Behavior issue with cats

Notenchnana

TCS Member
Thread starter
Young Cat
Joined
Jan 8, 2023
Messages
28
Purraise
34
Hi everyone, I need help from the community. I’ve consulted many vets and vet techs and here is what is going on.



I have 3 cats, 1 is 6 going 7

The other two are 5 going 6.

They’ve lived with each other since they were kittens except for the older one. No real problems of aggression or territory before, having moved three times across the country.

Ex-girlfriend and I broke up and I ended up with all 3, I love them dearly. They’re all I really have left.



I was helping a friend of mine avoid homelessness and I was taking some stuff for her to store in my storage unit underneath my my stairs of my current townhouse apartment. We brought this stuff December 7, 2022.

December 8, 2022 the cats gets into their first major scuffle. I separated for a few days while I was away but otherwise reunited them when I was home. I did not think much of it at first.

A few weeks would pass, and things seemed to be back to normal, Christmas was quiet. I was leaking them alone to no major disaster but there was tension for sure, they were cautious of each other.



A second major fight broke up around December 28,2022 resulting in one fat having his nose scratched and bleeding. That cat who was hurt is now afraid of the other two cats and acting impish or afraid. After a day or two I thought things were better and tried to keep them together after another brief separation period. The third incident was not violent and stopped at my voice occurring at their food bowls up until now they were still eating and playing together. I began paying close attention to them and realized a lot of aggression was occurring around the stairs.

They could lay in the living room together and avoid each other fine, but fen cuddle and groom each other but when it came time to go through the stairs there were stare downs, growling, blocking and bullying. And ONLY around the stairs. It was brought to my attention that the furniture was directly underneath and my friend had a young female kitten adopted from a shelter that was spraying in her home alot, and I’m thinking the scent is increasing tension. As these items are directly underneath the stairs which seemed to be the point of contention.



I have since removed the furniture as of Jan 01, cleaned the carpet and room with anti icky poo live bacteria and enzymatic cleaner and instituted a 2 week reintroduction which we are currently day 4 of.



They keep saying time is important and to not give anyone up for re-home or adoption just yet. I’ve got 3 diffusers, 3 calming collars, reintroducing them, and increased resources upstairs and downstairs.

They have lived here together in peace for 3 months and that all changed almost immediately after bringing in that furniture and that is the ONLY thing in the entire apartment that had changed.


They have been in the process of reintroduction for a week now ( 2 weeks minimum of no direct contact or visual contact)
Are scent swapped every day every 10 hours

Only eat meals together behind a door on opposite sides, in addition to site swapping also scent swapping
Ill rub a blanket all over the victim and the brother and sister will lay on it and cuddle, they can hear him and don’t react and when eating I can open the santurary door and neither cat is interested in stopping food eating.
They even lay in the same spots as the others moments ago just before the site swapping.

Opinions?

Edit: the furniture I was storing was kept in an apartment my friend had adopted a female kitten who was spraying a lot and was very stressed and defecating in a lot of places.

tbe boxes and furniture items I was storing was kept under my stairs in a storage area with tile and that seemed to be were most of the problems were occurring.

I realized I didn’t say what I was storing so I’m adding it here.
 

Furballsmom

Cat Devotee
Staff Member
Forum Helper
Joined
Jan 9, 2018
Messages
35,650
Purraise
47,809
Location
Colorado US
Hi
You realized that furniture, or rather the smell of the other cat on that furniture, was a catalyst.

Keep working with them, they'll come around. Try this too, either with vanilla or raw coconut (which still has fragrance) ;

From valanhb
You put a dab of vanilla extract under the chins, at the base of their neck (by the spine) and at the base of the tail (again, on the spine not the underside of the tail!) of all of the cats to make them smell the same. Cats recognize each other by scent, so if that kitty smells the same as "me", the he must be a friend. Kitty logic at it's finest.

This trick works when introducing cats into the household as well, or during a reintroduction after a redirected aggression event.

