Bandito, my ginger boy

Adelina R

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It's been a few days now since we said goodbye to Bandito. We miss him terribly and we still cannot accept certain aspects of his passing. I'm struggling to cope with the last hour of his life (how we gave a 50% cat to the emergency vets) and how we got back a poor soul in his last moments (and the silly things the last vet said during those moments), while my partner cannot cope with the idea that Bandito got cancer... I still have a few unanswered questions that I would like to discuss with you (medical questions mostly as the last vet... made me question a lot), but I don't know if this thread is the place for them. Please tell me where should I write these.

We had 16 beautiful years together and regardless of how many people are telling us that that was a long life, we still feel that it was not long enough. I miss him greeting us at the door whenever we come back home, I miss our morning cuddles on the sofa when his 'dad' was still sleeping, I miss him interrupting me while working by patting me slowly with his paw to ask for attention, I miss seeing him in my partner's arms, rubbing his nose on his beard, I miss his kisses (even if sometimes these became quite painful because of that sand-paper tongue). I would like to say his name again and to see those tiny feet approach me with wondering eyes saying 'yes mom?'. I miss his annoyed meow when we forgot to top up his bowl, I miss seeing him staring at us through mirrors or through the oven's door, thinking he can spy on us without looking at us directly. I miss hearing him purr with his ears vibrating lightly, I miss hearing him snoring lightly on the sofa, sleeping with his chin up, looking extremely cute and irresistible to kiss. I miss stroking his fur, from his chin to the belly, no places was forbidden, he loved even belly rubs. I miss those beautiful light green eyes and that perfect pink nose.

He was so incredibly smart and loving and I will miss him forever.
 

Nebaug

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I’m so sorry that your baby is gone. There is nothing I can say that will lessen your pain I can only offer support and virtual shoulder of this community that knows this pain well. Feel free to ask any questions, members will be glad to help if they can and feel free to lean on any time you need. Your memories will be very painful for some time to come but I promise, it will get better. It will never be painless but you will be able to breathe. Take time for grief to seep through leaving much lighter memories on the surface. :(
 

StephMo

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I'm so sorry for your loss... it's so, so hard. If you've bonded with a kitty that strongly, no amount of time is ever 'enough'. I've just learned that 'pet grief' is devastating and unpredictable ~ but it does become more dull over time. When you want to ugly-cry and be sad, let yourself do that. What I've experienced is that every 'crying episode' is a little less intense than the one before, with a little more time in-between those episodes when they happen. In the meantime, if it brings you some relief to post here and share memories, do that too. This site is really wonderful and supportive.

One thing that helped me with Mousey (he seems similarly 'expressive and interactive' to how you describe your Bandito :hearthrob: ) was to carry around his favorite rolled-up blue sock (he carried this particular sock everywhere at the very end when he was on opioids) with me everywhere I went until I got his ashes back. Inside the sock is a tiny baggie with a bit of his fur, and a little catnip toy he loved.. I slept with the sock (still do), even drove my car with the sock over my heart behind my seatbelt, etc. That might seem crazy, but... it helped. Once I got his ashes, I purchased several inexpensive small butterfly necklaces that have little reservoirs meant to carry ashes. So now I wear one of those necklaces everyday, leave the sock at home, and it offers a bit of peace to know he's physically 'with me' still, just in a different form. His physical presence has been the hardest part to get over because he was so 'involved' in my movements at home, and it seems like maybe you had a similar relationship there. Maybe something like that can help you bridge the gap between sudden loss and that 'someday future point' where you're able to smile with fond memories. I'm not to that someday future point either, but everyone says it comes.:hugs:
 

Margot Lane

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That tail is indeed special. I feel your grief so profoundly & Steph Mo is so articulate and kind that I find myself wordless here, with nothing left to add except that though it seems an impossible uphill now, what you love about Bandito will stay, warm & close to your heart, and the grief will -eventually- wash itself clear. :rbheart:
 

mrsgreenjeens

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No matter how long they live, it is never long enough. Bandito was a beautiful boy and I can see why you miss him so much. Cats have such a way of wriggling themselves into our hearts. Yes, you will miss him forever, but eventually your thoughts of him will be with a smile on your face as the memories are only of the good times and not of the end. It may time some time, but it will happen.

