Behavior issue with cats

[Notenchnana]

Notenchnana I know you feel so disheartened (I've literally been there!), but I promise what you're saying is good progress. I can't say that it guarantees it won't happen again or that they won't have moments of hissing and tension between now and your end goal...but I can say that it's progress.

Your job is already hard and draining and emotionally draining so of course you are struggling hard with your home life being disrupted too.

So eating together today was great. And you showed them last night you don't tolerate this stalking and chasing nonsense.

It would be so great if we could talk and they could say what's setting this all off. Instead, were left to wonder why sometimes things are fine and sometimes they aren't and try to find the pattern in it all when inter-cat communication is so subtle.

When I get home, I’ll try feed them together, give treats and let them out for a bit again and see how it goes before putting him in the room for the night and trying to get some rest.

I’ll let him be in the room with me on one of my days off so I don’t have to fret about sleeping much since I don’t have a time requirement the next day.

I want to believe, I want to hope, I guess I just got my hopes up too much since everything else was going so well.
Thank you for your continued support, I’m really struggling in this and everyone who has posted helps.

like I said, I’m alone. No husbands, no wife, no girlfriend, no friend or family here to help me or talk to me or guide me.
Just me and my broken family who’s been my comfort and joy and who is now fighting and tearing apart the last shred I’ve got left so this situation carried an extreme amount of weight.

I really can’t stand the thought of having to cage one up and go to a shelter because it doesn’t work and I know the toll will be immense, and I just can’t pay it.

 

[Notenchnana]

I still don’t know how to edit a post.
As I’m sitting here thinking about things, I realized the twins have had a change in behavior as well, or at least if it was there before I’m just now noticing it.

after the first fight but before the second, and there was some hissing starting up, I decided to use those nurture calm collars. The twins were not happy about these collars as I stated in the original post. Their initial reaction was to hide, and run. I didn’t see them for almost a full day until they started coming back out but ever since then they hide under the bed. It’s weird.

last night I took those collars off as
A.) they’re not helping they’re clear.
B.) they had a small shift in behavior ever since wearing them

when I put the collar on my white one he also had a funny reaction immediately farting around and also hiding, more fearful than before.
I took his collar off weeks ago, as they also seemed to not be helping.

I don’t know if the collars while being good intentioned did the opposite to stir up their routine and they had a strong odor to them even I could smell it a bit ways away but thought the calm would be worth it.

could this have also inadvertently played a part in stressing them out?

 

[Alldara]

Notenchnana It could be. It's stressful for some cats to have something on their neck.

Also, the collars are not well regulated in most places so there are many reports of them making cats ill. I'm not sure how true the reports are, OR if those are allergic reactions from just specific cats.

I don't recommend them personally. And certainly anyone who buys one is VERY well intended. So let's just view it as lesson learned that it doesn't work for YOUR home

Catnip and silvervine can be very helpful. I have sprays and dried catnip. We grow some fresh in the summer too, but my cats prefer it dried.

 

[Notenchnana]

Notenchnana It could be. It's stressful for some cats to have something on their neck.

Also, the collars are not well regulated in most places so there are many reports of them making cats ill. I'm not sure how true the reports are, OR if those are allergic reactions from just specific cats.

I don't recommend them personally. And certainly anyone who buys one is VERY well intended. So let's just view it as lesson learned that it doesn't work for YOUR home

Catnip and silvervine can be very helpful. I have sprays and dried catnip. We grow some fresh in the summer too, but my cats prefer it dried.

I’m on my way home now, going to see how well they do. With the removal of the collars I’ll be as close to zero as humanly possible.
I’m going to make some videos and post I’m sure there a bit more helpful than just describing things.

maybe it’ll help other people as well

 

[Alldara]

Notenchnana for a good evening.

It will definitely help others too.

 

[Notenchnana]

It won’t let me attach videos but I’ll figure that out later.

last night was not bad.

I came home, I broke down the gates, and I decided to let them eat together without any gates and to my surprise they all chomped down their food.

noel went downstairs and the twins went to follow, I used their laser mouse to play with all of them, they had no issues being beside each other, the boys even seemed to boop noses. Now it’s odd to note that lately it isn’t the boys who have issues with each other it’s the girl who’s been hissing and starting things.

she didn’t hiss, they all had treats together, were coexisting in the same room, and didn’t have any issues really.
The white one seemed stand off ish but that’s a given I suppose.

I have all of this on video but it won’t let me attach video files…just Pictures and I’m always on here on mobile so maybe it’s just my
Platform of choice

 

[Alldara]

Notenchnana I'm not sure how to attach video either.

I'm glad they let you have a good night.

So from your posts, I'm hearing that they are good right now together with a distraction. That's good news and progress. You're rebuilding their trust in one another.