Also, it's possible that Cat Music might also help.
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #3

Notenchnana

TCS Member
Thread starter
Young Cat
Joined
Jan 8, 2023
Messages
28
Purraise
34
Hi
You realized that furniture, or rather the smell of the other cat on that furniture, was a catalyst.

Keep working with them, they'll come around. Try this too, either with vanilla or raw coconut (which still has fragrance) ;

From valanhb
You put a dab of vanilla extract under the chins, at the base of their neck (by the spine) and at the base of the tail (again, on the spine not the underside of the tail!) of all of the cats to make them smell the same. Cats recognize each other by scent, so if that kitty smells the same as "me", the he must be a friend. Kitty logic at it's finest.

This trick works when introducing cats into the household as well, or during a reintroduction after a redirected aggression event.

Also, it's possible that Cat Music might also help.
I appreciate the response, I guess I’m showing my inexperience when it comes to cats as these are the first cats I’ve ever had in my life.

I wish I’d realized the smell was a catalyst much sooner, after the first fight they were ok for a few weeks, I was able to leave them alone together at work with no incidence and around new years it all came crashingdown.
Im clinically depressed and have severe anxiety, so when they began to fight like that the only thing I had left seemed to be crashing down and I was crying myself to sleep for a month.

I want my family back, I need them back and the fear and anxiety of it not working is making me fall apart very badly. I was thinking giving them to a shelter was my only option.
As I said; in the months they were together, they were fine then I brought that stuff in and tried a new food and everything went to hell.
It’s the only variable in this equation.

anyway, thank you for your time I appreciate it!
 

Furballsmom

Cat Devotee
Staff Member
Forum Helper
Joined
Jan 9, 2018
Messages
35,650
Purraise
47,809
Location
Colorado US
was thinking giving them to a shelter was my only option.
No, not at all.

You're actually doing way better than you think with them. Keep up with the swapping processes, and try the vanilla. The cat music might help too, there's RelaxMyCat, Musicforcats, and Spotify and other sources have harp music for cats. Some music even has purrs in it ❤
 

silent meowlook

TCS Member
Super Cat
Joined
Nov 10, 2014
Messages
1,190
Purraise
1,993
Hi. After the two week separation and reintroduction, try playing with all 3 cats with a wand toy. It will boost the confidence of the timid cat. That is what you are needing to do now. Sometimes it can take medicating the shy one until healthy patterns are formed again between the cats. Of course that would involve a vet visit and is only done as a last resort.
 

Alldara

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Apr 29, 2022
Messages
1,432
Purraise
1,976
You're doing great. Keep your hopes up! You did what's best for them so far.

All the above advice would be what I would echo. If the third cat is good with both, you can try letting that cat spend time with both at separate times.
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #7

Notenchnana

TCS Member
Thread starter
Young Cat
Joined
Jan 8, 2023
Messages
28
Purraise
34
This is them December 13, 2022.
Living room, about 4 days after their initial fight.
And two weeks before the second fight.
I have to believe they don’t really dislike or don’t get along well, just the scent being under the stairs less than 3 feet under their noses was a part of the problem
 

Attachments

Furballsmom

Cat Devotee
Staff Member
Forum Helper
Joined
Jan 9, 2018
Messages
35,650
Purraise
47,809
Location
Colorado US
just the scent being under the stairs less than 3 feet under their noses was a part of the problem
That's true, but don't blame yourself. Sometimes this can happen to cats who were like yours, when an intruder kitty starts spraying outside. It's repairable and you're doing wonderfully 👍
 

Alldara

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Apr 29, 2022
Messages
1,432
Purraise
1,976
Deffered agression happens. I'm sorry it happened to you due to the scent. They can recover from it. Dont worry!
 

silent meowlook

TCS Member
Super Cat
Joined
Nov 10, 2014
Messages
1,190
Purraise
1,993
Hi. One thing to remember is that cats don’t think like we do. These behaviors become patterns that the cats repeat unless you can intervene and create new patterns. When the one cat became frightened he created a change in the status and now is fearful of the other cats and they pick up on it.

