Becoming Distraught Over Relationship Between Wife And Cat.

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acatlovinguy

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maggiedemi said:
Thank you, I'm so glad he won't have to go through that anymore. Are you using clumping litter? Maybe you can explain to your wife that if you keep the litter really deep, at least 3 inches, then the litter stays clean, all the poop, pee, and germs are scooped out, that's the way it was designed to work, to be a cleaner solution. You add back more fresh litter once a day to keep it the same level. So their feet are only touching clean litter, it shouldn't spread too many germs.
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Great advice, thanks. One of the little quirks about our kitty is had no clue how to cover his litter at all. :biggrin: He tries so hard, and we have tried to show him but to no avail. He will poop in one place and randomly cover another.

I am forgetful about adding new litter but I will do it. Also, we have placed his litter on a heavy duty floor mat so when he comes out of the litter, it helps clean his paws. She is now very relaxed at the idea of him not going to bed after pooping (which is a big thing)
 
orange&white

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It's good you and your wife had the discussion you had. I hope it works out. I'm not sure how you solve her mental images of cat pee/poop though. Cats do use litter boxes, and most of us know that the pee/poop almost never comes into contact with their paws unless they have a little tummy upset with diarrhea or they get a "cling on" stuck to their fur that doesn't drop off into the box. Those things happen with cats. Clean litter does cling to their paws and tracks, even with a mat which helps reduce tracking. I'm not certain that your wife will be able to immediately turn a new leaf and not be bothered by those things.

Some cats just don't cover up their pee and poop. That should help your wife feel better....even your cat doesn't want to touch it, which means his paws are clean. :p

Maggiedemi did give good advice on keeping the litter deep and cleaning out any deposits twice a day; more often if you see anything in the box. That may help your wife, but of course, you cannot guarantee that you will always be the one to see the clumps and remove them before your wife sees them. That may also just be "covering up" your wife's real problem.

The conversation the two of you had was a step in the right direction. Nothing gets done when people stop having rational intelligent discussion. I would continue to seek a safe "out" with the rehoming people so that you can find your cat a new home if your wife can't get over her mental images about pee/poop and harms the cat again.
 
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maggiedemi

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Is the litterbox big enough? I have to buy Jumbo or Giant size for my cats to have enough room to bury their pee and poop. Yeah, my cats would never go to their bed after using the litterbox. In fact, they get the zoomies and like to run around after.
 
orange&white

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basscat said:
You shouldn't need to rehome her. Women are very resilient, just toss her out the front door, I'm sure she'll be fine.
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That was pretty insensitive to a guy who I'm sure loves his wife as much as his cat. But...

...having a sense of humor...that line cracked me up. :crackup:

Hopefully acatlovinguy will find stress relieve in a bit of good humor. ;)
 
basscat

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orange&white said:
That was pretty insensitive to a guy who I'm sure loves his wife as much as his cat. But...

...having a sense of humor...that line cracked me up. :crackup:

Hopefully acatlovinguy will find stress relieve in a bit of good humor. ;)
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It was intended as a lighthearted "funny".
Then again.....Have true colors revealed themselves?
 
susan denning

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I'm wondering if your wife isn't a bit germ phobic when it comes to animals. If so, it might be worth having a discussion with her about what it would take for her to be comfortable with having a cat. If she's not comfortable and doesn't want to change that (for example, by discussing with an expert what good sanitation with cats looks like), then perhaps she would be more comfortable not having a cat (and the cat would be more comfortable in a different home).
 
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acatlovinguy

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Furballsmom said:
Oh by the way A acatlovinguy I read in a different thread that lemon juice/extract can deter a counter jumper if that's something you-all want to consider.
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He loves lemon. We tried spraying lemon on a plastic plant he was fond of eating. Next day, we found it in tatters :D
 
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acatlovinguy

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talkingpeanut said:
I hope things improve, but abusers typically do not change their behavior in the long term. I’m very sorry for your cat that you are going to wait for a next time.
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Thanks for the advice.
 
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I am actually diagnosed with ocd....and germs is a big thing with me.

I do have an automated litter box, but before that i just kept on top of the litter boxes and having cats actually helped me deal with my ocd.

I have never abused my cats, though
 
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oonawingedwolf

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My abuser never hurt the animals in our home, just me. I had them for solace but when they were gone I got out. I would take that sweet cat and find a new home for both of you. Having to witness this is psychological abuse to you. She manipulates you into letting her continue. She will need a new outlet for her anger if you simply rehome the poor cat. Keep the cat and ditch the abuser.
 
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acatlovinguy

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Hello all,
I really wanted to get back to this thread as I know there are a lot of concerned people who might want to hear an update.

Thanks to everyone's advice that I have been able to take on board and implement, there has not been a single act of aggression from my wife towards the cat. Instead, their relationship has never been better :) My wife has completely changed her behavior. She no longer holds him to standards that were simply not obtainable. We have made a few changes to the cleanliness aspect what was a serious cause for stress and now this is no longer an issue. We have a double absorbent mat and a longer access from the cat litter which takes away the litter issue and helps with the idea of germs.

No anger and no aggression.

Will check in regularly.
 
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