and not just a quick check up right? When was his last bloodwork done?
 
Top