Cats are not big on empathy. Honestly no animal is. So scared cat gets chased and other cats start to think that’s what they do. They don’t dislike him. He is just chaseable now. Probably to them, more fun than a squeaky toy. It isn’t them being mean, just them being.

So you have to change their patterns and way of being. If they see scared cat but then are distracted by a fun toy, many times over, in a couple of weeks they won’t see him as something to chase.

When cats hunt and play, it boosts their confidence. Then you are also changing scared cats patterns to being more confident and no longer running away.

Just try it after a separation time. And remember if they do fight or chase, don’t yell at them, distract with a fun toy. You may have to get a few and change it up to keep them interested.

Hope this helps.
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #11

Notenchnana

TCS Member
Thread starter
Young Cat
Joined
Jan 8, 2023
Messages
28
Purraise
34
I appreciate the responses.
I’m currently on day 9/14 of the no visual or physical contact and I’m eager to get through the rest. It’s such a struggle to sleep or have a day off, as I hear them cry for hours on end. The twins hate being confined to a room and they’re like my shadows but the white one my oldest needs to be out and about and get some cuddle time.

8-10 hours for each pair that is equal time and it’s fair but I know they don’t see it that way.
Its been 9 days since I’ve cleaned out that room three times with three different types of enzymatic cleaner, cleaned the stairs 3 times on 3 separate days

I plan on graduating them somewhat quickly as I don’t think or feel as though there is any malice or form of dislike between them, sometimes they’ll go to the door if the other one cries and like I said, they can occupy the same areas seconds after a room swap lay in the same spots,cuddle on the same blankets and eat basically right next to each other separated by a pet gate with a blanket or a door, hear each other crunch and meow to me
And not have a single bad or negative reaction as far as I can tell.
 

BoaztheAdventureCat

TCS Member
Adult Cat
Joined
Feb 4, 2022
Messages
182
Purraise
126
Hi everyone, I need help from the community. I’ve consulted many vets and vet techs and here is what is going on.



I have 3 cats, 1 is 6 going 7

The other two are 5 going 6.

They’ve lived with each other since they were kittens except for the older one. No real problems of aggression or territory before, having moved three times across the country.

Ex-girlfriend and I broke up and I ended up with all 3, I love them dearly. They’re all I really have left.



I was helping a friend of mine avoid homelessness and I was taking some stuff for her to store in my storage unit underneath my my stairs of my current townhouse apartment. We brought this stuff December 7, 2022.

December 8, 2022 the cats gets into their first major scuffle. I separated for a few days while I was away but otherwise reunited them when I was home. I did not think much of it at first.

A few weeks would pass, and things seemed to be back to normal, Christmas was quiet. I was leaking them alone to no major disaster but there was tension for sure, they were cautious of each other.



A second major fight broke up around December 28,2022 resulting in one fat having his nose scratched and bleeding. That cat who was hurt is now afraid of the other two cats and acting impish or afraid. After a day or two I thought things were better and tried to keep them together after another brief separation period. The third incident was not violent and stopped at my voice occurring at their food bowls up until now they were still eating and playing together. I began paying close attention to them and realized a lot of aggression was occurring around the stairs.

They could lay in the living room together and avoid each other fine, but fen cuddle and groom each other but when it came time to go through the stairs there were stare downs, growling, blocking and bullying. And ONLY around the stairs. It was brought to my attention that the furniture was directly underneath and my friend had a young female kitten adopted from a shelter that was spraying in her home alot, and I’m thinking the scent is increasing tension. As these items are directly underneath the stairs which seemed to be the point of contention.



I have since removed the furniture as of Jan 01, cleaned the carpet and room with anti icky poo live bacteria and enzymatic cleaner and instituted a 2 week reintroduction which we are currently day 4 of.



They keep saying time is important and to not give anyone up for re-home or adoption just yet. I’ve got 3 diffusers, 3 calming collars, reintroducing them, and increased resources upstairs and downstairs.

They have lived here together in peace for 3 months and that all changed almost immediately after bringing in that furniture and that is the ONLY thing in the entire apartment that had changed.