 

[Notenchnana]

So, tonight was not going badly at all. Though I messed that up prettt badly.

I fed them twice without a gate or barrier and they were eating basically side by side, that is until while trying to get around them I stepped on one of their tails. Which of course scared all of them and sent them running, and of course they started hissing at each other.
I distracted them and they calmed down a bit
Brought them downstairs for laser play. Treats together. No hissing or growling.
Brought them up to separate them for the night and Noel decided he wanted to jump the gate and didn’t know tenchi was right freaking behind me, landed directly in his face and started hissing, so of course he ran into the bathroom. Where he was cornered and started hissing and growling at them, they left him alone. Which at this point, I picked up Noel and hurried him into the room, cleaned his litter box, gave him some pets and loves, made sure nobody was around the door and put him away.

had I not stepped on tail, this would have been flawless 100% out in the same room, eating meals together without a single hiss or growl.
But my fat and overworked ass did step on someone’s tail and ignited world war 3.

 

[ElizabethP]

you all have been great and very supportive, as much more seasoned pet parents I value all of your advice and input, i just feel so lost and confused as what to do.

There has been so much great advice here from this group. I can't really add anything, except to say that I'm in a very similar situation with three of our cats and an aggression situation that has built up between two of them. I know exactly how you feel and wanted to send my ethernet support for your situation. It is SO distressing, I really feel for you. I'm three weeks into medicating the one aggressive cat - Amitryptiline - and it's still early days so I'm not yet seeing huge results. I cannot bear to have this disharmony between my cats, who I love so much and are so much part of my life. It makes me dread having to go anywhere, but we do live in a very remote location and so I am more often at home, especially at the moment with an injury. Look after yourself too, and I send all best wishes to you and your cats and here's to a harmonious conclusion in the future of both of our households.

 

[Alldara]

So, tonight was not going badly at all. Though I messed that up prettt badly.

I fed them twice without a gate or barrier and they were eating basically side by side, that is until while trying to get around them I stepped on one of their tails. Which of course scared all of them and sent them running, and of course they started hissing at each other.
I distracted them and they calmed down a bit
Brought them downstairs for laser play. Treats together. No hissing or growling.
Brought them up to separate them for the night and Noel decided he wanted to jump the gate and didn’t know tenchi was right freaking behind me, landed directly in his face and started hissing, so of course he ran into the bathroom. Where he was cornered and started hissing and growling at them, they left him alone. Which at this point, I picked up Noel and hurried him into the room, cleaned his litter box, gave him some pets and loves, made sure nobody was around the door and put him away.

had I not stepped on tail, this would have been flawless 100% out in the same room, eating meals together without a single hiss or growl.
But my fat and overworked ass did step on someone’s tail and ignited world war 3.

Oh dear. Don't feel too awful. Accidents happen!

Isn't it amazing that there were no fights after something like that? You're doing great.

So he hissed and growled and the other cat backed off?? Woohoo Amazing news. They are understanding how you want them to treat one another and trusting you to ensure that no one will get hurt. There might still be moments of backsliding. But you've really got this.

 

[Notenchnana]

There has been so much great advice here from this group. I can't really add anything, except to say that I'm in a very similar situation with three of our cats and an aggression situation that has built up between two of them. I know exactly how you feel and wanted to send my ethernet support for your situation. It is SO distressing, I really feel for you. I'm three weeks into medicating the one aggressive cat - Amitryptiline - and it's still early days so I'm not yet seeing huge results. I cannot bear to have this disharmony between my cats, who I love so much and are so much part of my life. It makes me dread having to go anywhere, but we do live in a very remote location and so I am more often at home, especially at the moment with an injury. Look after yourself too, and I send all best wishes to you and your cats and here's to a harmonious conclusion in the future of both of our households.

ElizabethP Thank you! I’m sorry for the delayed response to this it’s always busy and sometimes I have just enough time for a status update to gather opinions.
It really does suck and it’s nice to know you and so many others have the same heart. I’m naturally not optimistic and after the year I’ve had the last thing I can handle is this, and it’s a real struggle. I keep on going hoping for the best but it’s hard to see the “light” when you only have the perspective of being inside the tunnel.

It’s a different kind of heart wrenching to have to listen to your little beacons of hope and reminders of the how beautiful life is and can be cry out for any reason.It’s difficult for someone who doesn’t have our perspective to appreciate that much of the pain and triggers are no different from that of a human child. Some people dont have kids but that doesn’t mean the bond is any less or the worry and fear most especially heartache is any less. They don’t have to agree it is a free world after all, but there should be respect enough to understand that when one of our kitties are in chaos in our own eyes it’s as if our children are in chaos and that disharmony, that fear, that emotional pain I think everyone can relate pretty well.

 

[Notenchnana]

Oh dear. Don't feel too awful. Accidents happen!

