Balancing an adopted mom and daughter cat (now 12 months and 2 yr 4 months)

[kalico]

So I adopted two kitties last December when the mom was about a year and 4 mos and her daughter 4 mos. Mom was very skittish, hid for most of the day and played by herself. Kitten was energetic, cuddly (let me pick her up and would fall asleep on me), and could play for hours by herself or with me.

Now that they’re older I’m worried there’s a bit of a power dynamic. Or my kitten is simply growing up. But kitten (now technically a cat) seems aloof and not affectionate anymore. It’s impossible to play with her alone because once I bring out a toy and she becomes interested, her mom butts in and takes over and she sits and watches.
Her mom also sleeps and naps on my bed constantly but kitten seems to prefer under the couch.

I can still pick my kitten up. She tolerates it but doesn’t seem to seek out my company, or want to cuddle, or be held for long anymore. Mom, on the other hand, has turned into an affection monster. And constantly demands pets. She does not let me pick her up though (she was a feral/colony cat) and I’ve accepted this.

Any suggestions to make sure my kitten doesn’t feel neglected, or if you have any insight, all would be appreciated.

 

[susanm9006]

Assuming your kitten has been spayed, I expect it is just the kitten growing up. They go thru stages of being more cuddly or less cuddly, more playful or sleeping more etc. I would make sure though that there are an abundant amount of solo toys, like balls, stuffed mice, catnip toys and cat springs for them both to play with. Sometimes as kittens reach adulthood they develop stronger preferences about what they want play with and solo play is just as important as playing with you.

 

[kalico]

Thanks! Yes they’re both spayed I try to rotate toys out to keep it exciting but find it’s harder to entice the kitten these days.

 

[rubysmama]

I'm also thinking, the kitten's purr-sonality has just changed, as she's grown into an adult.

Does she seem happy though? Not stressed? Eating and using the litter box ok? Does she and her mom get along?

 

[kalico]

Oh yes. And kitten purrs as soon as I pick her up, she just lets me know she wants to go down sooner. Eats fine, litter fine. They chase each other around and have a gold wrestle every now and then without incident.
I only worry she’s feeling neglected or left out of maybe her mom somehow lets her know she isn’t welcome around me for cuddle time because apparently when kitten was young (according to her foster mom) she was super snuggly.

 

[rubysmama]

I've only ever had 1 cat at a time, so I haven't experienced the interactions between 2 cats, but she sounds like she's doing ok. If you're really concerned she's feeling neglected, you can give her "just her" time when the mama cat is sleeping.

 

[Anoxia]

Hello! That's the exact same dynamic my girls went through: the older was more aloof and skittish when I got her, while the younger kitten could barely stand to be separated from me. As they became adults, the older one grew to be incredibly affectionate and seeks pets and cuddles multiple times a day, though as always she dislikes being held; with the younger, I'm lucky if she deigns to visit my lap every few weeks (during which she love-bites the heck out of my stomach and thighs ) and she otherwise never comes to me except to remind me about dinner. Barring any other signs, I agree with the other posters that it seems like your babies have just grown up.

If you'd like to balance out playtime more, you could try playing with two wands at once (I used to keep them on opposite sides of a low barrier like a tunnel, or have one play on a raised surface like the bed while the other played on the floor) or lock yourself in a room with one cat at a time during play. I think it may also be possible over time for both of them to learn to take turns as they adjust to the new dynamic; my girls used to hog the wand toy since I moved down to one wand at a time (it was easier to play with two wands when they were kids and entertained by anything that moved; now I have to really concentrate with how I move the toy to get interest from them ), but now they're polite about taking a break and lying down while the other one plays, until I move the toy closer to the resting one and they swap.