They have been in the process of reintroduction for a week now ( 2 weeks minimum of no direct contact or visual contact)
Are scent swapped every day every 10 hours

Only eat meals together behind a door on opposite sides, in addition to site swapping also scent swapping
Ill rub a blanket all over the victim and the brother and sister will lay on it and cuddle, they can hear him and don’t react and when eating I can open the santurary door and neither cat is interested in stopping food eating.
They even lay in the same spots as the others moments ago just before the site swapping.

Opinions?

Edit: the furniture I was storing was kept in an apartment my friend had adopted a female kitten who was spraying a lot and was very stressed and defecating in a lot of places.

tbe boxes and furniture items I was storing was kept under my stairs in a storage area with tile and that seemed to be were most of the problems were occurring.

I realized I didn’t say what I was storing so I’m adding it here.
So, when you took in the brother and sister cats for your friend, how did you introduce them to your resident cat? Were they put together immediately or was it a slow, gradual introduction like what you're working on now?

If your oldest cat has been solitary for most of his life it makes it that much harder for him to accept and respect the company of other cats. Kittens that grow up without other cats become psychologically damaged. They lose their social skills, forget what's the proper way to interact with other cats, and hate the company of their own kind.

For my cat Boaz, even being the solitary kitten for just 2 months was 2 months too long. Two months may not seem like much time to us, but for a kitten, this constitutes a huge portion of his childhood. Initially he seemed great with our other 2 kittens, but as they grew up, we began noticing that he had no respect for his adopted brother or sister. They would reprimand him with hisses, growls, screams, swats, and avoidance for playing too rough, and he would not leave them alone.

I hope this isn't the case for your cat, but I'm just telling you now that I've pretty much had to come to terms with the fact that Boaz, my control freak cat, is likely going to have social awkwardness around other cats for the rest of his life. He still prefers to be the only cat in sight, and this is AFTER I put him through a long reintroduction process with our other 2 cats Asher and Posie. Boaz still gets testy with Asher and Posie, and Asher and Posie still can hardly stand him.

One suggestion about the arguments on the stairs: build a couple of "cat walks" and install them on the walls of the stairwell. It can be as simple as nailing a couple of shelves above the stairs. This way, the cats have more space to be able to pass each other without feeling crowded.
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #13

Notenchnana

TCS Member
Thread starter
Young Cat
Joined
Jan 8, 2023
Messages
28
Purraise
34
So, when you took in the brother and sister cats for your friend, how did you introduce them to your resident cat? Were they put together immediately or was it a slow, gradual introduction like what you're working on now?

If your oldest cat has been solitary for most of his life it makes it that much harder for him to accept and respect the company of other cats. Kittens that grow up without other cats become psychologically damaged. They lose their social skills, forget what's the proper way to interact with other cats, and hate the company of their own kind.

For my cat Boaz, even being the solitary kitten for just 2 months was 2 months too long. Two months may not seem like much time to us, but for a kitten, this constitutes a huge portion of his childhood. Initially he seemed great with our other 2 kittens, but as they grew up, we began noticing that he had no respect for his adopted brother or sister. They would reprimand him with hisses, growls, screams, swats, and avoidance for playing too rough, and he would not leave them alone.

I hope this isn't the case for your cat, but I'm just telling you now that I've pretty much had to come to terms with the fact that Boaz, my control freak cat, is likely going to have social awkwardness around other cats for the rest of his life. He still prefers to be the only cat in sight, and this is AFTER I put him through a long reintroduction process with our other 2 cats Asher and Posie. Boaz still gets testy with Asher and Posie, and Asher and Posie still can hardly stand him.