Isn't it amazing that there were no fights after something like that? You're doing great.

So he hissed and growled and the other cat backed off?? Woohoo Amazing news. They are understanding how you want them to treat one another and trusting you to ensure that no one will get hurt. There might still be moments of backsliding. But you've really got this.

So tonight was interesting, I came home from work, fed them without the gate. They all ate together just fine no aggression or hissing. I then let them all out together, we spent about an hour and a half out. Played with them all, Noel was nervous but got pretty calm after awhile, fed them treats and was so happy we had an hour of no problems, they were walking past each other. Sniffing each other. No problems.
I fed them second dinner, as nana threw hers up.

now they’re back in separate rooms, Noel isn’t happy being vocal again hoping he calms down but so far not bad at all!

 

[Alldara]

So tonight was interesting, I came home from work, fed them without the gate. They all ate together just fine no aggression or hissing. I then let them all out together, we spent about an hour and a half out. Played with them all, Noel was nervous but got pretty calm after awhile, fed them treats and was so happy we had an hour of no problems, they were walking past each other. Sniffing each other. No problems.
I fed them second dinner, as nana threw hers up.

now they’re back in separate rooms, Noel isn’t happy being vocal again hoping he calms down but so far not bad at all!

Excellent! They are progressing very well

You must have been right about those collars causing extra stress

 

[Notenchnana]

Excellent! They are progressing very well

You must have been right about those collars causing extra stress

So, another update to keep in line. Friday yesterday went good I guess. Not quite sure.
I was off, so I was able to wake up during the normal schedule. Feed them switch places go back to sleep, and when I got up, I’d let them all be together. They’re now eating every meal together with no barriers or gates, I watch them every time and other than nudging each other out of their bowls and playing musical bowls
The hissing has seemed to die down, I haven’t had a single incident so far, the girl doesn’t looks at him and lets him walk by with no sign of aggression sometimes they’ll look at each other but Noel has stopped as far as I can tell being so skittish around her.
They all eat treats together, walk past each other, sniff each other and sometimes come close to booping noses.

was able to sit down on my couch and watch the hangover from start to finish with all of them occupying the same room, sometimes close, sometimes far, and continuing to separate them when I leave or when I’m at work, and at night.

they’ve started playing around each other, I made another boo-boo and laser moused the girl into her brother which scared the white one but he ran away into his cat tower and came down again 3 minutes later.
This morning woke up, feed all of them together, same thing switching bowls and being right next to each other no issues.

how should I feel?

 

[silent meowlook]

You are doing fantastic. Great job.

Cheetah was on the couch with me. Omypaw came and flopped down and started licking her head. Everything was great for 30 seconds. Then Cheetah slapped him upside the head 4 times fast and she ran off. He looked stunned but didn’t move. Oh, the joys of multiple cat households.

 

[Notenchnana]

You are doing fantastic. Great job.

Cheetah was on the couch with me. Omypaw came and flopped down and started licking her head. Everything was great for 30 seconds. Then Cheetah slapped him upside the head 4 times fast and she ran off. He looked stunned but didn’t move. Oh, the joys of multiple cat households.

Thank you! Yeah definitely up until now my babies have always gotten along but being more aware really after all these years have shown me that multi-cat households are something else really. Before I ended up alone, my ex-girlfriend and I were able to split love and manage them easily but now it’s really highlighting the work that goes into all this.

I came home,I’m now at the point where I make their food together, and then they eat together. No barriers or gates.
The boys are sniffing each other much much more, and rubbing faces more often. The girl isn’t bothered or following him around as much. I use the laser to play sign them all.

It’s only been an hour and the night is

You are doing fantastic. Great job.

Cheetah was on the couch with me. Omypaw came and flopped down and started licking her head. Everything was great for 30 seconds. Then Cheetah slapped him upside the head 4 times fast and she ran off. He looked stunned but didn’t move. Oh, the joys of multiple cat households.

yeah multicat household is definitely fun but also unbeatable, I love them all and I just want us to be happy like we were before.
I’ve continued separating them at night, but yesterday we all sat out in the living room together without issue.
They’re booping noses and sniffing each other a lot more, but they can walk past and even run right past each other without any issue. Eating together is a thing, lots of a treats together. I’m still not comfortable leaving them alone together but so far I honestly can’t complain. It’s given me hope that things might actually get back to normal.

last night for the first time in a month I was able to turn on my
PlayStation 5 play a game and rest easy knowing he was sleeping in his cat tower and the other ones were sleeping on their respective spots beside me on the couch calmly.

I’m starting to feel better, I don’t know how much longer I should keep separating them at night and when I’m away though, I’m now on 3 days of spending time together, eating together, and the such without issues.