Rest in Peace, :rbheart: Bandito :rbheart:. You were, and always will be, loved.
 

di and bob

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We never have enough time with those precious little ones, but we will have a lifetime of memories and love to hold close to our hearts.
Bandito will always be near, as near as your thoughts and prayers. The bond you have will permanently tie your souls together. He is at peace and safe now, no longer hurting, no longer afraid. This is because he holds your love in his heart and sends you his. He wants nothing more than you to go forward into the future and seek its beauty and even more love to reside right next to his and build it up even stronger. He taught you what a cat's love can be and wants you to share what you found. How do I know this? Because that is love, wanting happiness and love in our loved ones' lives, wanting the best as we would want for them if we were the first to go.
Try not to dwell on his end, that is but a moment in his lifetime. It brings nothing but pain and grief. Instead try to celebrate having him in your life, thinking of the quote I always hold near, "Do not cry because it is over, smile because it happened." He was meant to be in your life, sharing the happiness as well as the sad times. He was always there for you and will continue to be there in your beautiful memories and in your soul.
My thoughts and prayers are with you all. Take care of yourself, there are those who love you and need you. You can ask any question you like, we will try to answer you or find you who can answer if we can. Cat health would be a good forum to start. Remember, NOONE is perfect, we have all failed at one time or another, in what we have done, and what we have failed to do. There is MUCH expertise on this site, together we are stronger than apart. The secret is to learn from our mistakes, and to show empathy because we have stood in your shoes and know the horrible pain of losing someone we love so very much......RIP dear Bandito. You will always be missed, you will always have secure places in loving hearts. May the good Lord bless and keep you, until you meet again!
 

Mamanyt1953

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Rest you gentle, Bandito, dream you deep. Your pawprints are on someone's hearts forever.

It is true that sixteen years is a good, long life, but where there is love, an eternity together is not long enough. This is the deepest Truth I know...that love never dies, it is translated and purified in to Love, and continues on. Now, from his new home in That Place Where All Things Are Known, Bandito blesses you both for your love and your care, and he sends his Love back to you, to walk with you down through all of your days. Because Love abides. Always, forever, Love abides. And he will wait for you. This time apart is finite, and your time together, when it comes again, is infinite. Because Love abides.
 
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Adelina R

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Thank you all for your words. Today I read these messages without crying. I still feel sadness, but I'm also full of love for him, so it's a sad loving feeling, I don't know how to describe it.

As soon as he passed, we went abroad. It's not that big of a deal in Europe to go to a completely different country and that change of scenery helped us. We simply could not stay inside our home anymore... every corner, every piece of furniture reminded us about our loss. We came back 2 weeks later (we worked online while abroad) and I was the first one to get back inside our home. While my partner took care of the luggage in the basement parking (we live in a flat), I got inside and my first gesture was to open the door slowly, not to injure Bandito. He was always waiting for us at the door... and for a second, I forgot he won't be there. Needless to say, that threw me into an uncontrollable sob. I went into the bedroom and cried on the carpet, trying to feel his scent. His bed still smells like him.

That was around 10 days ago. Last week we got his ashes and it was incredibly painful, but now he is back with us, sleeping in our bedroom. I kiss and caress the urn at times and I feel him near in a weird way. We still have our moments when we feel terribly sad. Sometimes I will see my partner with tears in his eyes and I will start crying too, sometimes I will say something and in 5 minutes he will be crying too. We miss our baby.