One suggestion about the arguments on the stairs: build a couple of "cat walks" and install them on the walls of the stairwell. It can be as simple as nailing a couple of shelves above the stairs. This way, the cats have more space to be able to pass each other without feeling crowded.
No, I’ve never taken any cats from her, only boxes, chairs, and the like.
The brother and sister were introduced 5 years ago, Noel was 1 year old and they were slowly introduced.
They have all lived with each other ever since then to no aggression or fighting or territory problems, we then moved from Florida and they all travelled with me in a car from south Florida to Ohio, in the backseat in the same big kennel

when we got to our new home in Ohio they also lived there together in peace for 3 years before my girlfriend and I split. I was forced to get my own place and originally just had the oldest white one Noel for a couple months as he had a bad UTI and she was leaving him to essentially die.
After some more fighting she wanted me to get my other two the brother and sister and that wasn’t a “introduction” per say as the place was changing but the cats had known and lived with each other for years.

that proved to be true as we then lived from September to December 8, in peace with no fighting or aggression or territory issues.
December 7, I brought those items from my friend they were just items no animals at all, however the very next day they get into a fight and the rest is explained in the initial post
The addition of her things to the room located 3 feet under the stairs is the only thing that changed not a single other item or event has occurred within the home to explain or categorize this behavior

however after the fighting and the escalations I began to notice tension and conflict occurring around the stairwell which is directly above the room with the stored items.

the pictures I posted, occurred after the first fight but before the second and they’re literally sleeping on top of each other, and I was able to leave them unattended at work however there would always be weird or uncharacteristic behavior around the stairs until the second fight broke out which resulted in one of them having their nose scratched and the impish behavior started, shortly after under recommendation that I do a reintroduction and remove the only variable that had changed in that time period ( the furniture that potentially had the other cats scent due to my friend having a female kitten that was actively spraying and defecating and extremely stressed) I began to wonder if that scent and retention of her smell was acting as furballsmom put a catalyst
 

silent meowlook

TCS Member
Super Cat
Joined
Nov 10, 2014
Messages
1,190
Purraise
1,993
Hi. Didn’t read replies to last post. Ok, I understand I think better the situation. Have to be brief, at work , on lunch.

Get two fun wand toys. and let them catch and chew and play with it. Young cats first. Then go in and play with the older cat. With young cats toys. Play with older cat with new 2nd new toy first then kittens. We are speed scent swapping.

I’ll check in later after work.
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #15

Notenchnana

TCS Member
Thread starter
Young Cat
Joined
Jan 8, 2023
Messages
28
Purraise
34
Hi. Didn’t read replies to last post. Ok, I understand I think better the situation. Have to be brief, at work , on lunch.

Get two fun wand toys. and let them catch and chew and play with it. Young cats first. Then go in and play with the older cat. With young cats toys. Play with older cat with new 2nd new toy first then kittens. We are speed scent swapping.

I’ll check in later after work.
It’s ok, and thank you!
I appreciate your input! Just been a rough day, I really do hate this 100% that musical cats and crying are any time at home and it’s just destroying my mental health so please excuse any abruptness
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #17

Notenchnana

TCS Member
Thread starter
Young Cat
Joined
Jan 8, 2023
Messages
28
Purraise
34
Would ear plugs help? A white noise machine, or the sound of a fan running?
I haven’t really tried it, admittedly after today I might not have a choice as my therapist called me while playing music cats and Noel would not stop crying for over 20 minutes, I had enough time to feed them all, do room switches, and didn’t typically play with him as I normally do, the crying and stress and fear I’m going to lose my family had me say some things and the police will be checking on me later, which is just going to scare them and make them cry even more.

I guess I’m going to have to start covering my ears because at this rate I won’t last the next 5-6 days and the potential week of actual visual contact while still restraining them to rooms
 

silent meowlook

TCS Member
Super Cat
Joined
Nov 10, 2014
Messages
1,190
Purraise
1,993
Hi. The cats crying would upset me as well. I wouldn't be able to tolerate it. I can't handle any unhappy cats, let alone my own. So, I definitely can relate to that.

Lets skip everything else and get the cats together. If we do that, I suggest then playing with them all at the same time. You only have to figure out a high value toy. Once you know what the younger cats really like toy wise, be it feathers or mouse toy on a wand, use it to play with them.

Try to learn the subtle signs cats show before they start to act up with the older cat. These signs can be very subtle, like a tail twitch, or them staring at the other cat. Whatever you notice, just start to play. Use the toy to distract them from chasing the other cat.