 

[Alldara]

So, another update to keep in line. Friday yesterday went good I guess. Not quite sure.
I was off, so I was able to wake up during the normal schedule. Feed them switch places go back to sleep, and when I got up, I’d let them all be together. They’re now eating every meal together with no barriers or gates, I watch them every time and other than nudging each other out of their bowls and playing musical bowls
The hissing has seemed to die down, I haven’t had a single incident so far, the girl doesn’t looks at him and lets him walk by with no sign of aggression sometimes they’ll look at each other but Noel has stopped as far as I can tell being so skittish around her.
They all eat treats together, walk past each other, sniff each other and sometimes come close to booping noses.

was able to sit down on my couch and watch the hangover from start to finish with all of them occupying the same room, sometimes close, sometimes far, and continuing to separate them when I leave or when I’m at work, and at night.

they’ve started playing around each other, I made another boo-boo and laser moused the girl into her brother which scared the white one but he ran away into his cat tower and came down again 3 minutes later.
This morning woke up, feed all of them together, same thing switching bowls and being right next to each other no issues.

how should I feel?

You should feel amazing! You are making great progress. This is great. They are really learning that you put a strong boundary around chasing someone scared or hissing.

 

[Alldara]

Thank you! Yeah definitely up until now my babies have always gotten along but being more aware really after all these years have shown me that multi-cat households are something else really. Before I ended up alone, my ex-girlfriend and I were able to split love and manage them easily but now it’s really highlighting the work that goes into all this.

I came home,I’m now at the point where I make their food together, and then they eat together. No barriers or gates.
The boys are sniffing each other much much more, and rubbing faces more often. The girl isn’t bothered or following him around as much. I use the laser to play sign them all.

It’s only been an hour and the night is

yeah multicat household is definitely fun but also unbeatable, I love them all and I just want us to be happy like we were before.
I’ve continued separating them at night, but yesterday we all sat out in the living room together without issue.
They’re booping noses and sniffing each other a lot more, but they can walk past and even run right past each other without any issue. Eating together is a thing, lots of a treats together. I’m still not comfortable leaving them alone together but so far I honestly can’t complain. It’s given me hope that things might actually get back to normal.

last night for the first time in a month I was able to turn on my
PlayStation 5 play a game and rest easy knowing he was sleeping in his cat tower and the other ones were sleeping on their respective spots beside me on the couch calmly.

I’m starting to feel better, I don’t know how much longer I should keep separating them at night and when I’m away though, I’m now on 3 days of spending time together, eating together, and the such without issues.

I would think just start with one time of day togetherness. Perhaps when you're sleeping at first because at least you'll hear the going ons.

A weird bit of advice is to speak to them about it happening before you do it.

You may find that he goes to that room anyway and stays there for the night, even with the door open. Magnus still went upstairs and took his naps in the kitten area for months after we stopped shutting the door. (The ones we used to shut him in for) That's okay too and will eventually fade out.

 

[Notenchnana]

I would think just start with one time of day togetherness. Perhaps when you're sleeping at first because at least you'll hear the going ons.

A weird bit of advice is to speak to them about it happening before you do it.

You may find that he goes to that room anyway and stays there for the night, even with the door open. Magnus still went upstairs and took his naps in the kitten area for months after we stopped shutting the door. (The ones we used to shut him in for) That's okay too and will eventually fade out.

I started last night with them being out for 4 hours together, and they didn’t seem to have issues. Occasional hiss from the girl, just one or two and it dies down after that. This morning I let them out and I’m starting to have them together when I’m home. They mostly don’t really bother him, they do still kind of follow him and stare a bit but he just goes into his cat tower and naps there.
As I said I’m not sure how to feel, it’s nice to sit down in my living room but I also feel like we haven’t made much progress.
I don’t know when to try leaving them out in the house at night.

 

[Alldara]

I started last night with them being out for 4 hours together, and they didn’t seem to have issues. Occasional hiss from the girl, just one or two and it dies down after that. This morning I let them out and I’m starting to have them together when I’m home. They mostly don’t really bother him, they do still kind of follow him and stare a bit but he just goes into his cat tower and naps there.
As I said I’m not sure how to feel, it’s nice to sit down in my living room but I also feel like we haven’t made much progress.
I don’t know when to try leaving them out in the house at night.

That's really good progress. It's hard to see when you're living it every day.

Give it a couple more days of out together. Keep encouraging any positive interactions like nose bopping, sniffing, backing off after a hiss, playing in one another's presence, with words and/or affection. Tell them that you're going to leave the door open in X number of sleeps. Maybe this is placebo because it helps to calm the human but I do think this works.

Enjoy your semi-free time meanwhile. I would hate to see anything go wrong after you've had such successful situations this far, so just focus on setting up for success with overnight enrichment, cat calming music, etc.

Do know if there is a setback, that it's just that, a setback.