But this is not the only reason that keeps me up at night. Every evening, when I try to fall asleep I 'relive' the last few hours. What could have happened? I mean I really want to understand the medical reason behind it. How a tumour that was under control on Tuesday could have made him feel so much worse 48 hours later?
The emergency vet told me that she doesn't understand why we were given false hopes, because it was clear he will die and that he was full of metastasis (that was an assumption she made without seeing any scan). When I told her the CT said he was clean she said why we made him a CT and not an MRI? The specialist said there's no such thing as an MRI for cats... was she referring to a scan? He had both scans and X-rays done. She said a lot of inadequate things in those moments that I was too weak to react to (like the fact that the nurse was more preoccupied with a dog with diarrhoea than it was to help her with my boy)... so I'm not sure how right she was, but on the same time she was the one that was supposed to help my boy on his last moments and that makes me so sad... did she try her best?
Ok, now the last part, the final injection: I read everywhere that there are 2 shots. One to make him sleep and the second one. When the moment came, she gave him only one shot and I asked about the second one but she said that that was all and that there was no point to sedate him first... is this common? I'm struggling with this idea... did it hurt him? Why she didn't make him sleep first?
I'm sorry, I know I could have asked all this in the health section... but I don't want to open another topic and waste time from people trying to help cats that are still around and need immediate help.

And once again, thank you all
 
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mrsgreenjeens

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I'm glad to hear you are doing just a little bit better now that you have his ashes back. You may never get the answers you need though, which is unfortunate. The only thing I can tell you for certain is that there most definitely IS an MRI for cats, but since the xrays showed the mass, I'm not sure that an MRI would have been warranted. As to there only being one shot used for the euthanasia, there normally are two shots, but perhaps there was a reason they only used one. Was he unconscious at that time? The first shot is to relax them and as you said, put them into a state of sleeping before the final shot. If he was already out of it due to his condition, they might have felt that first shot wasn't needed. This would really be something you would need to ask of the Emergency Vet if you really want to know.

As far as the mass growing so quickly, there is no way of knowing what would cause that. All you know is that he was in great distress and I can't imagine what it was like for him or you and your partner to go through that. He needed you to stop his suffering, and you loved him enough to do that, even as it broke your heart. It's only natural to wonder if you did the right thing, but please try to concentrate on his life, not his death :hugs:. He would not want you to be suffering as you are now with these "what ifs".
 
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Adelina R

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I think the specialist said something like the CT was clear and he could see everything he needed to assessthe case. Now, even if she was right about the mri, her comment was quite useless if you ask me... what is the point of saying to the cat parents what they could have done when it's clearly too late and they tried everything they were told to.

About the shots, yes the first shot is the sedation and the second is the ending one. Bandito was in pain and distress and I think the first one could have helped, but even if it wouldn't, I wish that she would have told me before doing it. From all the vets we seen, the last one was the worst of all in terms of how she acted and spoke and that left me with all the 'what ifs'. Maybe she was just a terrible person socially but a decent doctor, I don't know... I hope she did her best to help, but I can say that she made us feel horrible. After he was gone she start whining about how horrible her job is and how some other clients are etc. Everyone I told about the events of the last night told us that we should make a complain, but none of us have the strength to do so.

Yesterday I took his drugs/medicines and made a pack to donate them to a homeless animal hospital. Touching all those tiny bottles and syringes was very hard and I cried hysterically...

I love Bandito so much <3
 

Margot Lane

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That is so good of you to do! Bandito would be deeply thanking you for helping out all those other kitties!
 

mrsgreenjeens

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Yes, that is a wonderful thing to do. And such a difficult thing :hugs:. It's such a shame that your experience with the last Vet was so terrible. I mean, it was awful enough as it was, not being able to bring him back home with you, but to have someone not show you empathy in that situation is just unforgivable.

So many of us here know how hard it is to lose our beloved furbabies. Time is the only thing I know of that helps dull the pain.
 
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Adelina R

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The time is passing, but the pain is not going away, not even a little bit. I miss seeing your paws walking into the room and I miss so much seeing your fur all over my clothes.
I'm a little less me without you and there are times when I feel that I don't want to live in a world without having you next to me.
You were the perfect boy, the love of my life in a cat shape, my baby and my best friend, the one that brought me joy and peace.
I search for you in pictures, I kiss you through my phone and sometimes, when I hear you purring in old videos, I feel that you are here, with me.
I wish you could have lived forever, I wished I could have given you days from my life, so you could have been with me for longer.
I miss you so much Bandito!
 

di and bob

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The pain will be with you for a long time. The hole in your heart is huge. Know that sweet boy will always near, you are tied together by love....."Death cannot take that which never dies".....
 
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