Here is an example of what I mean.
I have a 13 yr. old female 7.5 lb. cat with suspected cancer, who is on chemotherapy as well as many other medications. She is thin and frail, and I love her very much. Her greatest wish is to just be with me, doing nothing but sleeping and occasionally kneading on my head. Her name is Cheetah. She is very shy. I have had her 13 years.

Then there is Omypaw who I have had about a year. He is a solid 14lbs of fun, fun, fun. He is an outgoing in your face fun cat that just wants to play all the time with him lying on his back and the toy dangling a couple of inches above him so he can bat at it. He gets the crazies and will run from room to room acting like he is chasing something. All around great cat with allot of weight to him. He is about 3 years old.

My house is set up with the litter boxes in a bedroom, but the cats spend most of their time in the living room. or wherever I am. The food and water are in the kitchen and the living room is between the kitchen and the bedroom.

At some point and I don't know exactly when, Omypaw started hiding behind things and jumping out when Cheetah would walk from one room to the other. That escalated to him chasing her and occasionally there would be some screeching and fur flying. I did try several things, all of them including me getting really stressed out because obviously I don't want to see my poor little cat get treated so badly and chased in her own house especially when she is ill. Nothing was helping.

I found a stupid fish toy that is motion activated and flops on the ground when activated. When I would see the signs that Omypaw was about to go after Cheetah, I would throw the fish in another direction away from where she was going to walk. He would run over and start to play with the toy. It seemed to work quite well. Although it was a bit annoying when I would wake up to this stupid fish making noise and see him just holding it between his paws letting its tail slapping him in the face. After a while he got bored with it and I found another type of toy. One called "Da Bird" it is a wand toy with feathers. Then he thinks that toy is great. So, when I see him about to go after Cheetah, I start to get his attention with it and play, while Cheetah gets somewhere she feels safe. For her it is up high. This has worked really well so far. I do have to switch up the toys often. Mostly it has made me no longer stress over it because he is very funny when he plays, and it has helped Cheetah to not feel threatened. She even occasionally will beat him to the toy and show how fast she is. He is good when she does this.

I think it is important to try to keep a lighthearted attitude about everything, even if you don't feel like it. Cats pick up on energies that we put out there and our moods can deeply alter their moods.

Trust me, crying cats in my house would make me feel like a guilty monster and I couldn't handle it. I think everything will be fine if you play and let them hang out together again. No need to think it won't.
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #19

Notenchnana

TCS Member
Thread starter
Young Cat
Joined
Jan 8, 2023
Messages
28
Purraise
34
Hi. The cats crying would upset me as well. I wouldn't be able to tolerate it. I can't handle any unhappy cats, let alone my own. So, I definitely can relate to that.

Lets skip everything else and get the cats together. If we do that, I suggest then playing with them all at the same time. You only have to figure out a high value toy. Once you know what the younger cats really like toy wise, be it feathers or mouse toy on a wand, use it to play with them.

Try to learn the subtle signs cats show before they start to act up with the older cat. These signs can be very subtle, like a tail twitch, or them staring at the other cat. Whatever you notice, just start to play. Use the toy to distract them from chasing the other cat.

Here is an example of what I mean.
I have a 13 yr. old female 7.5 lb. cat with suspected cancer, who is on chemotherapy as well as many other medications. She is thin and frail, and I love her very much. Her greatest wish is to just be with me, doing nothing but sleeping and occasionally kneading on my head. Her name is Cheetah. She is very shy. I have had her 13 years.

Then there is Omypaw who I have had about a year. He is a solid 14lbs of fun, fun, fun. He is an outgoing in your face fun cat that just wants to play all the time with him lying on his back and the toy dangling a couple of inches above him so he can bat at it. He gets the crazies and will run from room to room acting like he is chasing something. All around great cat with allot of weight to him. He is about 3 years old.

My house is set up with the litter boxes in a bedroom, but the cats spend most of their time in the living room. or wherever I am. The food and water are in the kitchen and the living room is between the kitchen and the bedroom.

At some point and I don't know exactly when, Omypaw started hiding behind things and jumping out when Cheetah would walk from one room to the other. That escalated to him chasing her and occasionally there would be some screeching and fur flying. I did try several things, all of them including me getting really stressed out because obviously I don't want to see my poor little cat get treated so badly and chased in her own house especially when she is ill. Nothing was helping.

I found a stupid fish toy that is motion activated and flops on the ground when activated. When I would see the signs that Omypaw was about to go after Cheetah, I would throw the fish in another direction away from where she was going to walk. He would run over and start to play with the toy. It seemed to work quite well. Although it was a bit annoying when I would wake up to this stupid fish making noise and see him just holding it between his paws letting its tail slapping him in the face. After a while he got bored with it and I found another type of toy. One called "Da Bird" it is a wand toy with feathers. Then he thinks that toy is great. So, when I see him about to go after Cheetah, I start to get his attention with it and play, while Cheetah gets somewhere she feels safe. For her it is up high. This has worked really well so far. I do have to switch up the toys often. Mostly it has made me no longer stress over it because he is very funny when he plays, and it has helped Cheetah to not feel threatened. She even occasionally will beat him to the toy and show how fast she is. He is good when she does this.

I think it is important to try to keep a lighthearted attitude about everything, even if you don't feel like it. Cats pick up on energies that we put out there and our moods can deeply alter their moods.

Trust me, crying cats in my house would make me feel like a guilty monster and I couldn't handle it. I think everything will be fine if you play and let them hang out together again. No need to think it won't.
I’m looking into buying more toys and objects for them to play with, they all seem to like laser and wand toys the most.
Im afraid to not wait the full 14 days because I don’t want to set myself back so to speak, but the separation is severely draining my mental health and ability to function, the vet seems adamant about minimum 14 days as I called to see if it hinder progress to let them out on day 11 vs 14 and he said no no no, 14 days MINIMUM so that makes me feel like I’m trying to rush things and setting them up for failure.

you all have been great and very supportive, as much more seasoned pet parents I value all of your advice and input, i just feel so lost and confused as what to do.

some places say their history, and familiarity and proven track record of coming together and living peacefully means they’re absolutely very likely to go back to “normal” and just be patient

some places instill the fear of god in you if you don’t do things at a snail pace and make it seem like it’s death incarnate if you make a mistake

some are very you do you, and let god sort it out.

I just want my family back. That’s all I want.
This sucks, it really sucks! Between the crying and worrying and sleeping alone where just a few weeks ago we were all snuggled up on the couch watching a movie as a family it’s just flat out torture.
The fear and anxiety of having to give one up to a shelter ratchets everything up to 90/10

i have nothing so far to indicate things are going badly, they don’t rush to the door when it opens, they don’t hiss or growl at sounds or scents from each other, on the contrary they seem more interested in trying to check in each other when whoever in the room is crying. So I know it’s my own mental mind doing most of the torturing.
I just want to know everything is going to be ok and we will all be back to our family soon, as we were for 6 years before, and even 3 months before in the same home before all of this started happening.

I’ve cleaned the stairs AGAIN with enzymatic cleaner, cleaned the room AGAIN, sprayed all the doors and windows with enzymatic cleaner used UV lights to look for urine,the new feliaway diffusers have been working for a week now to saturate the apartment.
It’s 10/14 days.

like what more can I do?
 

Furballsmom

Cat Devotee
Staff Member
Forum Helper
Joined
Jan 9, 2018
Messages
35,650
Purraise
47,809
Location
Colorado US
What's his reasoning for making a "blanket statement" about time, without any consideration for the fact that Every. Cat. Is. Different. ? I don't think I agree with your vet. He must be one of the death incarnate ones.

Anyway, why are you still thinking you'd have to re-home one of your cats? I really don't agree with that, certainly not at this point. You don't know anything at all yet since you haven't let them back together.

Plus, you have got to start thinking positively. Cats are extremely sensitive to our emotions.

Try for thinking and feeling love and happiness. They're with you, safe, fed and sheltered. Adjust your expectations. This is a new chapter. Go with it.
 
Top